Hair Of The Dog

It worked, as the carb hangover was gone after I made and ate even more pasta and then chips and chocolate, but today I am more bloated than ever and not in any mood to move or go out or do anything. I was up all night, again, watching internet TV and woke noon-ish and babbled since. Here we are, lethargic and uninspired in body, buzzing and in no mood for doing anything other than babble in mind. There are parties tonight. Curly texted me late yesterday to let me know he was having a party. I spoke with Lonewolf and ... about getting together too, maybe heading to Harpo's house as he will be staying home with his mom. There is another party at Glinda's as well. Not wanting to go to any for financial reasons, not to mention the blah. I really want to write more too. We shall see what will be.

Any ideas?

Narf.

Carb Hangover

About 16 ounces of Mountain Dew yesterday kept me awake all night (been a while since I did 24 hours without sleep, a few weeks at least, as sleep is essential to th health maintenance regime) and now, about seven hours later, I am quite hungover. Carb hangovers, I almost forgot what they were like. This one is compounded by the ear wax. The ear wax has built up to a point where hearing is noticeably affected. The pulse woke me sounding like a jackhammer and the tinnitus like an extremely high pitched air raid siren. Finding an inexpensive remedy is moving to near the top of the to do list.

I think I'll sit here amidst the noise and slowly wake up from the fog.

Hello... Who is there?

Narf. :)

Back to Games

Thursday night Bridge returned to the activity list tonight as The Commodore texted to include me in the game. I ate a little veggies and rice while there and stopped for a 7-11 pizza and big bite on the way home. Way too much bread, even when I don't eat the bread. I was hungry and the Taco Bell was closed at midnight and the MacDonald's almost had my business but I remembered how dissatisfied I was last time I tried a year or more ago and decided to head to 7-11, the only thing open around here after 2am. It was packed as usual. Makes no sense, but that is Downtown Orlando. Games were fun, mostly. I hung out to play another game with The Commodore after everybody went home. It was good to get out and play.

Hope your day and night was fun too.

Narf :)

Rocket Man

The bottoming out may not be over, but the emo kid sure did take off upward today so far as I had a very good (excellent, from my perspective and I hope from the interviewers perspective as well) phone interview with the Seminole Country Risk Manager for the Seminole County Safety Officer job. He said he'll call next week to set up an in-person interview with his boss. During the call, The Commodore texted about playing cards tonight. That's a good sign. Then I called the clinic about the colonoscopy and they said they sent me paperwork by mail. The paper they handed me said they'd call me, but it lied, so I am glad I called as I'd likely not have checked my PO box until next year at the earliest. Attitude changes perspective and perspective changes mood - much better mood now.

Gonna shower and head out. Hope you found (or created) reason to reach for the stars today too. :)

TV Day

I didn't even know it was Wednesday. At least consciously, I didn't acknowledge the or think about the calendar. I watched TV. Waking at 8:30am and finding The Maharaja already gone, I turned on Hulu and The Invisible Man and watched clear through to after 2am, breaking only to cook spaghetti. Fine kettle of fish, or spaghetti, that (day) was.

Blink.

The Usual

Woke early and started the day by checking the garbage pick up and finding out today was the day for recycling, so I took the big bin to the curb. We've been forgetting for weeks. Checking emails, as usual. Found out that the new state job website can no longer be accessed through Chrome or Edge. I will need to download Firefox and hope it does not screw up the settings or memory balance on this notepad now that I have it set right. Why would the state create a brand new website that is not compatible with Windows 10 or the Chrome browser? The state trying to tell me something? More challenges. Don't let it get you down, it's only job opportunities burning. I wrote a lot, babbled for distraction, and spent the day listening to music and youtube videos. Ate light (so far), carrots and chicken soup. Can I do that the rest of this week? It is not easy. The phone remains silent. Life goes on.

Check the babble, it's much more fun. :)

Narf.

So I Don't Know

What? I Mean, so I don't know, what? What happened today? Cleaned the kitchen more, emptied the fridge (there was some seriously old food in there, like two years or more in the freezer and six months past the best by date in the fridge. Took out the trash, ran the dishwasher, and found the leak. The broken garbage disposal leaks. So it got the nearly dried out cabinet wet again before I put a pot under it and the cabinet will be drying out another week. I cut the dishwasher short so no dishwasher for now. The Maharaja was appreciative that I did that cleaning and troubleshooting. Cooked, ate, check mail and did the job search thing, wrote to J, babbled in blogs, checked the interpals site, and watched internet TV. The phone remained silent. That's life these days.

How are you? :)

It Really Was No Miracle

I believe it was Thursday that I watched a webinar and searched for more jobs and checked emails and sent out more resumes and applications and then I went to the government mandated health care website and tried to register again... and again, they would not let me. I called the help number and they were no help. Good enough for government work. You can read more details in the detailed blog, probably from Thursday... or maybe Friday. I wandered my old diaryland babbling places (again, see the detail if you want the detail - it really is no miracle, you just have to care and want to know and make the time to reach out, at least with your eyes, and read. Letting me know would actually make the caring a verb, something you did outside of your mind, in case you wondered.

Maybe it's that Xmas spirit haunting thing going on, or something like that.

Happy Merry if you do that sort of thing.

Lol lam lol lax laa...

Narf :)

Day Before X

Just when I said I won't do this, here again, I did. That's because I was having fun distracting myself and because I was distracting myself I was not here updating the daily life in a timely manner. Today was the day before the Xmas day holiday and I did do things. I wrote about it somewhere, likely in the detailed blog or in an email to J or both. Just not here. Feel deprived? Well, how was I supposed to know you were even here, after all. So there, your move. Snarky Xmas eve, and all that. Except the bah humbug, no need for that.

I met Helen for breakfast at Sweet Tomatoes, then I headed to my PO Box and then to my storage unit, picking up Harpo along the way, chatting briefly with his mom. After that, I headed home, watched internet TV, then headed to Lonewolf and ... for the annual Xmas Eve dinner, stopping at Publix to pick up some dinner things. Long day, sleep well.

In case it matters to you.

Ho ho ho.

Narf :P

Life Went On (Sorta)

I could do this every time I don't have much (or anything) to say or when I skip passed past days without uploading an entry when there is an entry in the detailed blog (or vice versa there) or somewhere else, even, but that would be cheating so I won't... or at least not often. It was a Friday. It was the same old story. The decadent self-destructive one in which I spend more money than I should on more food than I should eat and then I eat it. Much fun, much bloat, sad after-effects, especially long term. Nobody cared, no one is here. Or something like that. Once again I wonder if it will always be like this at this time of year.

No worries, life went on, even if we missed it.

Narf. :}

Ears Clogging and Ringing

Yup. the tinnitus just keeps pushing me further and further under water, especially upon waking. So maybe I'll remember to mention it to the doctor and get my ears checked. Eyes? Whatever. Good morning, how was your night? lol, lam, sigh. Waking in a good mood in spite of all the challenges is a good thing. I watched internet TV most of the evening after wandering the web in search of income most of the day and that was the day that was before today. Today, I shall most likely repeat the process, though I feel like babbling a bit more and I may be playing cards tonight.

Life is a wonderful mix of heartache and pain and all I need to do is keep distracting myself and hoping it will stop to be happy.

So far, so-so, but today is laughing already, so that may be a great sign.
Narf :)

Not Much Here

A whole lot more in the babbling second part of this two part daily blog experience we've shared since it began earlier this year. Briefly, however, without the babbling asides, distractions, rants, and fun, there's not much going on. I am waiting for The Maharaja to wake and shower (he's usually up and out a lot earlier than this, hopefully he is well) and head out to his daily work and projects as he usually does and then I will shower and explore the possibilities of things to do. Until then I check emails for job opportunities and indulge my writing. It is Wednesday and I shall attempt yet another change of routine to avoid the Wednesday Blues that seem to haunt me every Wednesday. Anyway, this is the excitement of the real life.

Monday was online job searching all day, about 11 hours non-stop, then the GI doctor, then internet TV (two series: Life and Eli Stone... feel free to discuss) that bled into Tuesday. Mixed in was babbling and music. See the details if you want the details. Harpo called a few times to let me know I was invited to a party on Facebook. I don't want to go on Facebook, it's depressing. Jackson sent texts. The Maharaja checked in in his usual friendly, caring way and assured me I have safe haven here as I search for income. He's a really unique and generous being. I did some shopping for food, eating, and the basic daily hygiene activities. That's life.

How about yours? :)

Moving Right Along

Yeah, it's not even close to as easy as it may seem in the babbling passages and musical interludes you don't see here (you know where to find them if you are paying attention), but I am continuing to do what must be done to keep me off the streets. Sending out the resumes. Thanking The Maharaja (actively listening to him, asking what I can do to thank him, and taking initiative to clean and keep his home even better than it was when I arrived, at least). Yesterday he said I have safe haven here. I hope those are not just nice words like most people say. I shall believe, again.

This morning I checked email, found nothing new (job searches are like this, especially after cleaning out the email box and pouring a full day into the search the day before) and listened to music and babbled, catching up on the past few days when I was actually avoiding thinking, feeling, writing, and being aware of anything. So today is a better day. I hope you have a better day too. I'll probably write to J after finding some food.

Stay strong, believe in yourself, follow your dreams, and hope for love.

Or something like that.

Narf :)

Sunday Blur

Woke up, texted happy, read the response... crash. Spent the rest of the day not thinking, not feeling, not being, watching TV. Not making words either. Incomplete sentences. Buried thoughts. Boundaries.

Watched more TV. Tomorrow is another day.

Narf.

All Day At The Park

Got there just before 8am and played three games (1-2 record), then watched others play (all by myself) because I had nothing else to do and missed softball. Only a couple of people asked why I was still there, most just ignored me or nodded as they passed to go play their next games. We could have won another game, but at least we won one. I still smell of cigarettes, so it is into the showers for me and then, to bed. Sleep calls loudly.

Hope your day was fun too :)

Laundry, TV, Sleep, Life

Nothing profound today (or abundant, even), just wake an hour early to get ready for softball. Finished laundry yesterday, finally. Watched more internet TV. Cooked and ate more calories than the body needs. Shopped for food and spent more money that the wallet can afford. Did something else too, but I don't remember. Life becomes a blur when there is next to nothing in it and distraction and avoidance are the primary occupations. Tired of being alone without a mission or a purpose, yet tired of the superficial missions and purposes of modern day humanity. The one abviously needs to be a philosopher among all her other amazingly diverse qualities. I'll settle for a therapist, but most of all, just someone who really cares (who can), I mean, in case it matters.

Narf :)

Life

More alone than ever, watching two full seasons of Life, the TV show, to pass the time. It is interesting sometimes with enough eye candy and Canadian perspective to amuse me. I think it was the night before that I went into the kitchen for food and created an eggplant mushroom cheese dish over spaghetti. Last night I stopped for 7-11 pizza after cards. It was burnt. Cards went for just three hours and I played with half a brain. Seems the brain is not really present much these days. Likely I am in that waiting mode. Waiting for someone to care. Watching for a job. Waiting for a place to call home. Waiting to be put out on the street (into my car). Waiting for the money to run out (no more car). Waiting to share. Waiting to die. Waiting for someone to care. Watching internet TV, Life, life. Life. Distractions in the details are much more fun.

Is it soup yet?

Narf :)

Just Me

I chose to fall asleep on a sugar high. No laundry, again. Maybe tomorrow. Slept most of the afternoon and woke about midnight. A few texts woke me aong the way and I responded. Info about the tournament, green or red shirt, I responded with a thumbs up and went back to sleep. A text from The Commodore asking it we are playing Bridge tomorrow. I answered yes and went back to sleep. A text from Jackson, a Hi, a two finger peace sign, a Hello? I was deeper asleep and those did not wake me. Jackson played Words With Friends and I played my next move and answered her texts and went back to sleep. Nobody asked how I was or what I did or anything personal. I don't have any personal relationships anymore. I am often sad about that. At the moment, I am not so sad. Kinda Zen. Kinda quantum physics. here, but not here. Just more likely to be here than not here. No one else, just me.

Another Day

Watched TV after doing the usual job searching yesterday. Headed out during the day to stay with Helen's mom at her eye doctor appointment and then take her home. I stopped for a sub on the way home for lunch. A bit more job searching, then headed to the supermarket for desserts. Impulse chocolate craving was satisfied. It's December, I'm indulging. Watched some TV, Life, in the evening and then fell asleep before midnight, I think. Awake and ready for another day and la de da, it's another day.

What are you doing today?

Fixed?

Working on the new notepad (instead of taking it back to the store) and a call to Kaspersky and poof, it works. The afternoon was spent testing the fixed notepad. It's working great. It was some feature settings in Internet Explorer. I never used IE on this machine and didn't even know it was still in Windows 10 since they push Edge so hard, but somehow Microsoft messed things up again. Anyway, I added four email accounts to my regular account and "moved in" a bit more. I watched the CBS shows, then switched to Hulu.

Pulse memories were shared tonight. Videos and photos are online. The six month anniversary. On the way home I stopped and picked up food. Remembered memories.

Missing you.

Computer and Dinner

Working on the new notepad (we will try not to call it a laptop anymore because it is slow as molasses and getting slower by the day. That consumed the night and day, along with some very lagging internet TV. The concern is the lag is getting worse and the browsers are slowing and everything else is slowing as well. I did not take it in to be exchanged today because I did not wake up on time, so maybe tomorrow. The body is stabilizing, though still not great. Aging or anemia or something else, hopefully the GI doctor will start finding answers on the 19th. I napped for a few hours and woke late, so I didn't shower and just headed to dinner with Precious. She chose a place called Cheddars and it was good, though we ordered too much food. It was good to see her. She's not working, going to school, so I didn't ask for phone money. Another $600 birthday gift for this year. Getting home, I was tired and headed to bed. That is the day since last entry. Are we saving the world yet?

Narf :)

Sudden Bridge

Speaking of the card game, not an above ground roadway. After a day of enjoying music and other videos on youtube (as opposed to mytube or other soundtracks of this life I vaguely call mine), I wish Precious a Happy Birthday (because it is her birthday) and we make plans to meet for dinner tomorrow and another text from ... invites me to dinner tomorrow but I text back explaining I just made plans for tomorrow and another text from Excel invites me to dinner and bridge tonight so I drop the stay home with videos plan and head to bridge and it was tense tonight because Curly's double standard was bullying the game and then he decides to get up and leave in the middle of a game because he's tired. Why we put up with that is beyond me. So sudden bridge start to finish. Excel, The Commodore, and I played another game because The Commodore wanted to continue playing and then I headed back here.

It was a fun and relaxing day, except for the tension at Bridge. Still not feeling great, but it doesn't feel serious today.

Hope life is smiling for you.

Narf :)

Better, Not Great

Slept through the night, fourteen hours with the usual waking to pee every few hours. Dehydrating. Feeling really bad, though no chest pains. Overall body fatigue, maybe the iron levels, maybe the sugar levels from a diet of fats and sugars, maybe the chicken and veggies The Commodore cooked up. I watched some TV and fell back to sleep for another three or four hours. Feeling chilled, bundled under covers in a sweat shirt and pants. Woke again, feeling tired and weak. Watched a bit more TV and decided to eat. Compromise. Feeling better, not great.

Nine days to the next doctor visit.

Narf. :}

Body Woes

Just not getting any younger. Staying awake all night is not working for the body anymore. Sleeping oddly is not helping. Maybe the mold and chills and diet and whatever. Don't feel like thinking about it. While playing cards tonight, the feeling was not good. Chest pains radiating into both arms, queasy body, distracting - was that disorientation? I might be at the ER right now if I had insurance. I called 211 to find out if there was any ER services for the homeless. There are not. Apparently, if you can not afford to pay, you either go into debt or die. I don't want to lose the car, so I risk my life. Maybe. Sleep now. Hope I wake.

Geesh this is morbid.

Wednesday Ups and Downs

As the day progressed, I realized that I can turn Wednesdays into Tuesday night TV if I get the internet TV working right (and re-establish income) so this was not as bellowingly below blah as many Wednesday have been of late - though it took some serious comfort food (pasta, heavy sauces, shrimp, chocolate milk, chocolate ice cream, chocolate chips. it just gets worse) which turned my healthy game plan upside down and may have pushed my weight back over 200 pounds which is just wrong so I better stop and that's all I've got to say about that.

Start again... when? Not this Wednesday.

Narf. :}

Sleep, TV, Out, Repeat

Slept all day after watching TV all night and returned to the TV when I woke. Twisted is the show of choice for the moment. Nineteen episodes are available on Hulu. I am all caught up on the CBS shows because they had few episodes the past couple of weeks. It is testing the new laptop for streaming capabilities and usefulness while streaming. It is also passing the time at home to save money and not eat buffets. That is life today. This evening I headed to Curly's for Tuesday night dinner and cards. The usual barbecued meats and beans and brownies. Home again for more TV and pushing the limits of the laptop. A few Notepads, a few blogger tabs, and a tab with Hulu streaming. Carrots.

Making it work.

New Toy, Same Old Life

Hour after hour I sit exploring the new laptop, testing it's limits and options and potential. How does that old saying go? There is plenty of time to sleep after we die. Yes, I am pushing the limits, but I must do what I must do. I am tired. I am not happy with the Celeron processor or with 2GM of RAM, but I am going to try to work within this environment. I am not happy with Kaspersky, but I am going to see if it will work within this environment. I am not happy with myself or life, but I will see if it will work in this environment.

That may be mostly fatigue talking,

See you tomorrow.

Rolling The Dice on Celeron

Well... sitting in front of me is a brand new $179 Lenovo Laptop with a Celeron Processor, 2GB of RAM, and a 32GB solid state drive and I am pausing to reflect on the decision to buy it and how to go about making this transition to it. I do want to consider the Dell offer to put a new hard drive in the old machine with a fresh Windows 7 install for $149 but for now, I think my best move is to park the old machine and see how well this $179 laptop can do for me. The car is at serious risk now, but without a working computer, the job search is minimal and that puts everything at serious risk so... I spent the money. Hoping it works.

This is going to be the thriftiest December in the history of the world, at least in the history of this life I loosely call mine. Oil change for the car must happen, but I am going to do my best to spend as little as possible for the next month or two. That will be very challenging unless I become a hermit, but the Grinch had his reasons and it was not all about the size of his heart.

If only we had our group sharing together here on line, we'd be spending a lot of time together and that would be fun. I'll keep the home fires burning until everyone gets here, m'ok?

Narf :)

Full Alarm

It is done. I tried Victoria and she failed miserably. Worse than failed, she destroyed access to the drive. I tried the "remap" feature and now, the laptop drive is gone. Kaput. Done. Over and out. Mini-XP starts up on the CD and it recognizes the two external hard drives, but it does not see the laptop hard drive. Whatever Victoria tries to do, bad.

In other news, I spoke with Jackson for almost an hour. Working hard to fill the silence with positivity helps me a lot. Right after, I ate oatmeal and yogurt for dinner, finding enough will power and motivation (the body provided serious motivation, you know where to find the gorey details) and I added some chocolate syrup and raw potato starch. I started copying files from the older external laptop to the newer one so there would be two copies of everything. Then I nodded off in the chair and went to bed, carbs will still do that for me.

I woke a few minutes ago and will go back to bed and fall back to sleep if I can. I want to be awake tomorrow when I make decisions about the next step in the computer adventures. I will not let this sidetrack my job searching any more than it already has. Survival.

So how are you? :}

Half False Alarm

Here we are again via the Hiren Boot Disk and Mini-XP. If you read the last entry, you can breath a sigh of relief with me. What is not here is the hard drive. Whatever Victoria tried to do (remap), it ended with a disconnect of the hard drive. Rebooting did not bring it back. I am stuck in this Mini-95 environment for as long as it lasts until until I decide what to do about a computer. Count the pennies son, we are not going to let go just yet. M'Ok dad.

At least there is some internet access and this.

Narf.

Last Entry?

This may be the last entry until I get a new computer or use a different computer. Just in case, thank you for being here. I love you because I love. I shall survive long enough to return (I hope). The previous daily blog does have a failsafe entry, an entry set to load in the future if I simply do not return to the google blogger world. I will create one for this blog now.

In case it matters, I slept all day. The body is not feeling well. I wish this entry had better news about the daily life, but it is what it is. Take care of your body and enjoy your life. I shall endeavor to return to a healthier state whether I am here or not. Stay strong as you can. Do what is right for you. Stay positive. be hopeful. Find your peace.

Narf :}

Indulging The Beast

The chocolate beast, that is. Convenience store chocolate cakes and milk shakes and earth quakes and high stakes as the opposite of what the body needs goes into it tonight. Add in the comfort foods of ac 'n cheese and meatballs and pizza and shrimp. Pushing the limits (and the laxatives and lab values and good sense goes right out the window... oh, WINDOWS! Oh the irony! Oh Alanis! Oh lol lam and laa! Pass another chunk of chocolate, damn the torpedoes and full speed ahead, boys and girls, it's gonna be a bumpy ride lmao? lol).

Laugh, sure, I'm not dead yet and odds are, I may even make it through the night. The computer, well, maybe not. Still, the Blue Screen of Death shall not defeat my spirit even as it consumes my computer, my internet, my distractions, my entertainments, my processing, my therapy, and my hopes of finding a job, not to mention my communication with far away friends (who care more than... well, now you went and depressed yourself, didn't you).

I chose to stay home today and tonight, passing on ample opportunities. A free movie ticket, a dinner, a party, and other things that might have made this just one more fun night of distraction from the dilemma ever growing around me and inside. A little reality-facing is a good thing, even when it hurts like hell. Hold on to yourself, as the crow flies.

Narf :}

Sudden Death

That may be where we are at the moment, sudden death as in the game could be over at any moment. Go figure CBS All Access has some football on starting tomorrow. In any case, the computer issues continue as glitches in the new software I am using to use this laptop have popped up all day. No YouTube, no Wikipedia, some sites simply crash the browser. I am learning a lot, which I enjoy, but a lot of what I am learning is bad news. The day was like this.

Some communication with Jane, Helen, and Jackson. Some pizza and shrimp. Lots of water and some basic body care. Non-stop computer care. Some boredom. A few crashes. Learning the limits of the Mini-XP environment. Considering losing my mind.

How is your day going so far? :)

Challenges

Well, let's see if this works. All signs indicate that the hard drive finally failed beyond repair. I spent several hours trying every fix available and finally gave up. Then The maharaja found a boot disk and I booted into Windows 95 from the CD Boot Disk and am learning my way around, figured out how to connect to the net, and here we are. I feel like I traveled back in time and am using an older version of Opera and was able to access email and while Blogger says this is an error because this is an unsupported browser, I shall attempt to upload this entry in spite of the warnings and odd appearance.

Earlier today I slept most of the day as I was awake all night. The body and mind are not getting the rest they need and it showed in the digestive system. Tinman called and invited me for dinner so i headed up to his new house and caught up with some old friends, then we played cards (Old Maid) with his four year old daughter and then, after she went to bed, Harpo, Tinman, and I played Spades. I headed home to see if a rest would help the laptop and after several hours, accepted defeat. We come to the save by The Maharaja's Boot Disk and now, we shall push the empty box where the "Publish" button ought to be and see what happens.

Hope springs eternal, even amidst the challenges.

Narf. :)

Blitzed and Blammed

So being awake all night did not produce anything productive or good for the positive changes I need in this life, but I did catch up on some TV shows and somehow cross-wired the brain circuits to vegetative hyperbole, or something like that. I finally went to bed well after daylight and woke during the day to visit with the online TV and then fell back to sleep and when I woke, found an invite to dinner at Tinman's so that is where I am heading.

The bad (or blammed) news is the laptop would not restart when I woke and I spent some time trying and will need to get serious about fixing it when I get home tonight.

Narf and then some.

Real Life Is Not Facebook

So Facebook changed my privacy settings without telling me and I am told that received more than a hundred Happy Birthday messages on FB today because the fake birthday I put online was announced as my birthday even though I set the privacy settings for the birth date to private, me only. Whatever, Facebook is not real life and I am on a break from it. What is real is I found a pair of pants and went to my interview. I did fine and hopefully I will hear good news early next year (though I am probably up against some stiff competition, at least I made it to the final five or six). After the interview I finished updating yesterday's entries and then headed out for cards at Excel and the Commodores. That was the usual fun and frustration as the double standard (do as I say, not as I do) was strong tonight but it passed the time. I did not eat much today and am resisting food tonight, so maybe it's time to find the sleep button in my head (used to be easy as pie, until I stopped eating pie at night).

Ah, the folly of conformity and inhibition.
Laugh alone, and the world thinks you're a clown.
Dance alone, and the world thinks you are crazy.
The world has it all wrong.

Narf :)