Made It Through The Week

The tires issue is repaired, but not finished as I must check the balancing and rushed installation job they did after either making a mistake or trying to rip me off. Why hand me the warranty for tires they didn't put on the car? An hour to put on two tires and they put on the wrong tires yet they tell me thy are the right tires when they bring the car around? How does one make that mistake, anyway? Then there's the propane issue. An indoor propane heater and Eb says propane does not product Carbon Monoxide. Ignorance is how people die with these gas heaters. Propane and every flammable gas produces CO when it's not burned completely. So this indoor propane heater is perfect and infallible? If not, we die. I'll sleep with my window open no matter how cold it gets. I've got an electric blanket. So I gave the new roommate the last month's rent tonight, then headed back to work, then headed to the chinese buffet. Impulse, splurge, and reason not to come back here. Then here for some TV (on to The Last Ship now) and to bed before midnight.

Life goes on.

Nrf :)

So I Am Not Sleeping

And the neck is cramping and the body is hungry and the mind is distracted by computer games and The Gifted simultaneously and if it wasn't Thursday night, that would be fine, but I have a full day of work tomorrow and I'll likely be heading out driving around and that means I need to be awake. Driving asleep isn't very wise for a safety officer. The ear is screaming overtime which, coupled with the neck, may keep me awake all night. More food? So much for the light eating this week. And no shower, yuck. I'll try to wake in the morning early enough for a shower but that may be more challenging than it sounds, especially with the chill in the air and the plumbing on the fritz. Eb said that the plumber asked that we don't use the water much until Monday. Maybe I'll head in to work then head out to do the inspections but stop here for a shower first so he'll be at work.

Raisin, Date, and Nuts Oatmeal x3.

Narf :}

Indoor Propane

He bought an indoor propane heater and thinks it's safe to use as a sole heater for this place. Everything I've read (and I've read a lot about gas heaters in my job) say even the best made-for-indoors gas heaters are for temporary use in emergencies, temporary power outages, and so on. He's running the thing like it's completely safe. He bought a CO alarm, but keeps it four feet off the floor. I need to get out of here sooner rather than later. Tomorrow, if I wake up, I will give the new roommate $650 and start moving my stuff there. Cold nights I will stay there, but tonight... I am here. Is getting sleep just getting sleepy or is getting sleepy the gas?

I guess I should open the window tonight.

Narf.

And Another Day Down

Not down in a funky way, but down in the over way. Headed to work real early cuz I woke regularly and it was 52 degrees in this house. No shower, just cold. Warmed up at my desk. Desk day work. Work day at desk. Day work at desk. Yogurt, Protein shake, carrots, prunes. Headed back here in mid afternoon, forgetting it would be cold here. 54 degrees inside, 57 degrees outside. Gonna be 35 tonight. Eat hot soup, do laundry, hot shower. Water not hot. Wash water backed up into tub, dangit. Old house. Eb says don't plunge tub, pipes cant take it. Claims too much soap in wash causes it. Don't see suds in washer, bull. Plunged and took shower, water went down. Rinse water backed up into tub after I showered, no soap, just rinse water. Bundle up in robe, feet under heated blanket, ready for bed soon. Staggered sentences caused by watching NCIS lol.

Nite Nite again...

Narf :)

Gonna Sleep Tonight

The sleep average is low these days and tonight it tere is chill in the air, 57 degrees in this hose, and Eb said no heat this winter so I am getting under my electric blanket and playing the game (mostly Fishdom but ToonBlast and Toy Blast fill in the gaps these days) until I fall asleep and sleeping through the night is the play. No food, just sleep. Exactly what the body needs most.

Nite nite.

Narf :)

Good Day, Bad Umpire

It took two tries just to get close to decompressed and still I consumed two cans of Campbell's Vegetarian Vegetable soup (minus the potatoes) and at least eight prunes and still I would eat any of my favorite comfort foods if any were in the house (so a key to an effective diet for an emotional eater is to NOT have key comfort foods in the house and get a flat tire so after midnight 24-hour food stores are not close enough and that reminds me, there's a 24-hour walmart almost walking distance to the new house. Dramatic music played, did you hear it?

Desk day, caught up on most driver database updates, or halfway or so. Still way behind on the Forklift Operator database. Close to right on up to date in the DOT database though. Then, orientation. A new computer set up, nobody told me, but I winged it and still finished eight minutes early in spite of starting four minutes late thanks to a late-returner from lunch. Then, left for the tire place. Replacements are necessary, but not in stock so I ordered them and they will call tomorrow when they come in. So I returned to work and worked another few hours, past 6PM, and headed here to change and head out to the fields. In the rain. Pouring rain. The fields, however, somehow just got under the radar enough to be playable even as we all got good and wet. Rain when it is 60 degrees is not conducive to comfortable human body temperature. The links above share the human drama of sport.

There is so much more, but for now...

Narf :)

Home Alone-ish

Rarely am I alone here since Eb seldom goes anywhere anymore after losing the election (an hour or two for food now and then, and work, but that it lately). I decided to stay in today and I'll just have to wake early tomorrow to get the tire taken care of before work. Then again, I just went online and made an appointment for 3:00 PM because it was the only appointment available and by making the appointment I get either 10% or 20% off tires I buy, though I may need to buy 4 tires to get that deal. There is always fine print, after all. America, greed rules. Anyway, I will probably need two new tires tomorrow, just the unexpected expense I don't need, right? So I stayed here, watched some movies and TV, played the games on the phone, ate dinner, pooped, showered, and now, it's time for bed. Sleep? Hopefully.

So how was your day?

Narf :)

It Must Matter To Me

TJ's with Helen, just what the digestive system does not need and as if the universe knew, she called to cancel cuz she wasn't in the mood and didn't ant to spend money. More driving around was not what the car and tire needed, so that works, except that I am feeling profoundly lonely today. Stressing over the relapse of the bleeding and more spending coming up and moving and wondering how much privacy I'll have and I need to go out and pick up meds and tires and just feel like crap and don't want to move. I must rededicate myself to redoubling my efforts to reduce to 170 pounds, cut the solid food wastes, reduce spending to minimal (except for the move) and keep up with the medication regime. The food blog and body blog must be paramount in my daily blogging. Oh so serious, huh? Well, I've got to continue living to find my partner, right? Someone crazy like me. Why am I laughing? Sigh.

In case it matters to anyone else, I post this reminder here.

Narf. :}

Here We Go Again (Maybe)

Moving? New space adjustments? The bleeding? I really do need to keep track of it, even if it is here in the public daily. The body blog? Probably better for the sensitivities of humanity, so the details will go there. This body has it's challenges in spite of feeling energetic, youthful, and wonderful most of the time. So while I might repress it well, I sense the stress level of major life changes is as high as it's been since early March 2017 when I moved here, started a new job, and whatever. Where is the love that cures so many ailments and reduces stress?

The tire was flat again, so I must get that taken care of tomorrow. $$$ Bad timing.

Narf :)

Did I Mention the Tire Was Flat Too?

So I woke around noon and watched a little TV, I think, and wandered on to Facebook finding a rich vein of photos (memes too) that I shared on some of my pages and saved for future sharing. That passed time until I showered and headed to the new potential roommate and we talked for a couple of hours. Yes, we found things to talk about and he's someone I could live with and he's willing to share the whole house so no more stuff in storage. The living space is infinitely better than this one and has some good aspects, but tiny bedroom next to the front door and bathroom that is across the living room so no privacy and two kids, so clothing, which sucks. Still, I'll take it if they decide I'm right for them. The place is clean.

I stopped for drinks, forgetting supermarkets were closed so $32 at Walgreens and then I drove to the dinner party anyway and the gate code didn't work. I called the hostess three times and no answer, but then, someone drove up and I followed them in. The condo was dark. Checking my texts, I figured out the dinner party is tomorrow and today I was supposed to be at another friend's place at 2PM I texted and apologized.

It was a lot more trouble than it sounds because, well, did I mention the tire was flat too? I stopped at 2 different 7-11s on the way to the party and they didn't have air. Finally found one that did and they charged $1.50 fr 5 minutes and the tire would not fill. I went to the party with the tire really low and you know how that turned out. Anyway, after realizing I wouldn't have dinner or anybody around tonight, Wawa had free air and a pump that worked. I stopped at Target and Walmart for frozen foods and cooked up a feast when I got back here. Eb was eating something out of a bowl in his underwear three feet from the 60 inch TV.

Is life changing? Hope the tire isn't flat in the morning.

Narf :)

Ubuntu

Wouldn't it be nice? This world is a sad place with human beings in charge. Ants would do a much better job. Maybe. Maybe every dominant species so far has grown too big and nature had to stop them from destroying the balance of the ecosystem in this thin bubble of air around this rock in space. Maybe tardigrades will get it right if they get a turn at the top. Or Manatees. Anyway, I am feeling fat because of the late night meals I had for the past week more days than not. And life. Celebrating a four day weekend (that is dedicated to pigging out)? Maybe. I connected with a new potential roommate tonight. No photo, just a name. I am hoping for the best as I meet him at his house tomorrow. Compromise, his house, maybe a lot more compromise if we connect and I move in, but I find it challenging to imagine it being any less comfortable than this place. He says he's clean and respectful and I rambled on and his response was he thinks I'm someone he could share his home with. Maybe he's just desperate. Pros, cons, optimism, pessimism, I am spiraling big time tonight. No wonder I had another midnight meal. TV, Music, Video, Food, Writing, and still looking for more distraction.

Hello?

lol

Narf :)

What's Up? I'm Up.

So I cooked some dinner and ate some dinner and did some writing and watches some TV and played some games and laid down and played some more games and then, I read an email and the words wound me up good and I went to the bathroom and ate a peach yogurt and here we are again. Wide awake at 4AM without a soul in sight. So I went to Facebook and posted this on several of my pages. More than several, actually.

That Whole Love Languages Thing

I was having one of those "wondering if I was ever really cared about in this life" and she said "You are. You just don't know it bc it's not shown the way you need it to be shown. That whole love languages thing." Love languages. She's probably right. So how do I find someone who speak the same love language I speak? Feel free to offer solutions.

Probably should ask someone.

Blink.

Narf.

Doh.

Um.

!

Hoping

Yes that's right, I am still hoping I will find someone who will really get me, accept me, and love me (and not just from afar). Impulse opened an email and visited the Plenty of Fish site again. I clicked no a hundred times, sent two messages. Everyone there looks like my mother. Or grandmother. I find no Oedipus tendencies in me at all lol. Most Americans are fat and fat repulses me, so that doesn't help. Picky picky, but I won't settle for anything less than honesty without harm and self-abuse is not honesty without harm. I know, I've been there (I am imperfect, but honest about it). On that note, I ate a pound of spaghetti today. I feel fat. Pretty, but fat. (laughing at myself a lot today). First time I made spaghetti here in many months, maybe the first time this year. I so rarely cook. I scrubbed the stove first. Life is still lonely on weekends, more now that softball is over. I was invited to two Thanksgiving dinners today. That makes four. I'll probably go to three, so I should stop eating now lol.

Last night Jackson and her family said hi, then we said bye. It was late when they got back.

The animals gave me love.

Narf :)

Vacation Eating

Tonight, much less emo, much more enjoying a night away from the cesspool and filling the belly with a variety of favorites tat I'll list in the food blog. Yum. The belly is as bloated as it's been in many weeks, many longer, but I am maintaining the weight loss so I am ok with a pig out like this now and then. I am pet sitting for Jackson and Brandi and the four legged kids are the same, except older. The aging is noticeable, alas, as one pisses red urine and the other two have trouble walking, one can't jump on on anything anymore. Getting old is not easy for anyone. All is wonderful except for a rather aggressive mosquito that got in when he door was open. I had to open the porch screen door to let the two outdoor cats come get food on the porch because only one will come inside when I am here. We compromise, mosquito gains ground, but I've not been bitten yet. Watching college football as the local team, UCF, is still undefeated and plays their toughest opponent of the season tonight. That's where Jackson, Brandy, and Jackson's family are today and tonight. We're all having fun in our own ways.

Did I mention three decadent desserts?

Narf lol :)

Emo Eating

I pulled away from the old game group core tonight. Finally said no to an invitation and told Tinman why. I do not want to drive an hour (half hour there and half hour back) to be manipulated by a control freak living a delusional life who really doesn't care how much he upsets, insults, and hurts people, even if he thinks he genuinely means no harm. I am referring to Harpo. Very few people will play with him now. Occasionally a group of the core old time game players will, but some of them do not like to because he seems to be clueless about how he insults them. His need to control overrides any consideration or awareness of how he disregards others feelings. It's his way or his attempts to control, which is often an annoyance or a flat out back-handed insult. I've tried talking to him about it, so has Tinman, but he is in complete denial, aggressively defensive denial, in fact. There's an entry that records the night he crossed the line with me and I have not wanted to talk with him or play with him since. I did last week because Tinman's daughter asked me to come to her birthday dinner, but I really did not want to. So I said no tonight. We shall see where we go from there.

Me, I played the phone games and watched TV and almost about midnight, caved in to eat barbecue and mac and cheese, my way.


Sleepy now.

Narf :)

Two Birthdays, Long Ago

His name was Ray and her name was Barb, and still is, as a matter a fact. They were my closest friends through much of high school, my best friend and my girlfriend, and today is their birthday. Yes, both of them, same day, same year, maybe even the same moment. Life has been like that for me in many ways, the coincidences of time and connections. They were around when the first words from pen were were finding paper (as I graduated from crayon and pencil and the fun of scribbles and release of babble merged with the intensity of seriousness. Teenage years, where everything and every moment seems matter so much more. Anyway, today was another good day, successful new project, relaxing afternoon, ice cream cake for the birthday of a close co-worker who could be very close if she wasn't married and I was not letting anyone close. The coincidences continue to amaze as I pretend to accept them as if I expect them... lol.

Happy Birthday Barb... Happy Birthday Ray... Happy Birthday Micky.

Three Birthdays, Now.

Narf :)

Time Tripping

Yesterday was tomorrow and today is yesterday, in case time matters to you. I was sleeping when this was written and slept through twelve hours after a long walk of a day. Walking through parks, the full 7.1 miles of Black Bear Wilderness Area, hiking in desk clothes, sore feet and achy muscles tonight but tomorrow, all better, even on a 300 calorie day. Made up for a weekend of pigging out, almost. The 34 waist pants are slipping off again. Will you still love me tomorrow? Time after time. Sweet dreams are made of this too. Eb is hooked on Game of Thrones now, so his video game addiction pauses. This culture trip through the middle ages allows the culture to an opportunity to collectively masturbate to chauvinism and misogyny an opportunity like rallying around the flag or hoola-hoops, whatever is popular must be ok, even right, right? Better than the shoot-em-up video games? It's all the same to me and out of my mind, thank you. I'll stay with The Princess Bride, Hook, Mary Poppins, The Wizard of Oz, and for the occasional violence, The Animaniacs for my entertainment, thank you very much.

Time keeps on tripping, ya know?

Narf :)

Really?

Maybe. Two days from now, today was a good day at work impressing some and sadly, seeing others with power and responsibility shirking. Too busy to keep a commitment they made to their people, showing the weakness of their leadership, alas, and the cancer in the county. On the other hand, a higher manager, the assistant county manager did attend the active shooter training I put on and returned praise and appreciation, which can only bode well as her message flows through the hierarchy. A delicate topic for training that some in leadership try to avoid, but unfortunately, necessary. After the training I spent most of the day researching more statistics for the training at the desk and then, here for some games and food and remembering I signed up for Tinder some time back so I checked and not a single message, some comments and more words. Still, Hope remains my closest companion, really.

A good day, still alone, still good.

Narf :)

Naturally

I could point to links all through every entry morning, noon and night (and so much more), I don't know why some links pop up or why some long sleeping blogs suddenly pop up with a lone entry or even much activity or whatever. Maybe. Anyway, today was softball, chinese buffet, and then here. That's it, except for pooping in a bin because Eb was in the bathroom when I got back here and I needed to go and then, wash the bin and shower and relax here at the computer with the TV on football. Checking fantasy football, it's almost as bad for my team this year as it is for the Sunday softball team. I've won more fantasy football weeks than games in the 14 game Sunday softball season. So that's today, more details than you may have wanted, but it's life, shit happens, ya know? Always has. And alone again, naturally.

Narf :)

A Day Indoors

Most of the day I was cleaning out boxes, filling two garbage bags, and doing laundry. That's it, other than heating up pizza and making some soup. Watching TV in the background, Runaways. Nine or ten episodes and the kids finally runaway. Then I watched The Big Lebowski. I don't want no dead flowers though. Some days are like this. Indoors. The boxes held some bittersweet memories too. Actually, sweet and sad cuz nobody shares them.

Wish you were here.

Narf :)

Lonely Again

The online world is not helping at all and it's been that way for a while. Email is the same. Texts continue to flow in, but people seem to announce things or talk at each other and not to or with each other. It's like Facebook everywhere these days. Might as well communicate by hanging stuff on a clothes line. As the last entry might have suggested, I fell into the news blitz more than I usually do and that leaves an unpleasant taste in my psyche. So I want to eat more and be lazy and feel sorry for myself and just might do that for a day or few. If I had chocolate available, I'd eat some right now. Luckily the laziness is keeping me from driving out anywhere. Still, I am still here and life goes on, in case it matters.

Busy work day with a lot accomplished. Tomorrow I want to have fun.

The new prospective roommate continues to disappoint.

As does life.

Narf :)

Shit Yeah

You just had to be there. Or maybe it was here. Could have been here. Sarah Silverman. The Way of the Shadow Wolves. Reading for the paranoid or something Hitler would have loved. More like hijacking of The People, but who gets that these days. Hello? Are you even there?

Anywhere?

Today was another busy day taking care of business, reminding senior leadership about rules they need to follow that I monitor, then preparing for the big monthly meeting, then driving to exchange pants. I found some 34 waist pants and took two 32 waist pant in the style I like and guess what. I fit into the 32 waist. The 34 waist gives me more room, but they might be too big soon too. So I celebrated with the Chinese buffet, pure impulse. Then, bought a free razor with the coupon Gillette sent me. Here we are, later, watched CBS shows and and now, Sarah.

She's knows, shit yeah.

Maybe most people are simply not intelligent enough to understand this. What?

Narf :)

Disappointing Nation

The fact that more than half the country supports the misogyny and lies and actually wants to be lead down the garden path to their doom. The end of the American Empire is coming faster than I expected as the oligarchy continues to strengthen it's stranglehold on power that milks the planet dry and leaves the majority of people struggling over scraps. Part of me is hoping I am not here to see Florida under water, part of me is hoping I can see the human race turn the self-destruction around. That didn't happen today and I can only hope it's not too late tomorrow.

Meanwhile, the day was a typical day, the evening a typical evening except for the TV being on, which is rare. Food and body blogs have more. Anybody care?

I'll still raise my hand.

Narf :)

Darn Right

The never ending short story is what we do, blog after blog, entry after entr, line after line, word after word. The body knows what is best for it and the story never ends. So many roads, so many choices, so many ways to find bits and pieces of me. In case it matters, it matters to me.

Busy social weekend, challenges and fun. Harpo's obsessive need to control everything reached a point where just walked out and I don't know when I'll be back. I don't even want to talk to him for now. Pity, as he has so few people who can accept him as he is, but he just blew me off and said "bye" when I left rather than stopping his control freak repetitive ways. He didn't care how we felt and and showed it clearly. Tinman was about to snap, I did first. That was Friday. Tinman and I went to The Commodore's place Saturday night and we taught Tinman bridge. If they weren't so far, we'd definitely go again. Sunday was softball and then, I fell asleep.

Narf? lol :)

Filth

I'll Just Drop This Here

Found this on the floor of my room. With my foot. I got lucky, the handle is thicker than the blade and my foot found the handle first, flat, so it didn't roll or otherwise move the blade closer to my foot. I was elsewhere tonight, havng some sort of fun, or passing the time, so I returned and figured I would drop this here. To remind me, or something like that.

Nobody Home

When there is no home outside of the head, there might as well be nobody home. No one really knows what goes on in there anyway and no one really cares enough to ask. I don't even get the bullshit how are you from the people closest to me most of the time, never from some. Why I stay in this rut of selfish needy insensitive people only interested in getting what they want and need is a sign of my procrastination and apathy. Most of me has given up on humanity as a species and just as much of me has given up on finding someone who really cares beyond their insecure limited scope of power and control. Even the weakest of those close to me who avoid and don't try to control are not interested in who I am, how I feel, or anything in my life. Maybe it's time to accept that people just don't really care about each other.

Occasionally I'll hear "how's work?", but rarely more than that and only occasionally.

So if I die, I die. (Prunes)

Narf :)

I Didn't Really Die

Thought the after-death ost did get uploaded as scheduled over there, you might get a hint if you scan back an entry or few. TheReal(TM) has been long and winding, after all. The years with jackson spane that blog, though almost seven thousand entries reach well beyond one person, even if she was in the living space and the closest all those years. I don't think any blog ever ended, not really, they just go silent for a while as new daily blogs take the spotlight, like this one. Not that there's been much of a spotlight lately, aye?

Cut the protesting, forget the excuses, we want information, get up off the floor... Today was like many other days in this life of late, work at the desk, researching and preparing a proposal for the County Manager. Tomorrow I meet with the two I've chosen to help with it and we shall get as close to finalized as we can so the team can review and approve next week. I relaxed at the computer when I got back here, nodding off, but continuing to do some such... email stuff, I believe, actually apartment and house hunting online. All evening. I finally laid down to play the games until sleep came and guess what... here we are. About 1AM I wandered into the kitchen and made myself a pork burrito. That brings us here. Are we having fun yet?

Narf :)