Definite Relapse

So I pigged out after not eating all day and having to use the bathroom three or four times while walking parks. I drank a lot of water, but no food and stayed at the office until 7:00 PM and then, pig out. Sadly, the digestive system was wonky again today, signs of sickness, and so on. In case it matters. Just want to sleep not. Hope it's a clean restful night. Burp.

No barf though, Narf.

Not Blue, But Berry Berry Bloated

Thinking of the blueberry id in Willie Wonka's factory. Just Saturday I was told that I remind someone of Willie Wonka, the original, not the remake. Coincidence or am I channeling Gene Wilder? Did he have gastrical anomalies? Anyway, the symptoms are back, not nearly what they were two weeks ago on this date, but they are back. Boat. Liquid. Urge. Under control so far but the day is young. Pity the doctor would not see me yesterday. I had been there before, but that's the trouble with seeing a doctor at a walk-in clinic, waiting 2-3 hours at times. At least the car is services and healthy, in case it matters.

This blog amuses me so much, I wonder if anyone will ever really know.

Make today a beautiful day in your world.

You can do it!

Narf :)

Bloat Is Back

So this body had a good day yesterday and today, the day was good until I got back here and the bloat and compulsion to poop liquid often is back. These are the moments when sighs get deep and hope wanes and I don't know why I continue writing wah wah wah ya know? Well, this is what I ate today and this is how the body reacted and this is all you get from me tonight.

Feel free to ask for more, I mean, in case it matters, right?

Narf :)

Oh Solo Mia

Alone, it's the alone part that is singing out loud and so tired of being alone. Meanwhile, I pooped twice today and they were not liquid. Not solid, but not liquid. I ate a hamburger for lunch. Cooked it in a frying pay, the first time I used a frying pan in this space. I am just two weeks shy of being here a year. I still spray the toilet seat and shower with bleach before each use though and I only cook anything when the sink is clean enough for me to wash everything immediately in anti-bacterial dish soap. But the belly didn't explode. Tonight I am eating clams and rice with a little cheese and yogurt as a sauce. added some spray canola oil and salt like the doctor suggested, even. So I stopped the drastic weight loss, but I believe I lost 20 pounds along the way, or close to it. I know, 20 pounds in 2 weeks is not wise, but I am not always wise. In case it matters (I point to the title and roll my eyes). Jackson texted a lot today and last night. I think she read my email. I think she responded. I think I understood her response. I think I am still wondering if I should accept what I think or the reality of the situation. Did I mention I am not always wise? See above. I drank a whole Kombucha during the day. I am drinking two (yes 2) ginger ales with the clams and rice dinner tonight. I am a decadent fool. Chewing clams is like chewing gum. Except they taste more like clams the more you chew and gum loses it's flavor. See, I am wise.

In case it matters.

Narf :)

Maybe Starting Over Again

Belly bloat still, but no diarrhea for 24 hours is a good sign. Probiotics working? Two weeks ran the course of the intestinal whatever? No time for testing or pooping, good news is no pressing need, just heading to work. Just wanted to record the moments in case it matters.

Make it a great day, m'ok?

Narf :)

Spaghettios From The Can

If anything represents the life I've lived for the last two years, this title does. Similar to the years almost two decades ago, I can easily point to betrayal and abandonment as two key factors that lead me back here to this refugee life, but truth is I do it to myself by choosing the wrong people to trust and depend on and give my life and everything I have to. Maybe the mistake is trusting people at all. Anyway, that just marked another milestone in the brain, even if the dates are not precisely lined up. 1955, 1976, 1997, 2018, or something like that.

Today... after spending the night doing laundry I had clean everything, including sheets. I overslept for softball, but luckily Jackson sent a text that woke me. she never does that, which might be one of the reasons the first paragraph popped out. Or maybe she read a 4:00 AM email I wrote last night. Rushing to softball without showering, I picked up the paperwork from the ratings committee and played my game. 3-3 with a walk and scored three times, didn't walk anyone, and scored the winning run from third on a ground ball. I brushed the catchers arm as she was blocking the plate, but not enough to get a call from the umpire. So we won our first regular season game ever, 11-10. I headed back early, skipping ratings committee responsibilities to meet some friends in a local eatery (local for me, half mile from where I am sitting, and they rarely come up here so I wanted to encourage more of that... I bailed on walking around the neighborhood mostly due to heat and fatigue and the digestive concerns). The gut is a little better since drinking the bacteria (probiotics). We shall see how it is tomorrow. Details can be found in the usual places.

Ever notice how spaghettios can look like intestinal worms?

Narf lol lam las laa :)

Pushing The Windows of Madness

Somehow I do not feel as if this entry will live up to the potential of the title, but in it's way, the facts are generally accurately reflected as I am well beyond midnight on a day when I need sleep because I must be out at the first around 8:30 AM and am supposed to stay out there for the day until about 4:30 to 5:00 PM (though I may leave before noon to stop into a friend's birthday party near here and then head here to relax and write and do the self-care stuff I neglect too often these recent years). Sleep is wisdom, what I am doing is folly, but from such folly comes genius (on rare occasions) and for tonight, at least, clean clothes and sheets, yes, clean sheets. Imagine clean!... what a novelty.

The probiotic drink from Kevita may be doing some good (at least psychologically) as I am burping, which is normal for me, though I still feel bloated as ever and the bowels are about the same as they've been for almost two weeks. It was just an hour or two into Valentine's Day when all this started, so it is likely the emotional psychosis of longing for love ought to be factored into this physiological disturbance as much as antibiotics, food poisoning, the possibility of a parasite, virus, or other physical oddity.

I'll just continue recording everything here for you, you know, in case it matters.

Narf :)

Lobster Rolls and Ginger Beer

Nobody mentioned it was carbonated. After mopping up the spill, I drank the stuff with a gulp and a sigh. Bitters are not my flavors. Pungents are not my favor. Tarts are not my flavors. Fermented is not my flavor. So who knew, in my search for ginger because ginger is supposed to be good for the digestive tract, that I would pick up a tart, slightly bitter, fermented beer. I'll go with Weird...but strangely....nope, just weird. for now and likely won't be back, but hey, if it helps get the digestive tract back to whatever normal is for me (cast iron, mostly), then thank you for the find. Dosage? Well, I just drank a 20 ounce bottle. I mostly read the label. What else is new. The highlight was the food, as usual.

Laundry rushing, Softball early tomorrow, No one is home. Are you still out there?

Narf :)

Not Laundry Day

Today was supposed to be laundry day. I finally woke after 1:00PM and finally got a load in the washer about fifteen minutes ago and I must leave here in about an hour to meet Helen for dinner at TJ's a fried seafood place. Twelve hours ago I broke the 500 calorie diet that had been solid all week and consumed thousands of calories of greasy Taco Bell food, definitely not recommended for bowel ailments. Whether I have a stomach virus or food poisoning or parasite or some other sudden-onset digestive disease (or something that has been brewing for years and overlooked by the parade of doctor's I explained symptoms to... and they wonder why I don't return), I am challenging the text books and this body the way I did last weekend.

If I only had a primary doctor, I'd be there today. Alas, modern medicine, sigh. So I shall try my own home remedies and talk to the Nephrologist during the week. Hopefully he will hook me up with what I need. I'll let you know how it goes, in case it matters.

Your life goes here    (            ________________________           ).

Narf :)

Slightly Ridicuous

So... impulsively, I called Harpo. First, the car mis-dialed and I spoke with Helen for half an hour on the way to softball. Then, Harpo presented the opportunity for games after softball and I said yes. So after doing everything in my power to give the other team runs and winning 22-7 in four innings, I found myself waiting outside Sarducci's place where we were to play games (after Sarducci got back from the movies). Then we played amidst a lot of whining and complaining from Harpo and the usual from Sarducci. I should have stopped for or brought food, cuz I was hungry and all that was offered was junk food and I declined. Somewhere after 3AM I arrived back here and realized I left my phones there. I got on FB and luckily Tinman has his FB alive on his phone 24/7 (realtors and some other professions will do that) and he got word to Sarcducci that I was heading back, but first, I had to clean my drawers and the bathroom. Yes, more than an hour of driving, more than an hour at the softball fields (a triple and two singles and scored 3 times, so running and moving plenty), a half hour fast-walking the big box store shopping, carrying heavy boxes, and six hours of sitting upright playing games and not a peep out of the digestive system. Arrived back here and didn't make it from the car to the front door. Psychological? Environmental? Both? The body is puzzled, as am I.

So... impulsively, somewhere around 4:15 AM I loaded up on Taco Bell and blew way past the border. The food blog was updated in case you want the details. Just look for the date corresponding with the date on this entry, or something like that.

Sleep now, perchance to dream of normal bowel movements.

Narf :)

Still The Same (Short Term)

So the appetite is gone and the bloat remains. You can read more gory details here, if you are into the body talk. I am going to try to stop at the big box store, Costco, to pick up a case of protein drink since I am barely eating and yet still need sustenance. A lot more accomplished at work today. The big monthly meeting is set and the agenda is out. The EOP is finally done and approved and up on the website. The Tier II chemicals report is ready for submission and just waiting for Directors to return the documents signed. If they don't by the deadline, I'll submit anyway because they obviously don't care to get into the details, no less deadlines. A lot of smaller on-going tasks were moved along and I end the week on a very good note.

So how is your life inside and out? (I care and want to know, in case it matters).

Narf :)

Long Strange Week

Cutting back calories to under 500 a day for five days in a row (after fasting 66 hours last week and pigging out over the weekend) may be playing havoc with my digestive system. I shall reserve conclusions until after a few days of semi-normal food intake, but for now, it is an oddly awkward experience that reminds me of some oddly awkward TV commercials. Get in touch with what's going on and get a handle on it, m'ok?

Meanwhile, more accomplished at work that involved coordinating data from a dozen different sources in four different departments that were all brand new to the government mandated reporting process and an accident investigation requiring my getting specialist mechanics to do some torque and other tests and assessments out at the county landfill site and the usual other stuff. I must set up a big meeting tomorrow and finish some other projects. Taking three days off last week without planning has made this week hectic. Luckily I can juggle.

How about you?

Narf :)

Sleep Calls

I had a can of chicken for dinner, first solid protein since Sunday, and I was ready for sleep before the chicken. Waking 3:00 AM this morning and eating a 500 calorie diet this week is leaving little energy, but the food poisoning of last week has motivated this much needed weight loss so I am not resisting at all. Good day at work in and out of the office. I really must make time and find a place for a haircut. So many old memories are smiling and bouncing all through my head today. At the moment sleep calls and away I go.

Feel free to join me.

Narf :)

Morning On Facebook

Feeling nostalgic because this is the birth date of one of the people I grew closest to in this world, another long lost person in my adopted family who did not relate to me enough to connect permanently in the physical world, but who will always have an empty space in my heart if she ever wants to visit. Two hours of wandering the FB world scrolling through pages about my home town and high school and any other connection I can find with the hope that a few connections might still matter outside of my head and heart. People just seem to leave behind what they say are permanent feelings all the time. Outside of my head, love seems to be the most transient thing on the planet. Inside, it is the most permanent. I live in dichotomy.

Happy Birthday Sandy, in case it matters. :)

Narf :)

Waking Shaking (GM, GM, Yeah)

Well, maybe not quite physically shaking, but emotionally unsettled, yup, unpleasant dream. Getting messed with by a friend, the betrayal issues, the lack of respect issues, they ar always on my mind... I suppose. In case it matters. Yeah, in case anyone cares. Whatever. Nothing to do, it's up to you so I've got nothing to say , but it's ok. The sudden calorie restriction is traumatic on the body as cells struggle for sustenance and systems struggle to shift from easy access nutrition directly from the digestive tract to breaking down the fat stores. This seems to lead to such deeper introspection and dreams which suggest some memories are somehow linked to fat storage - or perhaps just triggered by the body hunger/changes that happened at other times in life. Makes sense that such starvation triggers would bring back betrayals that lead to previous starvation periods.

Of course I use the word starvation very loosely, though not completely metaphorically.

In case it matters.

Narf :)

Sleepy Early Again

Though I did consume at least 1,000 calories today, I think. Chianti's Italian restaurant for lunch with the co-workers and I got the eggplant parm dinner because I did not want a sub or a high calorie salad. The birthday girl chose my favorite local Italian place, what can I say. Pasta and calories and I am ready for bed. Soon. The bad news is the diarrhea still has not subsided and while the change in diet is the likely cause, the symptoms are way too close to some digestive disorders. Are they sudden onset after food poisoning? I guess I'll wait until May to find out (that's the earliest appointment I can get with a primary... then again, I need the BP med script filled in the next week or two, so I suppose I am spending $ for a walk-in clinic, not waiting).

The day was productive and too busy. Investigating accidents takes time and HR had a big pile of new applicants for me to screen and I had to stop off to finish an inspection I did not quite get done yesterday and lunch took almost two hours (this group likes their birthday lunches) and I am still behind on stuff from being out three days last week so... continued 11+ hours days this week. Still fun, just need to do laundry and feeling lonely, naturally.

Your day? In case it matters, it's your turn to share.

Narf :)

Yeah, Cuz

Such a general title and such a private passion, whatever it may be. The news is cutting back calories and yesterday calories were cuz back to under 400 for the day. There is a very long way to go to drop the 30 pounds I piled on since last year at this time, but I appear to be in the right frame of mind. Nothing like three days of dying from food poisoning to motivate a change in perspective and that s all it is. The compulsion to eat high calorie crap simply disappears when the imperative to feel good and healthy returns. A simple switch clicks in the brain, and here we are. Hopefully for a few months, at least.

Time to go to work, how's your life today?

Narf :)

Time Again

I have not babbled since last week mostly because by the time I sit down to write it is time for another brief entry and by the time I am done, I am falling asleep. I believe that is primarily due to diet, though who knows. Maybe I've been invaded by an alien virus and an odd shaped life form will burst through my abdominal walls at any moment. Last week's food poisoning diet (nothing) turned into the softball tournament diet (pig-out on meats and carbs and veggies and anything) which then suddenly became the low-calorie diet as I've eaten less than 700 calories for the past three days. So far today, 360. I'm already nodding off. Maybe I figure eating is Russian roulette and I don't want to explode again.

Anyway, productive day at work. Lots to do tomorrow. Close eyes now.

Narf :)

Rats In A Maze

More amazement, this time from within me. How human beings are conditioned to be blind to the infinite possibilities, to the very freedom and liberty so many fight and die to supposedly protect, it amazes me. Flowers are red and green leaves are green and thee's no need to see flowers any other way than the way thy always have been seen. Yes, it is one of those mornings. Sitting in this mess of a room, preparing to head out to a life-filling (as in taking up most waking time) job, wondering if anyone will ever come along to share the understanding of this world and this life that I see so clearly on mornings like these. And laughing. Laughing at the futility (or cruelty) of of the life humanity has created for itself. Of all the possible lifestyles and circumstances that could have been, what madness lead us to this?

Feel free to blame, or thank, your gods. lol.

Narf :)

They Seem Amazed Sometimes

The other young players. They always put me last in the lineup and pinch run for me. Today I went two for two with a walk, leading off twice. The guy in front of me hit poorly. The pinch runner they put in for me scored all three times. Still, I'd like the extra swings the rest of them get in the top half of the lineup. We lost 14-10. One of our players missed a ball thrown at him and he was hit in the lip and left the game for an inning. When he came back he made five errors and the 8-8 tie became 14-8. Tired, bit time, still achy and off-centered, but played well and had fun.

A little hungry, but gonna try to fall asleep without eating. Just two packs of oatmeal and a Muscle Milk today. No appetite, achy intestines, so not gonna emotional eat. I hope I have broken that cycle for a little while. Under 200 here I come. I wish someone shared the details of the life. Sigh, lonely.

Still having fun all I can.

Narf :)

Why So Sad?

Cuz the fun social weekend is over and I am lonely. No partner for life. For the mundane simple daily activities. The cooking, cleaning, laundry, sighing, laughing, crying, bathroom (what? you and your partner don't share a bathroom?), the serious talks, the contemplative walks, the bitching and moaning and whining and fine tuning every thought and idea until it is either the most profound thought ever thunk or amusingly irrelevant. The never ending conversation, hug, kiss, and just being there for each other. Is that too much to ask?

Ahem.

Narf too :)

Start Right This Week

That means get to sleep like now. Ala, the moment I got back here I almost shit myself. The moment I walked through the door. I believe the illness is largely psychological. Sphincter Interuptus, or something like that. Sweating all weekend, eating all sorts of anything while recovering from food poisoning, no itching, no bowel issues, nothing. The moment I walk through the door. Pee on the toilet seat. The same conditions I left. Almost forgot. Hopefully the new roommate will actually become the new roommate very soon. She said by the end of the month. Please? :)

Did not eat much today. Wawa breakfast wrap, apple juice, cream cheese pretzel at lunch time. No appetite here. Maybe good.

Still smiling big time inside (they can't take that away from me lol).

Sleep now, perchance to...

Narf :)

Fun Weekend

Softball tournaments are a lot of fun. Though my team now does not win much (no wins in the regular season, but one win in each other tournaments we've played in so far), but the pressure of winning and the drama at the top is not missed at all. As I did with my current job, I've gone into the retirement stage of softball as well. The fun matters most. The road trip was fun too. I got to know a lot more about Elton's relationship from start through now and a lot more about Elton too. Happy we rode together and just the two of us so he could share as he did. So serious body challenges, the worst umps ever, and alone again naturally now... but shared meals, shared fun, and shared getting closer with good people - definitely worth the time, money, and effort.

What did you do this weekend?

Narf :)

Long Hot Fun Day

Four games, four loses, so what. We had fun. I could have won three of the games and should have won two of the games but very bad officiating (two umps were told not to come back tomorrow) actually cost us two games. It's ok, it's just not fair and a very poor reflection on the organizers of the tournament. The umpires literally did not know some basic rules and that decided more than a few games and people were either screaming or shaking their heads all day. Almost everyone on our team had fun. Fun fun fun, even without the T-Bird.

This body is exhausted and aching and queasy and all sorts of out of sorts, but we had fun. I ate all sorts of things. A Village In BLT with cheese and other stuff and a Bacon Grilled Cheese both with sauteed onions. That was lunch. Dinner was a Reuben with extra pastrami on onion roll, grilled onions, two potato pancakes, two pieroges, three orders of cheese and pretzels, an pretzel roll, and I think I ordered another thing or two and then a few other things passed down from others.

Hope I wake up in the morning lol lam :)

Narf :)

Step By Step

We played four games today and I pitched three of them and while I was crabbier than usual (hopefully the team forgives me, but it was not easy to stay on my feet and I foolishly (make that unbelievably stupidly) did not bring enough to drink because we did not have time on the way to the fields and I thought there would be a concession... I am not much fun when I am mad at myself and dehydration and heat put me in the hospital last year, but I survived until lunch and had a much better afternoon. The umpires did not help, they were amazingly terrible and I heard complaints much louder than the questions I was asking all over the park. They literally did not know the rules. We survived because we are not a competitive team, but fights were brewing on all the other fields. I was just trying to survive and have fun.

And so I did. Team lunch was almost the best part of the day. I still love playing the game the most of all.

Onward to team dinner and more adventure.

Narf :)

Past Bedtime

I really wanted to get more than five or six hours sleep before this tournament, alas, but I also wanted social life with the team. Some of us went to Chili's. We waited 35 minutes for a table after 8 PM. We were seated and or orders were taken just after 9:00 PM. Salads arrived just after 10:00 PM. No manager apology, nothing but empty air. After we ate, after 11:00 PM, one of our people who works at Mangione, a fine dining restaurant, asked to speak to the manager. Three times. On the third time we all asked to speak to the manager. The manager spoke with the Mangione girl and we were given 33% off the bill.

I really did not want to go to sleep after midnight.

Narf. :)

Almost Alive

Ever head that old saying, almost human, from someone who was really sick when they are starting to feel better? I've probably used it in the past when I was not thinking, but when awake and aware, it doesn't work for me. I wonder who understands. Being human is nothing admirable based on human behaviors, but that's just me, in case it matters.

I am still breathing. Still no food intake, still burping a lot after drinking water, still feeling better than yesterday, still tired and feeling like a truck hit me and dragged me a few miles a couple of days ago. But somewhat optimistic about the road trip and softball tournament I will embark upon in a few hours. Still not hungry. The pains, however, have subsided to a low numb drowsy general malaise that will hopefully rise to a feeling a little better stage after a semi-hot (oh how I miss... life-changing, in fact) shower and some light food. I don't know when the light food will happen. Probably not a good idea just before a road trip, but definitely a good idea soon. Three day fasts are not great for the vital organs, I mean, in case it matters.

Feel free (this is encouragement for you) to tell me how your general malaise is going today. Or sudden euphoria, for that matter.

Somewhere down deep, mostly asleep, is a spectacular sudden euphoria itching to wake up.

Since you're not here at the moment, we'll save it for later, m'ok?

Admiral Euphoria is able to overcome General Malaise.

(admirable, get it?)

Narf :)

Timing Matters

Yes, and the timing for me this week s astoundingly bipolar, mostly bad, though activities are very good. Finally finding a potential roommate after more than a year of searching, excellent but let's not count that chicken before the lease is signed. Getting the worse food poisoning of long term memory the night we met combined with kidney almost failure after two days of agony and no food, not so good. Having work responsibilities when the body says call in sick, eh. Finding out the flashlights once spread throughout the living space are missing and the to lanterns don't have batteries when a blackout happens, piss poor planning. Tripping and landing hard on both knees when the body is already taxed to it's limits with a healing infected leg the night before an out of town softball tournament with the kidneys and food poisoning and bruising and infection all in the three days leading up to the tournament. No wonder I shit on myself.

I'm almost packed, still have not eaten, soon to be asleep (I hope).

And the excitement continues to build (who remembers?).

So how was your week?

Narf :)

The Next Concern

Did my kidneys shut down again?

Well, at least for a little while I am almost certain they did. I started packing to head to the emergency room en minutes ago and halfway through I peed, which is a sign they are not shut down now. I definitely do not feel up to playing softball at the moment, though that is 48 hours away if I don't end up in the hospital today. I definitely do not feel like going to work in an hour, but I am playing it moment to moment at the moment. The food poisoning apparently put too much strain on the kidneys. Maybe the antibiotics combined. Less water being sick as I was probably didn't help. I am forcing water now, 60 ounces in the past hour.

All these words, every little thing, in case it matters.

There's always hope.

Narf.

Food Poisoning

I eat at buffets often. I eat at low-priced buffets often. I am a poor foodie who loves variety. I usually have no painful effects from buffets, though I do experience diarrhea from time to time. Regularly, in fact. This time, however was hard core food poisoning. Except for a dozen trips to the bathroom every time I drink a little water, it was an extreme challenge to get out of bed. At least three times it was ugly (see details for details). That's all that happened today.

It was not a good day.

Narf.

Still Hoping

Even when I am not hopeful, I am still hoping. Someone will care someday. It will matter to someone other than me someday. At least it still matters to me, in case it matters. Sitting at the desk all day getting a lot of desk work done, creating new systems to monitor safety in the county, but sitting way too much for my liking. The foot is a little better today, but the swelling remains. It needs exercise, but exercise potentially causes more bleeding and aids the infection so rest, elevation, etc. Feeling one of the feeling like nobody cares moments, in case it matters. It is weird living a life where depression and euphoria are both old friends and like side by side, sometimes simultaneously. Amusing, from a distance.

This mood is likely brought to us by the wisdom of the ages, specifically the damper placed on hope when the possibility of a new friend or at least a new roommate and a new better place to live is realer than it's ever been since I moved in here. Wouldn't it be nice. A Chinese buffet dinner, though she is not into buffets. That's ok, I'm not into Nascar and she is big time. We can still get along, share the bills, and find mutual ground. There's always hope.

Arriving back here there pee on the toilet seat and it's up. Out comes the bleach spray. Into this room to write and rest the leg and maybe fall asleep early. Fatigue is strong in this one.

No TV tonight. Just me.

Narf :)

A Bit More Sleep

Windows 10 Virus attacks again and I click and ignore. Amazing. I slept a bit more than two more hours, 5 AM to a little after 7 AM, and woke to shower and head to work. I sat almost the entire day, part of the time with my leg elevated because t was hurting more when I did not have it elevated. I was expecting more improvement by now and some concern crossed my mind. I may call the ARNP tomorrow if there is not some improvement. Low dose Keflex might not be working.

Softball tonight. I'll take it very easy.

Narf.

Woke Up Early

Listening to Placebo, Meds, which of course leads me to recall Ms. Blackery, the friend from across the pond I never met, at least not in this life, yet (more in the details). Yeah, so I woke up almost midnight, which is quite early since I don't have to be at work for almost eight hours and I probably should try to get more sleep. I spoke to Harpo for almost two hours. He brought up Eisner, Trump, Jeff Schwartz, some other guy and other madmen and I retaliated with Douglas Adams, Harry Chapin, John Lennon, and my own natural wonders. Page 87 of War and Peace came up, but I have no idea why. Then Emma. I've got to shut down the computer because the Microsoft Virus interrupted again. So what have you been up to?

Narf :)

Infections

The leg and the computers suffer. The computers suffer from the Microsoft Virus that interrupts my typing or viewing or any use of my computers until I do Microsoft's bidding by clicking on the Microsoft pop-up that is their latest version of blue screen of death. The corruption is strong in this one. The leg suffers from the softball bug as it fights the deep tissue infection that formed after the softball struck my shin. I believe I have a compression fracture, but the ARNP at the clinic did not recognize it. Not much to do other than take antibiotics, elevate and rest the leg as much as possible, and let it heal.

So how was your Sunday morning? lol :)

Narf :)

Evening Doze

Dinner was more of the same shells and cheese and shrimp and clams. Really yummy. Three loads of wash got done and while I was on my feet longer than planned, it was a reasonable balance of getting work done and resting today. The hurting rises and falls from about 1 at stillness to about 8 when first stepping on it. Pressure would be 9, but I avoid that. I spoke with Harpo for more than an hour which helped with the cooped up feeling. Texted with Helen and Jane and watched more Outer Limits. Part of me wants to party and write and part of me wants to sleep. Same as every night.

If only you were here, you'd help decide.

The one, where are you?

Narf :)

Afternoon Stirring

So then, when the stir craziness of the idea of sitting around doing nothing but tapping keys on this computer and exploring the internet and watching TV struck that nerve in the brain that demands daily physical activity, I got up and walked around a lot, for at least an hour. Harpo walked around with me by phone. It wasn't walking just for the sake of walking, it was productive. I started chores. Cooking and laundry and after ten minutes of rest and elevation I will go check the food and then another ten minutes and another and the chores will get done and I wont feel so stir crazy or butt hurt. I mean literally butt hurt, but we can leave those details for where details belong and the body blog, if I ever get disciplined enough to go there every day too like when I started thinking about actually making a record of a life. Maybe more Facebook too. I need distractions. This blogging life needs an update.

Anybody want to talk to me?

Narf :)

Morning Was Broken

Yes, morning was broken, but not the leg. It is afternoon now, but catching up on the morning in this entry... I woke, so I am not dead, at least not according to science as we know science today. The leg hurt like it wanted to fall off for the first twenty or so steps, but then the pain subsided to a moderate numb. I took double the dose of antibiotic in the past 24 hours, but will level out to whatever it says on the bottle going forward. Fingers are crossed.

Meanwhile, I've been checking emails which lead me to the roommate site where I responded to and sent new messages and received a text, an actual text. I responded and we shall see what comes of that. There's always hope. I updated my profile, again. You can find it in the details. Another email lead me to Facebook and I checked out my pages where a dozen posts were auto-posted and many "engagements" were reported, for what it's worth. Still waiting for the interactions. lol.

So good morning all you cool cats out there (get the title reference now?).

Body Failure

Not nearly total body failure, but the body failed to prevent an infection of the leg on it's own. It got worse all day so I left work early and had an ARNP at a clinic look at it and we took X-rays and she prescribed Keflex. No break as far as the X-rays could tell, but a definite deep tissue infection spread beyond the point of contact. So rest, elevation,fluids, antibiotics, vitamins, and stir crazy. After I play tonight's game. Hush, what the doctors don't know won't hurt them... or something like that.

Ouch a lot, but laughter is good medicine too.

Narf :)

Long Sleep, Sharp Pain

The body moves slowly having slept (with the usual few pee-break interruptions) about twelve hours or so and the muscles of the abdomen are feeling the strain of the bulge and the leg is throbbing with pain as if the bone is piercing through the skin as I move from the body from horizontal to the vertical orientation. That does go away, usually, but it is worse this morning than it has been since the injury last week. The swelling is down a bit but still very present and the discoloration is going through it's color changes as it spreads from the impact point outward, radiating with the pain.

I hope to sleep in tomorrow morning too, maybe two full long sleep nights in a row will help. Also, eat less as I did last night, that might be the wisest thing I can do. Write more in the body and food and other blogs that should have become daily if I was really in touch with myself, yes, that would be another good sign. Remember record of a life?

Almost time to get ready for work. Make today a healthy day.

Narf :)

The Leg

At this moment, not all day and only limited times yesterday, the leg dominates the mind. t various moments, 35-65% of the brain cells are thinking about, distracted by, or focused on turning off the pain sensor in the leg with an average of about 41%. The usual 25-35% of the mind is simultaneously feeling and fending off loneliness. As you may have guessed, I already ate dinned so the brain is less focused on oral gratification and food than usual. Exhaustion has taken over, since I slept maybe four hours in the past two nights. Everything else is more or less the same as it ever was.

Sleep now

Why Not Sleep?

I didn't sleep at all last night and here I am awake now after a couple of hours napping in this chair and it makes no sense for the body, but the mind understands the heart hurts and wants so much more, to heal, to care, to share, to trust, to lust, to create the bond that promises eternity. Yeah, so meanwhile, the daily life is good and full of fun and excitement and rewarding experiences and I have no complaints. I love my daily life. I love my whole life. I just want more. The wanting keeps me awake some nights. And now I am hungry.

Alone is natural, comfortable, wonderful, but it is missing the sharing that life is about.

I want someone who understands.

Narf :)

Settle Down

I just never met thing, right girl. Laughing are we? I sure am. It's the truth, but the laughter is true just as well. I would do it though, I would so do it in a heartbeat if the right person came along and wanted to too. If the right person wanted t roam around like nomads I'd be up for that too. It's all about finding that right person. Yup, still the same old story.

Meanwhile, the day was rapid after forgetting to sleep last night. The morning was defensive driver training. The afternoon was driving around to various places. Before, between, and after was checking emails and corresponding. I was crashing just before 4:00 PM and stopped for some racetrack roller grill food and a mountain dew. After work was dinner, chicken, rice, cream of mushroom soup, and mayo with chips on the side and peanuts for dessert. TV is CBS shows. Sleep will likely come soon, as soon as the mountain dew wears off.

You?

Narf :)

Work, Food, TV, Writing

Does that sound familiar? Sure enough. I slept in an extra couple or few hours and then, work was the usual work at the desk. We watched the SpaceX launch in the afternoon (images and videos shall follow tomorrow). Back here for dinner, you know where to find those details, right? TV was The Outer Limits again. A lot of writing tonight. Links tomorrow. Yeah, it's after midnight and I need sleep. Five hours if I fall out now.

Hope your day was a good day.

Narf :)

Work, Dinner, Softball, Sleep

In the mix, some writing. Work was more of the usual, mostly emails today. I barely remember. New employee orientation usurps an Emergency Management meeting. We'll work on scheduling for next time. Finally bought the new software for DOT testing so I'll be getting the files and responsibility from the boss soon. Then, more email and back here for dinner. Dinner was leftover Italian. No, writing, then, softball. Lonely, naturally. See ya later.

Narf :)

Superbowl Party

Not home yet, but in a couple of hours, I will be. Sarducci decided to have a Superbowl party and the usual crowd showed up, but only a few of us really wanted t watch the Superbowl and the rest either fell asleep on the couches or chatted in the kitchen. It was a good game and New England blew because Philadelphia made the key plays at the key moments and New England was out-coached, which is a rarity. While one mistake by NE iced the game for Philadelphia, lack of execution on key plays by NE and precise execution by Philly was the difference. I still think Brady is the one of the best QBs ever, but Joe Montana was more flawless so who is the best?

It was a Sarducci party, as usual. Earlier I moved around on my feet for almost 4 and a half hours at softball practice and hit a lot of balls, but did not pitch or field. The leg survived, so the next step (literally) in the assessment is to play softball tomorrow night. Hopefully it will not be against one of the killer teams that could take my head off or break the already very tender leg. Shhh, without softball I'd die a vegetable, probably sooner. After softball I made some stops... gas, the giant store for clothes and food for Helen, the supermarket for more food for Helen and for the party, the bank for money for Helen, then Helen's for a shower, then... the party.

I think this is where we came in lol lam :)

Narf :)

Hey Romania! (Z0tl)

Yes, you, Mikey B. My friend, you are loved. This blog has had over a thousand visits or views from Romania and the companion blog where the babbler rambles on more and includes much more detail than this blog gets, but it only has a couple of hundred views/visits so I just wanted to point out that it is there if you want more detail and all the rest. That is where to find dirt, drama, details, creative play, self-mockery, emo-processing, psych-analysis, distraction therapy, archives, and more.

In case it matters :)

Narf :)

Rest and Heal

Feeling like nobody cares because I am sitting here all day nursing my leg watching TV and sending text messages with just one response relating to my leg from the few I told about it. Thankful Helen offered to help if I need it. Lunch was yummy, Italian yummy. I caught up on all the CBS TV and now, back to The Outer Limits.

Anbody out there?

Narf :)

Swelling

Still in pain, major pain and throbbing if I do not keep the leg elevated. The swelling is not localized, half the leg from the knee down and around back is swollen. The worst part is we lost the game to a team we should have beaten easily but just a couple of people were hitting and I was not one. Next time I nap before a game, I drink some caffeine before heading out.

Good morning :)

Narf too.

Pain

Softball to shin harder than ever, maybe. Hurts more than any injury since the broken ankle. Pain, oh damn pain. My only real concern is a blood clot that kills me. Maybe a bone infection, but... yeah, not a good thing for this body to have major bruising at this point in it's life. Oh, but it hurts so much. Feeling so alone. Because I am. Alone with pain sucks even more. I know a few people who know that well, too well. My turn to be a baby. Seriously, ouch.

Jackson just started a Words With Friends game out of the blue after no playing for months, or at least more than a month. Like we are connected somehow. It happens a lot. Silently. Alone.

Someone save my life tonight? (or at least distract me, aye?).

Thanks Jacks .

Narf (wince) :)

Made It Through The Day

Yeah, so (I do that a lot, don't I?... open with Yeah, so, I mean... whatever), I texted the boss that I'd be in two hours late so I could sleep longer and so I could shower and be more refreshed for the big meeting. More prep and some other things at my desk before I headed over to the place for the meeting. Timing was great as I had time to set up the computer and monitor, distribute documentation to the 18 chairs I set up around the table, and was done enough to start when the first person walked in. The meeting went smoothly, though a half hour longer than planned. Good reason, but must not let that happen again.

Stayed two hours past quitting time to type up the minutes, last one out of the building again.

Dinner, TV, here.

Narf :)