Highs and Lows

So we won all of our games, 5-0 on the day, and we are in the winner's bracket final at 1PM tomorrow. That's the great news and the fun and excitement and all that. Details another time, another place, if I remember them or find them somewhere. The not great news is we went to a place to eat and after more than two hours, the food came and they had my order wrong. They said they'd re-do it and I was not a happy camper so I told them I don't want it. PhD was the name of the place, ironic, because they were definitely not intelligent or educated in food service. So I went to a local burger place called Rodeo Goat and the menu is great, but the food was just ok. Probably should have just skipped dinner.

Then, the serious aggravation is realizing that Southwest airlines free cancellation and scheduling of flights is a scam, at least in the way it is present as free. I mistakenly believed I could change my flight for a later flight or a next morning flight for free and it turns out that there are no later flights and the the next morning flight will cost $432 to get on. Some deal. So now I am caught between a rock and a hard place. I may have to cut out on the team before the championship game to catch my flight or I may be stuck in Dallas longer than planned searching for a way back to Orlando that costs less than $432.

Bad planning on my part puts a serious wet blanket on this weekend for me and I may just pay the price ($432) to teach myself a lessonif the Championship games goes past 5:30 PM tomorrow and there s not way to get a cheaper way out of this place. I may be able to get a Spirit air flight Monday morning for under $200 ($70 plus baggage and other added charges, another advertising scam) and maybe get back to the office in time to do the orientation I am scheduled to do at 1:00 PM Monday, but that's a cutting it close maybe. The joker and the thief got me good along with my ignorance and poor planning. Do I feel dumb or what?

I will try to fall asleep now and remember it is only money which I don't have enough of to live comfortable or safely or healthily and still this is a very fun trip on my way to an early pauper's death. Still... it turns me on lol, lam, sigh...

We might win the tournament championship tomorrow :)

Narf :)

Back here for a Nooner

Whatever a nooner might be in your mind, we finished our round robin games at 10 AM and don't play again until 3 PM so here I am. A shower happened, which will please anyone coming close to me. As if. I mainly headed back here to pick the meds I forgot to pick up when I came back here to the room after breakfast to pick up a few things... like the meds. Oh well, plenty of time to hang out alone, again, a naturally. A fun morning. We won 21-12 in the first game. I didn't pitch, but I went 3 for 3 with a bunch of RBIs. I pitched the second game and it was a shutout until the fourth inning when I decided to be nice to a team that was not going to hit much against me. We won 12-4, though I went 0 for 2. Actually, considering I am playing for another coach who is on the ratings committee, I did a little more than I should have done and might be questioned next season if she holds on to it. It'll depend on the new questions that are coming out any day now. Anyway, much fun.

Gonna head out to find a store where I can buy some spray smell for the clothing and a car charger for the phone (cuz I forgot to bring mine and my phone and I am charging my portable charger too. Hopefully we will play even better for the tournament and stay in the winner's bracket today. We've got the potential. Wish you were here cuz it's all so much more fun shared with a friend or softball partner or any partner or bestie or BFF or love or the one, but I'll go it alone cuz that's just the way it is.

Keep having fun, m'ok? :)

NArf :)

It's Not Even 6 AM Yet

And away we go... Wake up, get dressed (the roommates showered, I'll stink a bit and hope there's time to return to the hotel between the morning and afternoon games), head downstairs for some free breakfast (bacon, eggs, bacon, fruit, bacon, chocolate, bacon, chocolate... the usual array of free hotel food... I didn't get any oatmeal because I didn't want to get filled up). Back to the room for a moment to say hello to you (see how important you are) and grab a few things and now, off to the fields we go. In the dark. Are we having fun yet?

Yes we are... hope you are too. :

Narf :)

Doing Dallas

Here we are at the Holiday Inn Market Center in Dallas, TX. Nine minutes from the airport, ten minutes from the field, and an excellent diner across the side street. I stayed here the last time I was here and that was for the week-long world series. The first leg of the flight was in Houston 20 minutes early, then the second leg was more than a half hour late. Just meant a later dinner, but all is well. Gonna try to get some sleep now.

Hope your weekend is fun. :)

Narf :)

Morning Bloat

Morning bloat sucks, especially after long sleep (sleeping 10 hours {with about four bathroom breaks} was an excellent move, though the abdomen was achy as the muscles are stretched and that is felt more after longer sleeps, part because the body is stretched out supine for so many hours that does not occur during the day because I sit a lot at a desk or driving). The muscle ache goes away after a bit of moving around and exercise. The digestive issues remain, alas, as the antibiotic nears the end of it's attempt to kills the C.Diff. The follow-up lab test I do next week will likely confirm my suspicions and it will be back to the doctor for the next round of stronger more expensive antibiotics after the lab test results come in. Some aspects of modern medicine sucks even more than morning bloat. Life is not free.

Excitement is just around the corner as I head to Dallas for a softball tournament today. I must sort through clothes and pack for the trip now. Wish you were coming with, but whatever you are doing, ma it be fun and rewarding and satisfying and healthy and good for you. :)

Narf :)

Stuffed Pig

Yes, while lunch was not too bad, except for the fact that I ate enough peanuts and bread and butter before the meal was served to qualify as two lunches... but the bread was sooo good), but then an impulsively (stupidly) party-food indulgent dinner was not the best move. I am nodding, so I shall go to bed (good move) and wake early (good move so I can sleep tomorrow night) so I can pack in the morning. We are having a much fun as I can in my head without a activity, life, and everything partner (could be three different people, but I'd love to find all in one - or any at this point) and in my head, that is oodles of fun.

Hope you find fun in your head to. :)

Narf :)

Just Getting Out

A bit later than intended, but another day begins. Showered and clean and smiling and content with myself in spit of the filth and clutter in my surroundings. This living space is so representative of humanity and I am almost fitting right in. The clutter part, at least. The body rebels with ailments to remind me that this is human suicide and I am cutting years off the life span. Still, I feel so much more wonder and joy and giddiness to be alive than anything else. Reborn each time I open my eyes, it still happens :)

May your day be as beautiful as mine :)

Narf :)

Just Getting Back

I've been away from this place since the morning blog entry. Success at work and then, a long drive to a meeting for the Sunday softball league (they treated us to dinner) and then, a long drive back here and then, a quick trip to work because I forgot some files I need for the morning and then, here we are. Early morning tomorrow, sleep should be demanding more attention but here I am, writing this for you. For you too, aye? Oh Canada? Brooklyn too. And Cali. And... all the girls I've loved before. Boys too. It's late, hope you are enjoying your night.

Narf :)

Sleep More Please

But nooooooooooo, like Belushi said, not in this life. Hulu shows, this one, that one, X-Files, and then, the game on the phone, Toon Blast, so much more important than sleep, right? And in the morning, when I rise slowly and creepingly, or something like that. Blurry eyes are so natural these days, can glasses be far behind? Are you there? Do you care? Well, make it a wonderfully spectacular day either way, even if you never know. That's what the world needs now, and love, lots and lots of love.

Good Morning, sunshine.

Narf :)

Those Old Sweet Patterns

Sweet, as in the taste of the food, though savory too. Craving more sweet, but trying not to do that thing. That pattern got me again over the weekend, with a little help from my friends. Desk work all day without a break and I made good progress, but more desk work due tomorrow. I did resist spending more money on dinner and stayed awake from fast food as well. Two bags of rice, a bag of shrimp, two cans of clams, some butter, Alfredo sauce, garlic, salt, and two slices of cheese. Then some pretzels and chocolate milk, from powder. The bowels remain unchanged, the weekend tournament out of town is going to be interesting. Bring plenty of anti-bacterial wipes.

So how was your day? :)

Narf :)

Running Late

Woke 7:15 AM which would have given me time for the shower I planned o take (take is such an odd word), but I went back to sleep and woke again at 7:40ish and that gave me enough time to splash water on my head, dress, and rush out to pick up the car and get to my desk just a few minutes early. You'd think maybe I'd skip dinner and fall asleep quick tonight, wouldn't you. Well, we shall see tonight, meanwhile...

see ya later :)

Narf :)

Hot Bat, Cool Arm

The wind was blowing wildly and the umpire was a tight zone hitter's ump, so it was tough to pitch tonight but I went 4 for 4 with a triple and knocked in a bunch of runs. We lost 22-20 with me at bat, two outs, bottom of the last inning, and runners at first and third. Unfortunately, the runner on first was thrown out trying to steal second and game over. As the last batter in the lineup, the top of the order would be up if I got a hit. They played the odds I guess. Too much aggression is often why we lose when we lose. Too many heros :)

Definitely a fun game though, in spite of the loss. Dinner was several convenience store roller dog spread out over four hours and a 40gm protein drink. The day was desk work yet again. Learning a new software. Could barely keep my eyes open for most of the day so the dog and protein drink was necessary to play well I suppose. Brain wired, body tired now.

Anybody out there?

Narf :)

Another Morning, Monday Even

Briefly, rapidly, so possible succinctly (as it is time to leave for work and I am not quite dressed yet), it is another morning Another Monday morning. Another work day begins. Eating at the buffet last night then having custard and ice cream, a lot, was not a great idea for the bubbling cauldron that is my intestines, but I experience no pain, only the bubbling cauldron feeling. Defecation should be a repeatedly less pleasant than usual process today. Other than that, it is a beautiful day to be alive and the celebrations continues.

Hope you find your celebration of life continues too.

Do it, you can, so do it :)

Narf :)

It's Late

Well after midnight, past 3:00 Am, foolishly went to Harpo's after the buffet after the long day of softball (when heading here to get a full 8+ hours of sleep would have been much wiser), but there was some fun and an obvious hunger for socialization even though there was some mental health issues and assorted abhoration al frictions and various other anomalies that created much tension for a while and even I was absorbed into the conflict. All's well that ends sort of well too.

Fun and games and therapy.

Narf :)

Disguised Blessings

I went to dinner with Helen, Bay Ridge Sushi and it was yummy for the mouth, but not so much for the tummy. Yes, the war goes on down there. I watched a lot of youtube tonight because Windows took over my TV laptop and it's been five hours and it's still not done updating. Ridiculous stupidity on both our parts. Anyway, this entry came from the youtube watching, including this girl's life and realizing that if many thousands of people were waiting for me to write an entry every night, I might go stark raving made feeling like I had an appointment and obligation and so on. I mean, the random babbling is my life.

So perhaps having no one here is a blessing in disguise.

Still, you're there, right?

Narf :)

Appointments

Interacting in this world is about making appointments. Scheduling time to meet others is how social life develops. I do not like planning, scheduling, or any of that (non-specific unpleasantness about generalized order or authority, I supposed... not at all influenced by watching this very long video at all, m'ok?), not to mention whatever it is I am not mentioning, but that may be beside the point.

I am going to get my haircut now. All of them.

Narf :)

Good Day, Better Night

What can I say, I am on Level 60 in Toon Blast. My eyes are so tired the screen is blurry. I stopped for ice cream and chocolate on the way home. The digestive system will likely explode on the softball field tomorrow and I'll have to use the filthy park toilets. I watched an episode of Beyond. Teenagers still save the world every night on TV on almost every station. No wonder we've lost touch with reality as a species. Dinner was Thai food, Jane picked. I went along and it was yummy, but the digestive system must be flipping out in there. The play, Tennessee Waltz, was good. Jane was good too. Too bad we don't like closer. 150 minutes driving tonight. I am so tired.

Still, fun.

Narf :)

Woke Late

So no shower, dry shave, raggedy andy goes to work. The body rebels, the C.Diff grows stronger again, the antibiotic is killing the good bacteria first and maybe in another week the C.Diff might weaken and die, but for now, it is back in control. Miscalculation from the PA. At least tat is my theory. I shall try to call later. for now, rush to work, do the work, no dancing with the devil in the pale moonlight. Good morning.

What about you?

Narf :)

Suddenly Seymour

So was he a good hearted nebish or psychopathic monster? Can the same question be asked by anyone about anyone including themselves? Is it love or madness that removes all inhibition and rules? We coulda been contenders, ya know? Is there anybody going to listen to my story? Yes, we all know I need to be in love and maybe I have not found it in many ears because I don't know what I might do for it. Mow the lawn, even. Suddenly, even.

Another day in paradise. Another day sitting at the desk typing data into ever more complex spreadsheets. This is what happens. Then, poof, its gone. Not this time, I hope. I couldn't care less than ever and yet I must care more than ever. So once again the evening is all about TV and food. Though a lot more text messages than usual from Jackson bring a curious difference. I watched a couple of episodes of Alone Together, a few episodes of Beyond, and then... The X-Files.

Your turn.

Narf :)

Killing Me Sweetly

Roberta Flack might not sing this version, but the sweet sensors in the mouth are killing me sweetly with their song. Like sirens lead sailors to the depths in tales of yore, Swiss Rolls and Long Johns and other sweet creamy confections lead me to bloat, fat, high blood pressure, diabetes, fatty liver, kidney failure, and a myriad of other physical ailments. Ah, but what a way to go, aye?

Good morning lovely lads and lasses of the interwebs. Will you be responding today?

Probably not, but make it a spectacular day just the same.

I intend to get my hair cut. Your plans?

Be happy :)

Narf :)

Ain't No Funkshine

Three trips to the pooper with increasing volume each time is a sign of the war going on in the intestines. The C.Diff will not go quietly. I suppose my diet is not helping. Pasta with butter and ketchup and onions and peppers and burger and I think we've been through this before. Yes, leftovers. I added a smoked beef kielbasa. More butter and ketchup. Chocolate milk. Swiss Rolls. Edwards Cream Pie. Yeah, definitely the diet for C.Diff.

Meanwhile, the day was another desk day, again, not the best thing for the body. Itch, itch, itch, burn. Let's of work, paper paper and more paper. On the computer, spreadsheets, emails, and so on. A morning meeting. Lunch here, more pasta leftovers. Three days of pasta. Good movie title? Then here again, dinner, bagels, cheese, and more swiss rolls. Oh enough already, I mean don't we have anything to talk about besides food?

Guess not.

Narf :)

Facebook Birthdays

So instead of shower, I wished a half dozen people (at least) happy birthdays on Facebook this morning. I sincerely wish them wonderful days and lives and celebrate the fact that they were born because I am happy they are alive. Even if I was a day or two late for a few, I am no less sincere in my appreciation for the life they live. If I could, if I had the time and money to travel, I'd knock on their door and offer a hug and give them a present, but life is not set up like that for the average working person I've become. The desk has work on it and I must get up and pick up the work car and give another day to the job. Still, there is a celebration in y heart for being alive and everyone is welcome.

I am happy you are alive too, even if you are not here.

Give yourself a present today, make it smile :)

Narf :)

Windows Update

The words have become synonymous with fuck you and every other curse on the planet. Sometimes I feel like I spend more time watching the wheels of windows percent counter than I do using the computer I legally bought and supposedly own. Microsoft is by far the most invasive disruption of negative energy in this life as I know it. I know, I have it good. First world problems, and all that. Anyway, it was another desk day with a lot accomplished, but too little walking around. The body needs more movement. So little time to do anything else, especially on a stormy night. It's supposed to be a stormy night, but then it was supposed to be a stormy afternoon. It was, just not over my head. So what's up with you? Anything happening? Do you care?

I send you love and hope you find some caring inside. That's not just something to do while the food is cooking, that's real sent love. It's energy. It's caring. It's in your heart. Feel it beating?

Take care of you and tap the keys, please?

Life is passing and so are we, wave.

Narf :)

Waking Rushed (Almost)

Not really rushed that much and will still be the first one in the office (my boss and I take turns getting in early, but he stays a lot later than I do... I still want a life outside of work... he's a really nice guy workaholic, easygoing and friendly and hopefully true to his external demeanor, but I digress) and I've got to pick up a car before I head in to work. I really need a haircut. I'm heading in today with the hair undone. I expect someone to complain any day now because people love to complain and point fingers at others. People are such insecure control freaks. If they spent half the time and energy worrying about others on themselves, they might even be happy. What a wonderful world it would be, and all.

No shower, just a wipe down, extra sleep was good. Boring you, no doubt.

Is that why you don't leave me comments? :)

Narf :)

Rain Out Brain Out

Eating not so compatible food with the antibiotics and digestive ailments, I am. Soon I may be fat as Yoda, I might be. Peter Griffin could be my twin, so big that. I would have had fun at softball tonight... and likely would have gone to one of the fast food places I have been eating from for several days in a row, which is quite unpleasant for the digestive tract and, in fact, even more quite unlike me. Instead, I avoided the rain and watched Family Guy, as you may have notice if you were clever enough. During the interim, or before, I cooked pasta and, in the absence of tomato sauce, I cooked onions, peppers, more onions, mushrooms, more onions, and blended ketchup, mayo, garlic, juice from the veggies, and two bacon cheddar burgers chopped up and some other stuff, I think. Yum, I stuffed the pie hole and who knows what digestion will be like tomorrow.

Meanwhile, it was a good day, desk work, storms are coming (weather).

Are you still alive?

Narf :)

Waking Early

Just before the 6:05 AM alarm, actually, and I could have laid back down but was much better off not giving another RM sleep a chance to suck me in. Waking between cycles without any alarm is so much better. I cleaned off some of the tables, piles of paper and all sorts of junk. There's more to clean, but I wanted to get to work early so I am leaving stuff half done. I've been doing that a lot lately. Maybe that's why I got food poisoning. Half done food, get it? Anyway, good to get more than eight hours sleep for a change. Did you miss me?

Where is your sense of humor, anyway?

Good morning, good morning. yeah.

Narf. :)

Long Day in the Sun

I left here about 8:30 am and got caught in traffic, a double death accident blocked all lanes on the highway so I had to get off (and was lucky I could) and take back roads and arrived about 9:30 am so I didn't do any ratings before my games and then played a game at 10 am and another at 11 am and then another at 1 pm and another at 3 pm. Lost all four, but fun fun fun fun. I didn't put sunscreen on until the afternoon so I got more radiation than I should, but everybody's gotta die of something. Taco Bell for dinner on the way back here and watched the final episodes of Perception and another good show bites the dust. It was obvious the writers ran out of imagination by the way they ended it, normal and happily ever after for everyone but the mentally ill star. All the normals probably loved it.

And now, writing and Saturday Night Live. And later, shower and sleep.

Tell me about your day?

Narf :)

Distracted By Romeo

The TV plays in the background and an episode of Perceptionplays. The title of the episode is Romeo. The story is definitely pulling me away, mostly because it is the next to last episode of Perception I have access to and I want to remember it. I relate to the abnormal characters that have TV shows built around them that seem to be increasing over the past decade or two.

I ate dinner just a few moments ago and came here, but as I mentioned the TV show Perception has been distracting me. Dinner was three and a half burgers from Steak N Shake, first meal of the day since Friday. About ten hours ago, if you recall, I went to the show, right? It was fun and Jane was funny in it which worked because it was a comedy. After the show I visited Jane's new house and then headed to Tinman's for fun and games until about 4:00 AM when I headed back here, picking up food along the way, and here we are.

Softball in the morning, so sleep would be good now.

Did you have a fun night?

Narf :)

Saturday Just After Noon (or perhaps 2:30)

After a couple of days or at least 30 hours of lazy-brain with a touch of poor-me sorrow that leads me away from wanting to write, I wake refreshed (sort of) and find words aching to rush out into these spaces I call the written gardens online. You've heard of paths to enlightenment and euphoria? Well, here may be mine, in case it matters. I welcome (and encourage) you to stroll with me for a while and just as much, to share yours. If you haven't found yours, I'd be happy to look for both of ours with you. :)

So catch up on the last few entries if you want a piece of my waking mind and explore further into the wilderness of words if you want more. Jackson has inspired much flurry of friendly folly from the recesses of consciousness during nocturnal emissions over the past week or so and the smile widens all the more to refresh my memory and understanding of who I am in this life, the universe, everything, and more (because that's what we're here for, no doubt).

Babbling may follow as I have a couple of hours before a promise must be kept.

Will someone stay awake with me?

Anybody?

Narf :)

Still In The Dark

The night, that is, as the sunrise is postponed for an hour due to a turn of the wheel on clocks in this time zone, a phenomenon that any animal conditioned to wake and scurry about for the sustenance and various sundries of survival would find quite disturbing, or at least unsettling, and we humans do our best to ignore our manipulations of time and space most of the time because, after all, who has time to think about things like that. Arriving here after softball and a long night playing cards and games at Tinman's place, bloated from food eaten ten hours ago and yet, hungry as usual, I choose to fall asleep as fatigue washes over me like the darkness still waiting for the clocks to catch up with it.

We won 20-10, beating the second place team (first place was undefeated, we gave second place it's third loss as the other two were to the first place team) to finish the season strong in third place tied with the team we beat last week, a rude and aggressive "church" team. The word "church" and religion itself is awash with so many incongruities and oxymorons, still in the dark as well, but that's another story and I'd rather give sleep the chance to refresh my synapses as I've been awake for more than 24 hours.

I hope you had fun and enjoy your day. I'm listening for your breathing. I care, in case it matters.

Narf :)

Another Week Clocked Out

Not that I clock in to work. In fact, I have only had a 'clock-in' type of job for very brief periods in this life. Perhaps for a few months as a teen and maybe for a year or so at the end of the last Millennium in the wilds of winter in Buffalo, NY, but that's beside the point and a distraction from the celebration that Friday evening brings. Loving the daily work I do for money helps oddles to brighten this life and make me smile, as the Chicago Transit Authority once sang, but the glee at having almost sixty hours to do anything I please still burst forth kind of volcano-like each week about this time so I share the celebratory energy as I prepare to head out for more softball and adventures.

Hope you enjoyed your week and have fun in your "free time" too.

I wish you'd let me know...

Narf :)

Still Fast Asleep

But why fast, I wonder. Certainly it is obvious that sleep is stillness or at least relative stillness. Is it a reference to the mind moving fast somehow? Language is such a curious puzzle sometimes. In any case, I was still sleeping at the time of this entry but I was dreaming dreams I may never remember and running (fast?) through stress seeking euphoria as I've been known to do more and more over recent years. Wondering if I should have taken that left turn at Albuquerque, r something like that. The mind has so much alone time, it gets to mischief in the middle of the night (or whenever I sleep) just to amuse or entertain or even show some irritation with my procrastination and suicidal tendencies, perhaps just to prove it still exists.

I shall wake up soon and start another day.

How about you?

Narf :)

Lunch, Dinner, Dessert, Fat

I could have stopped at lunch. I should have stopped at lunch. A 900 calorie Publix sub with at least 300 calories of extra cheese and mayo. More than enough calories for the day and I sat here falling asleep an hour after getting here but nooooooo, I was cold and wanted hot spaghetti, comfort food and warmth. Piping hot spaghetti with mayo ketchup sauce (no butter or other sauces) and then, I finished the Govdiva chocolates. Yum. Unfortunately, waaay too many calories and not enough exercise. The body blog should be yelling at me. Loud. Loudly, even. The food blog went to sleep (is this the wake up call?). The babbling blog has all but lost it's way and gone silent (sort of). Does anybody even care?

I do, I do. Poorly at times, but I am here.

Where are you?

Narf :)

Morning Darkness

While the Sounds of Silence would be terribly appropriate at the moment, at least I finally woke early enough for a morning shower in spite of the cold darkness. The thermometer is below 60 degrees and the body will not warm up because the hot water does not get hot enough to warm a chilled body and I slept without any blanket or sheet last night and so on and so forth and how are you this fine morning? Blaming daylight savings time changes is so useless and normal, so I'll blame it on the sun, like Stevie Wonder. My nose is running from the cold air. Yes, 50 degrees can be cold. Especially when it is 40 degrees, after all. I think I'll move to Florida this year cuz I am tried of the cold.

So how are you?

Narf :)

Instead of This, That

t being watching TV and playing a silly video game and letting the food distract me from choosing wisely (three protein shakes for lunches, but rice and shrimp and cream of mushroom sound and onions for dinner followed by more than a dozen Godiva chocolaye hearts leftover from Valentine's day. So much for dropping the weight I packed on last week). The day was good and frustrating, but net good. Finally have a diagnosis and treatment plan for one of the ailments, but due to a series of mix-ups and incompetence at the doctor's office, I don't have the medicine and likely won't until tomorrow night. Walked less too because four hours of the day was spent waiting at the pharmacy. It is a wonder I did not break down and buy more decadent food, but I did have the will power to avoid that trap. I avoided writing too, except for something rather center-deep. You'll find it if you want to.

Someday, you may even tell me about your day :)

Narf :)

Costly Stuffing

Kobe is an expensive place to get pretty good quality food, but without the group of friends and atmosphere it is really not worth it. $50 for a 4 ounce filet mignon and five shrimp. Definitely not worth it just for the food. After eating my food, I ate a third of a friend's food and still had room for a seriously decadent dessert somewhere else. Now we are talking stuffed. Fool, I know, but it was good. Tomorrow, minimal calories. In fact until next month, except for a few celebratory days, minimal calories each day. Please?

The rest of the day was the usual. Walks through parks, paperwork, the usual talks with the boss, and so on. I finally filled the prescription for BP meds so I will start taking them regularly and hope to re-stabilize the levels cuz it's been high lately. Inconsistent due to running out of pills and now, a lower dose because I don't have a primary and had to take what I could get. Modern medical industrial sabotage, without a doubt. Still hope I live forever.

And you, are you forever stuffed?

Narf :)

Upside Down Day

The dark upon awakening affected me more this year than in any previous year I can recall. I wonder if I simply did not notice. Anyway, fatigue haunted me all day and even with a mountain due just before the game I was lethargic. Alas, we lost something something to almost none. 19-3. I walked none, but went 0-2 with a walk. The day was the usual, less productive than some, but not unproductive. Feeling lonelier than usual now and that is unusual because loneliness is usually strong in this one. Life goes on and so do I, hope I love before I die. The one on one kind, I mean, I live in love, I just don't have a partner in love. You know, I've only written it a gazillion times. Where've you been?

Stale donuts for dinner.

Narf :)

Must Be

Understatement amuses me. There is truth in the details even amidst the distractions. Entries tonight prove that (and the links and links within links and so on will show them to you if you want them too). No obligation, just there for you in case it matters to you, in case you are curious, interested, or care.

Two loads of laundry done, one to go but that will be another night. I must be at my desk in less than six hours and I must find sleep between now and then. As much as possible. Letters, brief letters, all handwritten, came in from The Letter Exchange and while nothing compelled me to drop everything and respond immediately (not even the Okie woman looking for love... I suppose one of my Lex listings opened that door), but I want to respond to all of them, however briefly, as soon as possible this week.

Note to self: eat less each day this week (except Tuesday) and eat more much smaller meals. Consider buying fruit and leaving it at work. Drink water. Walk more. Consider some level of jogging. Stay hopeful for love.

Feel free to encourage and hep in any way you care to.

Thank you.

Narf :)

Must Be Optimism

A cynical sort would chuckle and consider the possibility that optimism is such a rare experience that the title suggests an unfamiliarity, but perhaps it simply refers to the fact that my possibly dead post has been moved to December 1, 2020. Explanations have been made previously and surely will follow, somewhere, but for now, the day went something like this.

Woke up, got out of bed, don't own a comb so I shook my head. dressed and headed for softball where I did the ratings all day with a disturbing game slipped in the middle. The disturbing part was a know-it-all player who seldom shows up to play but then tries to tell everyone what to do and disturbed the peace and fun by blaming all of her mistakes and errors on others, focusing on the negative, and playing very inconsistently which throws everyone off. Otherwise the day was lots of fun. After softball I called Sarducci and invited him to dinner because I saw a text about him having a bad day. Tinman and Harpo joined us. Then it was back here and laundry is in the washer and here I am writing this just for you. In case it matters.

Hope you had more fun than frustration in your day, and good night :)

Narf :)

Dragging The Morning

Maybe it was losing an hour with the time change, but I woke so not wanting to wake and kept pushing snooze and nodding back off for almost two hours. Maybe it is going back to the pig-out eating habit (stupid boy) or the muddled Lion King show crossing circuits of love of theatre and dislike of poor productions or any number of things, fatigue, for instance, but... I finally am awake and it is time to dress and head out for a long day at the softball fields.

Make today the best day of your life!

Narf :)

How Many Posts?

Posts, entries, whatever we call them, how many have you missed? So much information about me, this life I live, the universe and all sorts of bit and pieces that anyone wanting to know me could have in the minute or two it would take to read an entry... information I might deem vital to the continued existence of the species, or at least me... it's out here. No one would know you were though and all evidence points to the phrase nobody knows it but me (though the lyrics don't all fit, still I relate). And so it goes, and you... are you even there?

The show, The Lion King was pretty good, not great. The acoustics were poor at best. There was little clarity either due to acoustic distortion or an ensemble that articulated poorly. Very disappointing. Sitting in the middle of the upper balcony did not help the experience. That is where this group of friends sit due to costs. Dinner was expensive, but very good. We stopped for dessert afterward. Everyone was ready for bed at midnight.

Do I ask for too much?

Narf :)

Are We Having Fun Yet?

The digestive matters seem to have changed again without any action on new doctor's part other than ordering some tests which will not have results until next week, but the body seems mostly back to the way it was for the past couple or few years with a nagging but hopefully not serious ailment. Hopefully the new doctor will be able to address that. Last night was the usual fun with an asterisk, or perhaps a caveat, as the last remaining survivors from the game group that first formed more than a decade ago have their oddities and quirks (some early to bed, some don't even like to play, but visit, some need to be coddled for one reason or another) that require a lot of tolerance, even losing on purpose due to fragile egos, but yes, we have much fun in our own odd and special ways. Compromise is life, if you want to be happy.

Falling asleep fulling clothed (including jacket) at sunrise cuz it is 60 degrees indoors here, waking quite chilled and ready for a hot shower. Kind of like luxury camping, except not as clean. Life is an adventure if you make it so. So make it so.

As usual, I welcome you to share any part of yours, in case it matters.

Narf :)

Yup, It's Like That

Work a lot, play a lot, rest when I can, let a lot of things slide. That is the secret to life, just keep swimming, and hope for the time to sit back, relax, take account of what has happened and organize thoughts, stuff, people, and ourselves. Get together, come together, be together.

It is a process.

Some things are simply forgotten. History is written by those who take the time to remember or at least re-create events as they would like to remember. Thursday was another day at the desk followed by another evening of TV and laptop with the body healing and perplexing at the same time. The one did not appear. Friday was another day half at the office and half in the field, though not as much walking as Wednesday and more me-time than them-time and lunch at Fuel, a pretty good barbecue place downtown and the evening was a nap followed by softball (great come from behind win) followed by dinner and games and snacks (chocolate) at Harpo's place followed by a 4 AM snack of leftovers here followed by writing.

Are we all caught up now? Never give up, never surrender. In case it matters.

Narf :)

I Gave At The Office

Fifty hours a week, yes, I give 50 hours a week to the office these days. Sometimes more. I still love the job, but it's a lot of hours. Then, trying to sleep 56 hours a week and devoting at least 14 hours a week to physical self-care (washing, grooming, basic body-needs, and so on) and another 14-20 hours a week to daily-life care (laundry, cleaning, shopping, car-care, etc.) and another 21-30 hours a week to nurturing the mind and spirit through writing and music and the creative therapeutic arts, well, that is already more hours than there are in a week and there is always more to do (did I mention social life?), so something's got to give each week and somehow some sort of compromise balancing satisfaction with dissatisfaction must found, created, and maintained or life sucks and depression can consume everything.

Didn't you get the memo?

Narf :)

Now Wait Just a Doggone Minute

Time does not run past us like we have no control over anything in this universe of random chaos and momentary coincidence unless we want it to, allow it to, and turn a blind eye to the awareness of being consciously aware in each moment. Unfortunately, that is the norm for the human being at this time. So we were not here and now we are here and it was and is and will be simultaneously because these words make it so. If you do not understand, you may not see that is your choice, but it is nonetheless. There is always hope you will, even do, or did.

It was another day in the life as recorded as it might be unrecorded, depending on perspective, in case it matters. You are free ask, to learn, to listen, to read, to understand, and to know. Or to know and understand, for that matter. In case it matters.

Where've you been, anyway?

Narf :)

Maybe, Huh?

The answer to the question is the question to be answered if the parties of the second parts would just participate then this would not be a one way conversation with the voices in my head and the parties of the third part could have a close encounter of the eleventh kind give string theory and all that jazz and the musicians speak in twelfths so they knew all along. The little computer that could demanded a restart so I clicked and now it may be occupied for hours by the devil Microsoft who possesses every computer they can find by giving their software away , but nothing is free, we oughta know by now and the food is cooking so while it cooks I came here to see if the answer arrived and the universe is still calculating, I supposed, because all that is here are a few million more dust particles.

So how was your day?

Narf :)

Can We Start Again Please?

I did add yet another blog to the written gardens ever so recently, yet another would-be daily (we call them sprouts, in case you have not been following along since the dawn of time), so there must still be some sort of hope for happily ever after in the madhouse at the center of the gardens after all, which brings us to this title.

It's a simple question. A request, even.

Anybody?

Narf :)

Again, See Last Night

Waiting until I get home to eat is not a good thing, yet I was not hungry all day and I was not wanting to interrupt the day with a bathroom break more than the one time I did and so on and so forth and I ate a huge meal (really two) when I got back here and then I nodded off in the chair and then I cleared the bed and laid down but then I didn't fall asleep so here I am writing this entry and wondering who cares (and there's an email with a single line telling me someone cases which is like a life raft floating in a dark and empty sea but a life raft is so much better than drowning even when it seems surreal and there's no way to show appreciation other than to type the words thank you and stare at the TV or walls or whatever some more and I am still hungry. This loop is really quie suicidal, in case it matters.

So how was your day? lol lam lalalalalalala (sweet madness, take me away).

Narf :)

Waiting Too Long to Eat

See the time, it is RealTime(tm) and I drank two protein shakes before softball and that's all I ate today and now, hungry, I am going to eat too late in the evening and be awake and even if I sleep, the dreams will not be good and the body will be ill served. Smaller meals, more often, even if it means having to go to the bathroom more often. Dangit, give a shit about the body. Right, punishing pun, but true.

We won, 15-10. Some nights I play better than others and this was one of the really good nights. Though I did not hit well, I pitched lights out most of the time against a very good hitting team and I made a lot of plays without an error. Good game, good night, talked to lots of people, had fun.

Narf :)

Whining

I seem to do that a lot in some blogs, primary blogs, even. I suppose this reflects the whining I do in the offline life. I tend to whine when I am lonely or hurting. I am lonely almost all the time because the loneliness is deeper than normal sharing can satisfy. I tried normal, it doesn't work for me. I am a tired stray. Most likely suffering from PTSD brought on by my ability to trust unconditionally that leaves me so vulnerable and has lead to relatively unbelievable betrayals and abandonment. It may be, in part of even completely, self-induced. Forever seeking the unconditional love of the womb I never knew.

Loneliness grows to smothering proportions when the body challenges with pain or discomfort. This is the experience tonight. The bowels dry heave. The body blog does not satisfy the hunger for nursing, nurturing, comfort, and relief. It is one of those pathetic nights. Whimper. And only you know.

I smile again at the thought that someone may be reading caring, knowing.

Narf. :)

Limits

I have some, I would benefit from changing, adding, or eliminating some, and they have different root causes. Some are financial, some are physical, some are psychological, some are chosen, some are conscious, some are sub or unconscious, some are the sum of some. Today, time is limited as it is a softball Sunday and I am putting off a commitment to be out at the fields for 10 hours so I could get more sleep, take care of this body, write a bit, and stay healthier and alive. Computer activity is limited because I realized my subscription to MS Windows Office has expired and I can't work on a file I intended to work on so I either need a better more expensive computer or another cheap one or to bring the work computer out of the office more often. The body still suffers the digestive issues, though improvement is noted today and perhaps the probiotic is doing what it did last week, so perhaps I should not stop it this time. Yes, lab work and doctor is on the agenda for tomorrow. Might not have time for the doctor, but should be able to squeeze in the lab. Must get to the storage place too. Softball in the evening.

Today I shall sit here and type a bit, shower, then head to softball. I may eat a bit, I may wait until after softball. I skipped a day of BP meds because I am running low, so definitely take them today. Addictions suck. Vitamin and probiotic, definitely.

Your life?

Narf :)

Sedentary Saturday

So I ended u sitting around watching TV all day, Perception, second time around. Two loads of laundry were washed, dried, and put away... including the pillowcases. A rough morning and afternoon fr the bowels, but I took some probiotics and ate two burgers and some pasta and they've stayed settled, mostly, so far. The probiotic drinks helped last week but I couldn't find any this week so I bought the pills and hopefully improvement will happen again. Softball at a field with minimal bathroom facilities, no water or shade or grass, and a lot of heat. the room still needs cleaning, but the body needs healing, so res. Loneliness was strong today. Life goes on.

Narf :)

Computer and Blog Stuff

For the past few hours, in case it matters, I've been updating some blog stuff and researching some computer stuff. The computer stuff is trying to find out why an annoying pop up called osuclient (an exe file) keeps popping up and then going away before I can get any clue about what it's doing. The best I can tell is it's yet another microsoft invasion of my privacy and my slow computer lets me see it, but it's supposed to run unnoticed. The internet has been buzzing with suspicion about it for years, and I got bored of reading the "clean reboot" response from microsoft. The MS answer is almost always "buy a new computer to keep up with our tinkering" though they phrase it differently.

The blog stuff s a lot more interesting to me, but then, that's just me, right? Feel free to respond.

I updated the introduction to this old blogbecause my blogger profile lists RealTime(TM) at the top of my blogs list. Why Google and their Blogger department chooses the particular order for the blogs listed on a profile is beyond any figuring out I can do. Last blog updated at the top makes sense, but as usual (as they did with the last update of the blog editor page {not to mention groups, youtube, google plus, and so many other Google blunders}, Google does not use logic or user experience to create their services). Giving the user the ability to set the blog order including an option to sort by date or name would be the most user friendly feature, but creating such a simple list feature is too sensible for the geniuses.

So I put yet another message that may be lost among other message but definitely changes the reader experience when they visit my blog world at Blogger. In other words, dear visitor who may have stumbled upon me by finding a blog post and clicking on my blogger profile that lead you to click on the blogs at the top of the list Blogger provides in a blogger profile, I am still an active blogger. Blogger just doesn't seem to want you to know that, at least not through a Blogger profile.

By the way, the last two entries (that would be this one and this one, for the record and all) have potential for epic classic something or other already, in case you already missed them. I have them filed in the get back to these asap file. Yes, italic bold, even. Entries fly by pretty fast around here sometimes and lately is definitely getting to be one of those times (remember the months that had hundreds of entries?). So pay attention, son. Don't make me get all Foghorn Leghorn on you.

Anyway, so far today I've been to the potty three times, created yet another blog that shall remain a mystery at least for this particular entry, have been working on a few other entries, and I amused myself making my webworld maze even more wordy and intricate and like my thought process. A mind only another babbling fool could truly love.

Anybody out there? lol lam laa

Narf :)

Is This It?

This blog, that is. Is this the first place you find if you seek me? If I leave a comment on a blog on blogger, does the blogger profile have the intuitive awareness to know this is the current daily most-updated blog of all the blogs listed on my blogger profile? I don't think so, which is sad and foolish and self-defeating for blogger and all of us seeking any sort of connection in this bloggerverse or cyberspace or anywhere and everywhere, for that matter. Then again, does anywhere do any better?

This is home base, for now. Find me at random or with effort, at will. Your will will will it, if you will.

Morning, another stinky one, a pleasant chill in the air, sweatshirt, pj pages, feet under a towel, comfy as can be in this space in this condition in these times in this body in this world in this universe in whatever wherever whenever whoever whyever however it may be, in case it matters.

Make it a great day!

Narf :)

Every Day

Still going back, I am, still going back every day. Every day. I return with renewed hope. Each time I open y eyes, reborn with hope for anything is possible and te one could be there, each time I open my eyes, there is hope someone will appear, someone who understands, someone who cares and connects and becomes part of the energy of the eternal infinity with me. Every day, I start again.

Meanwhile, the day moved along like most, mostly at the desk, a meeting, the bathroom twice, the same results, then softball, 2 for 3 today, a single and a double. Later than intended, so I did not get to the doctor and I stopped for food on the way home, juice, burgers, and probiotics. Random cures happen, there is always hope. Maybe I'll find a doctor tomorrow. Cooking food now, listening to Star Trek: Voyager as Eb watches five hours of five different Star Trek series almost every night. Perception awaits on my screen, but while cooking, I am out there a lot and do not want competing sounds. Besides, I love the Trek universes, mostly. Hungry. Tired. Not as grumpy as the dwarf.

How are you?

And your day?

Narf :)

Gurgle Gurgle

The stomach continues to do that gurgling thing. The bowels continue to do that sudden liquid explosion. It gets better, it gets worse, it isn't pretty. Food is not my friend and yet, eating the "wrong" foods seems to do better on the way out than eating the "right" foods. The body seems to be heading up and down and not reacting logically according to medical science. Tomorrow I splurge on probiotics. Maybe another trip to a clinic. Before softball. Tonight, I try to get sleep. Dreaming somebody cares.

Living alone sucks, dying alone sucks even more, especially when it's slow.

Narf :)

Morning Was Liquid

Maybe I am becoming a fish. Fish can babble in irreverent nonsense too, right? Babblefish, no doubt. So now that finding a doctor has become an imperative, perhaps I shall succeed today where the last hundred searches have failed. How and why, those are unclear, other than the imperative. I suppose I should be amazed that I could go through three weeks of this and interact with friends and co-workers, many of whom know I was quite sick enough to take days off from work for the first time, and yet nobody knows it's been three weeks. I've been to to doctor and spoke to several Nurses at a third doctor's office and nada. Caring cannot be purchased. Actual interest in medical conditions from the people paid to care for medical conditions is too much to ask. No wonder emergency rooms are packed with people begging for attention. Yeah, humanity sucks. Thumbs to the stars, hitchhikers. Dr Who, where are you?

Good Morning, how is your day?

Narf :)