Can You Hear Me Now?

Even if you are not listening, you might hear me in your dreams as I send out psychic forces to haunt you into submission to my incorrigible will. You will not destroy yourself if I can help it. Love, love, love, that is the strange misty fog clouding your brain in the middle of the night and yes, it comes from me. I know you've given up believing. I know you've given up on hope. On humanity. On life. On yourself. I know you just go through the motions, we all do, but may some semblance of awareness of the blissful perspective hope can bring reach you at least now and then. No matter how bad this life gets, there is always the possibility of another existence after this one where we get more of what we want. No matter what though when hope is all you need, you've got it all no matter where you are, no matter what is going on.

In case it matters, in this moment in time in this current daily life, sharing space with a roommate, two kids, a dog, and a cat, there is not enough undisturbed clean space to my standards in the kitchen, especially not in the fridge or freezer for simple things like fresh foods or ice cubes. I compromise a lot to share space, but I compromise much less about what goes into this body. Filtered extremely sanitary water (and in turn, ice) is a must. I miss ice, especially now that the temperatures are consistently in the mid to high 90s (and the feels-like reach 110 today). It's a lot of work to try to keep a place clean with a young kid around and daily cleaning just doesn't happen unless I do it. Her emotional issues don't help, alas, poor baby is not handling divorce well. Still, even without her around, food stays in the fridge, only semi-covered, for weeks. Usually until I ask about it. I guess there are a lot of people who don't may attention to the germs and molds they grow in their homes. Still, it is a wonderful living space with a very respectful, trustworthy, kind and non-intrusive roommate who shares a very compatible word view, and this combination of space and person is not easy to find.

The best part is I do have my own living space, bedroom, and bathroom (even if the layout is awkward) and I can clean a small area of the kitchen whenever I need it. I can buy a small fridge/freezer if I want. I am holding out on any purchases until I decide to move on buying an elliptical because that is what is needed most in this physical life. Did you see what I ate yesterday? lol. I suppose the sheer joy of living I feel almost constantly does not show through the words too often (or maybe it does, for those who can see it... those who don't know it for themselves often don't recognize it even when it is spelled out, alas and all), but it is my baseline (which is one big reason I am alone in this world, but that's another story of misunderstanding and compromise that we can leave for another time... this isn't the babbling blog, after all).

Life is as wonderful as it gets alone, wish you were here :)

Narf :)