Trying Again

At least I stopped myself before I went over 200 pounds this time. I hope to be under 190 soon. The smaller pants still fit, so I'm not over the top, but they started getting tight. If I was exercising, the weight would drop off faster. My mantra has become I've gotta buy an elliptical." Followed by laughter. I am not sure what kind of laughter. Sarcastic? Sardonic? Sleepy? Something kinda looney? Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious? Anyway, the days roll by and so do I.

Working five days a week, nine to ten hours a day, starts getting monotonous sometimes. I've not set life up very well financially, so I'm not in the same job 30 years like many there who get so much time off they don't know what to do with it. I don't have a 30 year pension like my boss who, on top of that pension (which is more than I earn), he earns over 70K a year in his "second job." His first job is retirement, as he says. Some people lives the five day a week fifty hour week for thirty or more years and pretty much have more than they need when they are heading toward retirement. Some people wandered through life enjoying each moment, working in cycles, twelve years on, twelve years off, twelve year on, and so on. The off time was a few years, after the Army years. Then, the nineties was party all the time. The last eight years, I've worked about half of them and still end up giving practically everything away. Cuz I love giving more than just about everything else.

Anyway, working a lot, vegging in the evenings. Mediocre TV in the background, while playing the game. MergeDragons, if you recall. The game seems to go on forever. It keeps me from being bored and keeps me from spending money, two good things. It keeps me from being social too, but every year I get more tired of people and less hopeful someone will actually understanding me. I've always had people around, people who called themselves my friends, even who said the loved me, when I was giving. When I stop giving, it's always the same. People wander off. Maybe he giving attracts people who do that.

I'd like to be understood. Someday. There's a place for me. Somwehere.

There's a song in that.

Narf :)