Lazy Sunday Morning

Even lazier Sunday afternoon, but that's later... games.

Narf :)

Saturday Chores & Entertainment

The week ends and we have time to ourselves, a whole day or two, and most people have no clue about what to do. Like there are some sort of rules or standards to live by on weekends, loneliness smothers many who are looking instead of doing, who are longing for something else instead of enjoying whatever is around to do. Stop looking for it, create it. Today, I created TV (TA paid for HBO for a month) and laundry and a bit more cleaning and the internet. So far, comments have gotten my attention. Specifically, we started here and I realized there are many dozens of comments waiting for me to "moderate" and approve. Most may be AI Spambots, but they make foe an interesting almost conversation now and then. They also remind me of old entries because often they are suddenly popping up on old entries. For instanc, this one seems to get a lot of attention and if you can tell me why, you'd know more than I do. What we have here is one newly popular for one night. We may even have a recent response (or just coincidence), but possilities are fun. Finally, for the moment, there is another one here and there you have it, an afternoon of conversation with... Anonymous.

Watching CBGB as dinner cools and the last load of laundry dries. Life is amazing.

lol Narf :)

A Star Is Born

Will this tragedy hold up for a third time? I suppose it all depends on how much of the first two I forgot and how good gaga is in it. Others matter too, and the music, but this is about the star being born and the crushing life around her. The stupid male ego that can't handle it. The stupid industry that chews people up after taking their identify and anima (spirit, soul, etc). The stupid people who'd rather cry than fly. Hopefully this one flies even higher than the last two, but so far it starts in the deep end and is floundering in the shallows. Can it save itself? Enlighten me.

Meanwhile, here at home, I appear to be enjoying a few movies these days. Enjoying this one with a tall shaker of salt, but then, that metaphor goes for just about every moment in this life. Humanity has been such a disappointment. I would really like it if there is some different existence after this one that provides less stupidity and and fear and more intelligence and love. Less tinnitus would be good too lol.

Work was good, dinner was light, life is good, alone.

Wishing for sharing.

Narf :)

Harry Potter and Robin Williams

Actually, I watched the second Fantastic Beats movie tonight and I didn't realize it was the second film until I looked it up and then realized I should have watched the first film first, but that's life, aye? Meanwhile, I miss lusting over Hermione, but that's almost beside the point (if you are new to my world, Natalie Wppd was one of my first major crushes and and I've been quite stimulated by vaginas since I was about four. No wonder I prefer them shaved, but that's almost beside the point {if you are following me into these parenthetic asides, you may have been here before and never knew it brilliance is the most misunderstood and over appreciated madness, until it is honest and then, it's just misunderstood, but that's almost beside the point [it's an innocent addiction, this babbling madness, and vaginas too, but you maybe already know that by now] and maybe the mind flying too fast for connections to other minds that fly slower [or never get off the ground], which may be closer to the point, if there really is one}, if you are following along at all) as if there was a point to all this, I mean, beside the constant dream of finding the one by putting these words out there and be found...

was there a point?

Remembering the Harry Potter series and he dreams of love then lead to Robin's mind as TA paid for a month of HBO and there I found Come Into my Mind and that reminded me of the mind I left behind, the one in the head I loosely call mine.

I am not sure if this is bittersweet or semi-sweet or why one gets a hyphen and the other doesn't, but the longing for another mind that relates to, appreciates, and keeps up with mine (understands?... there's always hope) returns and the loneliness swirls around, but the comedy rides on the wings of hope (or is hope riding the wings of laughter?) and we save the day again.

Watching TV alone, loving the mind games going on between my ears, wishing we could share, but wired with fun and feeling like staying up all night, again.

The mind is magic, ya know? :)

Narf :)

Weight Flux

So I was 1187 one morning during the week and I am 196 today and that surprised e, though I did pig out this weekend, t shows the large amount of waste and fluid this body retains in 24-48 hour periods. I have been semi-hungry, but wanting something, for the past couple of hours and cheese seems to be what I settled upon. Still, the annual physical looms and $600-$1000 in extra health insurance expenses next year looms, and so I said to myself I will step on the scale and if I am under 190 I will make the lobster mac n cheese that is in the freezer and I am 196 so the lobster mac and cheese is cooking.

You expected me to make sense?

Narf :)

Sleep Now

Write later.

Rabbit Holes

Does she still exist? Was she really a fine girl as the song once said? Oh, the amusement of these rabbit holes on the internet. See from here I got to there, coming from one of my old sites still linked in it's current version. Stranger With The Melodies comes to mind.

So many years of links to entries, to my words and others, linked within entries that link to still more entries, pages, poems, prose, words, and sometimes other amusements (how many words is a picture really worth, after all, and how much does that depend on how it is shared, or if it is shared?... if a picture is never seen, is it still worth a thousand words?). My love of the written word has cultivated a massive written garden online (and even more offline, if ever they are seen again), and over the years I have shared so much, a fraction of which is linked in millions of links on tens of thousands of web pages in hundreds of blogs and other web sites. Or as I call them, blogs and other strangers. Each link another rabbit hole that could take hours, days, who knows how long to get to as the linkage may be infinite in this literary maze I've been creating for decades. Sadly, given the nature of the internet, the transience of modern human, and the momentary nature of life itself, many links lead to dead ends, dead links, as they are called. Still, sometimes the diamonds are still found.

When you wake up, will you find, that you're not where you left yourself?

Brilliant, Genius, or Whut?

So here I sit. After falling asleep in the recliner earlier in the evening in the quiet time when the kids were going to sleep, I'm awakened by the TV blaring at 6AM. She likes it loud. Eventually, TA woke and lowered it, but the waking happened and the sun will rise soon and you guessed it... compromise. I decide to put the headphones on, turn on some youtube on the computer, and pretend there's not loud TV in the next room. They, in a rare moment of self-indulgence (these days, at least), I come here to indulge my writing therapy (oh where, oh where has the creativity gone... I do not spend much time here, though I do spend more of my writing time in relatively weak and maybe wimpy self-analysis and therapy (maybe whining and complaining, from your perspective, but it's processing and balancing and happy resolution for me) these days, though as anyone who knows me can plainly see {but who does, really}, very much on the surface... tic tic tic tic tic tic tic oh? (sidebars have so many clues and links, of links, how can we refuse?)... there's no tic toc on the electric clock, but still... the stranger with the melodies sings softly to himself in the middle of the night, writing in his sleep, alone again... naturally?... for the record, it's mostly all here and still growing, even if too slowly to notice... wow, this is a long parenthetic aside, aye?) somehow completed some time before in the dirt, drama, and details. Repeated here fr the fun of it, and the desperate longing for sharing, caring, understanding, acceptance, appreciation, and at least a little liking, if not sheer outright unconditional devotion. It satisfies the need to share, sometimes only just barely, sometimes almost completely.

So... what'll it be, what's your label for me?

Narf :)

For the Record

Whatever record that is (long neglected, from at least one perspective, or more, for that matter), in case it matters, whether I am here or not here doesn't seem to affect the effect, or effect the affect of anything beyond what I empower, me, myself, I, and any energy I extend to others. I don't extend much energy to others on any level other than financial these days, except for fleeting moments of listening to a few people who seek me out when they need me, and then there's Jackson, the sister of a different mother who hangs on by threads in texts and occasionally other means of contact, but even she does not question to venture beneath the surface. So rare are the words how are you? directed at me in this life, no less a sincere eye-contact pause after "how are you, really?. I suppose that should be sad, but it is life. I choose not to be sad. There is too much fun to be had. Maybe philosophy fails. So what's going on in there (down there, up there, in there?... what's your perspective?) may remain a mystery, as I don't dig much into myself here, there, or anywhere these days. Maybe you noticed the last entry here, maybe you didn't, maybe we're not even really here. Today, at least.

Life is a fleeting moment that most of us miss.

I tend to write them down, the moments.

Or up, depending on perspective.

Narf :)

Cuz, You Know...

In case it matters, again it happens that time flew by and there are written and unwritten entries waiting for upload here, someday, but for the moment, I am giving myself some me time. Every now and then I grow tired of the compromise of living with people, living by their rules and quirks, and I just want to walk away and let my quirks air out.

Even if nobody ever really cares or understands.

Cuz it's life, ya know?

Narf :)