Actual Sleep

Yes, and I probably could have fallen back to sleep again but came to sit up and see if I can see. Blurry eyes. A hot shower would be a nice way to wake up, but Curly did not get back here yesterday as he is feeling sick and I encouraged him to take today off too. Maybe tomorrow we will finish the plumbing. I will help him with lawn work next week as one way of saying thank you. Maybe over the weekend depending on how softball plays out.

Meanwhile, I feel more refreshed than I have in recent memory. Maybe years, but at least since before last year. It is so easy to see only problems when fatigued. Sleep opens the mind to solutions. Remember that. Ok.

So yesterday was restful and today should be too. We play cards tonight, so fun is on the schedule. The trouble with waking up is feeling again. As in, my head itches. I am used to a daily hot shower (at least) and without hot water these last few weeks I have turned off my senses (the way they did a hundred and more years ago when it was acceptible to bathe weekly, I suppose) and I have been shut down physically for the last three weeks. No wonder I am playing so poorly on the field lately.

Hmmmm. Some introspective time is apparently around the bend. Probably with much rambling. Can babbling be far behind? Lucky for you this is the brief blog, true believers in the babble (and dirt, drama, and details) know where to go, aye? :)

La La La

The whole meaning of the simple la la la would take years to explain, but for now and on the surface it has deep roots in the wonder and excitement and mystery of innocence and pleasure and energy and creativity of song and depths and tragic comedy of lament and acceptance and hope for dreams to come true. Even in the dirt, drama, and details, we barely scratch the surface. It must be experienced.

Today was full of all of it as the plumbing project intended to give me hot water and a clothes washer made progress and shows promise of being completed tomorrow. Meanwhile, I am refreshed after showering at Curly's before the regular Tuesday night card games. Four people tonight, so spades was the game. We split four games before the midnight hour arrived and we all headed home. Curly is spending a lot of money fixing this place up and there is no way I can really thank him enough, so I lament my relative helplessness inside while lavishing him with thanks and praise outside. Both are just as real, I just save my laments for my writings.

It is a wonderful life when true friends do what true friends do. :)

Another Long Night

Mostly fun because I do stuff I find fun, but lonelier than I'd like it to be because I want to share more. In case it matters. So softball was another thud and the season is over. Hopefully we will do better next season as changes in the team make-up and the league will happen. Meanwhile, I am too stagnant and not only can get seriously hurt, but I am weakening as a player and teammate. Exercise is the primary cure. Do it. After softball I stopped for food and had a party, wish you were here. Wish someone was here. Wawa, get it? You had to be there (or here). The part two of this might help. After the midnight snak (meal), online activities occupied time and renewed hope for dreams to come true as it usually does. Actually it is the writing, online just expends the possibilities and raises the probabilities. It's all in the math, if you know what I mean. I really wish you did (what movie?).

More in the usual place linked above. Hope you had fun too :)

Sunday Without Softball

It can be quite a lonely day, Sunday without softball. I did not feel like venturing on the roads and dealing with holiday traffic, so it was a quiet day at home alone again, naturally. Since I was awake at least until sunrise last night I slept past noon once again and thenputtered about the place for a bit and then, Facebook and reading articles on the internet. Mostly reading as I am quickly relatively burnt out in commenting.

That went wll into the evening and night with Ruzzle breaks tucked in and a round of Words with Friends that I play with Jackson. Dinner was a sandwich made from the assortment of meats and cheeses I bought last week along with a bit of macaroni salad and cole slaw. Also some Spaghettios and meatballs with melted cheese on top.

That's what happened.

Day Becomes Night

What can become of a person with a natural nocturnal circadian rhythm when left to his own devices (not working and living alone) is something like this. Waking after about six hours sleep at about 2pm, I gave almost an hour to the online world and almost a half an hour to the Ruzzle game and ate half a sandwich. Curly arrived to drive us to another bridge game at Excel and the Commodore's place where Goldi joined us and we played for about six hours. Dinner was on the stove when we got there so we ate during the bridge game. Bridge was fun, though I still have much to learn. Returning home, I ate an after-midnight snack and then sat down to browse Facebook and read articles for a couple of hours (links in the usual place). That brings us to the entries in the two step blog you are reading (step two awaits the brave). Wonderful life, no doubt. :)

Here comes the sun (la da da da) :)

3-2~1

Or something like that. The day was cloudy as I woke around noon to a text from Curly who was on his way over to continue installing new pipes for hot water and take care of some other emergency situations like a couple of well pumps that overheated because his mom forgot to turn them off. He got some of the work done but then rain came and we ate (Firehouse) and finished what we could in here. Hope for Monday for the hot water. Cleaning the fridge coils and getting a plastic bag out of the fan seemed to fix the fridge just fine, yay for that.

The evening as wonky with a nap and Facebook distractions and finally bed, but then I realized that I do not have softball tomorrow so I got back up and played Ruzzle for a while and then, here we are. Just too much excitement for words, I know.

Fun, make it fun and it's all alright :)

Phase two?

Curly spent most of the afternoon here working on getting the water pipes just right and he cill continue tomorrow. Hopefully by tomorrow evening I will have hot water. As he got things done and I saw the access he needed, I was able to move boxes around and make myself much more room. Perhaps I will get a few photos up to document the progress and provide a visual comparison to the first night here. It was a great day.

For the evening, we went to Excel and Commodore's place to play bridge and enjoy yummy Chinese food (yes, again). I recall the basic concept of the game from years ago, but am a newbie when it comes to playing for real. There is so much to learn about all the communication during bidding and then playing, while it is very much like spades, a game I enjoy a lot and in which I have some proficiency, there are differences that require a lot of thought and memory. It was a great night.

After getting home I wandered Facebook for a while and here we are (here too). Hope you had fun :)

Small Successes

Today was another day of letting the sleep happen as it will. Also another day of spending time on Facebook, this time almost three hours. A conversation about politics with a Trump supporter was interesting. I headed out to get the blood pressure medication and did some food shopping and stopped for chinese food because a food treat is an easy way to comfort, stress-relief, and happiness. After finishing all of it, I nodded off.

When I woke I wrote and bit and then spent three hours sorting boxes. The place is much more organized, though it is still crowded with stuff and much more a warehouse than a living space. Tomorrow Curly's plan is to come over and work on hooking up the hot water, electrical wiring, and maybe some other things. Amidst the challenges of space and time, progress is a good feeling. :)

So now you know (and can know more too), in case it matters :)

Settling In

Sleep happened before the computer finished updating and scanning last night so the summary of the day comes in retrospect and that leaves it dependent on memory in case it matters so for what it's worth, the circadian rhythm is turning day into nigth and night into day as my natural nocturnal clock is permitted to find it's balance, a balance I must constantly resist when working the usual day shift.

Today woke a couple of times and a couple of naps slipped in before I headed out to renew a prescription and then to Curly's for a hot shower, dinner, and cards. The burgers I bought a few weeks ago were discovered in the freezer and that made for a main course while two different pulled pork and beans pots aided by macaroni salad and sauteed mushrooms (with onions, carrots, and garlic) made for a yummy meal for five and then, fun with the cards.

Home again after midnight, I decided to let Spybot do it's thing and it took a while.

Zzzzzzzzzzzz. Pfssst. Zzzzzzzzzzzzz :)

almost won

Softball, that is. After winning the last two games of the season, we somehow ended up in thirda place so we played the second place team and lost by one run in the bottom of the last inning. Errors and a lack of hitting when it was needed it gave us an 8-7 loss. I struck out swining with the go-ahead run on third in the top of the seventh to end the inning. I might strike out swinging once a year, if that often. Just lost focus. Grumble. More grumbles.

After the game I hung out with husbands and other friends watching two women's league games because I know most of the players from Sundays or Monday nights and play or played with more than a dozen of them on different teams in the past and currently on Fridays, Saturdays, or Sunday. That was fun. It was also not warm as the temperatures dropped into the low 50s and I had just a light windbreaker to throw over my softball jersey.

Home to dinner, hot pasta and the rest of the eggplant and all warm and toasty again even without heat. So even with all the imperfections, losses, and challenges, life is good :)

using distractions

Not much to say about today. After the previous entry I stayed awake to go to softball practice but that was cancelled so I went back to bed and slept through half the day. Good sleep. After looking around I decided to leave working on the boxes for the evening when it would be cooler and distracted myself with Facebook and wherever the links took me. I microwaved some eggplant parmasean for dinner and then Curly texted to invite me to play games at the Commodore's place. He lives with his daughter Excel and they both play cards at Curly's on Tuesday evenings. About forty minutes later I was playing and about an hour ago we stopped playing. Time for some Ruzzle until I nod off and then, sleep. Exciting times, aye? :)

Of course there's always more in the usual spot... hope your day was fun too :)

yesterday, when I was young

The day was a was fun and as I just may have become part of a new travel team. Though we had no wins and I had no hits and I pitched poorly by my standards, I think I passed the test. At least that is what the coach said. Time will tell whether that was politeness or sincere. He seems like a sincere person. It was a softball ciruit called the Freedom Tournaments and does not abide by the standard softball player ratings so most teams have a mix of what on Sundays (my most structured league) would consider A, B, and C players. We player in the lower division, which is supposed to be mostly C and B players, but a few A players slip in. I should invest in better protective gear as most of the pitchers use more than I do and I was the oldest player out there. A lot of guys do not want to pitch because of the risks as many players hit up the middle as part of the strategy to rattle or even hurt the pitcher. As I said, it is a competitive level of play and some guys want to win at all costs.

After the game a dozen of us went to Houligans for food and social time. That was good. I just need to bring food next time and spend less on the food and drinks. See, no income is boring tedium, so let's look for squirrels.

After getting home too tired to show up really late at a friend's engagement party, I had an curious dream and woke up whistful and mostly euphoric and feeling good about myself and people and life. Then I came to the computer and started updating some more (if you are curious or interested or simply must know everything, its out there (mostly) :)

So how was your day? :)

out of order

Resisting the lamentation of loneliness and loss, I did fun stuff to remember today as I met Jackson and Brandi Jackson's two nieces at the local Barnes & Noble and we had fun wandering Barnes & Noble, playing in the mall mini-playground, eating lunch, and catching up on life. Brandi is more welcoming than ever, which is wonderful I am hoping Jackson will stay family. They went off to bowl and I went off to softball and now, sleep. (Early and long day tomorrow in an out of town tournament with a new team so I want to be awake). More details (and dirt and drama and the mandatory but unnecessary emo, of course), as usual, are here.

Hope you had fun today too :)

all nighter, again

Though I woke after 10am and took a nap from 7pm to 11pm, here we are still tapping the keys. The day activities included job searching online, Facebook distractions (and some political commentary... I must not start that again, it is really so depressing), laundry (finally found a laundromat and walked through the process so I have clean clothes), eating (a bagel and cream cheese, iced coffe, eggplant parm), napping, and sprinkling more words into my blog world.

Naturally, it continues.

Looking Around Again

In this new space in this new life more alone than I've been in almost a decade, without income, without the living space amenities most people in the US take for granted, life might seem bleak. Perspective, however, changes everything. I have a roof overhead and a bed, my bed, to sleep on. I have stacks of bottled water and an indoor bathroom for body waste. I have a fridge to keep food cold and fresh. I have a microwave to heat food. I have a laptop to do the writing so vital to my sanity and to try to keep in touch with people (and the world, when I can stand it). I have friends. No shoulder to cry on (boys still don't cry in this world for most of the people I know), but friends on the surface are better than no friends at all. I have a car to get me around. I have enough savings to survive for while. There are millions, perhaps billions in this world with less than I have, so i am lucky.

How are you? :)

Narf :)

some days are darker than others

I really need to get back to running even more than I need to get back to music and people, but that's sort of beside the point of recording the life as I live it. Today was dull. Dark. Dismal. Dreary. I woke about 2pm after the deepest sleep I've had in some time and was in a rather dark place all day. I probably should have gone back to sleep. I didn't get to sleep until after sunrise so it was not the length of the sleep, just the mind allowing the body to feel the fatigue built up over months of stress. All I did was a bit of job searching, depressing, and wandering on Facebook, even more depressing. I did sort through some CD boxes and listen to some music, but the mind was not into positive thoughts so I did not let much in. I will list the CDs that have played since I moved in here one of these nights. Missy Higgins plays at the moment.

all I know is that I should...

Yeah, so today was not one for the shining examples of the wonder and positivity of life as I know it. I sometimes slap myself with cliches in this mood. Suck on eggs. The devil (and dirt and drama) is in the details.

more rest, sort of

Today I slept in to 11am and headed to the car dealership to get the oil changed and service done and get an estimate on the damage done to my car by Curly's mom. Did I mention she backed into my car or have I neatly avoided thinking about it since Friday?). Unfortunately, the car is more than two years old as of last month so nothing is free and I decided to skip the servicing as it did not absolutely need it. Also unfortunately, the collision guy was not there even though I made an appointment with him, so the service guy took photos of the car and said they'd send an estimate. No estimate as of this hour, perhaps tomorrow. I then headed to Curly's and took a hot shower, first since Friday. I miss that luxury. After that I went with Curly to meet an air conditioner repair guy at one of his properties and all the nice clean feeling of the hot shower was gone after a couple of hours in the hot sun. We returned to his place for our Tuesday night cards and barbecue and the food was yummy and the cards were fun so it all ended well.

Dragging a bit, but hanging in there. In case it matters.

Rest and Recovery

Yes, mostly enjoying the R & R (in spite of the loneliness and lack of the usual distractions and amusements and such and such). Mostly enjoying the extra sleep in the mornings when the phone doesn't ring to wake me. Today I moved around more boxes and made the space a bit more livable (it is a work in progress). I caught up some here in the blog world and spent some time on Facebook, though it is forced and faking it more than ever for me now. Eventually it was time to head to the field for Monday night softball. First up was Jackson's game and Brandi was there to watch (good to them her supporting each other... Jackson used to come out and watch my games). Jackson's team won big and they watched the first inning of my game. My Monday night team won it's second game as the bats finally woke up (I went 3 for 3). Next week is playoffs.

Home to the cluttered space, alone again. I don't know anyone I actually want to bring home (no desperation in the loneliness, just acknowledging it). More Facebook, for what it's worth. Then more sleep. Yawn. Sigh.

Softball Sundays

Slept in again today, skipping the morning socializing at the fields. The body is recovering surprisingly better than I expected. We played one of the lowest ranked teams in the league and while we won 14-8, we made way too many mistakes again and a better team would have won because we beat ourselves with errors. You can read more about it if it matters to you. After our game I watched a few more games with one of the new guys from the ratings committee and we discussed the process of rating players as we rated the players we were watching. I waited around for Brandi to play as she joined one of the women's teams and Jackson left work early to watch. Her team won and are a respectable 2-3 on the season so far. That is not bad for a brand new team. It takes some brand new teams two seasons to win two games after all. After the game everyone and said fairwells, I walked over to the last game of the day and watched with the new ratings committee guy who was still working games.

I headed home and once again face the loneliness. No TV family for distraction and companionship (however imaginary, it is still not silent loneliness). I am turning to music more, grabbing CDs out of the boxes one by one, but it is still an adjustment more challenging on Sunday evenings than other nights. Maybe because I know the working world will be heading to work in the morning and I will not. Maybe because I mark the start of yet another week alone in this world, more alone than ever in daily life. Maybe I just let it be more challenging.

So I am listening to music while wandering Facebook. I shall babble myself to sleep sitting here and roll over to the bed and get the rest I need eventually.

Hope you are enjoying your journey through this narration of life with me. :)

Rest, softball, pizza, and facebook

I skipped Saturday morning softball and slept in which was much needed by the body and mind. After waking I straightened up a bit more and touched up some entries I was too tired to read before uploading. Then came softball and we took our second loss primarily due to errors, throwing the ball around too much, and a player we picked up because one of our players didn't show up. We still finished first in the league and get a bye for the playoffs that start next week. We play in two weeks.

On the way home I picked up a pizza at the closest pizza place to here. It turned out great. As close to New York pizza as any I've tried in the area. After I sit down and check my finances, I will do my best to work that into my budget.

I visited Facebook instead of doing anything after that and the body enjoyed the rest. Facebook was unchanged and more boring and meaningless than ever, but I try to keep in touch with people and several of my softball teams who use facebook as their primary communication method. Eventually, sleep. Recovery is slow but happening. Adjusting to this new space is slower, but sort of happening. Everything is processing and adjusting and recovering and happening, in case it matters to you. :)

The Next Day

Waking about 10am after sleeping several four hour blocks (I seldom sleep more than four hours without waking a bit as my REM cycles seem to be consistently four hours or less... just a bit more parenthetic aside detail about me, in case it matters... you can find a lot more of that elsewhere, in case you didn't know and in case it matters), I texted Curly and offered to get more work done with him today. Semi-reluctantly, he agreed (we are both living in achy bodies this week). The job was taking down a hundred foot dead pine tree. The tree came down perfectly thanks to clever tie-off points and Curly sawed it into logs and I loaded the trailer. Phew. Unloading was easier, but still a whole lot of work. I showered at his place (yay for a hot shower) and headed back here to get ready for softball.

Then, softball. Once again we played a team of players that should not be on the field in recreational softball because someone is going to get hurt. They take all the fun out of the sport because they are so much better than anyone else. Getting run-ruled in 3 innings is not fun. Worse still is how dangerous playing the game against players much better, the ball travels so fast we can be hurt. I suppose everyone is a gambler in some way.

After the game, a group of us went to Graffiti Junction again. They sponsor a couple of teams for the manager of the Friday team so she influences us to go there a lot. This time I ate less. When I got home I was still hungyr so I ate another can of Spaghettios with meatballs. That was the carb load the body required for sleep and now, less than a half hour later, I am falling asleep sitting here writing this so I shall likely roll into bed right after touching up the details.

Nite nite.

The Day

Today Curly woke me somewhere around 9am (I think I finally went to bed somewhere around 5am last night) and I stumbled out to help him move fences and fence posts. An hour of heavy lifting to load was followed by a drive to his place where we cooked up some Nathan's hot dogs and some polska kielbasa in his big green egg (grill) while we unloaded the trailer and then we ate good. Too much, as too often has been the case of late, still yummy just the same. Time passed unnoticed as I avoided thinking.

On the way home I stopped to turn in the Brighthouse equipment and then stopped to pick up the last box at the old place and locked up and turned in the keys. Sigh. That chapter of this life is officially over. Quietly. Alone again, too naturally.

I laid down in bed when I got home somewhere around 6pm and woke about 10pm and here we are a few hours later after giving another new blog life and marking the day and date the second period of living with Jackson officially ended in e-the-real.

If I am wise, sleep shall come again soon (there's always hope).

Sleep Time

Loading and unloading fence sections and posts this morning woke the muscles up from their slumber and the body is responding with pain. No injuries, just pain. Muscles not used in softball and muscles used in softball are tired. The reduction in exercise beyond softball is showing big time. Arthritis seems to be gaining ground in the fingers. The right bicep and shoulder is screaming please stop (pitching may be a challenge this weekend). No hot water is hurting as the hot water was the best recovery for the joints and muscles. Not to mention the luxury of feeling clean. Alas, deal with the pain and loss of body functions. Modify life, adjust, survive.

I have ached a lot more than this in this life time and I've been more tired, but I am older than I've ever been (life is life that), so in a bit, I shall let the body sleep and see how much recovery can actually happen (I ain't dead yet).

Almost Done

The move is 99.99% done. I must stop by to pick up a couple of things that would not fit into my car and drop off the keys tomorrow and that's it. Moved. Done. The end of another big wonderful chapter of this life and I loved every joy and pain and challenge and pleasure. The writing here (and elsewhere) does not only record the events of this life as I experience them, the writing is therapy and provides comfort during loss and always brings excitement when the words find what I am trying to say. I will miss life with Jackson.

Most of the day and evening was spent cleaning the old place and it was almost complete when she got there last night. During the day, the carpet cleaning guy did his thing and we chatted about carpets, the economy, his family, and life. The carpet prep I did did not make the carpet like new, but every major stain and just about every stain there was is gone. All that is left is normal wear and tear and a water-damage stain in Jackson's room that maintenance knows about and it was caused by shoddy worksmanship when the previous owners re-did the siding and gutters. The company they hired did a terrible job. They should not charge, but you never know as greed is so acceptible (and protected by law) in the US.

Curly called during the day to see if I could help unload wood trimming he did along with the furniture still on his trailer from Monday. So he picked me up and we emptied the trailer in front of one of his houses so the city could pick it up tomorrow. We then went to the local Chinese Buffet (yes, again... the scale says I must pause for a while) and I paid (yes, again... the wallet says I must hit the brakes on spending).

Jackson came by the old place to help finish cleaning. She had offered to take me to dinner earlier in the day but the Chinese Buffet cancelled those tentative plans and she stopped for Taco Bell. We finished the kitchen stuff which was all that was left (I had already done the counters as well as fridge and oven and the floor behind them. So she cleaned the sink and did the floor. We hugged and I went in the shower while she finished cleaning and went home. No more notes. We have different homes now.

Tomorrow the move will be complete (barring charges that keep us hanging on). Sigh.

Cleaning and Cards

Woke just before the alarms for reasons I do not remember and headed to Wal-Mart where they did print the receipt I needed and a Manager told a CSR to let me have the cell phone charger. Nice. Surprising. Karma?

The rest of the day was cleaning the old place. Vacuuming rugs, spraying the spots left by our dearly departed doggie in preparation for the carpet cleaning guy coming tomorrow, spraying the tiles in both bathrooms (I am not sure what Jackson did last night... she may have been too tired to do much so I helped her out... it's what I do), and then scrubbing scrubbing scrubbing. Cleaning is not fun for me, but having done it professionally, I can get it done.

I paused in the cleaning before Jackson got back so I could head to Curly's for Tuesday night cards. We were six tonight and it was much fun. I was so tired I was giddy and I don't think anyone minded. Others were either too tired to notice or they didn't say anything but mostly I heard laughter. Self-mockery was strong in this one.

I think I needed the distraction after last night. I definitely went with the fun. :)

ok then

Body aching from moving, fatigue, and changes, but checking the WiFi in the new place and after about eight tries at the password, I finally read the writing correctly and here we are. Everything I wanted to take fit and I might have even fit the couch if I gave up walking space. All in all, I am lucky to have a friend like Curly. He'd make a great Genie.

I unpacked the shopping and found I am missing the very item I went out to get, a charger for the cell phone. Worse than that, I can't find the receipt. Did it fall out somewhere? Did the charger? Did I pay for the charger? Questions I will only be able to answer when I go back to the store (I am way too tired to go now) and ask them to print out a receipt based on my credit card and the date and time. I should mention that I found a spare wall charger in the bedroom plugged into the wall outlet behind the bed. Life is a curious connundrum sometimes.

So I am home. As if the universe likes to play with my head, the first paragraph I wrote in this new space is gone. Lost to the ethers.



Tomorrow I will do my best to wake up before noone and head to the old place to clean. I hope the vacuum cleaner holds out for one more day. I am torn between being there to clean with Jackson in the evening and cleaning during the day so I can get to Curly's in the afternoon to help him with the big stuff and then play cards in the evening. Jackson would likely say don't change my schedule for her. My sensitivity does not want her to feel she is not more important than anyone else in my life, but Jackson's reactions consistently tell me that I am usually way too sensitive when I offer her such reassurances. It matters to me, but I suppose it is, if only semi-reluctantly, time to move on.

I should sleep.

Moving Day

Ok, it was slightly unexpected as I had planned to finish the move tomorrow or even Wednesday and enjoy the last two nights of DVRed Cable-TV and the memories and comforts of the old living space, but logic finally won over sentiment and selfishness so everything except a few items is at the new place and everything but the cleaning stuff will be there once I shower and take the few things (computer, lamp, fan, chair, toiletries) over there after I finish tonight's entries here. It is the trauma it can be and I shall wander through it in my usual way. You can read a lot about the details and a bit or more or something about my usual ways in the usual extension and other blogs (I've got a million of them... ok, I've got more than a hundred of them... no exaggeration... in case it matters) but for here and now, suffice to say the change has come.

Long live the change.

days in the sun

I am getting more involved in the Sunday league by joining the Ratings Committee and that means long days in the sun on Sundays. Today started at 8AM and I didn't get home until after 8PM. The morning was spent rating player skills. Then came a game to play which we lost in heartbreaking fashion. Then came socializing with the Ratings Committee and other league leaders and their friends. Then it was home to continue the packing and cleaning process while draining the DVR of it's saved shows.

Must change the way I prepare for these long days in the sun and if you want to know more about the day and the changes in preparation and the changes in life, the universe, and everything. You oughta know where to go by now for the Dirt, Drama, and Details (and we appreciate your interest) :)

Hope today was a great day for you :)

too tired to be creative

Creativity is relative, naturally, and what some may find creative others may not. From my singular perspective, most of the time I feel creative. This weekend I do not. The brain needs rest. The body needs even more rest as I did some more packing today and also pitched another game of softball. The season continues to be the worst I've known in many years (ironic as it follows the best season I've known in many years) with a 2-4 record this week. Last season my teams finished with a 39-8 record winning three championships and coming in second in the fourth league. This season is almost the opposite so far. In spite of not enjoying losing, I love the game so much that I still want to play more than I do.

During the day Jackson and Brandi were here as Jackson did more of her packing and moving. She's been moving a few boxes in her car every couple of days for the past two months and has donated half her stuff to local thrift stores. It is all part of starting her new life with Brandi and I am almost as excited as she is about it. It was really good to see them. parting is such sweet sorrow my ass, parting hurts like hell. Laughter helps.

Seeing them increased my socialization hunger so I called Harpo and others to see if they wanted to go out to eat but that didn't work so I cooked flatbread pizza and stuffed clams and scallops. Last days of having an oven. While I was eating a couple of people called. Harpo made a lot of calls and told anyone who wanted to play to call me and after eating I picked him up and we went to Glinda's house to play cards with her and Sarduchi. That was not the greatest idea as we needed a bigger group. Falling asleep but there is still more.

Perhaps I will be more creative later...

Shifting Gears

Literally, as in the truck dragging the tralier that moved most of the stuff, I drag around to the new place. Figuratively, as in finding the energy to continue paking and lifting and moving the stuff, I am shifting gears. Curly brought his truck and trailer and we moved a few dozen plastic bins to the new place. Like a jigsaw puzzle not put together yet, the bins are stacked in the new space waiting for me to put them where they belong to make the most of the space and still give me access to the bins with the most important stuff in them. If I am wise, I will finally make the time over the next week (months?) or few to sort through the boxes and reduce the amount of stuff by at least 50% if not much more.

Having Curly being so generous with his time and energy and muscle (not to mention his trailer and two hand trucks or the place to live, for that matter) was and is a blessing. In whatever strange balance this universe seems to find, this may be part of the what goes around comes around karma thing since I've been giving all I've had to my friends all through this life. It is good to have friends. Also, learning today that there is a higher likelihood that we will get the electricity working in the entire place and hot water flowing relieved much stress.

After all that moving, another softball game. Yes, the softball must go on, even when I am pushing the limits of the body. It was not a pretty site out there on the field. Our team does not belong in the upper division. I hit well, but we were beaten soundly once again. Still, the love of the game does not diminish in spite of the extremely higher risks of playing in the upper divisions. Extremely higher risks, is that even a proper term of English? Whatever, doing my thing. Loving almost every minute of it.

So the surface physical fatigue is higher than ever and the muscles are pushing their limits as the evening still included the usual Friday night softball. Somehow the body managed to survive and have fun. Alone again (naturally?), but still alive and fun.

We are not so alone if you communicate (comment?), ya know? :)

It is a process. Keep moving as we clean up the dirt, embrace the drama, and enjoy the details. I'm still standing, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Deep Fatigue

While four entries written on day one of this blog were not posted and are temtatively scheduled for some time later in this month, that is not the subject of this entry so I simply mention it as if it might matter somewhere down the road and in this circuitous way, get on with this entry. This may be longer and more revealing (or at least less easy on the eyes than most). Deep fatigue can do that, ya know?

I would have been sleeping for hours by now, in fact, I fell asleep at least six hours ago and if it was not for the mind that almost never sleeps, I'd have found my way to bed. But nooooooooooooo, I just had to regain consciousness and stressed over the potential lack of hot water and definite lack of other amenities that is starting emminently as the move starts in mere hours (it's actually happening... eeeek!) and I looked around and saw more stuff to pack so some six hours later I have even more boxes to try to stuff into the one room tomorrow (later today, actually). Shhhh, stress kills ya know (and can also be fun, but that's another secret for another time).

All I did today was pack and sheeesh, there is a lot of stuff stacked semi-neatly in boxes around me right now. There is definitely a pack-rat in my nature. One reason I hang on to things is because I don't hang on to people and I want to share the disposal of things with someone who shares the depth of sorrow of such disposal for everything matters, but that's a philosophy for a deeper blog (woah, deep confessions coming out somewhere?... Intrigued? Interested? Curious? Ambivalent? Apathetic? Whatever? CCL? {Couldn't Care Less?} Questions?). Feel free to inquire within.

There's always more, after all.

yes you see

Whatever it is you see, I suppose. Perhaps I was starting the thought, yes you see this continues or yes you see this was not planned or yes you see the madness will return no matter how seriously the attempt at normalized daily blogging might be, or decourum, even. Whatever the whatever, the day was long and the night was longer and here we are, whever we may be. Should I capitalize the titles? Convention is for control freaks, but I shall am following more in this blog than in most. I mean, where are the ellipses, right?

Curly and I worked hard today. He worked harder, because it's his job and I was just there to assist. We replaced pipes going from a house to the main sewer line, or something like that. Also unclogged the pipe in the process. I also cleaned up the new place (fun fun fun scrubbing the years of bathroom rot and sweeping the concrete and so on... an apartment empty for years with everything ripped out (including some walls) is a chore to clean, ya know?). Curly tied up some wires and made the space minimally move-in ready. Only one electric one outlet available and no hot water, but the boxes start moving in tomorrow. I'll get cheap drop clothes to cover everything when he works on stuff again.

There's more in dirt, drama, and details...

Tuesday was fun

While exhaustion may be stealing some creativity (I mean, how simple can blog entry title get, aye?), much productivity and fun filled the day. The tedious process of packing continued and even as it seemed overwhelming at times (mix the stress of not having enough boxes with not having enough space in the new space with knowing the new space is not ready and the clock is ticking on the end of the lease here and the tsunami of loneliness rushing toward and around me and some moments of weight-of-the-world and nobody-loves-me and lifes-not-fair threaten to drown my spirt at times all I could do was trudge forward in the packing process, but looking around at how much was accomplished still brought a smile at the end of the day). Tomorrow Curly and I will do some work at the new place and hopefully it will be ready for move-in when we are done (Not likely, but there's always hope... Charlie Brown told me).

The evening was much more fun than the day as Tuesday night cards at Curly's place was augmented by a birthday party for one of our players (who also plays in the softball league on Sundays). I supplied much food (enough for a couple of weeks) and others brought stuff too and much fun was had by all. My silly giddiness was in rare form as I processed the stress of the move in a semi-euphoric state brought on by fatigue, food, sugar, and caffeine.

Pondering the last twenty-four hours as if this is vital information for the universe to know, that about sums it up. For more details, just ask. Writing this helps me feel less alone during the phases in life when I am living alone and it keeps hope for more sharing alive when I am without a life partner. That's a big part of the why I am here writing, in case the why matters. It matters to me.

If you read, thanks much. If you care, thanks even more. If you want to be part of this wonderful life (and understand both honesty and sarcasm), say hello :)

a daily recap

Whether I do a daily recap each day here is uncertain at the moment. Sometimes I like to keep track of this life as I live it and sometimes time passes and I either do not remember to stop in or don't have time to get online or simply give into to the who cares apathy, especially without any feedback, but even if resistnce is futile, I still strive to remain positive and in touch and open to sharing and that often brings me back to update even when it seems like I am only doing it for myself.

Today I kicked packing into high gear as I prepare for a move in the next week or so. The excitement of moving eventually overcame the sorrow of losing the stability and friendship my best friend and the living space we shared for many years. She's in love and it seems to be working well, so I cheer her on and look for the excitement of starting a new life for me. Challenges ahead, but that is what keeps boredom at bay.

Monday softball brought a smile as we won 12-11 in seven innings. After taking the championship in three out of four leagues last year, all of my teams moved up to upper divisions where higher competition has been very challenging (I don't belong in upper divisions anymore... I play recreational softball for fun). I will be happy to remember going two for three (I don't recall other stats and don't keep track much, but it's more fun to get hits than outs so a win and playing well is a win-win for me).

Jackson's team lost by a run after a come back in the last inning that left the tying run on third. A bad call earlier in the game went against her team or it would have been tied, but umpires mistakes are part of the game.

All in all, a good day with ups, downs, much stress, big challenges, and more chances to grow. Other than falling in love, today had everything life is about. In case it matters to you, it matters to me :)