Nothing Like Death to Wake You Up

I've been in the hospital and without a power cord, I restricted my computer use to a few emails and reading my health reports (good to have a hospital with a secure website that makes my reports available even if a hacker could get them too... what have I got to hide, after all). So did you miss me? Will you miss me after I die?

I'll explain in more detail in the detailed blog at another time.

Here's something to read until then.

Narf. }

Hours Later

I am still babbling and maybe it is worth reading (for me, it's worth writing and that is what matters most... you finding value in reading is the cake under the icing or the macaroni under the cheese sauce or the burger surrounded by the cheese and bacon and fried onions and bun. The last time I ate was Wednesday lunch. Zero calories today zero calories yesterday, 400 calories on Wednesday. I reached 200.4 pounds. Determination.

Softball, finally. After a month of rainouts, we played. It was fun, even though we lost. Someone else pitched the first inning and gave up 13 runs. I pitched the rest of the game and gave up two runs. Unfortunately, we only scored 10 runs. One of our players was so drunk he cut his hand and he wanted 911 called. They called 911. I knew the paramedics who showed up and they didn't take him to the hospital. Ambulance sirens and six paramedics standing around you is a way to sober up.

Jackson I inspiring some deep thoughts, or something like that. It is actually hours later than this entry is stamped, but you know. Work was good, life is good.

Hope yours is too. :)

Narf :)

Time Rushing By

Last night I went to sleep shortly after dinner, the night before too. Yesterday I woke sleepy (maybe it was the Diphenhyramine HCL... yes, I took 50mg... first time in ages... the itching was keeping me awake) but I woke a bit more refreshed. Wait, I took the Diphenhyramine HCL last night, so the first long sleep was just not enough to cure the fatigue (maybe it was body tired from fighting the itching). I have been writing, a lot, actually, I just have been falling asleep before uploading. There just does not seem to be enough time for work, life, writing, fun, activities, self-care, sleep, and uploading. Now that's an old song.

Today was another good day at work. I am getting used to the freezing office and I think it will help me lose weight by running my metabolism on high to stay warm (or is it the opposite?... well, at least it is keeping me awake most of the time) once I decide to stop indulging my taste buds and emotional eating. I may have decided that yesterday (see what some sleep will do?... suddenly, will power and good life-sustaining sense) as I have fasted since lunch yesterday (and lunch was a 400 calorie can of pasta and chicken). So 400 calories in 2 days and ten pounds less on the scale. That is twenty pounds less than the maximum I hit this year. I told Jackson I would be under 200 pounds by July 4th and it just might happen. Except that if it doesn't rain tomorrow I will likely go out to eat bar food for dinner and Saturday I have dinner plans at a really good seafood place, but if I do't eat anything else and I continue on a low calorie balanced diet after the weekend, I should easily make it.

Shhhh, don't jinx it. Loneliness is still powerfully affecting my eating habits.

In case it matters.

Narf. :)

Fun and Organizing Stuff (in spite of interference)

Hey, you, are you with me? I'd like to continue and I kinda almost did (or at least started), bur maybe the worms did eat into his brain after all. Sigh, ya know? Meanwhile, in the daily life, which is what this blog is supposed to be about (in case it matters), I spent the day out in the world having fun. That was after a less than ideal sleep night as lot of interruptions came around. Eb wanted to tell me his itinerary at my door as I was eating so I think he's going away this week, but I was not paying attention. Don't expect me to take detailed notes while I am eating. The lawn guy pounding on the door and ringing the bell well into the late evening, I might have mentioned that. Then he's back ringing the doorbell before 7am until Eb woke around 7am. Then a wrong number phone call on the work phone woke me again at 9am. I finally got up and showered about a little after 11am.

Then it was lunch with Helen, her mother, and one of Helen's girlfriends. I ate too much and had to stop at a big box store to use the bathroom. Naturally I bought a few things. Then I met Helen at her house and we went to an even bigger big box store and bought some more stuff. After that we hung out at her house for a while until it was time for me to head to cards. A selection of the usual suspects were there and cheap pizza was dinner and in the end, I finished second and walked away up $50. Good deal.

Heading home, I stopped at the storage unit and picked up a cooler because I am going to start keeping two coolers in the car, one for the laptop bag (in the trunk) and one for drinks in the car. Driving around in the heat on weekends or on weekends for work is getting expensive, so bring drinks and keeping the laptops cool is beyond sensible. Heading home, I found myself motivated to straighten up and reorganize this room and it is much more spacious (for a small box) and things are more easily available.

Now, if only someone was here to share the fun, life (and this space) would be even better.

Hello?... hello... hello...

Narf :)

Just In Case

Softball is rained out again, sheesh, so lunch with the girls and then cards with the boys and girls tonight. Maybe exercise in the middle. If only someone wanted to share that. Hello, anybody wanna exercise together out there? :)

So this is just in case someone is searching for Ric Candor and finds this entry and wonder what in the world (do you believe in multiverses?... I believe in love) is going on (Steve Martin and Bill Murray asked what the hell is that? too lol), reach out and let's find out together, m'ok? Cuz if we can get past the censorship of greed, fear, and personal insecurity, we might find a connection. You know, just find someone who's turning, yearning, returning, and we just may come around. Hey you, can you feel me? Don't tell me there's no hope at all, come on, you know the answer and it is not just blowing in the wind. Old man take a look and my life, I'm a lot like you were. Oh when the Pink were Young. Stop in the name of love. I woke up today lost in a lost world. Remember me, my friend? Maybe. The Moody Blues and I were saved by the music. Sometimes it's random and sometimes the nail is struck squarely on the flat top. Remember Dick Tracy? See the Apple watch. Six two and even, over and out.

Narf :)

Slippery Slopes

We really were having so much fun and along came reality to piss on our parade. At least I continued babbling of a sort. The lawn guy lead me to think about how Jackson is acting quite bipolar in reaching out needy one day and pushing me away the next and I am starting to wonder how healthy her relationship really is as Brandy has her shut away and my gut is starting to not feel good about it. Then there were shots outside and the party across the street broke up rather quickly after that. That lead me to realize I've been spending way too much and not saving enough and I am stuck in this place a while longer. All that brought the loneliness factor way up and luckily, sleep is calling now.

Sometimes we live on slippery slopes and wear uncomfortable shoes. I guess we either fly or fall. Hopefully we will all fly. Take care of yourself out there.

Narf.

His Man Friday

This is becoming an annoyance as the lawn guy seems to not understand that Eb owns this house and Eb decides if the lawn is to be cut and Eb pays for the lawn to be cut and if Eb is not home then there is no point in banging on the door or ringing the doorbell. The lawn guy is either seriously dense or he is testing to see if Friday night is a good night to break into this house because he continues to come back banging on the door and ringing the bell (sometimes waking me) asking if the awn should be cut or when he is going to be paid when Eb's motor scooter is not outside (meaning he is not home). Tonight I am ignoring the door and the knocking (which turned into banging) and am reaching the point of annoyance. I am tired of going to the door repeatedly on Friday evenings to say Eb's not here and I don't know when he will be back and I don't have your money, it's Eb's house and Eb pays you to do his lawn, it's not my house or my lawn so please stop waking me up. Only to hear Oh, I'm sorry, will you tell him I came by? Maybe it's a cultural thing... or he's just dense. Or else.

Anyway, the third time the lawn guy returned louder than ever, it was distracting enough to stop the writing and I was on a row and really enjoying the solitary world of my imagination and maybe even close to the core of profundity of everythng (or something like that).

I guess I have to start going out on Friday nights even when softball is rained out.

Babbler, interrupted.

Narf.

Illogical Home

Windows open, air conditioner on, complaints of high electric bills. Windows open letting the high humidity in, air conditioner constantly fighting the heat and humidity, more complaints of high electric bills. Today was a cold day at the office. They keep the air conditioner down near 60 there, or at least all of use wearing sweaters and many using space heaters feel like that. Lots of paperwork done. I almost picked up the Commodore at the airport and headed to his place to play Bridge, but his plane was delayed several hours so I headed home, stuffed my face with canned food, and then, played computer games while Family Guy continued to amuse and annoy me.

How was your day?

Narf :)

Less Today

Wandered a few parks today while the sun was out and made it back to the office just in time for rain. Tok care of driver issues and a few other things. Set up a meeting with a citizen tomorrow to discuss her trespasser issues. All in all another beautiful day in the neighborhood. Hoe to food and then to bed, waking around midnight or later and sitting up here. No massive missives today. See yesterday for linkage and more depth. Sleep soon. Miss you, whomever you are.

Narf :)

I Stayed Away

I stayed away from Facebook, but still I could not sleep. I turned on the news and saw the shit was getting deep. I wrote another epic rant for promises I meant to keep and left myself in la la land without making a peep. So tomorrow I shall go to work on less sleep than I've gone to work with since starting the new job and I've stopped drinking the coffee (which is why the caffeine I drank tonight has such a profound effect). There is a part of me torn up bad inside for staying away from the city and the celebrations of life and love and the remembrances - and all the people who would have welcomed me with open arms and emotional hugs. I told myself it was too far, it was a work night, I was just recovering from a bad cold and finally felt the bug was almost gone, all sort of good rational logical reasons to not drive forty minutes in the rain to stand in the rain for hours just to feel so painfully alone after all. Still, I feel just as alone now as I would have had I gone, maybe. I wonder what might have been.

I'll never know because I stayed away.

Narf.

Food For Love

Alone, only sort of feeling sorry for myself because I don't necessarily want to go out anywhere and don't really want to be around people tonight because I want to be seriously serious and I've yet to find anyone who shares my seriously serious and tonight is not a night I want to try to find someone who does so I listen to reruns of Family Guy and stuff my face with canned food and chips because this is the first night in a week or more that I don't feel sick and the cold that settled in the gums finally doesn't hurt so it is almost gone but I will continue to rinse vigorously as I sit here typing these words to recap the day... worked, work is still a pleasure but that's what I did, worked, then came home and ate and ate some more and typed these words. I wish I could say I gave up food for love (I would) or even I was a food for love (makes sense to me) but I actually traded love for food because love failed me and food amazes me even it will only kills me in he end and I'd rather die for love and I do but all by myself seriously, what?... as if, right? and oh, did I mention I drank caffeine for the first time in a week?

Food for love.

Narf :)

Saturday Funish

Sleeping in is fun. Resting is fun. So after sleeping in and resting, I check the website and see the fields are still open so I headed to softball under growing clouds. I call the fields and they confirm games are still on. About two minutes later the girl from the park office calls me back and tells me they called off the games. I guess she looked out the window and asked someone. So I called Helen and we decided on dinner before my card game. I stopped at the store before heading there to buy yet more mouth medicines. I found two more cheap work shirts. Then hung out with Helen at her house until e went to dinner. Eating carefully, I left stuffed and headed to the card game. I finally won something, finishing in third place. So I ended up $20 ahead. Headed home and wrote a but and then, to bed. Fun, aye?

Narf :)

Relaxing Day

So what's the story? Catching up? Is anybody reading? Well, the bad cold I had worked it's way all through my head and the immune system battled back valiantly from place to place in the head. This week it settled into the gums as cold sores and I'm battling with antiseptic mouth wash, warm salt water, and today I will pick up some oral medicines. The bug is isolated now in one big cold sore on the lower right gum line and I am trying to keep it from getting into the teeth or roots. That's all, just relaxing and rinsing.

Soon, softball.

Narf :)

Weekends Start Before the Week Ends

The work life continues to be all I wanted to find in a job (except of course taking up ten hours a day five days a week, though I can fit in thing I need to do during the day most days since I am in and out of the office on my own schedule most of the time). Once again softball was rained out and instead of going out somewhere or finding out if any of the teams are going out, I stayed home. Except for running out to get ice cream. Mmmmmm, ice cream. and the internet, writing, and once again, Family Guy. I've been listening to it (and glancing up now and then) while writing and from the first season and I'm somewhere in season 14. Life is good.Yes, lonely at times and somewhat dull, but good.

Narf :)

Gots Ta Sleep

Oh really, sleep? So much sleep is missing from the daily life in this daily life. So work was great as usual and something something something and caring for the mouth and writing to J (so that's where all the words went). Yup, sleep.

Nite nte.

Narf :)

Busy Caring

First I supervised and coordinated random drug testing, then I drove 30 minutes to investigate and document an office flooding, then I stopped at the softball fields to use the bathroom and the internet so I could respond to emails and do some desk tasks, and then some desk work back a the office. After work I headed to Jackson's for my first visit and we went to a yummy dinner and the gums might be a little better as treatments continue and continued caring is in the forecast, though dark clouds make visibility limited.

have fun out there, and take care of each other. Yourself too.

Narf :)

Teeth Matter

Hopefully it is just temporary but I have mouth issues. I laugh as I think without u, they'd be moth issues but that's just me distracting myself with semantics. The cold, bacterial or viral, settled in the gums and pointed out the neglect of teeth and gums in my mouth and the remedy is tearing the mouth apart. Brushing is tearing away gum tissue. Peroxide, salt, and antiseptic rinses are eating away the dead skin and exposing the plaque and decay on the teeth. It's like a war zone in there. Hopefully I won't lose any teeth. The body s struggling.

Distracting, no doubt. Otherwise, work is wonderful and I am wonderful and if I can find my will ower again, the body just might survive.

How are you?

Narf :}

Fighting The Inevitable

Fighting the inevitable winner, that is. Disease, decay, death. Yes, I still battle that big that attacked some time last month and while it is much weaker than it has been, it is taking it's toll. I may have be well in a few days or weeks or I may have congestive heart failure (all the symptoms are present including the gum rot). Of course it could just be gum rot and I'll lose most of my teeth, I mean, my heart has always checked out great. I suppose I should see and doctor and dentist one of these days.

I decided to start brushing my teeth.

Narf :)

Long Dull Sunday

No softball, boo. So I slept in. No softball, blah. Nothing to do. So I ate and watched TV and ate some more and watched more TV and ate some more. So much for dropping weight (I dropped 10 pounds recently, I think). I could have gone out, but I just didn't feel like going anywhere. It rained. I texted with a couple of people. More TV, more food. Foolish self-indulgent party. Fun, aye? Should have gone to sleep hours ago.

Narf :)

More Tired

Because I am not getting enough sleep most nights and I am not getting any younger and I am still wide awake at 4am (in other words lonely and hanging on the hope that I'm alright... the links hold secrets, if you care) and the summer is returning again and playing softball in the afternoon heat is more challenging than ever (more fluids, more cooling, less stamina, less ability to cool down properly and the BP medication makes it even harder, pant pant pant).

Two games this afternoon, lost one, won one. Any win is surprising for this Saturday team as it is mostly new players making a lot of simple fundamental mistakes. I was oozy running bases in the second game, but continued pitching and held the other team who are good seasoned players. We would have won the first game against the best team in the league if we did not make so many errors. Fun, exhausting, fun.

After softball I showered at Helen's and then we went to an Indian restaurant we had been wanting to try and it was excellent. Appetizers and meals ran $35 a piece. We will try their lunch buffet one of these days.

After dinner I headed to play cards with the softball poker players. Still have not won (money goes to the first, second, and third place finishers and there are usually ten or more at the table, but it's fun. Today was expensive, but much fun.

I don't feel like sleeping now, so I will watch a movie on Hulu. Anybody want to join me?

Narf :)

Tired

So tired, the creativity is numb. I've become dumb. Like the end of Voices, bot, did those writers run out of creativity fast. Earlier I whammed myself with Phantom of the Opera. There are no words. I even crossed over to the past, still hoping someone might care about it all, and I mean it all. S'ok, it was a long day and softball was cancelled so I say here lonely and endured a cathartic experience. I ate pasta and then rinsed multiple times to continue killing the cold bug that is still bugging me on the head and now, internal cold sores. I should sleep, but I keep hoping someone will knock on the door and fall in love with me and I don't want to miss her.

Narf :)

Busy Fun Blurry Fun

The eyes are blurry more frequently these days for a number of reasons (what number?... what does that mean anyway?). Sleeplessness, mostly. Busy life, cough interference at night, excess weight, high sugar, all the stuff making focus more challenging than it needs to be. Anyway, that's life these days. Don't wanna go blind, so do something about it. Somebody cares, right?

Picked up Jackson and Brandy at the airport and in spite of being ready to fall asleep hours ago, I am not wired, bleary blurry-eyed, but wired. They are engaged, after all. I contained my excitement as they just wanted a ride home, but they are engaged! Yeah, so anyway, a busy day at the office and much busier day staring 7:30 am tomorrow so I really should sleep. The cough is nagging, so I am sucking the intense drops. I am thirsty, but more fluids will just make it more challenging. The cold has moved into the throat and jaw and sinuses it is attacking the gums and so I must find a way to mouth-wash with antiseptic a few times an hour. And eat as little food as possible. A liquid diet would be wise.

Really, I'm having fun and loving life, just sick. Must focus on fighting this bug.

Alone. Again. Still not naturally.

Narf. :)