Monday, December 11, 2017

It Is The Next Day

The day after yesterday, that is. Always tomorrow, always today, always the day after yesterday. The ever changing constancy is so soothing, is it not? Today I ate lunch. It was a desk day at work, much desk work accomplished, and I ate oatmeal, prunes, and yogurt. Leaving work, I was all set to not be hungry enough to pig out and I arrived to find the thermostat set for 62 degrees which made me want soup and hot asta. So I made onion soup with cheddar cheese soup and some golden mushroom soup along with seven or eight hot dogs, some mozzarella cheese, a bit of butter, and ketchup. Ridiculous, I know. Some TV, Big Bang, Young Sheldon, Orville and then, Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, the TV show. Amazing I know. In case it matters, you really are missing out on a wonderful life. Hope yours is good too.

Narf :)

Sunday, December 10, 2017


Earlier than usual, the temperature actually hit 35 degrees this morning and there I was playing softball in three layers of sports clothing. I know, many of you consider 35 degrees a heat wave, but when the average daily temperature year round is over 70 degrees, 39 degrees is cold for outdoor sports that require fine motor skills and tonight looks lie a repeat performance by the north winds.

It was a wonderful day in spite of my lack of sleep. Fun exercise and then, lunch with Tinman and then, conversation, setting up his TV antenna, accidentally resetting his kodi box therein losing all the channels and settings and work our friend ... did to set it up, watched a really terrible episode of a Star Trek remake I don't think I ever knew existed, and then arrived back here in zombie-like fashion just to write this bit of synopsis for you cuz you are that special.

Hope you had fun too.

Narf :)

40 Degrees

That is the temperature outside which is wonderful for those who miss the northern winters and not frigid for anyone who lives in the north, but it is cold for those of us who have lived in the south almost three decades and who moved down here because we were tired of the north winds and winter. Still, a few days of this is invigorating. Now if there was just a place to warm up, it wouldn't be half bad. The thermostat here is set for 63 degrees. Yes, so the air coming out of the ducts is 63 degrees. If it was hot out, that would still be chilly for indoors. So I sit here in 63 degree weather clothing and dance with the devil in the pale moonlight.

Tonight was fun. After writing much of the morning and afternoon, I headed out and first fixed Helen's shower and chatted with her for about an hour and then headed to -- party where there was fattening food so thank goodness I did not eat anything today because the bloat from last night's pig-out was still hanging around my waist. So many obese people in one place, but not everyone. It was a fun night, though Sarducci was oddly aggressive in his mockery tonight which put a damper on things for some of us. After the party I updated Facebook pages instead of sleeping (no blanket or comforter helped) and here we are. Softball in an hour so no sleep tonight. What am I seventeen? lol lam...

Narf :)

Saturday, December 9, 2017

Seriously Good Morning :)

Seriously, Good Morning... I hope this day finds you well. I woke in a wonderful mood with surprising clarity and spent a couple or few hours writing a letter to J that turned into an even more rambling bit of rhetorical reflection on myself and many other subjects. The phone rang twice and I talked and made plans. The body provided some pain as it does daily once again proving the doctors are wrong and the usual loneliness hovers all around, but that's not diminishing the wonderful feeling of being awake and alive. A cold front is moving in and I am loving that too. Soon I shall head out to play and party and I hope you find your day as full of smiles as I am right now.

You can do it!

Narf :)

Thursday, December 7, 2017

Lost Title

Not a lost day, but almost because I got back here after work and ate and felt sleepy and nodded off and so I laid down and somehow found myself still watching TV after midnight so somehow I laid there for almost six hours after nodding off in the chair. It was very strange but not penny lane). Laughter abounds somewhere.

Both days were productive at work, as usual. This week has not followed the low calorie diet instructions, however reduced calories, perhaps, and all canned food which helps the pocket book. Not the best for the health though. That's just the way it is.

In case it matters.


Wednesday, December 6, 2017

Another Early Morning

So I woke 4:30 AM to head into work early because the power company was doing a load test at 5:00 AM and we've had generator issues at this building. This building houses the County Manager, the County Commissioners, the County Attorney, and offices for the Tax Collector, Clerk of Courts, Health Department, Property Appraiser, Building Inspectors, Human Resources, and more big wigs for the county than you can count on ten hands, so the fact that two of the three generators failed during the last power outage a few weeks ago rocked many boats in this county government. While that is not my responsibility, I am here to reassure people that safety will be monitored even when it is way over my head.

As the test continues, I figured I'd stop in here to say hello since nobody will be here for another few hours and I don't want to become accustomed to working 13+ hour days too often. Me time is important, as if all the years I gave it up didn't teach me that already. So I wish you a happy morning and a smile when you wake. Make it a great day.

Narf :)

Tuesday, December 5, 2017

Last Night

Caved into taste buds and made pasta. Twice. Second time with cheese. Ok, so it was cheddar cheese soup which is a lot less calories than real cheese, but still. Way more calories than a weeknight should have provided this body. Slip sliding away. In case it matters. I know it matters to a few of you. A couple, at least. What about Mila Kunis? Huh? Yeah, I thought so. Where are all the mysterious mischievous dark sultry innocent brilliantly intuitive amazingly intelligent psychic magical optimally fit adorable girls in my life?

Rhetorical questions come cheap. So what else is new?

Another fine day at the office. I have a lot to do in preparation for the evacuation drill scheduled for a week from two days from now. Setting up of the emergency alert system that they won't give me enough control over to use properly and finalizing documents that should have been approved when I first submitted them six months ago but they sat on desks and now I have the luxury of updating again with more knowledge of the government. They don't seem to mind things not done on time, or in some cases, at all. Gotta love government work.

Watched TV. Time for sleep. So will you come over and tuck me in?

Narf :)

Monday, December 4, 2017

Almost Went Out

I just fell in love with Sarah Silverman. It was building up as I was watching her first three shows and then, somebody broke her. I'll probably write more about that, but this is the brief one. So I worked as I often do o Mondays and they day was another fine work day. Progress at the desk in the morning and then off to take care of other things, the car to the shop, a meeting reviewing the emergencies and preparation for the next emergencies, washing the pool car because it was filthy, then back to the office to catch up on email and a few other things. Then, dinner (several cans, of course). I almost went to dinner with friends but tonight is a low calorie night and dinner would have been higher calorie. So I stayed home and rested. Watched Hulu TV. You may have gotten that out of the first line. Did you ever wonder where intelligence went?

But what I really want to know is... who's the statue?

Narf :)

Sunday, December 3, 2017

Waking in the Evening

I may have fallen back asleep on a more comfortable bed without an itchy rash in a clean and silent space, but I didn't and so I got out of bed and took another quick shower with water not hot enough to do what I need it to do and ten powdered and sat to write a letter to J and then watch some TV. MacGyver is so stupidly (and pretentiously) melodramatic and obviously predictable. Anyway, watching the mediocre TV fare and then, more food found it's way into my mouth. Four cans. Bad move. Alas, start again in the morning.

How about you?


Plans Change in Moments

So I was going to finish doing laundry today but after softball practice (which went as well as practices go with players with limited skills) and stopping at the supermarket (tried a new location, wow, rich people pay as much as really poor people), I arrived back here to find Eb returned from his weekend away early. He was sitting a foot away from the 50+ inch TV playing the video game again. I cooked and ate and turned on the football that CBS was telecasting and now... falling asleep.

Narf :)

Still At It

Laundry, writing, listening to TV (it's on in the other room), and communicating with various entities on the internet. I know I should be sleeping, but I want to get more laundry done. I still have a load in the washer, a load in the dryer, a load of work pants and a load of bedding to wash. I will leave the work pants for tomorrow because I don't want them sitting in the washer or dryer and I will likely fall asleep before they are done. I will leave the bedding for tomorrow because I want to sleep on it before it would be done. I may leave the two loads washing and drying right now in the washer and dryer, which might mean washing and drying them again tomorrow if they smell mildewing and/or are wrinkled, which is very possible. These are the trials and tribulations of doing laundry here. Exciting, isn't it?

Softball in the morning, I really must sleep. But I want to share.

So how is your night?

Narf :)

Saturday Night Laundry

That's right, I am doing laundry. Eb is away for the weekend and I am taking advantage of the privacy sitting here as I prefer to be, nude, listening to a college football game and typing these words. Dinner was delicious. Besides laundry which is a work in progress. I sent in my LEX listings and am seriously excited. I believe I overwhelmed the people who wrote me from pen pal world but I shall never give up, never surrender.

Anyway, UCF! UCF! UCF! lol lam lolol :)

Ohio State too :)T

Two softball games were both fun and I pitched really well and went 8 for 8 with two walks. Great day for me personally, even though we lost. Dinner was delicious. I have softball in the morning, 8:00 AM almost an hour away, so I must get some sleep soon. You can read more about my adventures (and misadventures... oh, but how I wish I had a miss adventure, aye?) in the other blog where babbling is increasing again.

You've been warned lol lam...

Narf :)

Saturday, December 2, 2017

Simply Settling

In so many ways, if it matters (I keep wondering... and thank Z and J for the reassurances so the answer is not nil... nil is the loneliest number, no matter what other songs say), settling. Mostly simply, but definitely settling. The digesting system settles daily and this is a good thing, for if the consistency was not as it is, the other maladies would be worse. see a doctor before the new year while it's still free, m'ok (so I won't call you {meaning me, in case you are not noticing that I write to myself now and then} a complete idiot). Two softball games, with appreciation from a team who never won a game but scored more runs with some help today than they have all season, then dinner. One of the buffets moved which threw Helen for a loop (she does not like change), but we parked and I drove so she was ok. Excellent food and service, we can only hope it maintains high standards and does not go the route of every other buffet after a few months. After dinner, here we are.

Previous entries hold more mystery and secrets, but none had such good tastes :)

Narf :)

Days Move Along

Waking Wondering aside, I slept in after faling asleep with Elementary on. The two main characters sooth me in some deep ways. The isolated critical thinker and the stoic empath make for such a desirable paring, for me at least. I am both, more one than the other at times, but still, two different loners keeping each other company in this life has always been a hopeful dream for me in my loneliness.

So waking 10:00 AM and laying in bed falling back to sleep and waking several more times, remembering deep dreams vaguely, feeling more tired and more refreshed each time, finally getting out of bed near 1:00 PM to empty the by-products of life in this body and then shower... writing, waking up wanting to write. That is a wonderful feeling and very positive sign of life. Look around, the words are out there.

Maybe I ought to re-birth the running table of contents... in case it matters.

Running, yes, that too.

Narf :)

Friday, December 1, 2017

I Wonder What Matters

I know it matters, from the illusions to the delusions (there's a link for that but I will find it another time), everything matters.

I wonder what matters to you.


It was always a different month, December, even before it was named December, it was a different time of year, even before there were years... oh, how the philosophers giggle and sing. It was a day like many other days, mostly desk work because there is so much paper to process and data to enter when monitoring people and processes for safety. So many spreadsheets to crunch and reports to review and summarize in other brief reports because the higher you get in an organization, the less you want to read, the less time you actually want to put into any task on the premise that you have so many more tasks to review and monitor and make decisions about... the higher you go, the less you do.

Still, there is a purpose for leaders and for leadership (besides sophomoric incendiary tweeting, decision making is a solitary task at times. Having experienced the top administrative level as well as the grunt work that actually gets jobs done, I am happy settled in the middle now. Financially crunched more than ever before, but if I can save $10,000 a year, I might not end up on the streets in the end (still say I will, but then, that depends on who I spend the end with, if anyone... alone, the streets are the most economical way to live and barring some unplanned influx of wealth, I have lived this life as a refugee and shall rest easy knowing I gae it all away, or at least as much as I could).

In case it matters.

The evening included a run to a bank to pay rent and the usual bodily functions and daily living tasks which of course includes eating. Unfortunately, I pushed well over a thousand calories into me last night, including simple carbs and meat fats, so the renewed health diet crashed somewhat on the fifth day and tomorrow dinner plans will make it challenging to continue, however I am sensing a desire to feel closer to physically optimal again (as optimal as it gets in this aging and ill body), so there is hope.

There is always hope.

Narf :)

Thursday, November 30, 2017

The Eve

I'm here partly to let you know that you shouldn't let yesterday's entry raise your blood pressure or increase any stress, in case it did, you know, in case it matters. The body has to adjust to the change in diet. I've decided to start the supplements again, apple cider vinegar, cinnamon and chromium, raw potato starch, and I added fenugreek to the mix. It was just sitting there on the shelf as I was looking for the apple cider vinegar. Stopping because I wanted to see if my skin issue was being caused by the supplements is over. Dropping eight is a priority now. Tomorrow I see lab results and expect the weight gain to reflect poorly on the lab values. Cutting out fats, breads, cakes, most carbs, almost anything with unnecessary calories. Chicken, salmon, tuna, clams, shrimp, and veggies. After a few weeks I'll add some fruit and maybe, once a week, some pasta and cheese. This is a good week for change.

The title has so much meaning it could take a year to figure out how to explain it... maybe longer.

The deepest deeps, the highest highs, life... and so it goes.

Narf :)

Body Phew

I have not maintained contact with my own body blog (and linking it here should get me to update, eventually) where I had this idea of keeping in touch with this body and this morning, instead of updating and getting more in touch with the body which would have been wise since I almost collapsed after work last night but went to sleep and slept almost 10 hours instead), I spent an hour and a half (at least) being distracted by this girl.

Time to go to work now.

Narf :)

Wednesday, November 29, 2017

Straight To Bed

A long day out of the office. Inspecting a citizen's home to see if the damage claimed was legitimate. After that I checked a few parks, spoke to park directors, did some shopping. A full day of driving around. I finally caved in and ate food, the Chinese buffet for dinner. I barely made it to the bathroom. Typical reaction after a Chinese buffet after a few day fast. Just faster than usual lol, pun intended. I was wonky and washed quickly and laid down. Was asleep within minutes and slept though more than ten hours until morning (which will be tomorrow... I'm psychic, obviously) and the next entry.

Changing diets suddenly takes it's toll.

Narf :)

Tuesday, November 28, 2017

Weekly Work and Softball, Weakly

The work was, as usual, full of enjoyable tasks. A full day at the office, again. Not good for the rash, too much sitting still, but things need to get done. Databases, reports, monitoring... safety officer stuff happens on the computer too. After work, softball. Two games, two loses, we finish the season without a win. The second game was close, 13-12, but the other team was toying with us until the last inning when they scored eleven runs. Ridiculous coaching and even with him paying for everyone, only six of the original eighteen people showed up to play. Two more showed up who were added mid-season. We still had to pick up a player so we wouldn't forfeit. Ridiculous, but free. I hung out to watch a friend's team play the last game - upper division, they won. I don't want to play upper division anymore. At least Monday's team ad a good season finishing second to a team that blew everyone out. I may have mentioned that.

I stopped eating Sunday night. Fasts begin suddenly like that. Be careful this time.

Feel free to care and let me know I'm not alone cuz...

Narf :)

Monday, November 27, 2017

Not Pasta Day

Well, there is hope this will not be a pasta day. It's been about 48 hours since I ate, 48 hours zero calories. Eating tonight would not be wise for the weight loss program that has not actually begun, at least not intentionally. It'll take months. One day at a time. Maybe some chicken and veggies and soup. It was a typical day at work, all desk work, but typical. I was going to go shopping tonight, but I got back here and Eb was blocking the way again playing the video game. I'm not even sure if he went to work, the addiction is constant. I needed the bathroom and did not feel like getting dressed again. So on went the TV and here I sit.

Turning the corner (actually doing a 180) is not easy, but sometimes it is the only way.

Past a day, get it? lol.

Narf :)

Sunday, November 26, 2017

Past a Day

Not lost, but past. Watched TV and rested and listened to Eb play a video game, a war game without end that he has been playing non-stop since he bought it last week. Addiction to war and death is so not like his personality, but it just goes to show even the gentlest most timid humans crave war and killing. It is a very unhealthy environment in even more ways now, but the good news, for me at least, is I am almost completely unaffected. I think I will not eat tonight. I did not eat today. It may be time for a fast. The last one put me in the hospital, almost hurt me, but I played softball without in 95 sun on a 100+ degree field without replenishing enough electrolytes. Tomorrow I have two softball games scheduled in the cool evening, though the last three games were forfeited which doe not bode well for tomorrow night.

Still, the will power must be nurtured as it is trying to be reborn.

Be careful.

Narf... :)

Saturday, November 25, 2017

Local Fun

Today's scavenger hunt was fun. Met new people, a few old friends, maybe I'll see them again. The best thing about it was that it was local. Unfortunately, they are all drinkers. Laundry is spinning and food is heating up and I am spending a relaxing Saturday night here. Eb is gued to his new Xbox One. The living room is still blocked so I have to keep stepping over his stuff to get out the door and back inside, but he finally moved to a chair directly in front of the TV so I dont have to ask him to pause when I pass.

FYI - I may not have internet after November 30. Eb does not want to pay $70 for it. If I have no more internet here I will send check email and upload writings from work and the motivation to get out of here will be much more powerful as I will have no TV to distract me from this unhealthy living environment. Silver linings are good. He's still a very nice non-intrusive guy and I am still a few short blocks from work and nothing (room, house, or roommate) is appearing in my searching, so we shall see :)

Still having fun, even without the one. :)

So how was your day? :)

Narf :)

Sleep, Shower, Application

Wrote the detailed entry for last night after waking and showering. Another day waking after noon. A shorter shower than I'd have liked, but Eb is very water-usage conscious these days because the last water bill somehow showed usage increased by 250% which makes no sense unless I really was showering, doing laundry, and washing dishes a whole lot less before last month. That is possible. That is not healthy or moving in or living here comfortable, but it is possible. He seldom showers, does laundry, or washes dishes - very unsanitary. I expect the water bill to be high again this month because I am increased my sanitary habits. Not where I'd like the, but better than the minimal I was doing to try to acclimate to his home. I applied extra cream to the buttocks because the rash itched more after sitting in the hard theatre seats and only showering once yesterday. Too much detail for this brief daily blog? You should see what the blog meant for the dirt, drama, and details shares. If you are not laughing, you really ought to ask yourself why you are here.

You're welcome, in any case. Time to head out to a scavenger hunt. Have fun today.

Narf :)

Wonderful Show

And so it was... Love Never Dies was excellent. I felt like I had seen it before, but I believe the cast said this was the first touring production so I apparently didn't. It was a fitting sequel to a great show. For the love of music. For the love of love. I showered after writing most of the day and then headed to Izzy's place. She drove and we parked and walked t the Dr. Phillip's Center and then hiked up four flights to the top balcony. The acoustics were a major disappointment. This was supposed to be the replacement venue, state of the art. Fail. The show, however, was state of the art. See it if you can.

Stopped for food on the way home and so there is food in the fridge now. Watched TV most of the night. Fun

Hope you are having fun too.

Narf :)

Friday, November 24, 2017

And I Did It Again

It being adding to me massive missives on the Diaryland. You had to be there. Don't fret, you still can be. It'll just take you time. And a lot of reading. Meanwhile, besides babbling on after returning back here last night and continuing after waking today (I think I woke about 2:00 PM... yeah, when I sleep in, I do it right), I showered. That's right, all I've done so far today is write and shower. A wonderful day off, from my perspective. You can read the diaryland entry and see if it's as wonderful for you. Be forewarned though, especially if you think you know me offline, I am throwing caution to the wind more often and not editing out my thoughts and feelings about real life and the real people in it. I figure those who care will know I mean no harm and am simply leaving my mark on the world without inhibition and those who don't, well, sad they may leave but that is life. If you wanna leave, take good care.

I've gotta be me, after all. Someday we'll all understand. I suppose I forgot to thank Dan, Walter, Melissa, Cat, and so many others in that entry.

Enjoy your day. Hope you keep in touch.

Narf :)

We Are All Broken Here

I wonder (deeper here) if I know anyone who is not broken inside. Maybe I don't. Of the people I call friends who are within thirty minutes of where I live, there is no potential running partner. There is no potential exercise and sports partner. There is no potential intimate. There is no one who can fulfill my mind or heart or anima. Am I too broken to attract anyone who can help me heal? Misery does not like company in my mind.

Wow, this is not the usual fare here, in case it matters. The dinner was typical Thanksgiving food, not my favorite, but good. The company was mixed and sad. I may be moving a bit closer to Izzy as she enjoys shows so we are going to see Love Never Dies tomorrow. I don't know her well enough to have already shared how I relate to love and relationships and people, no less the Phantom story or music, but perhaps we will share and bond a bit more tomorrow. I certainly would like a new close friend who can share a serious conversation. Can she understand me?

There's always hope.

Narf :)

Thursday, November 23, 2017

Thanks Again

Today is a bipolar day for me as this holiday and my knowledge and experience is in opposition. I try to be positive and am happy when I find some reality that helps me point out how challenging that is when aware. Facebook has it's dual edged sword when I seek one. Still, I am thankful today and every day (and nights too) for the life I experience cuz life is wondrous. Today the phone has been calling me a lot and it is good to have some well wishes there. I wrote letters and relaxed all day and soon will be heading to a friendsgiving dinner. Rolls and butter are my contribution so far. Hope you are enjoying your day.

Narf :)

Sunday, November 19, 2017

Again, AM

12:04, to be precise, but let that not deprive yesterday of this entry as it was a very long day of fun and exercise and food and writing and football and softball and more food and more writing. I just wrote two letters to two new pen pals and hopefully the correspondence will continue. I should keep track like I used to for I can count on easily losing track, getting lost, and forgetting who is who if I don't. Maybe tomorrow, evening, late.

Sleepy now.

Saturday, November 18, 2017

Where Are You Now?

Who me? I'm right here on my writing soapbox as I almost always am. Sometimes closer to "Real Time" and sometimes just filling in dates with whatever comes to mind whether it is actually daily life events or some odd random thought that passes through my head with or without point or reason. I've been listening to Beatles talk recently and reminiscing about musical experiences big and small and missing that a whole lot, but not sadly, very joyfully (for a change). I love my laments but also love my memories and dreams and it is wonderful when they come without the longing, when focus is on what was and what is rather than what was is is missing, ya know? John's (Lennon) voice and mind easily brings me back there, as does Harry's (Chapin). Maybe it's the time of year lol lam. Mostly, it's hope, gotta love hope :)

It is time to shower and head out to lunch with Helen and friends and then to softball and then, nothing planned. I may come back ere and give myself some me time as most Saturday nights lately have been out with others. Last night was a fun night out with others so it seems fair and the social longing is pretty low for the moment. Not that the infinite desire for the one ever wanes, but it's such a positive feeling today... who knows, maybe she's waiting at the restaurant at the table next to us... I mean, she has to love seafood and buffets, right? lol. :)

I hope your day is smiling as much as mine :)

Narf :)

Friday, November 17, 2017

After Midnight

It is, actually, an hour after midnight in spite of what the time date stamps says. Dinner, games, party, and a movie on a Friday night really starts the weekend off full of fun and gives it a sense of endurance, as if the weekend is longer than it usually is... I've already had enough fun and stimulation and socialization to make life rewarding and satisfying and fun and happy. Alone again after the party, lonely, yes, but no feeling of sadness or depression at all. Just a whole lotta joy to the world (and amusing silly shaking) going on. Wonderful way to end the work week.

Another accident interrupted an otherwise quiet day and once again, our driver was not at fault and most importantly, no one was seriously hurt. I went out to reassure everyone they were doing the right thing (following policies and documenting everything appropriately). Back here to eat lunch and relax a bit (the reason I am still here, the convenience of being able to stop in my room and bathroom and shower if I need to), then back to the office. After work Tinman's daughter's birthday party at a pizza and games place then Murder On The Orient Express, a rare trip to the movies. I miss movies. Back here to summarize here.

Before I conclude, I feel fat. Not bloated, fat.

Just need to document that.


Thursday, November 16, 2017

Drowning In Food

The food junkie continues can after can. The belly bloats, I'm a fat man. Write a song about the fool. Somebody will think it's cool. Even suicide is cool. I mean, in case it matters. This seems to be the theme song these days and stealing time from sleep to write about it doesn't help at all. Still, work is a rewarding pleasure and after work is a TV escape. Even in all caps for some database ind of reason, the lineup fills the week... NCIS: LA, DISCOVERY, WISDOM OF THE CROWD, SCORPION, NCIS, NCIS: NO, BULL, CRIMINAL MINDS, SALVATION, BIG BANG, YOUNG SHELDON, MACGYVER, CHANCE, BLINDSPOT, ORVILLE, and more when more returns (you've been here, right?). Did you ever wonder why I continue here? Anybody? Bueller?

I think I'm gonna miss you for a long long time.

If only calgon was here to take me away...

Narf :)

Wednesday, November 15, 2017

One More Day (and Night)

Birthdays like Xmas and I'm Tiny Tim (which one of you could understand him?)... I want the Beatles to come back again. Meanwhile, I did the work day thing with due diligence and minimal fanfare and I wouldn't ask for more there, but then back out in the world alone I long for the dream, for the hope, for the love... will I ever fall in love again, I wonder. Will anyone ever fall in love with me? Wonder like thunder, where is the lightening? The neck is sore. Blood pressure high. Ear is screaming. Body needs sleep. Heart needs love. Heart needs love. Buried in fat, losing the race, lost in the mind, nowhere, no place, does it all show n my face?

Hopefully I'll stop the suicide before it's too late.

Doesn't anybody want to listen to my story? So tired. Help! (the Beatles understood). Yesterday.

Happy Birthday Barb... Happy Birthday Ray
Happy Birthday Every One

Narf. :)

Tuesday, November 14, 2017

Somewhere In Between

Sometimes surprises are fun. When my own writing surprises me, that's wonderful. What you might see in yet another letter to yet another new potential friend could be something that has nothing to do with me or anything I might have intended to communicate or it might be something autobiographical even if you are not aware of it or something else entirely or partially or minimally or not at all or somewhere in between.

Another fine day at work and then, headed to dinner and a meeting with the ratings committee at a restaurant. Yummy, and the assistant commissioner of the league paid. Bribery? Generosity? Both? Well, the world still whirls around. After dinner I went to eat at Taco Bell. That's right, I gave into the craving. Fool, bloated fool. I'm probably up to 230 pounds. Don't remember being this big. Fool, stupid fool.

So why am I so happy?

Narf :)

Monday, November 13, 2017

Turn Around Softball

I know, it was a work day and it was another good work day as I spent the morning doing some desk work and spent the afternoon driving around checking out parks and who knows what (there's a list somewhere on my desk, but this blog is not about work reports, at least not today) and enjoyed the day. Loving a job is such a blessing. Hope I keep this one lol (not funny, fool lam). After work I headed to softball and we played the second place team and it was a really good game and we ended up winning, a big surprise, and so after starting out 0-4 we finished the season 6-4 in third place and we will place the second place team (same team again) next week in the playoffs. Hopefully we will play as well as we did this week.

So how was your Monday the 13th?

Narf :)

Sunday, November 12, 2017

Demolition Softball

Well, the win-less streak continues as I headed to softball and we lost two more games big. The team is that unskilled. They seem to have fun though, so I'll keep trying to help them learn. I am so much more at peace and happier and satisfied and feeling rewarded and appreciated than I ever was on the team I gave all the blood, sweat, tears, and years to. They can have the drama (and they certainly do) and I'll enjoy the new experience of carefree fun.

After softball I drove around a bit because Eb was having a group of people over to watch football and eat and I wanted to give him some space. I spoke to a couple of friends and then got back about 5:30 and nobody was here. Apparently plans changed. I listened to some football until he switched to another station and then watched TV in my room while vegetating or maybe I wrote a thing or two.

Fun and aimless weekend. Just like some of them should be.

Narf :)

Saturday, November 11, 2017

Sataday Attaday

One of those lost Saturdays, I think, if I recall, remember? I woke before noon and headed down to Helen's to help her with something. Some house thing. No, I picked her up at her car dealer and then we went to lunch and then we went to her house and we hung out watching skating because she loves skating and then took her and he mom shopping because her car was not ready and my softball games were re-cancelled (another story) so I shopped too and have a stack of canned foods and then... I think I headed to Harpo's place and played games and some people stopped by and played games and then... back here to sleep.

Or something like that.

Narf :)

Friday, November 10, 2017

Friday Night Pig-Out

So I slept in on my day off for Veteran's Day and spent the afternoon adding articles and images to my Facebook pages after a friend asked me to check my FB because he has a couple of parties planned over the next few months and so does another friend of ours so now I have six new parties on my calendar and then, food. The pig-out was take out from a Korean place that gets rave reviews from locals and I am beginning to think this area has a whole lot of people with very inexperienced pallets and limited knowledge of how delicious food can be. Poverty and the location experience really do provide such a different perspective on everything. Anyway, the food was good,just not rave-worthy.

There's another meal in the fridge for another day and delicious chocolate chop cookies were for dessert. The evening is watching Salvation. I took a shot and the subject matter interests me but we shall see whether the stereotypical religious zealots and black ops crap dominates the story, instead of the science and reality of astronomical phenomenon.

So how was your day?

Narf :)

Thursday, November 9, 2017

Thursday Night Cravings

Six cans of soup, a can of chicken, two cans of salmon, and a can of clams. Dinner. The evening passes with some TV. Catching up on the week's CBS shows on what is a terrible streaming website (yes you, CBS), but you do have shows I have become accustomed to watching which probably calls for an entry in background tv but for the moment, have you seen the new Star Trek? A great day at work, again, just doing my safety thing by making friends and influencing people, naturally. Some days I do so many things that I don't remember what I did. Critiquing an Incident Review Committee report including statements, transcripts, policies, procedures, and more from he Fire Department so my boss can present our concerns to the County Manager took up several hours. The other three people in the department went to lunch with the TPA (third party administrator for our insurance fund) and I held down the fort... so I left work a little early and we're back to dinner time and evening TV again. Suddenly, a craving for snacks rose up from somewhere so powerful that I was dressed and at the local 7-11 (the only think open late at night around here) and yummied down some Ben & Jerry's chocolate chip cookie doe, chocolate and vanilla zingers and crispy M & Ms. Te land of the free, the home of the brave, dontcha know. lol :)

Self-indulgence is not always egocentric... until you blog it lol lam :)

Narf :)

Tuesday, November 7, 2017

Busy Day, Wasted Night

Heading out to a meeting that didn't happen in the morning, I decided it was a cool enough morning to make a tour of some parks so I did. Before I could get to a third park, I was called about a landfill truck in an accident overturning in a ditch. So I headed there and four hours later, everything was safe on the rad again. A pick up truck ran a stop sign and collided with our truck. The pick up driver received a citation. No major injuries. After that I missed an afternoon meeting so I visited a few more parks and then headed back to the office for some paperwork. a quick dinner and then softball. Three of our batters got up, I didn't even touch a bat. Game over 21-0 in one and a half innings. Well over a dozen errors. The six outs we were able to get included a pop up to me, a ground ball to me, and four fly balls to the outfield. It's free, the coach is paying, but I'd like to at least have reality set in because he thinks he and the team he put together is a lot better than they are. Our record is 0-6 and I doubt we'll win a game, but at least I'd like to get one at bat. Oh well, free. Except for the 30 minute drive each way.

Hungry now. Shhhhh.

Narf :)

Monday, November 6, 2017

Bouncing Tonight

Yes, the energy was high and the ball was moving and the team rallied round the third base coaching and we won. So often this happens, yet so often it is not perceived. Those aware and picking up on the vib know because they see it, feel it, and win. Energy is contageous. Too bad I don't have the kind I used to have more often. Age is a sour mistress lol and laughter helps put a smile on even her face. Don't blink, the ball might get past you. Or worse, but we won't go there cuz softball is so much fun.

Besides winning, the game is fun win or lose with the energy up. Friends are fun too. Everything if fun so I guess I am rising above the ashes like a phoenix... and I'm not even stones or in Frisco or driving.

Hug yourself, it feels good.

Narf :)

With Every Blog

Fewer readers. I had dozens of comments back when I came out of my original website and started this public babbling journey over on Diaryland. I had regular readers and commenters when I moved to Blogspot at first, but gradully I started another and then another and here we are. Nobody knows this blog is even her (go ahead, prove me wrong, you know it'll inspire an ear to ear grin) :)

I've said it many times in many ways here's one, human caring has its limits, which for me, makes it unreal. Love has no end, except in humanity. Maybe my pointing this out is why people don't hang around. Reality isn't what people want, unless it's fake reality injected with pretentious and staged drama on TV. That's how we got the reality star in the white house, dontcha know.

Anywyay, I had another great day at work and I'm about to head to softball.

Loneliness does not stop the fun. :)

Narf :)

Sunday, November 5, 2017

There Is a Man In Romania (For Z0tl)

He is a good man. A wise man. A very creative man. A man I call friend. He was misunderstood by many because his words were cryptic because his mind spun too quickly for most people to follow. His perspectives were too unique for most people to understand. Most people rush right by anyone they do not understand. People who have a different perspective, throughout history, have been overlooked at best and executed at worst (unless being imprisoned or tortured for a lifetime can be considered worse than death). Most people fear a different perspective. The internet provided a way for the man, my friend, to share his unique perspectives. Profound wisdom and brilliance could be found in some of his entries online. I miss the words my friend used to write.

Today is my friends's birthday. I leave these words here in the hope that he finds them and feels the love and respect and fond memories I hold for him. I wish I could hug him and sing Happy Birthday to him in person. I sing it in my heart and mind here.

Happy Birthday Mikey :)

Miss you.

Just Once

I was so much more hopeful once. Even as recently as then, before and after this and all that falls between, there was so much hope. I believe more back then too. I need to get back to that, which, unfortunately means giving up on the present disappointments and looking ahead to what may still be cuz there's always hope, right? Letting go of believing in someone and accepting the trust was misplaced is always the hardest part. In case it matters. Well, there's always hope (I hope), so there is because I hope. I am not too far off. I think. Still. I know I still want to believe.

Yeah, I am still pretty incorrigible on that point.

Narf :)

Saturday, November 4, 2017

What A Difference Some Sleep Makes

Yes sirree bob, sleep is such a restorative process, it's a wonder I don't do it more often. Functional sleep, say a few hours, that I do pretty much every day, but restorative sleep, sleep past eight hours, that is a rarity and today I wake so much more refreshed and euphoric than even my usual euphoria. It may have been a couple of months. I almost always come to the writing and mention it, so the records are online in these blogs, see for yourself. Having slept so many hours, I don't have time to research it myself as softball starts in two hours and laundry must be done and a shower must be had and tonight I shall attend a birthday party for an old friend at a local party place in my old stomping grounds (where I lived the first dozen years or so after returning to Florida).

Great timing for this sleep all around. Hope your euphoria is turned up high too. :)

Narf :)

Friday, November 3, 2017


Still starting here, so much water under the bridge it carried the bridge away. Still too tired for serious babbling, still should be sleeping. Still backdating entries to not skip days, but still writing just after midnight more than any other time. Still eating too much and too much in the carb family with too much fat sauces. Pasta is cheap. Canned pasta is easy. Still loving the job even as it sucks more time out of my days than ever. Still seeking balance. Still in the ghetto, five shootings in five nights this week. Still in the dump with Eb and he's still as messy and unclean as ever. Worse in the bathroom lately as he's taken to peeing on the seat at least daily. The bleach sprayer is always at hand. No wonder he's alone. So what's my excuse?

Still dreaming more than doing, still waning in my belief in humanity, still trying to hang on to hope. Even if it's illusion. Still reaching out, however oddly. Still hoping you read, click on the links, and enjoy. Still hoping you let me know. Still here, even if...

Narf :)

Thursday, November 2, 2017

Lights, Sirens, Action

Well, actually the action happened before the lights and sirens showed up. Gunfire in a backyard just across the street. One known dead, the police cordoned off the entire block which places one of the corner vehicles with flashing lights a few feet from the driveway. Good thing I took the safety car home and am heading in the opposite direction in the morning. Early. Eb is out at a movie, Thor. I sent some iphone video to a friend at one of the news stations. The TV has Star Trek on. Habit, I guess. I did watch some of my CBS shows before the shooting. I was supposed to get to sleep early tonight. I'm hungry. I ate oatmeal and yogurt for dinner. Then finished some snacks. A can of vegetable soup. Pretzles. It was a good day. In case it matters.

Narf. :)

Monday, October 30, 2017

Another Good Day (and Night)

Well, it's sort of night. Almost midnight, almost after even, according to the common words. Naturally, unnaturally, and with assistance I am awake and wired and even a bit giddy. If only you were here to enjoy the show. A full day of desk work, almost. Fifteen minutes of orientation, skipped lunch (and dinner, actually), sent a lot of emails, did research, sent more emails, got tech support to install a few things and give me access to a few other things, and assessed all the injury reports related to the Hurricane. Tomorrow I'll analyze. Naturally.

Then, softball. First, Eb complained that the water bill tripled. I didn't mention my rent money pays for it and everything else and there's more left over for him. So maybe my four sitz showers a day have used more water than I thought. I'm listening to Gilbert Godfried's Dirty Words, what do you expect. Anyway, softball. Hit the ball hard for a change with a borrowed bat. I need a lighter bat, finally. I pitched lights out. Struck out several. We won big. Then I hung out watching friends play. Chilled, and chilled (Temperature somewhere in the 50s and I was damp and only had a light jacket, so chilled chilled... get it now?). Then, back here to eat. Finally. Leftover KFC from yesterday. Hot from the over. Yum. Even more yum, chocolate. And we now see why I am awake and wired and a bit giddy. Amazing, huh?

Happy Halloween Eve.

Narf :)

Sunday, October 29, 2017

Fun At The Fields

A long day at the softball fields, the backup fields where there is limited seating, no shade, one water fountain, a bathroom, and no other amenities. I did some additional ratings of players because our ratings system has a lot of flaws. perhaps we'll get it right next year. We played two games ad they had me pitch, not my choice ad the other pitcher was not thrilled, but coach said so. We lost both game. We have no hitting and even less fielding ability on the team. We average about two runs a game. We average giving up about 16 runs a game. Still, we have fun at the fields. I hung out to watch a few games and chat with friends and the field manager (there's work at the fields too). After softball I stopped for KFC, impulsively, and pigged out back here. A rare time I brought food back here to eat. I have to vacuum the carpet squares soon. Or spray bug spray. Actually, both. Then TV, email, penpal message, la lala. I miss sports, but I don't get sports on my internet TV.

That was the day.

Narf :)

Saturday, October 28, 2017


I've been on the web a long time. Writing, reading, sometimes communicating or at least interacting. I've left comments along the way, sometimes old and new as I am sometimes drawn back to a conversation even if it was just one way, even if it was not mine. All I can do is wave with the hope that somebody might wave back. This is one of the primary purposes in being out here on the web, leaving these words here for you, for anyone, for posterity.

In case it matters.

I write for many reasons, creative play, self-mockery, emo-processing, psych-analysis, distraction therapy, archives for posterity, and more. All that for myself and then, I put some words here for interaction and communication. I include links that are as random as they are meaningful, meaningful in the moment, random in the grand scheme of things. It is like a giant jigsaw puzzle, more information in more places than anyone can understand. I just keep trying to find a way to put enough pieces together in the hope someone might understand. It is beyond words, yet I try to use words. How else might I reach you?

Open to other ways and perhaps, you will find us there.

For now, we are here.

Narf :)

Friday, October 27, 2017

Used To Be

No matter how happy I am, and I am seriously good and happy (not good and plenty) inside and out (more in, I mean, just look at the world out there), it is still not like it used to be (and even that is not like it used to be, but it was a more shared time so it was a more ... ummmm, shared. I've relly been such a dufus the last couple of decades, maybe longer. Trying to fit in. Trying to be human. Trying to heal. Trying to remember a time before I started sleepwriting, when life was still alive. More alive, like it used to be. Wow, memories are long ago now.

Today was a usual day. Organized my office, accomplished some stuff, had fun doing it. Making more connections, getting more praise and appreciation, that feels good. Headed back here and made dinner, yummy soup again. I've had some sort of soup for the past four nights. Canned, but a mixture of five or six different canned soups and some cheeses and spices and a different yummy every night and not spending much money. Yummy, wise economically, patience, all feeling yummy good. Watching Chance now. Sick show, and I mean sick. Just what the doctor ordered for distraction in this cold cruel world. Like when I used to read Stephen King, but with weirdly logical twists. Stretching mentally, churning emotionally, physically satisfied, feeling alive. Fun.

I still have more fun than anyone I know, but fun is more fun when it's shared.

Narf :)

Thursday, October 26, 2017

No Resonse

The world is non-responsive, does that mean it's dead? What I mean is... where is my Harry Chapin, My John Lennon, My Elton and Bernie and Billy and Justin and maybe, maybe I'm wrong... but the world does still whirl around. Overall, life is pretty wonderful these days. Other than some physical discomforts compounded by age and this cramped unclean living space and the nagging loneliness and the usual not enough time to explore all the possibilities and creativities, life has seldom been much better than it is right now.

But you wouldn't know that, would you?

Narf :)

Sunday, October 22, 2017

4 AM Again

You could jump to the babbling blog to read the last five entries (the ones between the two linked here) to learn more, but suffice to say (or is it suffice it to say, huh) I am hungry for more than food... I am lonely. Lonely enough to want to do something about it so I am reaching out to a pen pal site for inspiration. Writing to people inspires me to believe in people which leads to my waning to trust someone which hopefully will motivate me to actually reach out to someone in the offline off paper world. We shall see if I overcome my disillusionment and cynicism about love and people and trust. There's always hope. :)

So I played softball, did laundry, watched football, wrote, relaxed, heated up food, and enjoyed the privacy of this space today. The Cubs lost, the Yankees lost, so I guess I'm rooting for the Dodgers now. UCF continued their undefeated season. Jackson sent a text apologizing for not texting for a while. J wrote. I wrote. The digestive system continued to be wonky. Life goes on.

How was your day and dreams?

Narf :)

Wednesday, October 18, 2017

Saturday, October 14, 2017

Foodie Come and Save Me

Another buffet, an American southern type, Helen loves them, I need to be in the mood for meat and potatoes and pasta and canned veggies. Overcooked at that. Hey, it was my idea to try the place because it was new. So the bloat continues to grow, the weight continues to rise, and the rest of the consequences of bloat and weight continue to increase as the body continues to deteriorate. I am a foodie, tried and true, I am a foodie, You? I am reaching the point where I am an out of control foodie who is in dire need of a kind gentle very very strong healthy foodie who appreciates food as much as I do but also has a very strong will power, self-discipline, body awareness and willingness (desire, even) to help me return to balance. Feel free to stop by and introduce yourself anytime. The sooner the better.

I also need to get to the batting cages post haste.

Feel free to care and help.

Narf :)

Friday, October 13, 2017


Yesterday I forgot my work ID at the office and did not get back to work in time to get back in the building before it auto-locked for the night so I did not have my computers for the first time in years and living where I live now, that left me without any stimuli, distraction, communication, or release other than the phone and I do not have people to talk to much these days so at first I was down and lonely and then I found myself motivated to do laundry and re-arrange and clean my room and then, as I laid down to sleep, I found myself tying emails to myself and others on my tiny iPhone 5 keypad. It was challenging, physically, to see the words and touch the right keys, especially as sleep came and went. Still, I found myself writing long into the night between naps like I did when I was a much younger babbler. All in all, I love the emotional aftermath (or is it residue?) before I even read any of what I wrote.

Today was a mostly paperwork day at work. After work, I drove to take some photos of debris piles (more work, but on my time in my car) and then met Tinman and his daughter for dinner at the old Chinese buffet which is at a low ebb in quality these days, but it is what it is and what doesn't kill you makes you stronger... or something like that. Eb is gone for a week, somewhat suddenly as he told me he was leaving next week. So I watch the Star Trek shows that are on every night and type these words. Alone. I'd rather be sharing, yet... I am as much as I can at the moment.

I am feeling it's a wonderful life, even alone.

Narf :)

Wednesday, October 11, 2017

So Much Drama

The co-ed softball league is such a strange world these days as it has become awash in drama and people who are... challenging to describe. They seem to want to win at all costs and if they lose they look for all sorts of reasons to blame anything or anyone but themselves and their own poor play. It is recreational co-ed softball, for crying out loud. Where has the fun gone? So one team walks off the field in the middle of the game because they are adults and they don't want to play with immature children. Like it's mature to say "I'm taking my ball and going home so nobody can play." That was their first loss on the season and they were playing for first place. They were way behind and could not accept the reality of actually losing a game I guess, so they forfeited. On other fields players with obvious skills that belong in upper divisions were mocking people because they were mistakenly laced in the lower division and could do whatever they wanted on the field. Bullies and hurt feelings and pissed off people seem to be everywhere these days. So do we blame Trump or continue blaming Obama? lol.

That was not a serious question folks, lighten up.

Narf :)

Monday, October 9, 2017


That's Power Tripping Control Freak, in case you wondered. It seems my candor is pissing off more people than usual these days. One of the worst umpires in all the leagues I play in called time and threatened my team with a team out if I said one more word to piss him off. I told him if he could show me a rule that pertained to him being pissed off as grounds to penalize a team, then go right ahead and do it or let us get on having fun playing the game. He was pissed off because I was asking him to stop delaying the game with between inning conversations (including being on his cell phone) and for distracting players (which can be dangerous for inexperienced players) by talking to them while they were trying to concentrate on the game on the field.

We did not get penalized and after everyone laughed at him, we went on enjoying our game and he stayed quite except for making bad calls as if he was deliberately trying to provide my players. I simply told my players don't let his bad calls stop you from having fun and they listened to me and ignored him. A little man with a big ego who oversteps his authority has no power in a fun group.

We had fun in spite of him.

Narf. :)

Thursday, October 5, 2017

Challenges Alone

The excitement is bound to return sooner or later, but for now, this shows the distraught. Where is the humor? Alas, another typical day at work. A few things went wrong, but all is well because I fixed them. Watching Somewhere Between once I got back to where I sleep. A roller coaster day. The body is still acting up with digestive foulness that has no affect (or effect) on my appetite, unfortunately. Eating emotionally doesn't help. Just feeling more alone than usual. A lot more. Challenges are much more challenging when alone. Don't give up on the dream, remember?

Narf like a sigh. :}

Wednesday, October 4, 2017


I don't want to be superficial... it's just a bit challenging to get started again because the why is not public information so... moving right along... another work day, still loving the work even though I am still getting more tired and the body is still getting more ailments and not having the time to do all I could do to fix them is frustrating but playing softball five days a week certainly is contributing to the increasing fatigue... suddenly seeking more inspiration as conscious awareness of loneliness has been rising the last few weeks, at least... so step right up, read all about it, I'll get the words out as soon as I can... love me?

Just when I thought I might be back. Right? Yes, so the CBS shows I watch are back so I have shows to watch again... and I've been eating myself stupid again... fat... will power out the window... who cares... nobody outside of my head and the internal caring about me has been turned off temporarily... at least I hope it's just temporarily... I say that every time.

Ok, so that's the daily life. Today. Have fun out there. I'll be waiting.

Narf :)

Sunday, October 1, 2017

Back To Life

Sadly, I must accept that many are gone (so many more in their own private gardens that have not breathed in my ear in decades) and even sadder, some who are not gone would rather be gone and forgotten. I am so very sorry it hurts to be here with me and I shall do my best to be as obscure as I can be - but love is the opening door... I'll leave you out of it as challenging as that may be when I just want to shout from rooftops thank you for being, for caring, for inspiring me to believe in love and continue nurturing what little hope I have left that y dreams really can come true in this life. Shhhh, I am trying to understand and hoping my maze obscures my defiance enough to continue living my dream of sharing everything with respect for privacy. If this is a baffling entry, then I may have succeeded. My hope is you are amused at the lengths I will take to compromise even as it may drive us to madness (gleefully, I hope).

This is for all of you who do not wish to be any part of my written gardens. I still love you, even if you do not want me to say so here. I still find, to my delight and chagrin, that I cannot, dare not, will not leave the dream behind. Even if it is all just an illusion.

Friday, September 29, 2017

As If Time Stood Still

I continue as if there was no pause, as if there was no silent depression in the otherwise rambling road. Sometimes I even fill in the holes and let it appear I was never gone. Like silent friends who were there all along. Even when the dirt, drama, and details go unrecorded, like life, there is still something burning somewhere, and i know you care Z0tl, Persnickety, J, and what the heck, as I throw caution to the wind of late, I reach out to you through search engines thusly, and dozens more (remember the right side of this {not to mention the left side of right} and explore yourself... cuz I'm sneaky like that).

What about life?

Narf :)

Thursday, September 28, 2017

Thursday, September 21, 2017

Used To Be

Seems lately I am not as interested in pretending you are interested as I used to be.

Life goes on... and so it goes.


Sunday, August 20, 2017


Not as if I have any major life changes to share because as open as I am to change, no luck tonight. So I went to Helen's house and hooked up her new camera system and hung out a while, then we went to dinner at the new fried shrimp place (Stonington's) and I ate two dinners because I love shrimp. Then we drove a bit and stopped at a Baskin Robbins for a hot fudge sundae and then I drove her home.

I headed back here after dropping Helen off and called Harpo on the way and he told me abut a birthday party for a friend and so I filled up the gas tank and headed back to where Helen and I ate to visit with the old game group friends. I stopped for cake and pie and water and we played games and had fun and that's the way it was.

A couple of new people were there, but no sparks, just fun.

Narf :)

Saturday, August 19, 2017

Ok, Then (episode whatever)

Yes, I suspect "Ok, Then" was the title of another entry in this blog and perhaps many entries over the years and definitely was the start of many a writing session, so alright (as in let's get serious or at the very least seriously or seriously, now, which would likely be a step up (or a set up, depending on perspective), but before this turns into something like that, let's figure out what I came here to write, m'ok? Cuz I won't give up, in case it matters. :)

Time keeps on slipping (repeated as necessary, even as nauseam, ad too) and we keep drifting farther apart, or closer together, depending on perspective. So much depends on perspective, after all. In fact, probably everything, but then, superlatives are such potential trouble we should leave them for lovers and the mad among us). So where did the time go?

Tuesday went to work and softball, the usual pleasant work and frustrating softball... Wednesday went to work and dinner and Jackson, the usual pleasant work and delicious dinner and the usual wonderfully frustrating Jackson though this time with more hope and eye contact than usual... Thursday went work and long conversation with Harpo while waiting for the dinner time to start at the chinese buffet and then sitting in the car waiting for the torrential rain to subside and the dinner and semi-bloat and then hmmmm, some writing to J and TV and sleep, perhaps... MOT training at work and lots more and hmmmm... not bad hmmmm, just some the cloud of hmmmm that comes when memory fogs, usually because sleep comes early... Friday went to work and medical appointments for me and banking for Jackson and then dinner at home and TV and impulsive snacks a movie and sleep... that brings us to this morning.

All caught up and nowhere to go. Friday night and Saturday softball is on hold until next season, so last night was lonelier and more whatever than usual (and Eb had a dinner guest he did not tell me about which cramped my activity a bit as I did not want to dress to walk past them to the shower and had nowhere I wanted to go outside). Today is anything I want it to be and I want it to be quite, restful, and peaceful and so it is so far. Later I go to Helen to help her set up new security cameras for her house and then dinner.

So what's up in your world? (let's catch up someday, m'ok?) :)

Narf :)

Monday, August 14, 2017

Too Sleepy To Explain

Too excited to complain. So do not neglect to click on this previous post because I am too tired to continue the frolic that has been evident here in our little blog world lately and we don't want you to lose your place in line or get lost, after all.

I ate breakfast and lunch and no dinner. Work was fun and productive, once again. I cleared my desk again, this time without dumping everything onto a shelf behind me I'll clear those shelves one of these days. Softball was fun, though the lightning shortened the game, just when I was about to get up to bat too. Boo. We won though. Yay. I hung out talking to the field director about an incident report and then to friends at the fields after the lightning warning was lifted and the next games could get started. And then, another new blog maybe more revealing (and real) with more clarity than ever before. I think. I believe. I have faith. I feel. Many more links will surely be added when I am more awake and have more time.

Remember - do not neglect to click on this previous post because the frolic must continue if you are to enjoy it all. I wouldn't want you to miss a morsel.

Narf :)

Saturday, August 12, 2017

Had Enough Yet?

This entry right here in this link thing is deemed too important not to mention again so I shall mention this entry right here in this link thing again and encourage, nay, urge you to click on the link thing and visit (or revisit) it because it is deemed too important not to mention again, or miss, ye too. Yes, but here we are already covering up that entry linked right here with this entry you are reading right now. Unless you clicked on one of the link things and are reading that entry right there in this link thing right now, in which case I'll wait for you to return.




Are you sufficiently inundated with profundity now? Perhaps you neglected to click on the links within that entry right here in this link thing that is deemed too important not to mention again because the links within that entry right here in this link thing are part of the journey too important not to mention again so go ahead, I'll wait.




Had enough yet?

Well, the fact is there are entries written this week in this blog that are keepers and if you miss them, well, you missed some important puzzle pieces. All brevity aside, it's been a revealing week for some reason and if you want to read more about it, the detailed blog has many unfinished entries waiting for you to read and learn and encourage finishing. I'll just leave these links right here

Meanwhile, today was another fun Saturday of softball and dinner and conversation and madness. This right here is the brief daily entry you may have come here for. What?

Narf :)

Never Ending Ending

Isn't that what what life is, in fact, even more than a never ending beginning? Anyway, even if I did not get to else in the last babbling daily (which might be considered profound in some circles at some point in time in the near or distant future or past {I mean, can you imagine ants pondering such thoughts?}, but that is not even close to brevity so out, dang parentheses, and carry on daily).

What?... oh yes, today started early because last night ended early because fatigue of the week and a big bowl of pasta alog with some more Family Guy teamed up to bring slumbers. Writing was first thing on the agenda, yay, so maybe I did not need to completely define the else after all... at least not yet. The else paragraph along with many links was inserted into (is this more details than brevity allows?), well, you know where... and a long letter to J occupied much brain resources and then a shower cleansed the body and here we are, all squeaky clean and updating this daily life blog.

Yesterday was a good work day, as most are, as I might say in a previous entry that I might write sometime later. Softball is on the near horizon, then dinner is likely, then who knows. Fun, no doubt. May your life be fun of satisfaction, adventure, and fun too.

Friday, August 11, 2017

Spiders In Bed

Ok, so the previous entry tried to subtly send you to this entry which is the most recent in a long line of unfinished entries that attempt to distract me from the unpleasantnesses of living in this ghetto and it usually works and all week I've been getting to sleep early and waking early and eating right until tonight when I stuffed my face and emo-ate and then when I finally laid down to sleep I felt something crawling into my shorts and jumped up and found a spider in my bed and so I sprayed poisonous spray all over my sheets and pillows and the floor all around the bed and now I sit here waiting for it to dry considering eating some more and I must be awake in four hours and have a softball game tonight, I think, and I will do my best to have good day and pay well but fatigue will be a challenging opponent and it is time to fumigate this pig sty once again (this room is not, but the rest of the house is) and maybe spend a night in the car or somewhere so I don't kill myself with the poisonous sprays and how was your night?

I really was making the best of it and enjoying life until a moment ago.


Thursday, August 10, 2017

Missing Pleases

Sure, maybe I meant missing pieces and then again, maybe I meant something else and maybe I'm just so lonesome I could cry or worse, but bad movies and the end of the world as we know it, distracted entries, or whatever doesn't stop the time from passing and passing it did so when I find time again and fill in the gaps, who knows.

Another typical day in another typical week, fun work, fun, work, fun work, and work is fun too. Lonely at night though and the heart scream please help and the body is tired and screams please sleep and I fell off the wagon again tonight and the belly screams please stop and I supposed I am missing those pleases (please laugh).

Narf lol lam :)

Sunday, August 6, 2017

Here Again

It would be nice to be able to say home again but then I would have to feel it and I definitely do not feel home again so I am here again, but I have not bee home in a long long time. Deep? Profound? Maybe. Whatever. It is what it is. Good day though.

This morning included a lot of writing (see the details for more, ummmm, details) and then the afternoon was filled with a few hours of softball (in the extreme heat again... I survived) and then I picked up Helen for dinner (outstanding) and then we chatted a while and then I headed to Sarducci's for a party in honor of three friends with birthdays this month. a fun willed day and evening and night.

Hope you had fun today too :)

Narf :)

Thursday, August 3, 2017

Still Learning

Yeah, so that thing from yesterday was expanded slightly and now I just want to lay down and rest until I fall asleep. Especially since I have softball tomorrow night if it doesn't rain. Life was pretty much the same today. Fun at work, differently (conducted defensive driver training and got good feedback), but still fun. Ate lunch at the chinese buffet. So much for not eating out, that's two days in a row. Yesterday was not a great experience though, today was much much better. Stayed late to get more work done. Hope you had a good day too.

Time to jump on to the air mattress.

Narf :)

Tuesday, August 1, 2017

Later Than Intended

In case it matters, this is where I was for the past couple of hours and it still feels so wonderfully peacefully good in spite of the fatigue cramping the neck and closing the eyes. It was another fun day at work that included playing with Excel charts and formatting then for printing (Excel still rates very poor in that area) and lots more. Softball was great except for one inning, alas, and the Tuesday team scored only 6 runs again and that is not going to win a lot of softball games. It is a mixed up discombobulated team, but we might have fun in spite of it all. I signed up for next season.

Paid rent, which nudged the thoughts of getting out of here and paying the same money or just a bit more for much more space, cleanliness, and amenities higher on the mental ladder once again. I intended to get to sleep earlier, but the writing was just so much the right thing to do (even if the words are ignored).

Make yourself happy as I make me and you will be one happy you. :)

Sunday, July 30, 2017

Another Whatever

There's something cooking in the microwave, I'm not sure what it is, I opened many cans... guess there are many ways to be living on the edge, no doubt. Maybe I'll list the ingredients in the details blog, but anyway, it's another restful day here. Slept until the body felt like getting out of bed. Spent most of the afternoon sorting through my blog uploads and recording them in the table of contents file for the first time since February (maybe I'll get some organizational uploading done one of these days). That is not moving in, but it is getting comfortable in my chair. A good sign, nonetheless.

A weekend for me and just me for the first tie in months. Missing what is gone (always hurts more when I am catching up in my head and written gardens, alas, but it is what it is and I accept the caring and contact as it is, even when it's gone). Gonna enjoy the food, however it turns out. Life is better every day, still, even after all these years.

Wish you were here :)

Narf :)

Saturday, July 29, 2017

Saturday, On the Sofa

Yeah I know, it's not Saturday, In The Park, but then, I am not on a sofa, for that matter. A comfortable desk chair is my only seat here. Softball was rained out and I am trying to slow the spending so I slept in and today becomes laundry day. Looks like five loads. I'll just pop open some of the cans of food for a late lunch early dinner and the TV will occupy my time. I think I'll watch The Truman Show since it was just referenced by an old friend the other day.

Hope you enjoy your Saturday too :)

Friday, July 28, 2017

Friday Softball Fun

Ok, so we lost 12-11 in extra innings, but it was fun partly because I played well but mostly because I brought a good attitude to the field (which helped me play well) and the other team were good sports. After the game a few friends from another team shared dinner at our favorite local sports bar. Service was exceptional and food was delicious (made to order) and everything we asked for was served fast with a smile. The waitresses hang with us when they can because we go there a lot.

A wonderful day ends with a wonderful evening and all that's missing is someone to share the whole of the life, but hope springs eternal and I know you're out there somewhere :)

I hope your life is wonderful too, but if it's not, make it so - you can do it :)

Narf :)

Thursday, July 27, 2017

Strange Days Indeed

Today really doesn't live up to that title, but speaking to a first girlfriend after umbdabumbida years (more than three decades, at least) is a strange experience leading to the long and winding road that reminds me when a long strange trip it's been. Even with the distractions of the living space, Eb, the body ailments acting up again, the unpleasantness of poverty, the long road ahead, the dance with the devil in the pale moonlight, the depressive self-destructive suicidal culture that looms over us like an unwelcome and uncomfortable storm, and moldy cheese (representing everything else), it was a wonderfully pleasant conversation. Happy it happened. Hopefully it'll happen again in less than umbdabumbida years. :)

Meanwhile, it was another fun day at work. The Safety car is in the shop again and the loaner is worse than last time. The County really tries to milk their vehicles to save money. So my vehicle ID is 05232 (new vehicles are well over 10000). The pool loaner) car is 00198. It's a 1999 Ford Taurus and it should be in the shop and will be as soon as they figure out how to turn off my engine light.

I feel a bit more refreshed today, though I could have slept longer than I did last night. You can find more details about the day (and assorted babbling about who knows what) in the extended edition blog, in case you didn't know, in case it matters. Feel free to tell me all the mundane details of your day. If not here, in email, text, or call.

Life is more fun (and interesting) when we communicate, ya know?

Narf :)

Wednesday, July 26, 2017

Tired Times Again

An extra night of softball, the extra drive, and a lot less sleep than usual and the old fatigue crashes down. Still, I want to write and I want to keep in touch and I want to find the one and I want to save the world, so here I am. Another fun day at work and another ten cents in my pocket and another spaghetti and meatball dinner and another night with TV, all that and a bag of chips. Barbecue. Bloated. Tied. Sleep.

How was your day?

Narf :)

Tuesday, July 25, 2017

It Needs Sleep to Enjoy the Lotion

I have not idea what that means either other than referring to my level of fatigue and lack of enough sleep the past few days. Softball was fun, more on that another time. BLT was too chewy, but the bacon craving demanded it. More later.

Narf :)

Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow

Sunday afternoon I received a text from my first long term girlfriend (and someone who cared about meas much as anyone ever did, sigh) and maybe the most mature, sensible, caring, wonderful person I ever knew (at least one of them) letting me know she was in town with her family to do the theme parks. Blast from the Past, for sure. Alas, work and softball are obligations that, for many serious and a few selfish reasons, I do not want to cancel on such short notice and she will be back home by Wednesday morning.

Tonight was softball again, finally, a Monday night without rain. Unfortunately, though I had much fun, we lost and then lost again. Really great pitching, not enough hitting or fielding. The other pitcher was really good too. Anyway, after 2 hours of sleep last night this second late night in a row does not do me much good and tomorrow night I will be pitching again, whether permitting, because another team picked me up and a major plus is it is a freebie because they are fully sponsored.

Yesterday, today, and tomorrow - all smiles :)

Narf :)

Sunday, July 23, 2017

Another Day (etc)

There must be a hundred or more entries in my well over one hundred blogs that share the title with this entry (except for the (etc) perhaps) but sometimes it's just like and and some thing are acceptable among friends and this entry is for friends (posterity is a friend too, in case it matters). So maybe I am going to return to the realty of positivity and belief in the worth of these babbles and in you (humanity and dear readers) and perhaps the illusion that we must keep in touch often so entries may start flowing like this again. Perhaps.

Slept well, woke a few times for the usual reasons. Eb is on his old computer playing an old game as usual (when he's home it's either on that computer which looks like it is from the 1980s, sleeping, or watching Star Trek on TV... occasionally a rented movie like this weekend his choice was Bad Santa 2, or Big Bang Theory but only because it comes on before Star Trek). Now it is time to shower and head out to a private museum tour at the Cornell Museum with a friend and her meetup group.

Life goes on and so it goes.

Thanks for being here.

Narf :

Out All Day

Yeah, so I finally heard the softball games may be starting and headed to the fields. The word was I had an hour, but when I got to the fields 30 minutes after the last text, they had already started the game. We lost the first, we won the second. Poor playing conditions, but still we played which s better than not playing. The heat was not bad and I was fine. Next came dinner. Delicious filet mignon and accessories. Helen made a good choice. Next came cards at Harpo's with the old gang. Nothing changed there, Sarducci announced he was really good at the game, hearts, as if there was no contest at the table... so I decided to win because his arrogance needed a take down. I won, he was really pissed blaming Harpo for not playing right (hearts is not a partner game, he just got beat and had to find an excuse) and saying he was not having fun. We played oh hell next and Harpo and I let him win by a few points just to send him home happy. It was a fun night.

So here I am, just getting back, and recording the day for posterity.

In case it matters.

Narf :)

Saturday, July 22, 2017

Out All Night

At least that was sort of the plan. Out all day first to a lunch at maybe the best NY style deli in the area, then softball, then dinner, then something else until after midnight. That was the plan. So far, I woke up too late for the yummy lunch and the rains are threatening softball. I sit here typing when I should be getting to the fields, but no one can provide a clear answer to whether the games are on or not and the radar suggests storms. Dinner and something else is still on.

So how is your day turning out so far?

Narf :)

Friday, July 21, 2017

Just In Case

This might be the saddest google search I have ever seen. Just in case is matters. There are so many ways you could keep in touch. Or could have kept in touch. But a choice was made in your mind. You chose to avoid all of the many ways you could have kept in touch. You chose to not keep in touch. Inaction is a clear and present message.

Caring is a verb. When you don't do it, it does not happen.

Pretending does not change that fact.

Nor do good intentions.

Anyway, life, work, lots of little things, desk stuff, don't remember details just now, one of the four people in our division had a baby today, life goes on. Then softball, we won big. 24-4 (they stop it at a 20 run lead). I went 5 for 6 with a bunch of RBIs and my out was a sacrifice setting up two runners who scored. Pitched lights out except the inning I tried to give them runs and gave them 4. I hate completely shutting out a team. After softball nobody wanted to go to the usual hangout so I went to a local shrimp place and while not cheap, excellent food. Harpo joined me there, then we wandered the supermarket and had dessert and walked and talked and then I headed back here. Eb was just finishing watching a movie and went to bed. I saw a tweet from Jackson and mused over how she still reaches out to the world via regular Facebook posts and now regular tweets, but she stopped texting personal texts because it upset Brandy. Sad, really. Not healthy, but that's her choice. Then I came here.

Just in case it matters someday.


Thursday, July 20, 2017

Told You

So? I mean, So? Yeah, that's right... feeling peckish. I think. What does peckish mean, anyway? Anyway, I told you so, told ya told ya told ya. Maybe I mean immature. Lovingly taunting? Unconditionally trusting you get it or care enough to ask before taking offense or misunderstanding? In any case, the world is a fruitcake and some of us are the fruit and some of us are the nuts and some of us are the cake, but why do we have to make it so hard?

Anyway, as if it matters in case it matters, I am still here ever the optimistic fool as pessimistic as ever cheating death and sailing off into the sunset all by myself even though I don't wanna be sometimes, I think. Can you see the mist, ic? See, pti, get it? Wait, I'm not done. Can you see the mystic? Of course, I am an optimystic fool. You had to be there.

Another day, same juggle. Updating all the databases so the monitoring of safety can return to concrete forms in the county. Expanding communications bit by bit. Visiting a tree to see the damage and insure the crews clean it up safely. Celebrating a co-worker going on maternity leave, mourning with a co-worker who lost a family member, cheering a co-worker training a temp and welcoming the temp, learning how to deal with my boss a little better every day, visiting a citizen to satisfy a complaint/request, meeting a deputy sheriff to build the bridge between citizen and law enforcement. Twelve hour day, no problem.

Just in case you stop by to spend ten years catching up.

Narf :)