Wednesday, October 18, 2017

Saturday, October 14, 2017

Foodie Come and Save Me

Another buffet, an American southern type, Helen loves them, I need to be in the mood for meat and potatoes and pasta and canned veggies. Overcooked at that. Hey, it was my idea to try the place because it was new. So the bloat continues to grow, the weight continues to rise, and the rest of the consequences of bloat and weight continue to increase as the body continues to deteriorate. I am a foodie, tried and true, I am a foodie, You? I am reaching the point where I am an out of control foodie who is in dire need of a kind gentle very very strong healthy foodie who appreciates food as much as I do but also has a very strong will power, self-discipline, body awareness and willingness (desire, even) to help me return to balance. Feel free to stop by and introduce yourself anytime. The sooner the better.

I also need to get to the batting cages post haste.

Feel free to care and help.

Narf :)

Friday, October 13, 2017


Yesterday I forgot my work ID at the office and did not get back to work in time to get back in the building before it auto-locked for the night so I did not have my computers for the first time in years and living where I live now, that left me without any stimuli, distraction, communication, or release other than the phone and I do not have people to talk to much these days so at first I was down and lonely and then I found myself motivated to do laundry and re-arrange and clean my room and then, as I laid down to sleep, I found myself tying emails to myself and others on my tiny iPhone 5 keypad. It was challenging, physically, to see the words and touch the right keys, especially as sleep came and went. Still, I found myself writing long into the night between naps like I did when I was a much younger babbler. All in all, I love the emotional aftermath (or is it residue?) before I even read any of what I wrote.

Today was a mostly paperwork day at work. After work, I drove to take some photos of debris piles (more work, but on my time in my car) and then met Tinman and his daughter for dinner at the old Chinese buffet which is at a low ebb in quality these days, but it is what it is and what doesn't kill you makes you stronger... or something like that. Eb is gone for a week, somewhat suddenly as he told me he was leaving next week. So I watch the Star Trek shows that are on every night and type these words. Alone. I'd rather be sharing, yet... I am as much as I can at the moment.

I am feeling it's a wonderful life, even alone.

Narf :)

Wednesday, October 11, 2017

So Much Drama

The co-ed softball league is such a strange world these days as it has become awash in drama and people who are... challenging to describe. They seem to want to win at all costs and if they lose they look for all sorts of reasons to blame anything or anyone but themselves and their own poor play. It is recreational co-ed softball, for crying out loud. Where has the fun gone? So one team walks off the field in the middle of the game because they are adults and they don't want to play with immature children. Like it's mature to say "I'm taking my ball and going home so nobody can play." That was their first loss on the season and they were playing for first place. They were way behind and could not accept the reality of actually losing a game I guess, so they forfeited. On other fields players with obvious skills that belong in upper divisions were mocking people because they were mistakenly laced in the lower division and could do whatever they wanted on the field. Bullies and hurt feelings and pissed off people seem to be everywhere these days. So do we blame Trump or continue blaming Obama? lol.

That was not a serious question folks, lighten up.

Narf :)

Monday, October 9, 2017


That's Power Tripping Control Freak, in case you wondered. It seems my candor is pissing off more people than usual these days. One of the worst umpires in all the leagues I play in called time and threatened my team with a team out if I said one more word to piss him off. I told him if he could show me a rule that pertained to him being pissed off as grounds to penalize a team, then go right ahead and do it or let us get on having fun playing the game. He was pissed off because I was asking him to stop delaying the game with between inning conversations (including being on his cell phone) and for distracting players (which can be dangerous for inexperienced players) by talking to them while they were trying to concentrate on the game on the field.

We did not get penalized and after everyone laughed at him, we went on enjoying our game and he stayed quite except for making bad calls as if he was deliberately trying to provide my players. I simply told my players don't let his bad calls stop you from having fun and they listened to me and ignored him. A little man with a big ego who oversteps his authority has no power in a fun group.

We had fun in spite of him.

Narf. :)

Thursday, October 5, 2017

Challenges Alone

The excitement is bound to return sooner or later, but for now, this shows the distraught. Where is the humor? Alas, another typical day at work. A few things went wrong, but all is well because I fixed them. Watching Somewhere Between once I got back to where I sleep. A roller coaster day. The body is still acting up with digestive foulness that has no affect (or effect) on my appetite, unfortunately. Eating emotionally doesn't help. Just feeling more alone than usual. A lot more. Challenges are much more challenging when alone. Don't give up on the dream, remember?

Narf like a sigh. :}

Wednesday, October 4, 2017


I don't want to be superficial... it's just a bit challenging to get started again because the why is not public information so... moving right along... another work day, still loving the work even though I am still getting more tired and the body is still getting more ailments and not having the time to do all I could do to fix them is frustrating but playing softball five days a week certainly is contributing to the increasing fatigue... suddenly seeking more inspiration as conscious awareness of loneliness has been rising the last few weeks, at least... so step right up, read all about it, I'll get the words out as soon as I can... love me?

Just when I thought I might be back. Right? Yes, so the CBS shows I watch are back so I have shows to watch again... and I've been eating myself stupid again... fat... will power out the window... who cares... nobody outside of my head and the internal caring about me has been turned off temporarily... at least I hope it's just temporarily... I say that every time.

Ok, so that's the daily life. Today. Have fun out there. I'll be waiting.

Narf :)

Sunday, October 1, 2017

Back To Life

Sadly, I must accept that many are gone (so many more in their own private gardens that have not breathed in my ear in decades) and even sadder, some who are not gone would rather be gone and forgotten. I am so very sorry it hurts to be here with me and I shall do my best to be as obscure as I can be - but love is the opening door... I'll leave you out of it as challenging as that may be when I just want to shout from rooftops thank you for being, for caring, for inspiring me to believe in love and continue nurturing what little hope I have left that y dreams really can come true in this life. Shhhh, I am trying to understand and hoping my maze obscures my defiance enough to continue living my dream of sharing everything with respect for privacy. If this is a baffling entry, then I may have succeeded. My hope is you are amused at the lengths I will take to compromise even as it may drive us to madness (gleefully, I hope).

This is for all of you who do not wish to be any part of my written gardens. I still love you, even if you do not want me to say so here. I still find, to my delight and chagrin, that I cannot, dare not, will not leave the dream behind. Even if it is all just an illusion.

Friday, September 29, 2017

As If Time Stood Still

I continue as if there was no pause, as if there was no silent depression in the otherwise rambling road. Sometimes I even fill in the holes and let it appear I was never gone. Like silent friends who were there all along. Even when the dirt, drama, and details go unrecorded, like life, there is still something burning somewhere, and i know you care Z0tl, Persnickety, J, and what the heck, as I throw caution to the wind of late, I reach out to you through search engines thusly, and dozens more (remember the right side of this {not to mention the left side of right} and explore yourself... cuz I'm sneaky like that).

What about life?

Narf :)

Thursday, September 28, 2017

Thursday, September 21, 2017

Used To Be

Seems lately I am not as interested in pretending you are interested as I used to be.

Life goes on... and so it goes.


Sunday, August 20, 2017


Not as if I have any major life changes to share because as open as I am to change, no luck tonight. So I went to Helen's house and hooked up her new camera system and hung out a while, then we went to dinner at the new fried shrimp place (Stonington's) and I ate two dinners because I love shrimp. Then we drove a bit and stopped at a Baskin Robbins for a hot fudge sundae and then I drove her home.

I headed back here after dropping Helen off and called Harpo on the way and he told me abut a birthday party for a friend and so I filled up the gas tank and headed back to where Helen and I ate to visit with the old game group friends. I stopped for cake and pie and water and we played games and had fun and that's the way it was.

A couple of new people were there, but no sparks, just fun.

Narf :)

Saturday, August 19, 2017

Ok, Then (episode whatever)

Yes, I suspect "Ok, Then" was the title of another entry in this blog and perhaps many entries over the years and definitely was the start of many a writing session, so alright (as in let's get serious or at the very least seriously or seriously, now, which would likely be a step up (or a set up, depending on perspective), but before this turns into something like that, let's figure out what I came here to write, m'ok? Cuz I won't give up, in case it matters. :)

Time keeps on slipping (repeated as necessary, even as nauseam, ad too) and we keep drifting farther apart, or closer together, depending on perspective. So much depends on perspective, after all. In fact, probably everything, but then, superlatives are such potential trouble we should leave them for lovers and the mad among us). So where did the time go?

Tuesday went to work and softball, the usual pleasant work and frustrating softball... Wednesday went to work and dinner and Jackson, the usual pleasant work and delicious dinner and the usual wonderfully frustrating Jackson though this time with more hope and eye contact than usual... Thursday went work and long conversation with Harpo while waiting for the dinner time to start at the chinese buffet and then sitting in the car waiting for the torrential rain to subside and the dinner and semi-bloat and then hmmmm, some writing to J and TV and sleep, perhaps... MOT training at work and lots more and hmmmm... not bad hmmmm, just some the cloud of hmmmm that comes when memory fogs, usually because sleep comes early... Friday went to work and medical appointments for me and banking for Jackson and then dinner at home and TV and impulsive snacks a movie and sleep... that brings us to this morning.

All caught up and nowhere to go. Friday night and Saturday softball is on hold until next season, so last night was lonelier and more whatever than usual (and Eb had a dinner guest he did not tell me about which cramped my activity a bit as I did not want to dress to walk past them to the shower and had nowhere I wanted to go outside). Today is anything I want it to be and I want it to be quite, restful, and peaceful and so it is so far. Later I go to Helen to help her set up new security cameras for her house and then dinner.

So what's up in your world? (let's catch up someday, m'ok?) :)

Narf :)

Monday, August 14, 2017

Too Sleepy To Explain

Too excited to complain. So do not neglect to click on this previous post because I am too tired to continue the frolic that has been evident here in our little blog world lately and we don't want you to lose your place in line or get lost, after all.

I ate breakfast and lunch and no dinner. Work was fun and productive, once again. I cleared my desk again, this time without dumping everything onto a shelf behind me I'll clear those shelves one of these days. Softball was fun, though the lightning shortened the game, just when I was about to get up to bat too. Boo. We won though. Yay. I hung out talking to the field director about an incident report and then to friends at the fields after the lightning warning was lifted and the next games could get started. And then, another new blog maybe more revealing (and real) with more clarity than ever before. I think. I believe. I have faith. I feel. Many more links will surely be added when I am more awake and have more time.

Remember - do not neglect to click on this previous post because the frolic must continue if you are to enjoy it all. I wouldn't want you to miss a morsel.

Narf :)

Saturday, August 12, 2017

Had Enough Yet?

This entry right here in this link thing is deemed too important not to mention again so I shall mention this entry right here in this link thing again and encourage, nay, urge you to click on the link thing and visit (or revisit) it because it is deemed too important not to mention again, or miss, ye too. Yes, but here we are already covering up that entry linked right here with this entry you are reading right now. Unless you clicked on one of the link things and are reading that entry right there in this link thing right now, in which case I'll wait for you to return.




Are you sufficiently inundated with profundity now? Perhaps you neglected to click on the links within that entry right here in this link thing that is deemed too important not to mention again because the links within that entry right here in this link thing are part of the journey too important not to mention again so go ahead, I'll wait.




Had enough yet?

Well, the fact is there are entries written this week in this blog that are keepers and if you miss them, well, you missed some important puzzle pieces. All brevity aside, it's been a revealing week for some reason and if you want to read more about it, the detailed blog has many unfinished entries waiting for you to read and learn and encourage finishing. I'll just leave these links right here

Meanwhile, today was another fun Saturday of softball and dinner and conversation and madness. This right here is the brief daily entry you may have come here for. What?

Narf :)

Never Ending Ending

Isn't that what what life is, in fact, even more than a never ending beginning? Anyway, even if I did not get to else in the last babbling daily (which might be considered profound in some circles at some point in time in the near or distant future or past {I mean, can you imagine ants pondering such thoughts?}, but that is not even close to brevity so out, dang parentheses, and carry on daily).

What?... oh yes, today started early because last night ended early because fatigue of the week and a big bowl of pasta alog with some more Family Guy teamed up to bring slumbers. Writing was first thing on the agenda, yay, so maybe I did not need to completely define the else after all... at least not yet. The else paragraph along with many links was inserted into (is this more details than brevity allows?), well, you know where... and a long letter to J occupied much brain resources and then a shower cleansed the body and here we are, all squeaky clean and updating this daily life blog.

Yesterday was a good work day, as most are, as I might say in a previous entry that I might write sometime later. Softball is on the near horizon, then dinner is likely, then who knows. Fun, no doubt. May your life be fun of satisfaction, adventure, and fun too.

Friday, August 11, 2017

Spiders In Bed

Ok, so the previous entry tried to subtly send you to this entry which is the most recent in a long line of unfinished entries that attempt to distract me from the unpleasantnesses of living in this ghetto and it usually works and all week I've been getting to sleep early and waking early and eating right until tonight when I stuffed my face and emo-ate and then when I finally laid down to sleep I felt something crawling into my shorts and jumped up and found a spider in my bed and so I sprayed poisonous spray all over my sheets and pillows and the floor all around the bed and now I sit here waiting for it to dry considering eating some more and I must be awake in four hours and have a softball game tonight, I think, and I will do my best to have good day and pay well but fatigue will be a challenging opponent and it is time to fumigate this pig sty once again (this room is not, but the rest of the house is) and maybe spend a night in the car or somewhere so I don't kill myself with the poisonous sprays and how was your night?

I really was making the best of it and enjoying life until a moment ago.


Thursday, August 10, 2017

Missing Pleases

Sure, maybe I meant missing pieces and then again, maybe I meant something else and maybe I'm just so lonesome I could cry or worse, but bad movies and the end of the world as we know it, distracted entries, or whatever doesn't stop the time from passing and passing it did so when I find time again and fill in the gaps, who knows.

Another typical day in another typical week, fun work, fun, work, fun work, and work is fun too. Lonely at night though and the heart scream please help and the body is tired and screams please sleep and I fell off the wagon again tonight and the belly screams please stop and I supposed I am missing those pleases (please laugh).

Narf lol lam :)

Sunday, August 6, 2017

Here Again

It would be nice to be able to say home again but then I would have to feel it and I definitely do not feel home again so I am here again, but I have not bee home in a long long time. Deep? Profound? Maybe. Whatever. It is what it is. Good day though.

This morning included a lot of writing (see the details for more, ummmm, details) and then the afternoon was filled with a few hours of softball (in the extreme heat again... I survived) and then I picked up Helen for dinner (outstanding) and then we chatted a while and then I headed to Sarducci's for a party in honor of three friends with birthdays this month. a fun willed day and evening and night.

Hope you had fun today too :)

Narf :)

Thursday, August 3, 2017

Still Learning

Yeah, so that thing from yesterday was expanded slightly and now I just want to lay down and rest until I fall asleep. Especially since I have softball tomorrow night if it doesn't rain. Life was pretty much the same today. Fun at work, differently (conducted defensive driver training and got good feedback), but still fun. Ate lunch at the chinese buffet. So much for not eating out, that's two days in a row. Yesterday was not a great experience though, today was much much better. Stayed late to get more work done. Hope you had a good day too.

Time to jump on to the air mattress.

Narf :)

Tuesday, August 1, 2017

Later Than Intended

In case it matters, this is where I was for the past couple of hours and it still feels so wonderfully peacefully good in spite of the fatigue cramping the neck and closing the eyes. It was another fun day at work that included playing with Excel charts and formatting then for printing (Excel still rates very poor in that area) and lots more. Softball was great except for one inning, alas, and the Tuesday team scored only 6 runs again and that is not going to win a lot of softball games. It is a mixed up discombobulated team, but we might have fun in spite of it all. I signed up for next season.

Paid rent, which nudged the thoughts of getting out of here and paying the same money or just a bit more for much more space, cleanliness, and amenities higher on the mental ladder once again. I intended to get to sleep earlier, but the writing was just so much the right thing to do (even if the words are ignored).

Make yourself happy as I make me and you will be one happy you. :)

Sunday, July 30, 2017

Another Whatever

There's something cooking in the microwave, I'm not sure what it is, I opened many cans... guess there are many ways to be living on the edge, no doubt. Maybe I'll list the ingredients in the details blog, but anyway, it's another restful day here. Slept until the body felt like getting out of bed. Spent most of the afternoon sorting through my blog uploads and recording them in the table of contents file for the first time since February (maybe I'll get some organizational uploading done one of these days). That is not moving in, but it is getting comfortable in my chair. A good sign, nonetheless.

A weekend for me and just me for the first tie in months. Missing what is gone (always hurts more when I am catching up in my head and written gardens, alas, but it is what it is and I accept the caring and contact as it is, even when it's gone). Gonna enjoy the food, however it turns out. Life is better every day, still, even after all these years.

Wish you were here :)

Narf :)

Saturday, July 29, 2017

Saturday, On the Sofa

Yeah I know, it's not Saturday, In The Park, but then, I am not on a sofa, for that matter. A comfortable desk chair is my only seat here. Softball was rained out and I am trying to slow the spending so I slept in and today becomes laundry day. Looks like five loads. I'll just pop open some of the cans of food for a late lunch early dinner and the TV will occupy my time. I think I'll watch The Truman Show since it was just referenced by an old friend the other day.

Hope you enjoy your Saturday too :)

Friday, July 28, 2017

Friday Softball Fun

Ok, so we lost 12-11 in extra innings, but it was fun partly because I played well but mostly because I brought a good attitude to the field (which helped me play well) and the other team were good sports. After the game a few friends from another team shared dinner at our favorite local sports bar. Service was exceptional and food was delicious (made to order) and everything we asked for was served fast with a smile. The waitresses hang with us when they can because we go there a lot.

A wonderful day ends with a wonderful evening and all that's missing is someone to share the whole of the life, but hope springs eternal and I know you're out there somewhere :)

I hope your life is wonderful too, but if it's not, make it so - you can do it :)

Narf :)

Thursday, July 27, 2017

Strange Days Indeed

Today really doesn't live up to that title, but speaking to a first girlfriend after umbdabumbida years (more than three decades, at least) is a strange experience leading to the long and winding road that reminds me when a long strange trip it's been. Even with the distractions of the living space, Eb, the body ailments acting up again, the unpleasantness of poverty, the long road ahead, the dance with the devil in the pale moonlight, the depressive self-destructive suicidal culture that looms over us like an unwelcome and uncomfortable storm, and moldy cheese (representing everything else), it was a wonderfully pleasant conversation. Happy it happened. Hopefully it'll happen again in less than umbdabumbida years. :)

Meanwhile, it was another fun day at work. The Safety car is in the shop again and the loaner is worse than last time. The County really tries to milk their vehicles to save money. So my vehicle ID is 05232 (new vehicles are well over 10000). The pool loaner) car is 00198. It's a 1999 Ford Taurus and it should be in the shop and will be as soon as they figure out how to turn off my engine light.

I feel a bit more refreshed today, though I could have slept longer than I did last night. You can find more details about the day (and assorted babbling about who knows what) in the extended edition blog, in case you didn't know, in case it matters. Feel free to tell me all the mundane details of your day. If not here, in email, text, or call.

Life is more fun (and interesting) when we communicate, ya know?

Narf :)

Wednesday, July 26, 2017

Tired Times Again

An extra night of softball, the extra drive, and a lot less sleep than usual and the old fatigue crashes down. Still, I want to write and I want to keep in touch and I want to find the one and I want to save the world, so here I am. Another fun day at work and another ten cents in my pocket and another spaghetti and meatball dinner and another night with TV, all that and a bag of chips. Barbecue. Bloated. Tied. Sleep.

How was your day?

Narf :)

Tuesday, July 25, 2017

It Needs Sleep to Enjoy the Lotion

I have not idea what that means either other than referring to my level of fatigue and lack of enough sleep the past few days. Softball was fun, more on that another time. BLT was too chewy, but the bacon craving demanded it. More later.

Narf :)

Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow

Sunday afternoon I received a text from my first long term girlfriend (and someone who cared about meas much as anyone ever did, sigh) and maybe the most mature, sensible, caring, wonderful person I ever knew (at least one of them) letting me know she was in town with her family to do the theme parks. Blast from the Past, for sure. Alas, work and softball are obligations that, for many serious and a few selfish reasons, I do not want to cancel on such short notice and she will be back home by Wednesday morning.

Tonight was softball again, finally, a Monday night without rain. Unfortunately, though I had much fun, we lost and then lost again. Really great pitching, not enough hitting or fielding. The other pitcher was really good too. Anyway, after 2 hours of sleep last night this second late night in a row does not do me much good and tomorrow night I will be pitching again, whether permitting, because another team picked me up and a major plus is it is a freebie because they are fully sponsored.

Yesterday, today, and tomorrow - all smiles :)

Narf :)

Sunday, July 23, 2017

Another Day (etc)

There must be a hundred or more entries in my well over one hundred blogs that share the title with this entry (except for the (etc) perhaps) but sometimes it's just like and and some thing are acceptable among friends and this entry is for friends (posterity is a friend too, in case it matters). So maybe I am going to return to the realty of positivity and belief in the worth of these babbles and in you (humanity and dear readers) and perhaps the illusion that we must keep in touch often so entries may start flowing like this again. Perhaps.

Slept well, woke a few times for the usual reasons. Eb is on his old computer playing an old game as usual (when he's home it's either on that computer which looks like it is from the 1980s, sleeping, or watching Star Trek on TV... occasionally a rented movie like this weekend his choice was Bad Santa 2, or Big Bang Theory but only because it comes on before Star Trek). Now it is time to shower and head out to a private museum tour at the Cornell Museum with a friend and her meetup group.

Life goes on and so it goes.

Thanks for being here.

Narf :

Out All Day

Yeah, so I finally heard the softball games may be starting and headed to the fields. The word was I had an hour, but when I got to the fields 30 minutes after the last text, they had already started the game. We lost the first, we won the second. Poor playing conditions, but still we played which s better than not playing. The heat was not bad and I was fine. Next came dinner. Delicious filet mignon and accessories. Helen made a good choice. Next came cards at Harpo's with the old gang. Nothing changed there, Sarducci announced he was really good at the game, hearts, as if there was no contest at the table... so I decided to win because his arrogance needed a take down. I won, he was really pissed blaming Harpo for not playing right (hearts is not a partner game, he just got beat and had to find an excuse) and saying he was not having fun. We played oh hell next and Harpo and I let him win by a few points just to send him home happy. It was a fun night.

So here I am, just getting back, and recording the day for posterity.

In case it matters.

Narf :)

Saturday, July 22, 2017

Out All Night

At least that was sort of the plan. Out all day first to a lunch at maybe the best NY style deli in the area, then softball, then dinner, then something else until after midnight. That was the plan. So far, I woke up too late for the yummy lunch and the rains are threatening softball. I sit here typing when I should be getting to the fields, but no one can provide a clear answer to whether the games are on or not and the radar suggests storms. Dinner and something else is still on.

So how is your day turning out so far?

Narf :)

Friday, July 21, 2017

Just In Case

This might be the saddest google search I have ever seen. Just in case is matters. There are so many ways you could keep in touch. Or could have kept in touch. But a choice was made in your mind. You chose to avoid all of the many ways you could have kept in touch. You chose to not keep in touch. Inaction is a clear and present message.

Caring is a verb. When you don't do it, it does not happen.

Pretending does not change that fact.

Nor do good intentions.

Anyway, life, work, lots of little things, desk stuff, don't remember details just now, one of the four people in our division had a baby today, life goes on. Then softball, we won big. 24-4 (they stop it at a 20 run lead). I went 5 for 6 with a bunch of RBIs and my out was a sacrifice setting up two runners who scored. Pitched lights out except the inning I tried to give them runs and gave them 4. I hate completely shutting out a team. After softball nobody wanted to go to the usual hangout so I went to a local shrimp place and while not cheap, excellent food. Harpo joined me there, then we wandered the supermarket and had dessert and walked and talked and then I headed back here. Eb was just finishing watching a movie and went to bed. I saw a tweet from Jackson and mused over how she still reaches out to the world via regular Facebook posts and now regular tweets, but she stopped texting personal texts because it upset Brandy. Sad, really. Not healthy, but that's her choice. Then I came here.

Just in case it matters someday.


Thursday, July 20, 2017

Told You

So? I mean, So? Yeah, that's right... feeling peckish. I think. What does peckish mean, anyway? Anyway, I told you so, told ya told ya told ya. Maybe I mean immature. Lovingly taunting? Unconditionally trusting you get it or care enough to ask before taking offense or misunderstanding? In any case, the world is a fruitcake and some of us are the fruit and some of us are the nuts and some of us are the cake, but why do we have to make it so hard?

Anyway, as if it matters in case it matters, I am still here ever the optimistic fool as pessimistic as ever cheating death and sailing off into the sunset all by myself even though I don't wanna be sometimes, I think. Can you see the mist, ic? See, pti, get it? Wait, I'm not done. Can you see the mystic? Of course, I am an optimystic fool. You had to be there.

Another day, same juggle. Updating all the databases so the monitoring of safety can return to concrete forms in the county. Expanding communications bit by bit. Visiting a tree to see the damage and insure the crews clean it up safely. Celebrating a co-worker going on maternity leave, mourning with a co-worker who lost a family member, cheering a co-worker training a temp and welcoming the temp, learning how to deal with my boss a little better every day, visiting a citizen to satisfy a complaint/request, meeting a deputy sheriff to build the bridge between citizen and law enforcement. Twelve hour day, no problem.

Just in case you stop by to spend ten years catching up.

Narf :)

Monday, July 17, 2017

Meaningless Matters

Too bad meaninglessness doesn't cuz there is a whole lot of meaninglessness right here. I mean, not even a near death experience matters. No wonder I am eating canned meat and processed everything so much, as if anyone might understand the references and Billy Joel concerts where the first discussion of the day today. Along with many others. So many links could be here, but whatever. You missed it and maybe we'll put a package together for you someday. Luckily one person keeps my hope alive for humanity. Thank you J.

So work and then home and then food and the rain canceling softball and then tv and soon (or late) sleep. Rinse, lather, rinse, repeat. I'm having all this fun without you.

Still, every one of you who ever knew my love lives inside me.

And still... it turns me on.

Narf :)

Wednesday, June 28, 2017

Nothing Like Death to Wake You Up

I've been in the hospital and without a power cord, I restricted my computer use to a few emails and reading my health reports (good to have a hospital with a secure website that makes my reports available even if a hacker could get them too... what have I got to hide, after all). So did you miss me? Will you miss me after I die?

I'll explain in more detail in the detailed blog at another time.

Here's something to read until then.

Narf. }

Friday, June 23, 2017

Hours Later

I am still babbling and maybe it is worth reading (for me, it's worth writing and that is what matters most... you finding value in reading is the cake under the icing or the macaroni under the cheese sauce or the burger surrounded by the cheese and bacon and fried onions and bun. The last time I ate was Wednesday lunch. Zero calories today zero calories yesterday, 400 calories on Wednesday. I reached 200.4 pounds. Determination.

Softball, finally. After a month of rainouts, we played. It was fun, even though we lost. Someone else pitched the first inning and gave up 13 runs. I pitched the rest of the game and gave up two runs. Unfortunately, we only scored 10 runs. One of our players was so drunk he cut his hand and he wanted 911 called. They called 911. I knew the paramedics who showed up and they didn't take him to the hospital. Ambulance sirens and six paramedics standing around you is a way to sober up.

Jackson I inspiring some deep thoughts, or something like that. It is actually hours later than this entry is stamped, but you know. Work was good, life is good.

Hope yours is too. :)

Narf :)

Thursday, June 22, 2017

Time Rushing By

Last night I went to sleep shortly after dinner, the night before too. Yesterday I woke sleepy (maybe it was the Diphenhyramine HCL... yes, I took 50mg... first time in ages... the itching was keeping me awake) but I woke a bit more refreshed. Wait, I took the Diphenhyramine HCL last night, so the first long sleep was just not enough to cure the fatigue (maybe it was body tired from fighting the itching). I have been writing, a lot, actually, I just have been falling asleep before uploading. There just does not seem to be enough time for work, life, writing, fun, activities, self-care, sleep, and uploading. Now that's an old song.

Today was another good day at work. I am getting used to the freezing office and I think it will help me lose weight by running my metabolism on high to stay warm (or is it the opposite?... well, at least it is keeping me awake most of the time) once I decide to stop indulging my taste buds and emotional eating. I may have decided that yesterday (see what some sleep will do?... suddenly, will power and good life-sustaining sense) as I have fasted since lunch yesterday (and lunch was a 400 calorie can of pasta and chicken). So 400 calories in 2 days and ten pounds less on the scale. That is twenty pounds less than the maximum I hit this year. I told Jackson I would be under 200 pounds by July 4th and it just might happen. Except that if it doesn't rain tomorrow I will likely go out to eat bar food for dinner and Saturday I have dinner plans at a really good seafood place, but if I do't eat anything else and I continue on a low calorie balanced diet after the weekend, I should easily make it.

Shhhh, don't jinx it. Loneliness is still powerfully affecting my eating habits.

In case it matters.

Narf. :)

Sunday, June 18, 2017

Fun and Organizing Stuff (in spite of interference)

Hey, you, are you with me? I'd like to continue and I kinda almost did (or at least started), bur maybe the worms did eat into his brain after all. Sigh, ya know? Meanwhile, in the daily life, which is what this blog is supposed to be about (in case it matters), I spent the day out in the world having fun. That was after a less than ideal sleep night as lot of interruptions came around. Eb wanted to tell me his itinerary at my door as I was eating so I think he's going away this week, but I was not paying attention. Don't expect me to take detailed notes while I am eating. The lawn guy pounding on the door and ringing the bell well into the late evening, I might have mentioned that. Then he's back ringing the doorbell before 7am until Eb woke around 7am. Then a wrong number phone call on the work phone woke me again at 9am. I finally got up and showered about a little after 11am.

Then it was lunch with Helen, her mother, and one of Helen's girlfriends. I ate too much and had to stop at a big box store to use the bathroom. Naturally I bought a few things. Then I met Helen at her house and we went to an even bigger big box store and bought some more stuff. After that we hung out at her house for a while until it was time for me to head to cards. A selection of the usual suspects were there and cheap pizza was dinner and in the end, I finished second and walked away up $50. Good deal.

Heading home, I stopped at the storage unit and picked up a cooler because I am going to start keeping two coolers in the car, one for the laptop bag (in the trunk) and one for drinks in the car. Driving around in the heat on weekends or on weekends for work is getting expensive, so bring drinks and keeping the laptops cool is beyond sensible. Heading home, I found myself motivated to straighten up and reorganize this room and it is much more spacious (for a small box) and things are more easily available.

Now, if only someone was here to share the fun, life (and this space) would be even better.

Hello?... hello... hello...

Narf :)

Saturday, June 17, 2017

Just In Case

Softball is rained out again, sheesh, so lunch with the girls and then cards with the boys and girls tonight. Maybe exercise in the middle. If only someone wanted to share that. Hello, anybody wanna exercise together out there? :)

So this is just in case someone is searching for Ric Candor and finds this entry and wonder what in the world (do you believe in multiverses?... I believe in love) is going on (Steve Martin and Bill Murray asked what the hell is that? too lol), reach out and let's find out together, m'ok? Cuz if we can get past the censorship of greed, fear, and personal insecurity, we might find a connection. You know, just find someone who's turning, yearning, returning, and we just may come around. Hey you, can you feel me? Don't tell me there's no hope at all, come on, you know the answer and it is not just blowing in the wind. Old man take a look and my life, I'm a lot like you were. Oh when the Pink were Young. Stop in the name of love. I woke up today lost in a lost world. Remember me, my friend? Maybe. The Moody Blues and I were saved by the music. Sometimes it's random and sometimes the nail is struck squarely on the flat top. Remember Dick Tracy? See the Apple watch. Six two and even, over and out.

Narf :)

Slippery Slopes

We really were having so much fun and along came reality to piss on our parade. At least I continued babbling of a sort. The lawn guy lead me to think about how Jackson is acting quite bipolar in reaching out needy one day and pushing me away the next and I am starting to wonder how healthy her relationship really is as Brandy has her shut away and my gut is starting to not feel good about it. Then there were shots outside and the party across the street broke up rather quickly after that. That lead me to realize I've been spending way too much and not saving enough and I am stuck in this place a while longer. All that brought the loneliness factor way up and luckily, sleep is calling now.

Sometimes we live on slippery slopes and wear uncomfortable shoes. I guess we either fly or fall. Hopefully we will all fly. Take care of yourself out there.


Friday, June 16, 2017

His Man Friday

This is becoming an annoyance as the lawn guy seems to not understand that Eb owns this house and Eb decides if the lawn is to be cut and Eb pays for the lawn to be cut and if Eb is not home then there is no point in banging on the door or ringing the doorbell. The lawn guy is either seriously dense or he is testing to see if Friday night is a good night to break into this house because he continues to come back banging on the door and ringing the bell (sometimes waking me) asking if the awn should be cut or when he is going to be paid when Eb's motor scooter is not outside (meaning he is not home). Tonight I am ignoring the door and the knocking (which turned into banging) and am reaching the point of annoyance. I am tired of going to the door repeatedly on Friday evenings to say Eb's not here and I don't know when he will be back and I don't have your money, it's Eb's house and Eb pays you to do his lawn, it's not my house or my lawn so please stop waking me up. Only to hear Oh, I'm sorry, will you tell him I came by? Maybe it's a cultural thing... or he's just dense. Or else.

Anyway, the third time the lawn guy returned louder than ever, it was distracting enough to stop the writing and I was on a row and really enjoying the solitary world of my imagination and maybe even close to the core of profundity of everythng (or something like that).

I guess I have to start going out on Friday nights even when softball is rained out.

Babbler, interrupted.


Illogical Home

Windows open, air conditioner on, complaints of high electric bills. Windows open letting the high humidity in, air conditioner constantly fighting the heat and humidity, more complaints of high electric bills. Today was a cold day at the office. They keep the air conditioner down near 60 there, or at least all of use wearing sweaters and many using space heaters feel like that. Lots of paperwork done. I almost picked up the Commodore at the airport and headed to his place to play Bridge, but his plane was delayed several hours so I headed home, stuffed my face with canned food, and then, played computer games while Family Guy continued to amuse and annoy me.

How was your day?

Narf :)

Wednesday, June 14, 2017

Less Today

Wandered a few parks today while the sun was out and made it back to the office just in time for rain. Tok care of driver issues and a few other things. Set up a meeting with a citizen tomorrow to discuss her trespasser issues. All in all another beautiful day in the neighborhood. Hoe to food and then to bed, waking around midnight or later and sitting up here. No massive missives today. See yesterday for linkage and more depth. Sleep soon. Miss you, whomever you are.

Narf :)

Tuesday, June 13, 2017

I Stayed Away

I stayed away from Facebook, but still I could not sleep. I turned on the news and saw the shit was getting deep. I wrote another epic rant for promises I meant to keep and left myself in la la land without making a peep. So tomorrow I shall go to work on less sleep than I've gone to work with since starting the new job and I've stopped drinking the coffee (which is why the caffeine I drank tonight has such a profound effect). There is a part of me torn up bad inside for staying away from the city and the celebrations of life and love and the remembrances - and all the people who would have welcomed me with open arms and emotional hugs. I told myself it was too far, it was a work night, I was just recovering from a bad cold and finally felt the bug was almost gone, all sort of good rational logical reasons to not drive forty minutes in the rain to stand in the rain for hours just to feel so painfully alone after all. Still, I feel just as alone now as I would have had I gone, maybe. I wonder what might have been.

I'll never know because I stayed away.


Monday, June 12, 2017

Food For Love

Alone, only sort of feeling sorry for myself because I don't necessarily want to go out anywhere and don't really want to be around people tonight because I want to be seriously serious and I've yet to find anyone who shares my seriously serious and tonight is not a night I want to try to find someone who does so I listen to reruns of Family Guy and stuff my face with canned food and chips because this is the first night in a week or more that I don't feel sick and the cold that settled in the gums finally doesn't hurt so it is almost gone but I will continue to rinse vigorously as I sit here typing these words to recap the day... worked, work is still a pleasure but that's what I did, worked, then came home and ate and ate some more and typed these words. I wish I could say I gave up food for love (I would) or even I was a food for love (makes sense to me) but I actually traded love for food because love failed me and food amazes me even it will only kills me in he end and I'd rather die for love and I do but all by myself seriously, what?... as if, right? and oh, did I mention I drank caffeine for the first time in a week?

Food for love.

Narf :)

Sunday, June 11, 2017

Saturday Funish

Sleeping in is fun. Resting is fun. So after sleeping in and resting, I check the website and see the fields are still open so I headed to softball under growing clouds. I call the fields and they confirm games are still on. About two minutes later the girl from the park office calls me back and tells me they called off the games. I guess she looked out the window and asked someone. So I called Helen and we decided on dinner before my card game. I stopped at the store before heading there to buy yet more mouth medicines. I found two more cheap work shirts. Then hung out with Helen at her house until e went to dinner. Eating carefully, I left stuffed and headed to the card game. I finally won something, finishing in third place. So I ended up $20 ahead. Headed home and wrote a but and then, to bed. Fun, aye?

Narf :)

Saturday, June 10, 2017

Relaxing Day

So what's the story? Catching up? Is anybody reading? Well, the bad cold I had worked it's way all through my head and the immune system battled back valiantly from place to place in the head. This week it settled into the gums as cold sores and I'm battling with antiseptic mouth wash, warm salt water, and today I will pick up some oral medicines. The bug is isolated now in one big cold sore on the lower right gum line and I am trying to keep it from getting into the teeth or roots. That's all, just relaxing and rinsing.

Soon, softball.

Narf :)

Friday, June 9, 2017

Weekends Start Before the Week Ends

The work life continues to be all I wanted to find in a job (except of course taking up ten hours a day five days a week, though I can fit in thing I need to do during the day most days since I am in and out of the office on my own schedule most of the time). Once again softball was rained out and instead of going out somewhere or finding out if any of the teams are going out, I stayed home. Except for running out to get ice cream. Mmmmmm, ice cream. and the internet, writing, and once again, Family Guy. I've been listening to it (and glancing up now and then) while writing and from the first season and I'm somewhere in season 14. Life is good.Yes, lonely at times and somewhat dull, but good.

Narf :)

Thursday, June 8, 2017

Gots Ta Sleep

Oh really, sleep? So much sleep is missing from the daily life in this daily life. So work was great as usual and something something something and caring for the mouth and writing to J (so that's where all the words went). Yup, sleep.

Nite nte.

Narf :)

Wednesday, June 7, 2017

Busy Caring

First I supervised and coordinated random drug testing, then I drove 30 minutes to investigate and document an office flooding, then I stopped at the softball fields to use the bathroom and the internet so I could respond to emails and do some desk tasks, and then some desk work back a the office. After work I headed to Jackson's for my first visit and we went to a yummy dinner and the gums might be a little better as treatments continue and continued caring is in the forecast, though dark clouds make visibility limited.

have fun out there, and take care of each other. Yourself too.

Narf :)

Tuesday, June 6, 2017

Teeth Matter

Hopefully it is just temporary but I have mouth issues. I laugh as I think without u, they'd be moth issues but that's just me distracting myself with semantics. The cold, bacterial or viral, settled in the gums and pointed out the neglect of teeth and gums in my mouth and the remedy is tearing the mouth apart. Brushing is tearing away gum tissue. Peroxide, salt, and antiseptic rinses are eating away the dead skin and exposing the plaque and decay on the teeth. It's like a war zone in there. Hopefully I won't lose any teeth. The body s struggling.

Distracting, no doubt. Otherwise, work is wonderful and I am wonderful and if I can find my will ower again, the body just might survive.

How are you?

Narf :}

Monday, June 5, 2017

Fighting The Inevitable

Fighting the inevitable winner, that is. Disease, decay, death. Yes, I still battle that big that attacked some time last month and while it is much weaker than it has been, it is taking it's toll. I may have be well in a few days or weeks or I may have congestive heart failure (all the symptoms are present including the gum rot). Of course it could just be gum rot and I'll lose most of my teeth, I mean, my heart has always checked out great. I suppose I should see and doctor and dentist one of these days.

I decided to start brushing my teeth.

Narf :)

Long Dull Sunday

No softball, boo. So I slept in. No softball, blah. Nothing to do. So I ate and watched TV and ate some more and watched more TV and ate some more. So much for dropping weight (I dropped 10 pounds recently, I think). I could have gone out, but I just didn't feel like going anywhere. It rained. I texted with a couple of people. More TV, more food. Foolish self-indulgent party. Fun, aye? Should have gone to sleep hours ago.

Narf :)

Sunday, June 4, 2017

More Tired

Because I am not getting enough sleep most nights and I am not getting any younger and I am still wide awake at 4am (in other words lonely and hanging on the hope that I'm alright... the links hold secrets, if you care) and the summer is returning again and playing softball in the afternoon heat is more challenging than ever (more fluids, more cooling, less stamina, less ability to cool down properly and the BP medication makes it even harder, pant pant pant).

Two games this afternoon, lost one, won one. Any win is surprising for this Saturday team as it is mostly new players making a lot of simple fundamental mistakes. I was oozy running bases in the second game, but continued pitching and held the other team who are good seasoned players. We would have won the first game against the best team in the league if we did not make so many errors. Fun, exhausting, fun.

After softball I showered at Helen's and then we went to an Indian restaurant we had been wanting to try and it was excellent. Appetizers and meals ran $35 a piece. We will try their lunch buffet one of these days.

After dinner I headed to play cards with the softball poker players. Still have not won (money goes to the first, second, and third place finishers and there are usually ten or more at the table, but it's fun. Today was expensive, but much fun.

I don't feel like sleeping now, so I will watch a movie on Hulu. Anybody want to join me?

Narf :)

Saturday, June 3, 2017


So tired, the creativity is numb. I've become dumb. Like the end of Voices, bot, did those writers run out of creativity fast. Earlier I whammed myself with Phantom of the Opera. There are no words. I even crossed over to the past, still hoping someone might care about it all, and I mean it all. S'ok, it was a long day and softball was cancelled so I say here lonely and endured a cathartic experience. I ate pasta and then rinsed multiple times to continue killing the cold bug that is still bugging me on the head and now, internal cold sores. I should sleep, but I keep hoping someone will knock on the door and fall in love with me and I don't want to miss her.

Narf :)

Thursday, June 1, 2017

Busy Fun Blurry Fun

The eyes are blurry more frequently these days for a number of reasons (what number?... what does that mean anyway?). Sleeplessness, mostly. Busy life, cough interference at night, excess weight, high sugar, all the stuff making focus more challenging than it needs to be. Anyway, that's life these days. Don't wanna go blind, so do something about it. Somebody cares, right?

Picked up Jackson and Brandy at the airport and in spite of being ready to fall asleep hours ago, I am not wired, bleary blurry-eyed, but wired. They are engaged, after all. I contained my excitement as they just wanted a ride home, but they are engaged! Yeah, so anyway, a busy day at the office and much busier day staring 7:30 am tomorrow so I really should sleep. The cough is nagging, so I am sucking the intense drops. I am thirsty, but more fluids will just make it more challenging. The cold has moved into the throat and jaw and sinuses it is attacking the gums and so I must find a way to mouth-wash with antiseptic a few times an hour. And eat as little food as possible. A liquid diet would be wise.

Really, I'm having fun and loving life, just sick. Must focus on fighting this bug.

Alone. Again. Still not naturally.

Narf. :)

Tuesday, May 30, 2017

Fun, Softball, Challenges, Sleep

Got all three of the first three words in the title but not enough of the latter in the past four days so off to sleep I go, cough willing.

More to follow.

Thursday, May 25, 2017

Old Habits

There was a time I would fall in love with these guys but today is not the day for that. The words they wrote, that was me in way back when. Back when I was publishing The Writer's Exchange (wow, there was only one when I as publishing) and Paper Fantasies and Steve was publishing The Letter Exchange (still going... Steve retired and others took over). I have laundry to do between coughs and somehow need to focus on controlling the cough enough to sleep so I can wake early and get to ... house to caught a ride to the tournament. So easily distracted, so easily amused, no wonder everyone who comes near me is confused.

lol... lam... sigh.

But oh, how I loved going to the mailbox and finding words. :)

Narf :)

Power Lines

Sitting under power lines watching a generator that attacked a man's arm and almost ate it this afternoon, I realized how much I miss Stephen King. And babbling. Not that I will suddenly babble or read another Stephen King novel, but I miss both. Naturally I will continue to be redundant in spite of everything. The day was long, monitoring random drug testing in the morning, responding to an emergency call in the afternoon, then sitting and waiting for the results of x-rays to determine how seriously the generator will be investigated. Luckily the man did not lose the arm, so the investigation will be in house within the department and likely cursory. Meanwhile, in spite of the massive thunderstorm, I still didn't die

I fell asleep shortly after arriving home, then woke 4 hours later and moaned a bit, pooped, wandered, ate some soup and later on, hot pockets, and now, here we are. I should try to sleep some more, but the hacking fits of previous nights have me cautious about laying down. I bought all sorts of cough drop things today, but left them all at work. Doh. Thirsty, but trying to dehydrate the nasal tubes, even if that is counter-productive for the overall cold-bug war. Sleep is the most important healing factor of all. Especially in the absence of caring.

In case in matters.


Wednesday, May 24, 2017

When I Wasn't Sick

I think I still remember a time when I was not sick, when I was not gauging my every move by wither I can repress the coughing enough to do whatever it is I wanted to do. Like speaking, for instance. Or sleeping. Its been a few rough nights and I am seriously burnt out and the cough get quite out of control and the body hurts all over and Eb is acting oblivious and nobody in life outside of work is around and I should not be spreading germs around work but it is a lingering cold and I don't have two weeks to stay home and die.

So I am pushing the limits beyond limits known before as I usually do. More blogs, more risks, more life.

Dinner for Tinman's birthday was odd thanks to the usual suspects, a judgmental corner sniper and then Harpo and Sarducci, both too depressed to stop their pity-party long enough to join in the celebration and as usual, they left early, but in the end, fun. Poor people, so many challenges, so little time. I didn't cough much and enjoyed food and babbling about whatever.

Sleep is not easy.


Tuesday, May 23, 2017

Did I Die?

You may be the only one who knows for sure and then again, who knows anything for sure, for sure? I am so sick tonight and still, awake, writing, babbling, scratching and clawing to find hope someone will find these words (or something like that) in this cyber bottle and fall in love and come and save me from this prison of terminal loneliness (or at least cut the bad drama). Amuse me, I'm easy, but first, help me get well again.

Until then, distraction. Time keeps on slipping slipping slipping slipping . . .

Monday, May 22, 2017

Softball Rainout, Twin Peaks Pigout

Yeah, the gang decided to go to a different sports bar tonight where the girls wear almost nothing and the food is very bar-food-like. Wise? Of course not. I am sick sick sick and at death's door (I nodded off t the fields yesterday after the games and --- stayed to make sure I could walk to the car and checked on me to make sure I could drive and then checked to make sure I got home safely. Sweetheart, I miss playing cards with him Tuesday nights. I don't miss the Curly-dominated pig-outs though.

So instead, I pigged out with the softball friends. Crappy food though. I really need to sleep more and this week is not set up for it. Thursday night I must crash immediately after work or I will certainly just keep getting sicker and I really do not think I want to die in spite of the careless whispers and behavior to the contrary.

No one's saved my life tonight.

Narf sigh heave...

Still Breathing, Still Sick

Aching all over, cramping, head wonky and sinuses pounding and all because I want to be 16 years old and play hard through the cold/flu that is ravaging my sinuses and throat. Headed to the end of season party at the local bar and stuffed the face and belly with barbecue something, meatballs, chicken wings, pigs in blankets (not just me), cole slaw, potato salad, and a lot of water. Yum, cramp, wooze, but good people to hang out with. So tired, so sick, so stupid. Hopefully I wont die and I'll get some sleep this week.

And she had fun fun fun till...

Narf :)

Sunday, May 21, 2017

Last Hit of The Season

Sometimes I feel like the universe wants me to die happy, albeit superficially. So I did not have the heart to beat the team I wanted to go to the World Series with this season which left their fate in their own hands and they did what they needed to do, they beat the second place team to move into second place and earn a berth in the World Series. I felt bad for the former second place team as I like them too, but I really did not want to go to the world series with the first place team and it got down to the wire. We lost 12-10 and I could have driven in the tying runs, but I did not feel it at the plate so I just got a single. Had to beat out a good throw too.

But that universe, ya see. --- asked me to pitch for his team as they were short players. So I started the game but then their players showed up and I just helped coach and then their shortstop broke a finger so I went back in the game giving me a chance to finish the season with a good hit. I went for it and burned the right fielder. As I rounded second I could see it might be close at third so I sped up and made it standing up just before the ball and the third baseman dropped the ball, it hit my foot and I saw a chance so I headed home and made it. The universe (and a good friend) gave me the opportunity for my last hit of the season to be a home run.

I almost died.

Narf. :}

Still, I Push On

The wallet is about $50 lighter and I mostly had fun playing poker, but this $50 a week drain on what is supposed to be savings time is not going to continue for long. Good to have new people to play with, but still not meeting anyone I can feel like getting close to. No healthy influences. No depths. Sleep would have been so much wiser as this body is fighting a head cold that may be getting fluish. Don't let the sun go down on me, m'ok? Softball in the morning sleep now.

Miss you, miss me, miss loving and being loved.

Narf. :}

Saturday, May 20, 2017

Getting Blown Away

Not just be the cold and flu bug that has taken over this body, but the Friday night softball team really sucks this season and I am frustrated because I am not helping and the Friday night coach may be very sorry she invited me back. Though tonight the other pitcher got blown out for 12 runs and it would have been worse if the run rule did not save him, so it's not just my pitching, it's an overall lack of defense and hitting on the whole team. Getting back to going out to the local bar afterward on Friday nights is fun again.

If only I was not so sick. I really should stay in bed a few days, or something like that.

Where is the Nurse when I need her the most?


Narf lol sigh :}

Friday, May 19, 2017

Yesterday Was Today

Blogwise, that is. The idiot's adjective. excuse me while I like fuck this guy (for no apparent reason), like-wise, . .
. what I mean is, this was the day described yesterday, I think, and yesterday I was just starting to feel quite ill or something like that. Random distractions shall be my saviour or the death of me.

Narf. :}

Thursday, May 18, 2017

Seriously, Sick

Yes, the head cold has blown up and the world is far away. I recede deep into the cranial capacitor and watch the world move slowly by through foggy eyes. Then again, it is me slowing down. Down. Down. Chills. Aches. Nose dripping non-stop. Crushing the energy. It's all in the mind, I know, and I am letting it go. See the rules of the pity party, if you can find them.

Work in spite of it all. Two germophobes spray disinfectant in my wake.

It would almost be funny if I was not dying.

Still getting fatter too.


Wednesday, May 17, 2017

The Day Before That

Softball happened again, a lot of softball. So much caffeine is draining the brain and killing the immune system and the head cold is rushing in to take over and try to kill this body, no joke. Chills in the evening after running the bases, domination pitching, it's good to know the umpires. Should have gone home to sleep, but then, this is not home. The comforts are absent. The temperature fluctuations are deadly. The body is not doing well. This is gonna be a long week. Or longer. I may get repetitive before we are done. Repetitious, even.

What's a little redundancy between friends...

Narf :)

Tuesday, May 16, 2017

This Pity Party

I did it again, no oops, and it makes for a very long week. The emptiness consumes the memories, that is why the pity party is thrown. The theory is that the memories are more painful than the emptiness. We still await proof. We still await everything. It could have ll been said before (and on and on and ad infinitum, or something like that). I left my heart in San Fracisco, Monterey, Toronto, New York, New York, Brooklyn, Canarsie, and several other places I may or may not remember. The emptiness, remember? Oh that's right, we don't.

No really, I survived another day, I just don't remember how or why. Or what happened.

It really was no miracle...

Narf lol :)

Monday, May 15, 2017

Awake, Again

So instead of wisely going to bed, I went to Hulu and watched Legion instead. Now in the seventh episode, wondering how softball will go tomorrow night on just a couple of hours sleep. The loneliness got me again. Mother's day reminded me that I have no family. I know we are all alone, it is the nature of life in reality, separate living organisms. People share an illusion of bonding and connection and unity and oneness when their consciousness and perspective is close enough to share the illusion of sharing (tricky little bugger, this life experience, isn't it?). Anyway, I trust someone to share the illusion of family and share unconditional love and trust they will stay family and then, poof, they are gone when they don't need me anymore. Again and again. Alone again, etc. etc.


Sunday, May 14, 2017


A week ago I started writing as I did a couple or few years ago, multiple entries, writing as it happens, comfortable, casual, believing someone someday will actually care to know. Believing someone might ever actually care today. I must have blinked because a week just passed (I fixed that though) and I did not even notice I was not on the laptop at all.

Maybe reality set in.... or something like that.

Today I did laundry, cleaned out the car, tidied up the place a bit. No softball. Mother's Day. I threw a food pity party and sort of accepted my place in this world in this life. Sigh.

Saturday, May 13, 2017

Saturday Softball, Dinner, and Rain

Sleeping in is nice. I headed to softball and we won, in spite of some lost focus in one inning when I walked two batters and gave up a few runs. We won because the game was rained out in the sixth and we were ahead. The umpire had a low strike zone which is dangerous for the pitcher pitching very low pitches because many batters will hit those back up the middle. Anyway, after softball I headed to Wal-Mart to buy some clothes and then to Helen's and for a shower. We drove out to to pick up my credit card (that I left in the Mt Dora restaurant last week when I had dinner with Jane) and then drove around some more. We stopped at one restaurant that had changed owners since Helen had been there last and left after finding ants crawling on our table. College Park to Mt. Dora to Eustis to Deland to Sanford to College Park and back to Sanford.

Tried the Seafood restaurant I wanted to try here and it was disappointing. Good, but not worth the price. Still, a good day and evening and now, good night.

Narf :)

Friday, May 12, 2017

Friday Night Softball & Food

I've missed Friday night softball and going out to the sports bar afterwards with some of the players. I am happy the Friday night team invited me back. Unfortunately, I sucked tonight. We lost big. I took myself out after two innings and the other team only got a few more runs after than but they won 13-3. I knocked in one of the three runs we scored and errors accounted for many of the runs we gave up, so we didn't just loose because I walked a few batters. I think they didn't ask me to pitch when they moved from one park to another a couple of seasons ago because I seem to play poorly on Friday nights. I wish I could play better on Fridays.

The food was great afterwards and I enjoyed the company. I might be going to Atlanta with an upper division team for a tournament. So maybe I don't play as poorly as I perceive my play after all. Stay positive.

Narf :)

Thursday, May 11, 2017

Thursday Night Bridge

I've missed Thursday Night Bridge at Excel and the Commodore's place, but if I stay out late on Thursdays I am useless for softball Friday nights and I want to keep more exercise in my routine. Sitting all evening eating and playing cards is just not healthy for me and I do not want to blow up my weight the way all of them have. I miss them though. nd my eating habits are worse than ever. Quite the phase this is, no doubt. I still am not going to sleep early though, fix this next week, m'ok?

Narf :)

Wednesday, May 10, 2017

Wednesday Sleep

More effective than the pattern I am in would be early to bed to get more sleep Tuesday and Thursday, but for now I am giving into sleep after dinner on Wednesday nights so I am fast asleep now. I typically wake about now to empty the bladder and then go back to sleep. The body and mind work better with a few nights sleep each week.

Work is really good.

Narf :)

Tuesday, May 9, 2017

No Cards Tonight

I miss cards, but Tuesday night cards are not happening these days because I am tired. I need rest Tuesday nights after four days/nights of softball. I miss some of the players, but the fact is I don't miss the judgmental insensitivity, mockery, and controlling ways Curly settled into last year. He and ... like to laugh at or put down any idea they don't like or don't agree with and they do not seem to realize (or they do, but don't care) they scoff at my whole life's work and philosophy. He's actually walked out of cards because the Commodore and I (who have similar views) discussed our philosophy. Controlling small minds are challenging to have fun with.

Still, I miss Excel, the Commodore, and ... and cards.

Sleep is good though.

Narf :)

Monday, May 8, 2017

Are You Here Yet?

I've been waiting such a long time (and not just for Saturday) and this is how the optimism rises to epic proportions and I change th world (or at least mine). Just when I am too tired to do anything, life becomes amusing as ever. Softball was fun tonight. We won 9-3, I batted in two even though I didn't get a hit. Too tired. I pitched pretty much lights out though. Two errors gave up two of the three runs, one of them mine. I did not drink the kool aid tonight (mountain dew kick start, 60 calories and a jolt of caffeine is my typical before softball drink. I was nodding off before the game so I decided I'd try to go without it and as usual I can pitch in my sleep but hitting takes being awake. I think I will nod off soon which will be a good thing. so how have you been?

I'll be right here waiting for you.

Narf :)

So How About You?

I mean, how are you? I know you car, you just got in that rut of not communicating and so only you and those who have faith in you know it. Even I get to that who cares? moment now and then (did I just last entry?), but reality is you care about me and I care about you and we have the luxury of not ever having to show it to know it, believe it, and even receive it. Self-awareness, we can achieve it.

Long work day, just arriving back here and pausing in the madness to write this entry before heading to softball. I spent the morning cleaning up data and formatting it for a new software import I will do Wednesday. I spent the afternoon inspecting the newest softball fields in town, taking photos, and writing up the report. Time for some food, leftover stuffed cabbage (did I mention that I splurged on TooJays last night?). Then softball. Hope you had fun today too. Yeah, I care and I'm asking... how about you? :)

Narf :)

Sleeplessness Again

So the lonelies lead to sleepiness again. I have friends, daytime friends, superficial friends, playtime friends, all the friends a growing boy could have, all but that friend who lays awake staring at the stars talking until sunrise. That's the friend I am missing. Most nights I fall asleep and wake and work and play and sleep and work and play and sleep and so on. Some nights, like tonight, I am watching TV to distract myself from the lonelies and I am tired tired tired in the morning. Fascinating, isn't it?

Who cares?


Sunday, May 7, 2017

Weekends Are Fun, But...

Ate least with the current lifestyle I have chosen, weekends are fun, but expensive, fattening, and lonely. Lonely because I don't trust people anymore. People say all the right things to get close, take as much as they can get, and then move on when I have nothing left to give. Sometimes they come back for more when they hear I have something to give again, but they are not there for me, they are only out for themselves. Alas, lonely sucks. Fattening because I indulge my taste buds out of loneliness and I splurge on expensive food because I can because I get momentary physical and emotional satisfaction. I play softball Saturdays and Sundays and hang out with softball friends and have a lot of fun, but it's not enough exercise to burn the calories I consume so I am getting fatter, poorly, and still lonely.

But weekends are fun.

Narf :)

Saturday, May 6, 2017

Saturday Choices

I could wake up and play softball at 8am and then again after noon and then, dinner and parties and lately, like tonight, I had two parties to choose from. I went to the one that cost me %40, the poker night at the softball friends place. Something different from the usual game night parties with older friends. Still not finding social activities where I might meet new people who might become intimate, but hey, expanding the social sphere is happening. I'll keep hoping against hope someone will understand and care.

Saturday was fun. Hope yours was too. :)

Friday, May 5, 2017

Work, Play, Eat, TV, Sleep

What is missing is love, intimacy, best friend sharing, someone who cares to share life... so I stuffed myself with Ben & Jerry's Truffle Kerfuffle and Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough along with a Wah Wah Long John after twenty fried chicken wins (10 hot hot teriyaki and ten smokey barbecue) and watching formula-driven internet TV and here we are. Another work day, long and fun, with time for myself tossed in. Finally got the oil changed in the car. Saving $40 buy getting it done at Wal-Mart did not prove as wise as it seems as I spent more than $100 during the hour and a half I wandered around the store waiting for the oil change to be done. Then back to the office, conscientiousness abounds since I could have headed home because they did not expect me back at the office today as the training was scheduled for the full day. From work to softball, Friday night softball again. Unfortunately I was tired and unprepared and the team we played was much better than we were, but we had fun.

Sleep smothers me, soon.

Narf :)

Thursday, May 4, 2017

Inconsistent Contact

Woke up after decent sleep time and headed to work only to realize I had to be somewhere else so I grabbed some work and headed to that other place and sat for most of the day listening to a rather annoying obese short-of-breath sometimes confused lecturer teach emergency management. Poorly. I was a lot more productive during lunch, getting a lot of work done. After work, I headed back to my office because one of our assistants needed help finding paperwork. She found it on her desk after I assured her that I processed the paperwork and sent it to my boss. He had no incident paperwork left on his desk, so she looked at her stuff closer and found it. No acknowledgement that she was accusatory in her communications but she is very OCD which makes her good at what she does.

Headed home and then headed far away to meet Jane for dinner. We walked for about an hour after dinner around the neighborhood to a lake and then headed home and here we are. The real action is here.

Good day, hope yours was too. :)

Wednesday, May 3, 2017

Depending On Memory

Not blogging everyday, I must depend on memory to fill in the gaps in this blog and the other blog and the blog life and the epoch recording of this life I loosely call mine for you and me and posterity and you know, so on and so forth and scooby dooby do dah day o yeah we all wanna go one some time or another when we are not afraid to admit it.

Worked all day, stopped for dinner at Wolfy's, yummy, stuffed, fell asleep early.

Narf :)

Tuesday, May 2, 2017

Weak Memory At That

The next entry preceded this one and this title shows it. Today was... well... a faded memory. Worked, yes, I work every day Monday through Friday now. Lots of work and I enjoy all of it. After work I almost fell asleep and them not. Sleeping little. Not going to the card nights lately. Too far to drive. Too many influences I do not want to be around. So I remain in limbo by choice. Let's of good reasons I'll think about some more because I don't feel like writing about it.

All is well, mostly. LOL.

Narf :)

Sunday, April 30, 2017

So Many Missing Days

There are dozens more entries in the detail babbling blog than there are here and this is the easier less time consuming blog so there is not explanation for the difference except that the babbler must babbler even when I don't really feel like recording the daily life.

Softball was as weird as ever today (and it's been weird long the way). Coach has issues. Tried to punish me for thinking about moving to another team because of the drama and disrespect Assistant Coach and now I am getting. He said I wasn't pitching today. So I told another team I would sub for them. As is usually the case, he was coaching his other team when our game started and we only had eight players show up so the person he asked to do the coaching asked me to pitch. So I pitched. I had to tell the other coach he had to find another sub. Did Coach know he didn't have enough players when he told me I was not going to pitch? I he just that bad a Coach or is he just that vindictive? As I said, weird day.

Still, I am determined to have fun, so I did.

Saturday, April 29, 2017

New Cards

Relaxing day, I think. Went to somewhere, then to softball but there was no softball because it was cancelled so I went to Harpo's and had a snack from Pickle's and played a few games with him and then headed to meet Helen for dinner at the World Buffet and then headed to cards at the new game I was invited to by softball umpires. I ost $30 but had fun. It was a 45 minute ride so I might not do it every Saturday night, but I have an invite. Home after midnight, but you know the date is relative. Writing, finally sleep.

In case it matters.

Wednesday, April 26, 2017

Rinse, Repeat, Again

Food is my only friend outside of softball and work these days. Too many calories. But yum. Never enough. Blah blah blah. Work is wonderful. Balancing office work at the computer, revising emergency plans and evacuation plans and so on and so forth with visiting the many facilities and properties owned by the county. Getting to know people and enjoying the respect of the title. Important job, they tell me. Home alone, again naturally.

Narf :)

Monday, April 24, 2017

After Midnight Again

Maybe it is because I have nothing planned for tomorrow that takes much brain power, but after 16 hours out at work and then at the softball fields and feeling the absolute limits of the belt that tells me it is time to stop growing the belly, I ate a salad and a eggplant parm sub and half a meatball parm sub all cold and then a cannoli and still I want more.

And how was your day?

Sunday, April 23, 2017

Sunday Softball Sadness

I woke up tired after giving a lot of energy and receiving little back last night, but I showered and headed out to the fields for the 10am game only to find out the other team forfeited earlier in the week and Coach didn't bother letting me know. Disrespect. Inconsideration. They probably posted the information on Facebook. Thing is, a couple of players do not even have a Facebook, but they somehow knew not to show up for the first game. Then, the game. The usual disrespect from the two children and again, Coach did nothing. Finally one said don't be stupid after I called out to Coach about something and I said let's not call each other stupid and the other child told me to stop trying to coach and let Coach coach the team.

I pulled coach aside between innings and told Coach I'll be moving to another team next season and asked him to put in another pitcher so they can get started getting used to not having me as their pitcher. At least three other teams have been literally begging me to join them for a few years, so it is time to move on. The disrespect is enough to make playing with what used to be my team no fun anymore.

Sad. I did well, shutting down the other team, striking out several. I went three for three, triple, two singles, and I also walked. I scored all three times. We won. But winning isn't everything. Still sad.

Saturday, April 22, 2017

Pushing For More

Slept in late, played and watched softball all afternoon, called Harpo and Tinman and went to help put a bed together then went to dinner at the Chinese buffet then went to Harpo's to chat and feel good about the laughter and friendliness I brought (Harpo doesn't laugh much, but I was in the mood I used to get in a lot, the mood to selflessly entertain a friend and it worked well). I get the altruistic reward and the good feeling of helping others, but I don't get the selfless caring about me. Maybe I never will. I wonder if I ever have. If I did, it didn't last.

Somehow, today, I gave the way I used to. Feels good. Alone, sad, but good.

Narf :)

Friday, April 21, 2017

Work, TV, Food, Sleep

Working full time takes so many waking hours out of a life. Energy is depleted by the time I get home, so TV is the primary activity more and more often as driving an hour and getting home really late is not appealing anymore. Staying home alone leaves little more than food as the great physical thrill for each day. Sleep comes, reluctantly, as I stay awake hoping something more will come along. A friend. Love. Motivation to take life seriously again.

This blog has no readers (or few) mostly because it is depressing whining negative perspective. All the crap of life that doesn't go just right gets dumped into words in these daily blogs and I move along back to the offline real world happy again.

Processing is no fun to read I suppose.

But if you want to know me...

Narf :)

Thursday, April 20, 2017

Days Pass Silently

Sometimes there is little to say. Sometimes there is nothing to say. Sometimes there is nothing positive to say so energy is not wasted on the negative after releasing it in the whining complaining wah wah or babbling distractions. Day three of the IS-300 training went well. Ending early, I headed to the Toyota dealer that was across the street from where I bought the car and they said two hours to change the oil and they might charge more depending on what they find. They let you know up front they are looking for ways to charge more. Honest crooks forged in capitalism. I did not want to stretch my lunch hour to three hours so I headed back toward the office. I stopped at a Walmart on the way and found they had a $44 deal on my particular oil change (Toyota requires expensive synthetic oil and the dealer wants $84). At least an hour and a half there. I stopped at the neighborhood Chinese buffet for lunch. Then headed back to the office.

After work I drove to the closest Walmart near here and found they would be at least two hours for the oil change. I'll try again 6:30 one morning next week. The il change is way way way way way overdue (I must have mentioned when it was due somewhere back in this blog). Whatever, aye?

Gonna put headphones on now and listen to internet TV. Feel free to converse anytime.

Narf :)