Tuesday, June 13, 2017

I Stayed Away

I stayed away from Facebook, but still I could not sleep. I turned on the news and saw the shit was getting deep. I wrote another epic rant for promises I meant to keep and left myself in la la land without making a peep. So tomorrow I shall go to work on less sleep than I've gone to work with since starting the new job and I've stopped drinking the coffee (which is why the caffeine I drank tonight has such a profound effect). There is a part of me torn up bad inside for staying away from the city and the celebrations of life and love and the remembrances - and all the people who would have welcomed me with open arms and emotional hugs. I told myself it was too far, it was a work night, I was just recovering from a bad cold and finally felt the bug was almost gone, all sort of good rational logical reasons to not drive forty minutes in the rain to stand in the rain for hours just to feel so painfully alone after all. Still, I feel just as alone now as I would have had I gone, maybe. I wonder what might have been.

I'll never know because I stayed away.


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