Friday, September 13, 2019

Rolling Like a Roller Coaster

Complete with the sudden changes and the panic attacks, sort of, at least the serious doubts about survival, even if only momentary, Fasting can be like that both physically and emotionally (and spiritually if you want to use that category of feeling, if it is a feeling, but isn't all feeling emotional?... maybe spirituality is the nae we give the emotions we are too lazy or afraid or ignorant to explain, anyway...) what? Waking after some long deep sleep, the body cried out for something, but it was not speaking clearly. I sat in aches, playing Merge Dragons, and was feeling way better after about 40 minutes, maybe less. Then came a shower and now, feeling great. Tired, weak from lower blood sugar and forcing the body to shift from easy carbs to breaking down it's own fat, but physically without pains or discomfort and emotionally high. Good deal, keep it up (the eyes roll as I hear a voice saying but it's been four days without solid food! and as day five begins, maybe. I did eat seven prunes, four slices of fat free turkey, and a 140 calorie protein drink (in addition to the three 100 calorie protein drinks) and I am taking double doses of vitamins, so it is not a pure water-only fast. Yes, plenty of water too.

Lonely. Nobody knows what I am doing as I challenge this body. Nobody cares to KIT (keep in touch) beyond a momentary meme or a few superficial words. I wouldn't even begin to know how I might answer I mean, how are you, really? is someone paused after a cursory how are you? and really asked as if they wanted to know what was going on deep inside of me. I don't even share me in words like that much, if at all, anymore. Except maybe occasionally. Who knows where or when.

So how are you? Really?

Narf :)

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