Sitting Too Much

At least, here at work, I a at a desk, sitting differently, and maybe it's not helping the body, but it's helping the mind and much of the rest of me as I work late another night. I have so much to do tomorrow to prepare for a week off and I may not get it done and while I did not want to give up weekend time or stay too late tomorrow, I may have to. Today I was out of the office for almost five hours, almost two with Jackson, almost two with firefighters, almost one with fleet switching out cars. That includes travel time. Now, once again, I feel alone. I miss sharing space with someone who cares. I miss relaxing in a recliner with comfort and cleanliness and audio video around me. I miss making myself a home beyond one chair and a bed. Most of all, I miss sharing caring.

Still, I am excited about life and when the next moment might be because I know anything can happen ad anything is possible. Or maybe I just believe it so much that it's a comfort and security. We all have our delusions, after all.

Narf :)

And So It Goes (But I Don't)

The parentheses refers to the unpleasantness discussed further in the body blog while the rest of the title is as it is, ask and you may know or I'll babble a bit as I finally did in the details blog last night. Or was that tonight. Time keeps on slipping, you know? Today was largely a desk work day, though I was up and about for a few hours as I made a lot of rounds and took care of my car windshield (did I mention the little nick spidered into a crack all the way across the center of the glass?). The food blog reflects the lean calorie intake and the wonky digestive system is helping the body reach it's under 180 goal, at least on the house scale which I believe is 5 pounds less than the gym or doctor's scales, which are all different. I feel good, except for the butthurt. I would likely be about 188 at the doctor's office with clothes on. In case it matters.

I sense a loneliness tsunami off the coast.

How are you?

Narf :)

Good and Bad

I am just partly here, listening (and watching) Robin Winters and Jonathan Williams on the old Carson show, you may not remember when late ight TV was an institution, but it was. In case it matters, shit happens and it ain't always pretty. I am back on the strict low calorie gig the past two days partly due to will power and partly due to body woes (the title didn't lie and you can read the body and food blogs for more, in case it matters), but tonight I am wired for no apparent reason other than being wired with excitement. I talked my way into a $54 refund on the room in Tampa and Jackson reached out hard core today and you know how good it feels to be needed, for me, at least.

Still riding a rising ebb of loneliness, alas.

Narf? :)

Softball, Lunch, & Dinner

Three hours of serious softball, though not as pushed to the limit as last week. I forgot sunblock, but t didn't seem to be too bad. I could have run more, but the coach was keeping an eye on me after I needed to take a ten minute break last week. I should have run more on my own after practice and I should have gone to the gym after practice but I forgot and when I got back here, Eb had guests, a guy and two kids, which distracted me as I needed a shower. He didn't introduce me. He was watching the history channel about war, he likes that stuff. No social skills. I said hi and was dripping sweat so I emptied my coolers and put my stuff in the fridge and took a shower. I sat down and nodded off in the chair here for a couple of hours after that. Then, dinner. Two meals again. I hope to be back on a serious calorie cutting track for the next five or six or seven or even eight days, then the tournament and a week of enjoying extravagant spending on restaurants and hot showers.

Very lonely.

Narf :)

Lazy Day At Home

It is home, like it or not, nd resisting using the word is nothing more than foolish denial and childish avooidance. Hoe is inside, so today I spent a lazy day inside myself. I left the room a few times for the bathroom and the kitchen partly because I wanted a lazy day at home and partly because Eb had political helper guests over all day making political phone calls for his campaign. I am not sure why he waited until the last weekend before election day to put out signs and make phone calls. Probably because that's how he lives his life, lazy and disorganized. Nicest guy you'l ever want to meet, but he doesn't bend over much. Anyway, I hope he wins because he seems to sort of want to, even though he mostly plays his video game when he is not sleeping or working.

Meanwhile, I tried that today. Laid in bed and played video games on my phone for hours and hours. Watched some TV. My eyes are blurry and head is foggy and I ought to be well rested for softball practice in the morning. I am still resisting the cake and pasta and cazillion calorie diet Eb consumes. There was a seriously milk chocolate think icing full size cake on the kitchen counter for the last three days, but he finished it so it's gone now. Three days is a long time for him to take for a cake. He says he wants to retire by the time he's 50. It'll be a wonder if he's alive by then. Alas, the American diet.

The poops are still painful, in case it matters.

Narf :)

Long Work Week

And as if a reward was deserved or necessary, after taking care of the people in the building I headed to a 6 hours meeting with the key leaders of environmental services with some key people from other departments. The HR Director was there and we stepped out a few times to talk about the building issues and the people there. Many were allowed to stay home or go home, but some stayed and worked and answered phones of their own accord. I had all the calls from my department forwarded to my cell phone as my department was out for the day with the boss on vacation in Europe, one girl staying home, and the other spending time doing other things elsewhere most of the day. The fed us, bbq pork, chicken, beans, and cole slaw. I has some. The meeting went well and this week ended with me feeling more respected than ever in this job. All it took was the boss being in Europe all week, a serious safety issue I took charge of, and today's meeting interacting with leaders I have not interacted with a whole lot. Then, back to the office and more positive interaction with the people in the building. Hopefully the improved communication with the assistant who has been so oppositional and unwelcoming will continue, that will mean a lot.

Did I mention reward? Jackson met me at Chianti's for dinner. Eggplant parmesan with linguine. OMG, cheese, pasta, tomato sauce, amazing. The chocolate craving followed as it often does. I passed chocolate walking through two stores and seriously delicious smelling milk chocolate icing on the kitchen counter... living with a very fat man is not good for a food addict. Still, will power willed out tonight. I finished watching Lost. Tears. Still held out.

A long week. A good week.

Narf :)

Critical Masses

One of the busiest days at work yet in my role and I was filling a few other roles today as well as the boss is away in Europe and the two assistants were sent home due to illness caused by the building so all phones were forwarded to mine and I forwarded mine to my cell so I could run around the building talking to director-level people showing them that their subordinate managers were missing some serious safety issues that were making people in the building sick over the past two weeks and the directors and higher people paid attention partly because someone called the news media and they showed up at my office but I danced around their questions and guided them to the people who talk to media people and went on about my business showing directors what needed to be done to make the building safe again. There's till more to do if they don't get to it themselves, but hopefully they will. At least a dozen other fires needed to be put out, some my job and some the others I was covering for.

Then, back here for a can of corn and more protein drinks and Lost and then, here.

What about you?

Narf :)

So Much Work, So Little Time, But Sleep

Another long day at work putting out fires, pushing people above me to get their jobs done, leaving no time for things I need to get done. It's great to be needed, but I do need to find time for me too. The lack of appreciation from the boss and the senior assistant is irritating, but the junior assistant gets the same treatment from those two. It's a weird dynamic, they need us but don't seem to want to let us do our jobs without constant micromanagement and criticism. Even when they are not there. Anyway, I am plowing through their insecurities and control trips and getting my job in spite of their interference and lack of appreciation. They will have to come around if I just do my job well because others will recognize that and I don't think they are so weak as to want to set me up. Though I have been there before

Sleep early, just three protein drinks today, nite nite.

Narf :)

Would You Care If I Didn't Remember?

Of course you would, your ego would be flushed out into trying to remind me in some clumsy innocent way as if it doesn't matter, but we both know your couldn't care less act is just an act and the only way you stop caring is to distract yourself and stay far far away. I don't write to to you much anymore, I don't do too many futile things anymore, the dream is not over, the dreamer is not dead, but life replaces the time I used to spend dreaming and writing about it with work and softball and TV and assorted sundries. I write about this and that and those here.

Busy days at work. No time to do things I need to do for me, like labs and doctors and fixing the windshield and servicing the car and so on and more. People at work need me, it feels good, mostly.

Alone here again, feels sad mostly.

Narf :)

Assorted Whatever

Yes, so I had a fun day at work challenging Division managers to do their jobs and by 3:30 PM I had two coming into my office, separately, explaining what they were doing to fix something that has been going on for two weeks. Today being the first day my boss is away on vacation, I decided to test the waters and flex my muscles even though boss likes to control everything and wants me to go through him for every little thing. People were happy with the proposed solutions, now they just need to get it done. There was orientation and some database work and communicating with complaining people to fill the day.

Getting back here, I checked email (almost none) and checked a couple of other places online including the fantasy football league (drafting next Monday so I must find time to do a few mock drafts and some research this week), paypal, roommates, and a couple of other places. I started cooking onions and peppers and they are sizzling in the microwave. The scale read 181.6 this evening. That's 10 pounds less than getting back from softball yesterday. 10 pounds of fluids. This week I aim for below 180. Hungry.

So are you still alive?

Narf :)

Games & TV & Poop

Rest is a good thing. Lonely, but good. The poop was seriously painful, in case it matters. There may be a relapse of C.Diff or something sticking up the poop, but the bigger concern is the dang painful skin burning. I don't want to eat anymore because I don't want to poop anymore. I switched from the anti-fungal cream to anti-bacterial this week, but that does not seem to be working (maybe it's causing the burning?) so I switched back to anti-diaper rash cream again today. Hopefully it will be better. It was a challenging day. Alone.

In case it matters.

Narf.

Serious Workout

Sprinting the bases for the first half hour in the heat, I almost reached the point of no return (kidney failure) and needed to stop and cool down and super-hydrate and pant a lot and it worked because I played two hours more, pitching fine, fielding fine, running 3/4 speed. I put at least a gallon of fluid in this body and it's up over 190 pounds again. I would really love to exercise more, but the body needs rest. I think I'll watch TV Lost and played games Toon Blast, Solitaire Tri-Peaks, and the newest addition to the iPhone games, Fishdon.

Resting alone, nobody home, wish you were here...

Narf :}

Computer Issues, Again

Ok, so I just sent a couple of hours trying to figure out what is going on with the computer. Apparently, overnight, Kaspersky and Chrome are not getting along. Kaspersky and the computer are not getting along. I had to reboot three times because it froze and it's slow to the point of not being able to use it. No way I am buying a new one this month or anytime soon, but...

And suddenly sites are not secure. I noticed Apple products are starting at start-up, cloud and tunes and more, and that may be one reason for the slow down. I disabled them, but I am close to uninstalling all Apple products even though it will mean I can't back-up my iPhone and I could be in the same position I was in when the last phone died if this new phone is lost or dies. Apple's proprietary ways of backing up data makes me sorry I bought an iPhone.

Save money, buy new computer, get safe clean place to live, start new life.

Narf :}

Friday Evening at 6 PM

And the weekend begins. I want to let loose, shout hooray, press the speaker button on the phone and catch up with friends or turn on the TV or music and listen in the living room while I do it all prepare a yummy meal from scratch in the kitchen... but nooooooooooooooooooo, Eb is asleep as usual. Throws my who mood and schedule out of whack. For while I was eating my big meal late, but at least I am not on his schedule anymore. Three protein drinks and a coffee today. I had to, I was nodding hard at the desk. I m starting to nod off now too. I should just let it happen. ... and I did, in the chair for almost an hour. Hungry. Sleep or eat. Later.

Narf :)

Foolish Games (Wait, What?)

So I played those two games I keep playing on the phone and the brain is groggy and the stomach is empty and the emo is nagging and the hunger is calling and the sleep is somewhere in the midst of the mist of the night and I am certainly letting the negative unhealthy influences of this space get to me tonight and yet I should be happy because Jackson reached out and wants to talk next week but maybe that's what is nagging at the brain because we've been here before and I wonder if she is reaching out because I emailed her coaxing her to reach out or because she really needs what I can offer or whether this is just the cycle repeating itself over again and I wonder and am very concerned over the things she wants to talk about and that's a drama mountain I am making to try to distract myself from the living space and loneliness and hunger and bleary blurry eyes that can barey see the letters on the screen as I type this wondering what I cam going to do about so many things that need attention and Eb is still awake too but he slept his usual 5-10 PM nap so maybe this is just my way of saying hello to the night cuz I missed it and still, sleep would have been wiser since I need to be awake in a few hours and was doing so well dropping another chuck of weight ... food calls.

Narf :)

Living Space Challenges

So I mistakenly wrote this in the food blog because blogger's interface sucks and I'm quite distracted and seeking more distraction from the distraction as the challenges challenge and there are too many to list, especially since I should have been asleep hour ago, but the smell of food is keeping me awake as Eb was asleep when I got back here, as usual, so I say quietly to be polite and not wake him and then he woke and cooked something that sells too good, real food, though all I have to think about s the lake of hygiene and I don't want to eat it, but my senses are screaming for food now. I don't want to slide back into his habits of eating way too much and way too many calories way too late and not exercising or doing anything healthy. The TV is too loud through the walls tonight. The hunger is too loud in my nose and senses and head.

Shut up and sleep, please.

Narf

Gurgle Gurgle

The belly and digestive tract are gurgling to each other because I've consumed an all liquid diet for the past two days and just had 11 ounces of protein drink (30g protein) and 20 ounces of water for dinner. Today started at 5:30 AM and I was still at my desk at 5:30 PM and tomorrow tarts at 5:30 AM, so I am hoping sleep comes before hunger tonight like it did last night. I did feel a kidney stone moving on my right side last night. I've been expecting that as I drop weight and reduce the amount of water retained by the body. I am not reducing fluid intake, but when losing 50 pounds a lot of that is water and less water means more chance of kidney stones and kidney stone movement. This is one of the main reasons the weight loss has stalled and then reversed as it went under 190 and this time I am determined to reach 180 and beyond. Must increase exercise to get there healthier though.

Meanwhile, a lot was accomplished at work today as I pushed a couple of division managers to take more action on the diesel vapors rising up from the broken machine in the building. Workers showed up to do some of what I asked for and more is planned for tomorrow. An email from my boss to their bosses helped, but that showed them they should take my phone calls seriously as the discussions I've had with them are finally coming from their bosses. They'd have looked better if they got it done sooner. It's been a week, at least, and the east side of the building still stinks of diesel.

On a more pleasantly random note, I like the


top five entries chosen by readers this week and month. Keep up the good work.

Gurgle and Narf :)

Lost In Time

Maybe this did it or the email I sent once upon a time. Simple honesty without fear, asking nothing but the truth and an appeal to let me help. Helping is what I do. I miss having someone willing to let me help, but I stopped adding new family to this life for now. People just use and abuse my generosity too much and I no longer have enough to give while still caring for myself. Until the next one comes along. lol sigh. This entry is being uploaded days later and dated a day after it started. Lost in time, as it was, is, and forever will be. So I played the foolish game with this body, eating at this ridiculous hour, washing the dish I needed and thawing the shrimp in the bathroom sink because Eb has the kitchen sink hooked up to his portable counter top dishwasher. I can hardly believe I am acclimating to this filthy place.

So how are you, in case it matters, and all that jazz.

Narf. :)

Staying Safe

I picked up the car at 6:30 this morning and headed out to do my rounds on the east side of the county. Stopping at a couple of places, I spent a couple of hours walking Lake Mills Park to check the boardwalk. Sent a photo of a boardwalk issue to my contact at natural lands, the department that handles the park, and enjoyed the morning before the heat got too bad.

As I said repeatedly and again, breakfast was six slices of fat free turkey with a slice of cheese and I am still not sure if the cheese was Velveeta or 2%. Like it matters to anyone ut me lol. Yeah, so continuing the repetitive bent as if it will drive home the point, two protein drinks, one 160 cal the other 100 cal finished off in the morning meal. Progress when compared to yesterday.

This meal plan is what I intended to do yesterday, but work happened and I got sidetracked. I hoped to do this more often, Eat a morning meal, get morning exercise, eat a lunch, get more exercise, get to the gym in the evening, and have a very light meal after work. The last 10 to 15 pounds will be more challenging than the first 40. Will power is weakening, I can feel it. I just must remember that it is hard to believe I was almost to 230 lbs or more earlier this year.

I miss food so much. I miss Italian food the most. And chocolate. And massive buffets. And cheeseburgers. And bread in general. And butter. And ... ha ha ha ... a lot more. Once I am under 180 I will determine if I will go further and then whatever I eat will be smaller portions I hope LOL. I would really rather not go through this sort of strict calorie cutting again. Though I still am enjoying the food I am eating because I can compromise and have things I really love that have few calories. Thank goodness I love onions and other veggies but especially onions which are one of my favorite foods cooked almost anyway so even starts of softened and spiced in the microwave is delicious for me and that makes anything I throw into it yummy too.

Did you read all this already?

So I recorded this entry as I sat and cooling down in the car after the 90 minute walk and I am deciding where to head next for my next safety rounds. Did you hear the dramatic music and authoritative voice when I said safety rounds? LOL. OK time to get back to work hope you are having fun out there and staying safe. :)

Desk Day, Late Food

So the day started early and the intention was to head out to parks and inspections and staying on my feet and caring for the body and eating a low calorie lunch and pooping easy and showering and it did not work out that way. There was an inspection and supervision of a clean up of a diesel leak at the building where I work so there I was for a couple of hours and then I did one desk work task after another and before I knew it I was drinking my lunch and afternoon snack and then, time to leave. Eb was sleeping when I got here, as usual. I had the way too usual painful bowel movement, a really big one. I didn't remember to call the doctors so I didn't get the lab test done so I will try to remember tomorrow. Dinner was pulled pork, onions, peppers, and spices. Too much in the evening, but yummy. Probably not best for the digestive issues. Fingers crossed for tomorrow. Wayching Lost, still. Lonely, still. Gonna be under 180 pounds again one of these days. I'll celebrate alone. Wah wah wah.

Gonna start the day at sunrise and not even walk in the building tomorrow lol :)

Narf :)

And Then Some Shrimp

So I returned to the body blog, but instead of filling in the dozen entries that would have adequately summed up the body journey the past few months, I just condensed it, probably poorly, in an single entry. I really should take keeping up with the physical more seriously if I want to continue being in this physical world longer. Anyway, I started the day off positive and was awake and feeling great for the three hour practice. I ran more than I usually do and pushed the body more than I usually do and felt great-tired. Buffalo Wild Wings served delicious sauces on ok wings (Costco has better wings, but no sauces, and by better I mean meatier and more juicy and tender and cheaper). Lots of protein drinks, gallon of water, and ten hard minutes on the elliptical at the gym (which inspired a huge bowel movement that hurt like hell... must call the doctors tomorrow). I laid down for a bit as I spoke with Rasputin who called to let me know he was moving back here in October, and then I almost napped but instead, got up and had another protein drink. The body was asking. I wrote a bit. And then some shrimp, about a dozen medium sized, and a sweet mayo dressing (kind of like an onion dip) called my name and then, I came here. It was a wonderful day. Lonely, but wonderful.

So what have you been up to?

It matters to me.

Narf :)

Laundry & Reorganizing The Room

Also, deleting the Windows\SoftwareDistribution folder, just in case this computer explodes during this entry. Six (or was it seven) loads of laundry, full-to-the-max loads, at that. Folding happened too. The new wire frame shelving I put together yesterday inspired me to reorganize the space today and the clothing is much more compantly organized leaving more shelve space for other things and easier visibility of what I have available and clean. Time savings, space savings, perhaps even sanity savings at times. I'm not sure this qualifies as de-cluttering, but it's good to have the stuff clean and organized better.

Meanwhile, the computer is working hard moving 39,835 "items" (I assume they are files) to the external hard drive (just in case they might be of some value to a tech if the computer needs fixing after they are all removed. The internet said it was safe and they are taking up 1.6+ GB of the 2.9 GB free space left on the 32 GB hard drive of which 29.1 is usable for whatever reason. Windows takes up 21+ GB just to function, 3.5 GB are reserved by Windows so multiple programs can run, and then I have about 6 GB of software needed by Windows or the computer to function. About 1 GB of the software is stuff I use that Windows or Lenovo doesn't need like Adobe PDF. I cant even open an Office file on this thing. So I am deleting 1.6 GB of Windows Update files that can't be used because there is not enough room for an update.

Even with all the indoor activity, I cut back on calories again. Less than 500 today. More tomorrow as 3 hours of softball starts the day, but I needed to break the three-day streak of near or above 2000 calories. I texted Jackson, Helen, and Jane after starting laundry and Helen called. We did chores together apart for three hours while chatting. That likely was motivation to dive into the details of the reorganization.

You should have seen it lol :)

Narf :)

Sliding Backwards

Today was the boss' birthday. Lunch was at a local Mexican place. Ever see a skinny Mexican? Ok, sure there are, but not because thy eat their Americanized "Mexican" food, that's for sure. It seems America has taken each country's food (and people) and nurtured the unhealthy parts. No wonder we are generally so fat, lazy, and stupid. Oh, did say stupid? Must be the tweets from the white house subliminally seeping into my psyche. Where's that meme someone just reposted? Anyway, I drove around a bit today. Still sitting too much. The wire frame shelving I ordered came in, so I picked it up and put some of it together and not have more shelves in this room. More organization. Moving further in to refugee status. Insanity, but more organization. I like it. Being back to 191 pounds, that I don't like. Just before the weekend, no less. Grumble. Re-focus, re-commit, redesign my world.

How as your day?

Narf :)

Hunger Wins

Maybe it's the exercise and maybe it's the steady low calorie days, but the last two days hunger has been winning and today, more than most. Eight slices of fat free turkey and four slices of fat free cheese and three or four (or five?) protein drinks. About eighteen shrimp and spicy mayo dipping sauce too. My food obsession is returning just as I made it under 190 pounds. Not caving into pasta or cheese or high carbs or fats or sugars, though I was craving sugar tonight.

The special forces descended upon my little corner of the world tonight. The crowd gathered in the driveway around my car to watch. The local pot dealer who lives across the street was busted tonight. SWAT was all decked out in camo riot gear and a coupe of dozen of them surrounded the house military style. Who knew this little town had two armored vehicles. Just like the movies. A couple of hours later, the lights went away along with the people. Eb got back in the middle of it and asked me for waters so he could go out and mingle with the crowd. Campaigning never sleeps.

I really need to start sleeping again.

Narf :)

Protein Drinks & Fish

I had three or four protein drinks today. Four flounder filets on a bed of onions made up dinner. It's tough to cook fish in a microwave. A bed of onions is not enough. The filets must be surrounded by onions to stay moist and tender. Tonight was god, but last time was much better. I miss food, but I am still not at the weight I want to be at and it's getting more challenging to lose the weight. I went to the gym tonight, 30 more minutes on the elliptical. 2.96 miles in 30 minutes, so 5.92 mph. Softball was cancelled because only two players from my team showed up. I was one. I won't be back to Wednesday night softball with just two games left. It's a waste of time and too poorly organized. Work was busy until I left just before 4:00 PM so I could eat and get to softball. I was at my desk at 7:30 AM. Before that I got about three hours sleep. Probably not good for the weight loss program, but stress and loneliness and hunger and watching Lost and I'm not even dancing with the devil in the pale moonlight. The ass still hurts.

So how was your day?

Narf :)

Facebook Candidates

So I spent the day at another locations running the random drug testing for CDL drivers in the morning, preparing data, documents, and a script for the monthly health and safety team (committee for the politicians who like the word) meeting, then facilitating the meeting. I took care of a few things after that and then headed back here early. With the limited calories, I was tired so I napped. Waking around dinner time, I found the house empty so I washed the few dishes I use here and cooked two veggies patties with a slice of fat free cheese. Did I mention I was 188.8 on the house scale? I don't count it as official though because Eb has it calibrated low (he's a very big guy). I walked into my bedroom just as he was walking in and little did I know he was doing a Facebook live Q & A tonight. He's running for city commissioner. It is a very interesting audio from this end.

Gad I don't need to use the bathroom. lol

Narf :)

Still Awake, Lost

Perhaps it is because Jackson has gone silent again. Just since last night. Still, it is very much not like her. It is also right about the time she might get some very bad news at work that she has not talked about and that is not a good sign either. It could be all in my head too, or just my way of being prepared for the worst case scenario. I've got a very early day tomorrow and the big meeting where I'm supposed to motivate people to do things they have not been doing. Maybe it's the hunger, though it's not that bad. I'll drink another 100 calorie 20 gram protein drink (I didn't drink the third earlier, so this is the third). Maybe it's the stupidity of some of the characters on Lost. So I'm watching Lost and there's a clever twist now and then, but I've been bouncing around with distractions all evening. Games on the phone keep the soap opery parts from keeping me from turning off the TV. Been here before. Food usually happens.

Maybe it won't this time.

Narf :)

Eleven Hours at the Desk

Almost twelve. A whole lot of work. The morning started with reaching out to directors for information that we need for tomorrow's big monthly safety meeting because some team members have not sent the information and it's been two months. If they get flack from their directors and the meeting is a bit tense, so be it. They've got to learn to take the team seriously or they've got to be replaced. I moved on to email and then another project and then another and then, with all but one of the directors responding with information, I compiled data. Orientation interrupted my desk work and then, back to the data and more. Finally, as five PM was approaching, I started preparing for the morning and three hours later, I headed back here. No breakfast, a 100 calorie lunch, a 160 calorie dinner. And the scale says 189 pounds.

Surprise!

Narf:)

Real Food Weekend

I'll get into the title over at the food blog, but I ate pasta, wings, eggs, and more this weekend. Actual solid foods. Two huge deposits in the porcelain pool (not recommended for swimming, even if it was big enough). Did I mention that I had a large slice of lasagna and a whole mess of chocolate and nuts last night? More calories, especially sugars and complex carbs and fats, than I had in any single evening in three months. Or at least very very close. Then I sat playing games with a few other people, obese, very bese, ad extremely obese, Three hours on the field this morning, pitching mostly but not sitting except when I put on my cleats and took them off, three and half hours later. Then for the every time we leave practice, coach asked if I wanted lunch and I finally said yes. Stupid choice financially, but I wanted to socialize a bit with the team leaders and I'd also been craving wings for a week. Nine wings, with sauce, a salad, celery and blue cheese. More a snack than a meal, though more calories than most meals I've eaten. So I got back here and felt hunger and cooked up a shrimp, onion, cheese omelet. Did I mention the food blog?

Obviously I want to write here too. I really should be doing laundry.

Narf :)

Still Not Home

Not just in the metaphorical sense of not feeling at home where I live, not making it home, not being home (even though home is inside, in case you didn't know), but also still being out a 4am, on my way back here, in this moment, but still not home. Today I worked the body. Ran hard and had a good game, then 45 minutes on the elliptical. All on 260 calories. After a showered, I headed to Jackson's to let the dogs out and give the animals some love. I cuddled with McGee for a bit, nodded off on the couch watching baseball, then headed to The Commodore's place for to play some games (I had forgotten and I was glad he texted me to remind me). We played until 2:00 AM and then talked until 3:30 AM and I headed back, to that place I sleep, that that place not home.

Spending a little time in someone's home reminds me.

Narf :)

Old Friends

Where have you been? Remember when you used to share a home? What have you done since we last spent a night together? We were best friends, remember? Sharing time and space on this journey through life. There are more than a few who this could be to and you know who you are. Some drifted to distant silence, places unknown... I never though we get that far away from each other, distant from each other. And now here we are.

I wonder if you still wish upon a star.

Narf :)

Records Of A Life

There are so many records of a life on the internet. Some seem to stall, much like many lives do. Mine are spread out over the years and over the blog and sometimes I am making time to add some news in several a day, but in recent months the auxiliary blogs, or whatever they might be called, have, in so many words, nodded off. Maybe it's the ADD. Could be the apathy protecting me from the aching sadness of loneliness. Facts are facts. The babbling blog has wandered silently off into the distance. The body blog is as neglected as the body. Tonight, the food blog woke up. Maybe that's a sign. Maybe that's why this entry is here.

Remembering this blogging life. The dailies and the occasionals call.

In case it matters.

Narf :)

Caved To Pastachios

Yes, at least two thousand calories as I caved to a pound of pistachios. Really? Toomany calories, but that's it, the pistachios were dinner. Breakfast and lunch were protein drinks. should have reversed it. Anyway, I posted one a comment on this article and you can read it in this paragraph. Or here, altered slightly. I posted to my facebook pages. Obviously I am seriously into distraction tonight. I did twenty minutes on the elliptical before the pistachios. This morning, the lumbar disks slipped and I cold barely walk all day. No core. Hernia. So many distractions, so little time. New meds. Hope. Loneliness. Foolishness. I think I'll eat more.

Is anybody paying any attention?

Narf :)