Whining

I seem to do that a lot in some blogs, primary blogs, even. I suppose this reflects the whining I do in the offline life. I tend to whine when I am lonely or hurting. I am lonely almost all the time because the loneliness is deeper than normal sharing can satisfy. I tried normal, it doesn't work for me. I am a tired stray. Most likely suffering from PTSD brought on by my ability to trust unconditionally that leaves me so vulnerable and has lead to relatively unbelievable betrayals and abandonment. It may be, in part of even completely, self-induced. Forever seeking the unconditional love of the womb I never knew.

Loneliness grows to smothering proportions when the body challenges with pain or discomfort. This is the experience tonight. The bowels dry heave. The body blog does not satisfy the hunger for nursing, nurturing, comfort, and relief. It is one of those pathetic nights. Whimper. And only you know.

I smile again at the thought that someone may be reading caring, knowing.

Narf. :)