Getting Hungry Again

Yes, I am reigning in the New year with a pig out session extended over many mini-meals. This afternoon I opened the Harry & David chocolate covered caramel pop corn and nuts (high end cracker jacks) for lunch and a few hours later there was the whitefish salad sandwich and a few hours later the slice of white pizza and coming up in a few hours, cheese tortellini, shrimp spring rolls, and butterfly shrimp along with three different kinds of chips and whatever else Harpo might prepare (I heard Tinman asked for french toast). If I am lucky, chocolate.

Happy New Year - make it your best year ever!

(until next year)

Narf :)

New Year's Pizza

It was good. The almost NY pizza. The flaw is the same flaw every pizza has down here, the bread. The water is so different in NYC because it comes from a mountain reservoir and is filtered and treated so it has a very unique flavor and cooks bread differently than just about anywhere else. There is a place called Brooklyn Bage right nearby I'll have to try. As for pizza, this is the place I want to try. Closest to us. First thing I saw is that have shrimp and eggplant as toppings. Steak and chicken for the meat lovers. Not cheap, but then, this is Lake Mary. Hillbilly rich. Or something like that lol. This little cul de sac has thousands of dollars blowing up all around this house. Thousands of fireworks have blown up already and there's hours to go before midnight. A festive little cul de sac this is. and now thatForever came to it's end, Dr. Who begins again. From The Marriage... and on to the introduction of my favorite, Oswin, later to be my favorite character. Coincidence or dd he choose it because the episode before her introduction is his favorite episode? We may have a better connection here than even I sensed at first.

No more pizza, save room for the snacks I'm bringing to the party. Yup, pig out continues later.

Missing chocolate though. Wonder if Harpo will surprise me.

Narf :)

And Now, The End Is Near

Yes it is. The year is changing soon, the end of 2018 and it looks like we made it (not Barry, not really) and U a in a much better place than I was yesterday or a year ago at this time or two, for that matter, maybe even three, or four? Where does the time go? I don't remember this, but I could. I worked today, little sleep so I'm nodding off. Party in six hours, so maybe I should nap, but new roommate is awake and watching TV when I got home and I was hungry so I ate something a few hours ago and now, dinner time, he went out to get pizza. Again pizza. Trying a new place, very limited menu, purely a pizza joint, could be great, we shall see. He said he didn't eat pizza much and here we are, pizza again. Very possible NY style, which is what I told him was my favorite. Is he a nice guy or what? I'll have to try their red sauce one of these days, he ordered white. Cheese. Yum. Meanwhile, just a few hours ago, I ate the white fish salad with cream cheese on oatmeal bread and baked cheddar chips and chocolate milk and just realized I stopped for a tomato (and suddenly had six or seven other items at check out, stuff I will bring to the mini-party tonight) and I forgot to slice the tomato for the white fish salad sandwich, doh! Anyway, he was watching a show called Forever (that seems to go on forever) and I nodded off and missed an episode or two and suddenly it's later and here's pizza. I think I'm gonna like living here lol. Already hearing the fireworks outside. Pig out! lol.

I probably will need some caffeine later lol. New Year's Eve, no sleep till morning.

Brooklyn? Now that's pizza. Been a long time.

Narf :)

It's The End of The Year and We Know It

So who feels fine? Don't all jump up at once. Oh year, this is gonna be awesome.

Hot Shower

I spent the evening unpacking boxes, sorting through stuff, and putting the sorted boxes against the living room wall in stacked rows labelled "Kitchen or Garage" and "Bathroom or Garage" and "Closet or Garage" and "Living Room or Garage" and explained the system to the new roommate so he wouldn't think the boxes are permanent and he might get the idea that the living room, closet, and kitchen are not quite yet ready for me to move in. He did clear out almost everything from the bathroom and I put the few things he left in there on the kitchen table (there's no living room or other table in the place... the details may explain further). So the moving in is in progress (phase two of the move). The cat was curled up asleep on my chair in the living room while I was emptying and stacking boxes. I made the list, took care of myself, and then, and then, and then...

Then there was the shower. I installed the Waterpik shower head and turned on the water and it was hot. Imagine that, hot water! In fact, I did not test the hottest setting as a lower mix of hot and cold water was plenty hot for me tonight. The cleaning shower was my goal, not the steaming shower. I could even lift my arm (cathedral ceilings are wonderful). I didn't even scrub down the bathroom (though that is on the list of things to do this week, maybe Tuesday). Washing the tile and wood floors too and getting indoor slippers so my soles don't turn black lol). Ah, it is good to be home again.

May this inspire you to believe life can change for the better no matter what obstacles befall you.

Narf :)

The Move, Phase One,is Done

All the stuff is here. Phase one, Transport, is complete. Phase Two, Moving In (Unpacking and Settling In) begins. We moved everything in two trips without any issues, thought the washer did ride on its side so hopefully the drum is still aligned properly. I may never know if I don't hook it up again, but hy, it was an expensive washer so I can hope it's ok even if I decide I want to sell it. We stopped for food on the way back here. He got a Firehouse sub and I got TooJays deli food and Jeremiah's ice for dessert. Indulging is part of the celebration. I doctored the sauce and heated the food in the oven and oh so yum. We then unloaded the truck and I started unpacking boxes. It would be more fun shared (so I texted Jackson and Helen and others. Helen responded and Harpo called. Not sure why Jackson went silent on me this week, she knows better than anyone how excited I am and how challenging it's been. Hopefully she's busy and it's not her guilt, alas, sigh. Don't empower the thought that she might be hurting, she may just be busy having her own fun. Ok, good empath).

Ummmm, where was I? Oh yeah, on to the unpacking. Every box, it's like getting presents from myself lol. :)

Narf :)

Chatty Morning

Amazingly, the new roommate is interactive! I laugh at the amazingly part, but it emphasizes how not interactive life was at the old place and how I'd grown accustomed to sharing few words, no activities, and living like strangers. We chatted for a few hours about this and that and whatever, getting to know each other, realizing we have some similar compatible views on life, politics, religion, and maybe most important of all, human interactions. Easy-going, adaptable, cooperative, willing and able to compromise, all excellent qualities in a roommate and I am lucky to find one with all of those. So is he lol.

I realized I need to sit down and make a shopping list of items to buy, later, for now, we're heading out to pick up the last of the stuff in storage.

Life gets better every day here. Hope yours does too. :)

Narf :)

Couch and Pillows

Stretched out on the couch in front of the TV in the living room, what a luxury it is to have a home where I am welcome to do this. After falling asleep watching Orphan Black (and very happy Amazon does not auto-start the next episode like the foolishness of the other streamers do), I headed nto my room and curled up on the pillows on the air mattress one last time. I didn't even blow the mattress up, just curled up on the pillows (I sleep with seven pillows and need a new head pillow, so soon to be eight and I don't even have a long body pillow... I like pillows :) ) and slept soundly straight on through till morning (though I probably left the couch around 5AM lol). Waking now to start the last day of this move.

Are you tired of the play by play of the new place - or celebrating with me?

Hope you have reasons for joy at your end too. :)

Narf :)

The Phone is Home

Yes, I changed the home address in the iPhone and no longer will it take me to that tiny little dirty place I could not call home without gagging. Love your heart Eb, but you really don't know how to share space. Anyway, This is home now. Orphan Black continues on the TV. The first poop happened already, which is a sure sign of comfort. If that's TMI, you probably should stay away from the detailed daily blog lol. I forgot how much gas I pass after pigging out and taking the laxatives. Luckily I have my Febreze nearby lol. The cat is curled up and sleeping a few feet away on the ottoman (for photos you just have to deal with the detailed daily blog and all it's revealing glory lol). Yes, I am laughing a lot tonight. Relaxing in a comfortable clean spacious living seems to be having a jovial effect on my affect. So new home, first time I feel at home at all in almost two years, maybe three years. Bed, recliner, unpacking, and moving in still to come. Baby steps can be such big changes :)

Narf :)

Almost Like Home

Here I sit in the living room in my comfy desk chair, legs up on a pillow that sits on a box at the right level. Folding table to my left holds snacks and a drink, folding table to my right is for the laptop when I want to get up. Phone os plugged in and sitting in t's phone stand on the lapdesk and the TV is playing season 3 of Orphan Black, finally, catching up begins. I'll be typing and celebrating in words for a while, so I will watch all of these again, but for now, I listen and glance up and enjoy the wonder of multiple personality clones. Big fan here. Tatiana Maslany is amazing.

More amazing in the moment is the new space. Far from perfect (we can list the flaws another time), but so much better than the last space it is wonderful. After the new roommate, who still doesn't have a blog name (in case you didn't notice), helped move the last of the stuff out of Eb's place this morning, I sorted the stuff a bit and then cooked up a meatball pizza. A fifteen minute trip to the neighborhood Walmart that is a minute drive around the corner for extra cheese and impulsive desserts and chocolate milk and what a yummy (high calorie) meal I made in a clean over in a clean kitchen in a clean house. I a enjoying the luxury of the space by just vegging here tonight. I should put the shower head I bought on the shower and use it tonight, building the bathroom (though his stuff is still under the sink and I need to get an over the toilet tank shelf unit cuz the bathroom is tiny). I'll move some stuff into the front hallway closet as soon as he empties that. Tomorrow, new roommate helps move the stuff from storage in here and I start building the bedroom around the actual bed. Then, I shop for a recliner and build the living room around that, as soon as he moves his stuff into the other living room.

So not perfect, but perfectly wonderful tonight.

Narf :)

Packing Up The Last Boxes

Yup, getting the the point where this room could be empty tomorrow. If I decide to flatten the air mattress and sleep in the new place tomorrow night. I don't think the new roommate will ind, I'm just puzzled that he hasn't moved any of his stuff out of my room, bathroom, living room, or kitchen space. Every closet and cabinet, including in my bedroom and bathroom, is full of his or his kids stuff. That kind of sets me up to be the big bad man who took their mommy's bedroom and their bathroom. Anyway, I am close to deciding I will ask if he has any issue with my moving in earlier and just do it. Eb wants me out of here (he doesn't do separation well, but then, he doesn't share emotions well as I may have mentioned). So look at the time. Giving Harpo the hours earlier pushed the packing to this wee hour. Fatigue. New roommate said he will be here around 10 AM tomorrow with his truck. Then Sunday, two trips to the storage place and I'm done. One rent for January instead of three (December was expensive).

Are we having fun yet?

Narf :)

Dozens of Entries

Yes, that's right. I just dropped dozens of entries all over the gardens. More than seventy actually. All edited (weakly) and uploaded (boldly) in the the past couple of nights. There are lots more in the files, but a dent has been made. I know you're just too excited for words, so I'll just keep rambling on. Today was a productive day at work as I started an audit of my driver databases. It is tedious, painstaking, crunch-up work, but I love the feeling of knowing the data is valid. I left work early, about 3:00, and packed up some more boxes here, then took them over to the new place. After a brief chat with the new roommate and his daughter, I headed to the Chinese buffet and pigged out like I have not done in many months, maybe the whole year. I drove back here and just as I was pulling into the driveway, Harpo called. We spoke a bit and I told him I wanted to get inside and pack so we ended the call, gradually. Once inside, the bathroom was my next port of call and everything went smoothly in there, except that Harpo called back and an hour later (I wonder if he even noticed I finished up, flushed, and started typing on this laptop). He needed to talk, so I stayed on the line. At least an hour, maybe longer. While on the line, and then after, I uploaded dozens of entries. That brings us to now, after midnight, and I still need to pack because new roommate said he will be here with the truck in the morning. Hopefully that will actually happen and I won't need to rent a truck (I know, I have little faith in humanity these days... please prove me wrong). Fun times.

Hope you had a good day too.

Narf :)

Catching Up

It may take a while, but I've started catching up. I may not have as much me-time in the new space, at least not at first since I don't want to shut myself in the bedroom for a few reasons. Establishing a routine, sitting in my recliner in the living room watching my TV (even though the new roommate still hasn't cleaned out my closet or bathroom or moved anything of his out of my half of the house). I may have to actually move him out and quietly physically take my space, but he has a few days. People are strange. Eb asked when my last day here is because I said I might be out before the end of the month. He's getting a month's rent and wants me out early. New roommate got a month's deposit and is waiting until the last day to clear my space. I need to buy my own house. I have one more carload and then a couple of truckloads of the big stuff. Hopefully the new roommate will come through with his truck on Saturday. Renting a truck at the last minute could be tough at the end of the month.

Meanwhile, the catching up continues.

Narf :)

Editing & Uploading

I spent most of the day and evening editing and uploading entries and barely made a dent in the notepad files.

More to follow.

Narf :)

Festivus Party

Lazy day and party night.

Maybe more later.

Another Carload

The moving continues, carload by carload. I am nearly done, maybe three more carloads and then a couple of truckloads (the new roommate has a small pick-up he said we can use next weekend... if he doesn't follow through (a scenario I must prepare for since I want to be completely moved by the 31st and he hasn't emptied the bedroom closet, the linen closet, or the bathroom cabinets yet), I'll just rent a truck for a day. I moved a few stacks of boxes into the bedroom but still left the space wide open so the bed and shelving can go into it) and I rearranged the garage so it takes up wall space and leaves the middle of the garage free for whatever. Getting closer to the actual move in date, the excitement is building.

Wish you were here to share it.

Narf :)

Frustration Gone, Yay!

All it took was following through on the most available course of action to get what I wanted (see the food blog). Yumminess almost always cures everything emotional and psychological (especially when I do not overeat and I didn't) to the buffet I created not only warmed up the place (oven one for more than an hour with temperatures outside in the 40s and Eb burning the propane heater in the middle of the living room... the carbs and propane put me to sleep early last night... obviously I was so content and euphoric from the buffet I did not even think of not waking up... I suppose I could have died happy... oh hush).

More moving tomorrow, probably. If not tomorrow, then Monday and Tuesday. I also have Thursday and Friday and Saturday and Sunday, so all is good with the moving schedule. The only question is whether the new roommate will be available with his truck or whether 'll rent a truck for a few hours. Either way, I'll be done before the new year and life will immediately change for the better by many leaps and bounds. Whatever challenges the new place will offer will be minor compared to this place.

Wish you were here to celebrate with me. I'd even share my buffet :)

Narf :)

Disappointed or Frustrated

I am in the mood for an Italian buffet and there are no such establishments that live up to that name within fifty miles, at least according to the internet. Alas, the disappointment is not quite frustration, but hunger is building and madness surely follows. I will go out and forage. I may end up at a buffet, considerations are in this hierarchy (with pros and cons in parentheses). 1. Crazy Buffet (best selection, very good food, long drive alone). 2. Mikado (best buffet food, limited selection, over $25). 3. Bay Ridge Sushi (excellent sushi, not in the mood for just sushi, $25 for all-you-can-eat). 4. (forget what I was thinking of earlier, but it goes here lol). 5. Hoy Wan (maybe second best buffet, good food, 25 minute drive). 6. Golden Corral (good desserts, American only, crowded). None will satisfy the Italian craving, so I may just pick up a bunch of frozen Italian dises and cook them all and put leftovers in tupperware. Maybe even at the new place, though I am not set up to cook or eat there yet (having moved in). I could just get a pizza with eggplant parmesan and something else really cheesy from a restaurant (I've spent $100 on this sort of buffet before when I had a clean fridge to store stuff in, even had such a buffet delivered more than once... Chinese as well).

The softball tournament was fun, though not enough exercise and not a motivated team. Some just didn't seem to want to be there and they pretty much quit in the third game. Why sign up to do that? People are strange. I came back here and showered because I forgot my wallet. Anyway, I've got to get dressed and out there if I am going to make dinner time anywhere.

Helen is eating home tonight. Wishing for a compatible foodie partner hasn't worked so far, so I'm out to forage now. Hope you are having fun too.

Narf :)

Not So Early to Bed

So I left work at 2:00 PM to start the four day weekend and I moved a full carload of stuff into the new place and I bug sprayed the room (still need to do the exterior of the house) and I packed up more stuff here and time passed. I must have eaten (see food blog... note that I currently call throwing a bunch of ingredient into a glass bowl and microwaving them cooking) and I watched some TV (see TV blog) and I didn't get to the gym (see body blog) and I played Fishdom and fell asleep sometimes after midnight and must wake just after 6:00 AM so good night sweet princess, wherever you are.

Good times. And progress.

Narf :)

Early To Bed, Moving Update

No moving today due to rain, but the two full car loads yesterday made a big dent in the boxes and there may just be a couple of carloads left before all that is left is the big stuff that will need a truck. I am hoping the new roommate (who will be named soon, probably) and his truck
will be available somewhere near the end of the month for the bed, TV, washer and dryer, bookcase, and wire-frame shelving I do't want to take apart. One truck trip might do it, two at most, from the storage place and one from here. So I am shooting for a full day of using his truck (with or without him) or renting a truck for Saturday the 29th. Still at least four or five carload trips from here and still a day of packing to do this weekend (though I forgot I have a softball tournament... somehow I will make the time and find the energy to do the packing... I do have Monday and Tuesday off work as well and work is wonderfully flexible as all the moving so far was on work time and more will be done tomorrow). So the move is progressing as planned.

And now, early to bed. Nite nite.

Narf :)

On Into The Night

Hours in chat with Microsoft Support online to be told the same thing by two different support techs. Buy more memory. Lenovo sold a computer that will not work right unless you give them more money to fix it. A new tist on bait and switch, it should be illegal. So here I am, still awake. Frustrated by poverty and lack of time. Not enough time to move. Not enough money to have enough space. Frustrated by digestive issues. Another cold night. Frustrated by a disgusting;y filthy roommate who pisses on the toilet seat because he's too lazy to bend over and lift it after he put it down in the first place. Tired of people. Tired of TV. Tired of tired.

Still, awake, what's going on, who cares... Ha!

Narf :)

Another Long Day, No Moving

Another 12 hour work day and just finishing dinner and trying to stay warm as the chill fills the air. Important emails sent to all the important people. With a typo or two, as usual. Tomorrow is the big evacuation exercise and hopefully it will all go well. I did my best to set it up right and have notes to remind me what to do in the morning in case I am a groggy fool. Stinky butt. I should get sleep, but wanting is rising tonight. Wanting to share, care, and more. I really must make time to move the stuff more. No gym, again, must get back to it soon. Did some laundry, whites, have three loads waiting. I'll just keep putting these words out here in case it matters.

Hope you are enjoying it all.

Narf :)

Just a Fool in My Own Time

So a whole weekend passes and I don't do much of anything (as the blog entries preceding this one suggest), but then, after midnight with a full work week starting in just six or seven hours, I play Fishdom some more (what?... you thought I was leading up to something?... well, who's the fool being fooled now, aye bub?). Yes, ok, I was not pulling legs, somewhere along the way between that and now, I started packing again. Wired. At least a dozen boxes later, I have more than a car load sitting in the hallway outside of my bedroom. This means I'll be either taking a lunch or heading out into the field tomorrow and loading up tomorrow for a trip to the new place. If I am wise, I will then head to the storage place and pick up a carload from there, at least once. Suddenly ambition and motivation and excitement rolled on up and the price was down. Still, I don't plan on taking a day off... yet.

We shall see how much gets done tomorrow and the rest of the week. I do have a four day weekend next weekend, after all. My holiday present to myself is moving into a new place. In my own time. Sleep? Maybe I should lay down and see if the adrenaline rush will let me. Didn't you know by now that I am nocturnal? It's my thing,yeah.

Did I mention I downloaded a new game called Word Stacks and started using Firefox?

And the excitement continues to build (right Harry?) lol lam lah :)

Wish you were here...

Narf :)

Wasted Days and

You know the rest. Except for the unplanned dinner party Harpo invited me to last night (excellent gourmet foods with a very wealthy crowd... oh, the chocolate truffles... the odd thing was Harpo never mentioned these friends he knows for years that he sees once or twice a year for a holiday dinners which pointed out to me how we really do not share anything below the surface, but that's another story and except for the bloat, it was an oh so yummy night Harpo has been hiding for many years lol), I have done nothing but lay around all weekend. No gym, no nothing, not oven laundry. I could go to the gym tonight( and still might), but it's getting chilly and if the NE-Pitt game isn't motivating me, I don't know what will. It's the old tired moving alone into the unknown lonely as the day is long blues, no doubt.

So I'll have to do some additional moving this week as the month is half over and I've moved maybe 10% of the stuff, if that much. Maybe I will rent a truck after all. The new roommate will not be there this week, so some privacy, though I'll have to deal with his truck blocking the driveway. This week, however, is a high-calorie low-movement football-watching party.

Wish you were here (or I was there, aye?).

Narf :)

Nothing, Then Surprise Dinner

I woke reasonably late, maybe 10 AM, and started playing Fishdom and watching The Orville. Somewhere around 4 PM, Harpo called and her invited me to dinner at some friends. He's never mentioned these guys and apparently they have a holiday dinner once or twice a year. Wealthy guys in a upscale home and he guy cooked some really delicious (and expensive) food (in fact he was still cooking for 2 hours after we arrived at 7 PM so I didn't get to meet him much, though he did come over and talk for a few minutes after dinner). The night ended before 11 PM, so naturally I was longing for more. I stopped for food and ate some more... old habits.

Anybody listening?

Narf. :)

Slow Moving

I should have been more moved in by now, but excuses line up. He hasn't cleared the space for me and I am not sure what to do with the stuff he has in the garage, closet, a bookshelf in the bedroom. He said he'd move it all so I could have half the garage and obviously, the room and bathroom should be empty, but it's not. He's going out of town for a few days, maybe longer, so his truck will be in the driveway until he gets back, making it more challenging as the boxes are heavy. So moving during the day when he's working (when he's not working from home) will not be easier. I don't have a garage key yet, so I've got to go through the house and keep an eye on the cat (so I can't leave the door open). So I've got to move a whole lot of his stuff before I can move my stuff, which means it'll take longer than planned. Excuses, right. All the more reason for me to be doing more trips, instead of less trips.

Don't do the stupid stuff, m'ok?

Narf :}

Thigh Aches

Phew. Another phew. Not sleeping much this week. Ate semi-solids last night. A lot. The bleeding started again yesterday and the dinner and midnight snack choices were not wise. Fatigue, long day at work, just 200 calories, renewed bleeding, moving stresses, loneliness, all the usual reasons to make excuses not to go to the gym and I went anyway. See the body and food blogs. Not sleeping much. Fell asleep in the chair, wake after 6 AM, I laid down for an hour. Then I texted late and slept another two hours. I did desk work until 2 PM and then went to move boxes. second car load, twenty-something to go. Plus at least one truck run, two or three if we use the pick-up. New roommate has a pick-up. I moved his stuff myself. Cleared more space for my stuff. It's odd he is not clearing space for me, but he doesn't seem to mind me clearing his stuff out of my space. I headed back to work, dropped off the car, then went to the gym. Back here after that, shower, and eating. Light. Watching Manifest now.

For the first time, muscle aches. Outer quads. Fading after food. Rest tonight. Hopefully I will find a way to seep tonight. I don't know where the propane heater is, or if it's burning. Try now to think about it and hope I wake up in the morning. Less than three weeks to go.

Narf.

Emo Eating

I ate a lot of chocolate today. And fishsticks. And carb-mush. 36 ounces of hot chocolate. Just a couple of protein shakes. A whole lot of calories and I want more. The cold air, the uncomfortable layers of clothing. The skipping showers. The lack of sleep. The open-flame propane heater indoors. The limbo of having no home. The challenges and stress loop that keeps me awake and the lack of sleep just increases the stress and clouds the mind. Clarity is a distant old friend. And did I mention loneliness?

So how was your day?

Laughing with me at my nonchalance? If not, you don't know me very well, do ye? I didn't get out of the office today so I didn't find out if the new roommate (he who has yet to be named) has done anything to clear my half of the house or even the garage space and bedroom closet where I'm moving stuff into gradually. His procrastination about doing that is not welcoming and adding to the stress. I sense it is depression-procrastination as he is experiencing a separation from his wife and the break up of his family, but it's still not very reassuring that I will feel at home there. My morning was doing the defensive driver training class and the afternoon was paperwork. Tomorrow I hope to get out much more and move more stuff into the garage... and if he hasn't cleared his stuff from my side of the garage, maybe I'll move it myself. Respectfully. Back here I ate, sat here at the computer writing, watched some TV, was frustrated with the CBS All-Access website again (getting back to cable will be nice I think), and did I mention more food?

Feel free to share anytime now.

Narf :)

We Are Family

The human race, all life itself, in fact. I live this. One family. Life. Carbon-based Earth species. Humans. It has nothing to do with daily life and it has everything to do with daily life. I wish more people would live it and understand and share. Maybe some do, just nobody does it with me. So I wander alone caring and sharing and giving and living and helping and yelping and sometimes, not sleeping cuz I don't want to miss a thing. What if the one came along?

Will no one stay awake with me?...

Meanwhile, today was another day. Ups and downs. Ups was moving more stuff into the new place. Down was the room and garage space is still not empty and ready for me to move in. I keep hoping it will be, but the new roommate is procrastinating and I may have to move all of his stuff out of the room and my side of the house myself. Not cool, but I just need to get it done if he won't. Up was having a job where I got a lot done, important meeting and more, and still having time to do the moving during the work day. Down was getting back here to a 40-something degree house with the smell of propane in the air because the current roommate uses a propane heater to try heat the house. This leads to me sleeping less than usual in a room with the window open on a night the temperature will drop below 40 degrees, not to mention increased stress. Changes are coming, but uncertainty about what I am moving into, being that the new roommate still has his stuff in my space... did I mention increased stress?

Hey, I didn't say we all take care of each other like family should...

Narf.

The Dailymail Really Brought Me Down

I think it's a British newspaper. You can read more about the bummer still lingering if you want. Such a sudden downward mood swing. I wrote this to them on their website:

Dear Dailymail... I posted a very positive hopeful video on my "Hope For Us All" Facebook page and you blocked it, so I came here to find it to see it again and I can't find it. It was a video compilation and had "viralhog" in the upper right hand corner. Now Facebook threatened my account because you complained about my hopefulness. Didn't you want to share the hopefulness in the video you told Facebook was your property? You hoarding hope during the holiday season? Very sad. Even Scrooge and the Grinch learned to share hope. Sorry if you did not want to, you should say that in the video next time or how is someone to know?

I should be joyful and was until I went on Facebook. My team won the Tournament Championship in Monday Night Softball tonight. Big Trophy someone got to take home (I don't want trophies, I want T-Shirts lol). It's also Precious' birthday (Happy Birthday Precious). Still, the greed and selfishness and hatred in the world came pouring in after I read the Facebook warning. I hate Facebook all the more now, so much negativity. Such a bummer world it shows.

Coming back here to this again probably didn't help.

Nite.

Working Out Alone

The food and body blog continue to record the daily changes, in case it matters. The body blog celebrated a second workout. The mood was ecstatic, but diminished after I ate a ton of calories that were less than satisfying. Suddenly, loneliness crept into the picture and the high is fading as sleep is calling. I should have expected some crashing since I was euphoric earlier when I picked up the key to the new place, but I must accept it will be weeks... and the place will be awkward, at least at first. And I remain alone.

Still, two workouts in three days is much better than one or none. Good workouts too. Tomorrow is softball, at least one game, possible two. Then, more workouts this week, I hope. Tomorrow, I move at least eight boxes into the garage during the day. So I ate some more, leftover onions and clams quiche with a cheese sauce. Watched some more TV. Relaxing. Lonely. Still, rising overall. The changes for the better are coming. Patience. I will have a clean place to relax and even invite someone over. 2019 has much potential.

Narf :)

Excuses

See the food and body blogs for tonight, Especially to body blog. Sheesh and gee willikers and heavens to mergatroid, how stupid excuses are when I stop listening to them. I laugh at myself even as I chide myself even as I reprimand myself. Beat myself up, why don't I? Most of all, remember. Remember how many times I've been here before. Remember all the excuses (body blog for tonight) and how well they work to undermine me and steer me on a very wrong path. Stop it, dagnabit, stop the hell out of it! Just look at all the italic! Even a bold and two exclamation points! Three! Four! Ok, stop that, but I must be serious, right?

Remember, please for all that is good and right in this life, remember!

So how was your day? (lol lam lal laa) :)

Narf :)

Just Waking

I went to bed early, hoping I might sleep through the night and wake in the morning because it is going to be in the low 40s (temperature) tonight and Eb is using an dangerously set-up unvented open-flame propane heater and I fear dying in my sleep as so many stupid people do each year. Lat's take a look at some facts and statistics. Of course the people trying to sell you the gas will state otherwise. The question is not how many people die, the question is "do you want to take the chance that you will be one of them?"

Whatever we believe to be truth, everyone agrees to this:

"Always have carbon monoxide detectors (both regular-level detectors and low-level detectors) and natural gas or propane detectors in your home/trailer/RV/boat. in all the areas that are appropriate and keep them maintained by changing batteries every six months. "

And sensible (non-stupid) people adhere to this:

"Unvented combustion units are not recommended for use inside your home, because they introduce unwanted combustion products into the living space—including nitrogen oxides, carbon monoxide, and water vapor—and deplete air in the space. Most states have banned unvented kerosene heaters for use in the home and at least five have banned the use of unvented natural gas heaters."

You may not trust the government, but I am a government Safety Officer and I rely on science to determine safety. There is corruption, to be sure, which is why safety hazards and deaths are still allowed in spite of knowledge of the risks. Businesses do not want regulations because they want profits. Still, there are safety standards based on unbiased science and the Consumer Product Safety Commission concludes:

"None of the eight heaters tested were certified to ANSI Z21.63 (2000)."
I'll not be sleeping here tonight.

Narf :}

And 4AM Again

Wide awake and still wondering why no one stays awake with me and no one shares my company my happiness my misery a life lived contemplatively... the past two days I gave into coffee, I think, yes, two cups on Monday and one cup on Tuesday and tomorrow may be more of the same. Will power pushed to limits as the determination to return under 180 motivates me but the energy is not just a weight loss thing, it's a stretching out to envelope family thing because there is woe in the family with a very ill dog in the dog hospital and financial woes and that is just part of my wakiness these days. The excitement of the move is another, but not so exciting is wondering why the new roommate isn't coming through with the key he said he'd get so I could start moving my stuff over there a little at a time to save moving costs and...

here I am.

Narf :)

Nodding, Then Wired

I was nodding off and then, the body hunger may have nudged me awake a bit, but I finally laid down and was going to play the game until I fell asleep when the text came from Jackson to let me know she was back at the hospital with the dog and so I sent text support and then came midnight when my circadian rhythm starts waking. It was a ten hours desk day and some things were accomplished at work. The evening was The Last Ship and Fishdom again. Then, texting, then, more Fishdom and Toon Blast and Toy Blast and slices of processed meat and as the calorie reduction continues another day but lack of sleep is the excuse not to go to the gym so the old pattern continues alone again, unnaturally.

And how are you? (cuz it matters to me).

Narf :)

Wooooze

So how was your day? Mine? O, I thought you'd never ask. Work was ok. Coffee kept me away at my desk until almost noon, though I didn't get much done. Went to a outside meeting (emergency management) and drove to the bank and then, dropped the car off and came back here. I forgot most of what I did out there. I think I almost started nodding off playing the Fishdom game and watching some more The Last Ship (testing my tolerance, but season 4 is losing me fast), but softball. Made it to the game on time. We were ahead most of the game and the other team scored a big inning and went ahead 13-12. We both were shut down an inning, then we gave them a run and went into the last inning down 14-12. The first two batters got on and I got up. I hit a line drive to right and the bases were loaded. The next batter scored knocked in two runs and the game was tied. The next batter hit a single to right and this time I yelled for the runner to advance to third. I wasn't coaching bases when I was the batter. The next batter walked and the bases were loaded with one out. The next batter hit a deep fly ball and the runner on third tagged up and we win. 15-14. Could have been exactly that last week if the umpire didn't let the tea, ahead run out the clock arguing. Phew. We locked up second place. Playoffs next week. They are gonna come at us hard so we better be ready.

Play game, fall asleep, hope.

Narf :)

No Sleep, Radio

Tonight I don't feel like linking the other blogs so if you want to know what's going on in the body and belly, find the body and food blogs. Don't get geeked out, m'ok?Short story, cutting back calories again, aiming for exercise tomorrow and sleep tonight because I got no sleep last night. Must stay awake, softball at 8:30 PM. Final game of the season. A win and we lock up second place. We were tied for first last week but lost a heart breaker and an umpire's bad decision to let the team ahead delay the game and run the clock out while we were rallying (you can find those entries too if you want). Brain foggy, eyes blurry, body woozy, this is gonna be a fun game lol. Hope I am laughing when it's over. Gonna play some phone games now. Stay awake stay awake tonight (know the song?). Wish you were here, I mean, if you care to share. Don't be like everybody else, be. What?

Get the joke?

Narf :)

Do I Forget? (to sleep I suppose)

Not even slightly. I simply succeed in distracting myself from things I might remember if didn't distract myself. Like stressing things like I release into words in these blogs now and then. And the loneliness, naturally. And even the distractions themselves. When did the TV shut itself off, for instance,and why didn't I notice? Engrossed in a phone game to distract from the sad news that Jackson and Brandi's dog (actually Brandi's dog, but Jackson's lived there a few years now so like Jackson's dog became emotionally mine after a while, well, you get it and if you don't ask) if sick and at the vet after midnight. Jackson took her cuz Brandi was too sad and I lent text support for Jackson while she waited at the vet. What are big brothers for, after all. I appreciate Jackson for giving me some sense of family even if it's somewhat distance and somewhat challenging financially lol. No family is perfect and I have been so desperate to find people I could call mine nearby, well, even the sad news feels good cuz I am less alone.

Even when I distract myself from whatever is sad or stressful.

All I ever needed was the one, after all :)

(thank you Elton and Bernie).

and Narf :)

Challenges Continue

For the past ten years, maybe for the past 23 years since leaving my comfortable house and moving to Toronto, just when I am reaching a point of comfort (or in more recent years, reaching for a place of comfort because I sure haven't been comfortable much in the past few years living like a refugee), someone depending on me for financial help reaches out and I tap into my reserves to help, leaving myself without the resources to move on into a more comfortable living situation.

When I finally do say no, I lose family. I know they are not really family, but without biological family, those I choose as family are the only family I've got. For better or worse, I always seem to choose people who have less than I have. So just as I finally make my last payment on my car, that money plus more goes elsewhere for the first three months after the car payments end. Then, this month, as I pay rent on two different places and need money to finally move into a decent place, albeit still with compromised personal privacy, another car payment amount is needed.

Repetition can be fun, but...

Narf :}

Record Keeping

The way I keep track of all the blogs has changed over the years and I am way behind in the titles list (aka table of contents), but tonight I spent hours cutting and pasting blog entry addresses into a notepad file which is halfway to updating the records cuz someday someone might want a table of contents and map of the written gardens, ya know? While doing that, I found dozens of comments and some were not obvious SPAM, but all were old thanks to Google Corporate indifference and poor customer service. The background TV has been The Last Ship and I am realizing I don't remember much beyond halfway through season two and sure enough, as it almost always does, eliminating main characters is undermining my enjoyment of the show. Especially when the replacements are arrogant as if they don't have to win over an audience. Some hunger is rising too. And the usual loneliness, as usual, again, naturally.

Anybody out there?

Narf :)

Rest, Food, Calories

After spending the day mostly seated (though I did do some box packing) and dealing with the stench of Eb's poops and some rotten egg stinking pipes that were flushed with acid (alas, Eb, it's really been challenging living here and sometimes I just have to shout it out here rather than shout at you) and skipping the laundry an shower I needed because his pipes are so fragile, I headed out to dinner with Helen. She chose an American buffet, meat and potatoes and veggies, kind of like Golden Corral, called Austins. Not good for the digestive system or the weight, but I'll readjust the rest of the week. Maybe. I said that last week and I believe I am back to 185 or higher. Shit, and too much of it. Whatever happened to the 170 pound goal? By he New Year? Maybe. Alone makes it so much more challenging (same old song, wah wah wah).

It was relatively delicious for cheap basic American food lol.

Narf :)

Made It Through The Week

The tires issue is repaired, but not finished as I must check the balancing and rushed installation job they did after either making a mistake or trying to rip me off. Why hand me the warranty for tires they didn't put on the car? An hour to put on two tires and they put on the wrong tires yet they tell me thy are the right tires when they bring the car around? How does one make that mistake, anyway? Then there's the propane issue. An indoor propane heater and Eb says propane does not product Carbon Monoxide. Ignorance is how people die with these gas heaters. Propane and every flammable gas produces CO when it's not burned completely. So this indoor propane heater is perfect and infallible? If not, we die. I'll sleep with my window open no matter how cold it gets. I've got an electric blanket. So I gave the new roommate the last month's rent tonight, then headed back to work, then headed to the chinese buffet. Impulse, splurge, and reason not to come back here. Then here for some TV (on to The Last Ship now) and to bed before midnight.

Life goes on.

Nrf :)

So I Am Not Sleeping

And the neck is cramping and the body is hungry and the mind is distracted by computer games and The Gifted simultaneously and if it wasn't Thursday night, that would be fine, but I have a full day of work tomorrow and I'll likely be heading out driving around and that means I need to be awake. Driving asleep isn't very wise for a safety officer. The ear is screaming overtime which, coupled with the neck, may keep me awake all night. More food? So much for the light eating this week. And no shower, yuck. I'll try to wake in the morning early enough for a shower but that may be more challenging than it sounds, especially with the chill in the air and the plumbing on the fritz. Eb said that the plumber asked that we don't use the water much until Monday. Maybe I'll head in to work then head out to do the inspections but stop here for a shower first so he'll be at work.

Raisin, Date, and Nuts Oatmeal x3.

Narf :}

Indoor Propane

He bought an indoor propane heater and thinks it's safe to use as a sole heater for this place. Everything I've read (and I've read a lot about gas heaters in my job) say even the best made-for-indoors gas heaters are for temporary use in emergencies, temporary power outages, and so on. He's running the thing like it's completely safe. He bought a CO alarm, but keeps it four feet off the floor. I need to get out of here sooner rather than later. Tomorrow, if I wake up, I will give the new roommate $650 and start moving my stuff there. Cold nights I will stay there, but tonight... I am here. Is getting sleep just getting sleepy or is getting sleepy the gas?

I guess I should open the window tonight.

Narf.

And Another Day Down

Not down in a funky way, but down in the over way. Headed to work real early cuz I woke regularly and it was 52 degrees in this house. No shower, just cold. Warmed up at my desk. Desk day work. Work day at desk. Day work at desk. Yogurt, Protein shake, carrots, prunes. Headed back here in mid afternoon, forgetting it would be cold here. 54 degrees inside, 57 degrees outside. Gonna be 35 tonight. Eat hot soup, do laundry, hot shower. Water not hot. Wash water backed up into tub, dangit. Old house. Eb says don't plunge tub, pipes cant take it. Claims too much soap in wash causes it. Don't see suds in washer, bull. Plunged and took shower, water went down. Rinse water backed up into tub after I showered, no soap, just rinse water. Bundle up in robe, feet under heated blanket, ready for bed soon. Staggered sentences caused by watching NCIS lol.

Nite Nite again...

Narf :)

Gonna Sleep Tonight

The sleep average is low these days and tonight it tere is chill in the air, 57 degrees in this hose, and Eb said no heat this winter so I am getting under my electric blanket and playing the game (mostly Fishdom but ToonBlast and Toy Blast fill in the gaps these days) until I fall asleep and sleeping through the night is the play. No food, just sleep. Exactly what the body needs most.

Nite nite.

Narf :)

Good Day, Bad Umpire

It took two tries just to get close to decompressed and still I consumed two cans of Campbell's Vegetarian Vegetable soup (minus the potatoes) and at least eight prunes and still I would eat any of my favorite comfort foods if any were in the house (so a key to an effective diet for an emotional eater is to NOT have key comfort foods in the house and get a flat tire so after midnight 24-hour food stores are not close enough and that reminds me, there's a 24-hour walmart almost walking distance to the new house. Dramatic music played, did you hear it?

Desk day, caught up on most driver database updates, or halfway or so. Still way behind on the Forklift Operator database. Close to right on up to date in the DOT database though. Then, orientation. A new computer set up, nobody told me, but I winged it and still finished eight minutes early in spite of starting four minutes late thanks to a late-returner from lunch. Then, left for the tire place. Replacements are necessary, but not in stock so I ordered them and they will call tomorrow when they come in. So I returned to work and worked another few hours, past 6PM, and headed here to change and head out to the fields. In the rain. Pouring rain. The fields, however, somehow just got under the radar enough to be playable even as we all got good and wet. Rain when it is 60 degrees is not conducive to comfortable human body temperature. The links above share the human drama of sport.

There is so much more, but for now...

Narf :)

Home Alone-ish

Rarely am I alone here since Eb seldom goes anywhere anymore after losing the election (an hour or two for food now and then, and work, but that it lately). I decided to stay in today and I'll just have to wake early tomorrow to get the tire taken care of before work. Then again, I just went online and made an appointment for 3:00 PM because it was the only appointment available and by making the appointment I get either 10% or 20% off tires I buy, though I may need to buy 4 tires to get that deal. There is always fine print, after all. America, greed rules. Anyway, I will probably need two new tires tomorrow, just the unexpected expense I don't need, right? So I stayed here, watched some movies and TV, played the games on the phone, ate dinner, pooped, showered, and now, it's time for bed. Sleep? Hopefully.

So how was your day?

Narf :)

It Must Matter To Me

TJ's with Helen, just what the digestive system does not need and as if the universe knew, she called to cancel cuz she wasn't in the mood and didn't ant to spend money. More driving around was not what the car and tire needed, so that works, except that I am feeling profoundly lonely today. Stressing over the relapse of the bleeding and more spending coming up and moving and wondering how much privacy I'll have and I need to go out and pick up meds and tires and just feel like crap and don't want to move. I must rededicate myself to redoubling my efforts to reduce to 170 pounds, cut the solid food wastes, reduce spending to minimal (except for the move) and keep up with the medication regime. The food blog and body blog must be paramount in my daily blogging. Oh so serious, huh? Well, I've got to continue living to find my partner, right? Someone crazy like me. Why am I laughing? Sigh.

In case it matters to anyone else, I post this reminder here.

Narf. :}

Here We Go Again (Maybe)

Moving? New space adjustments? The bleeding? I really do need to keep track of it, even if it is here in the public daily. The body blog? Probably better for the sensitivities of humanity, so the details will go there. This body has it's challenges in spite of feeling energetic, youthful, and wonderful most of the time. So while I might repress it well, I sense the stress level of major life changes is as high as it's been since early March 2017 when I moved here, started a new job, and whatever. Where is the love that cures so many ailments and reduces stress?

The tire was flat again, so I must get that taken care of tomorrow. $$$ Bad timing.

Narf :)

Did I Mention the Tire Was Flat Too?

So I woke around noon and watched a little TV, I think, and wandered on to Facebook finding a rich vein of photos (memes too) that I shared on some of my pages and saved for future sharing. That passed time until I showered and headed to the new potential roommate and we talked for a couple of hours. Yes, we found things to talk about and he's someone I could live with and he's willing to share the whole house so no more stuff in storage. The living space is infinitely better than this one and has some good aspects, but tiny bedroom next to the front door and bathroom that is across the living room so no privacy and two kids, so clothing, which sucks. Still, I'll take it if they decide I'm right for them. The place is clean.

I stopped for drinks, forgetting supermarkets were closed so $32 at Walgreens and then I drove to the dinner party anyway and the gate code didn't work. I called the hostess three times and no answer, but then, someone drove up and I followed them in. The condo was dark. Checking my texts, I figured out the dinner party is tomorrow and today I was supposed to be at another friend's place at 2PM I texted and apologized.

It was a lot more trouble than it sounds because, well, did I mention the tire was flat too? I stopped at 2 different 7-11s on the way to the party and they didn't have air. Finally found one that did and they charged $1.50 fr 5 minutes and the tire would not fill. I went to the party with the tire really low and you know how that turned out. Anyway, after realizing I wouldn't have dinner or anybody around tonight, Wawa had free air and a pump that worked. I stopped at Target and Walmart for frozen foods and cooked up a feast when I got back here. Eb was eating something out of a bowl in his underwear three feet from the 60 inch TV.

Is life changing? Hope the tire isn't flat in the morning.

Narf :)

Ubuntu

Wouldn't it be nice? This world is a sad place with human beings in charge. Ants would do a much better job. Maybe. Maybe every dominant species so far has grown too big and nature had to stop them from destroying the balance of the ecosystem in this thin bubble of air around this rock in space. Maybe tardigrades will get it right if they get a turn at the top. Or Manatees. Anyway, I am feeling fat because of the late night meals I had for the past week more days than not. And life. Celebrating a four day weekend (that is dedicated to pigging out)? Maybe. I connected with a new potential roommate tonight. No photo, just a name. I am hoping for the best as I meet him at his house tomorrow. Compromise, his house, maybe a lot more compromise if we connect and I move in, but I find it challenging to imagine it being any less comfortable than this place. He says he's clean and respectful and I rambled on and his response was he thinks I'm someone he could share his home with. Maybe he's just desperate. Pros, cons, optimism, pessimism, I am spiraling big time tonight. No wonder I had another midnight meal. TV, Music, Video, Food, Writing, and still looking for more distraction.

Hello?

lol

Narf :)

What's Up? I'm Up.

So I cooked some dinner and ate some dinner and did some writing and watches some TV and played some games and laid down and played some more games and then, I read an email and the words wound me up good and I went to the bathroom and ate a peach yogurt and here we are again. Wide awake at 4AM without a soul in sight. So I went to Facebook and posted this on several of my pages. More than several, actually.

That Whole Love Languages Thing

I was having one of those "wondering if I was ever really cared about in this life" and she said "You are. You just don't know it bc it's not shown the way you need it to be shown. That whole love languages thing." Love languages. She's probably right. So how do I find someone who speak the same love language I speak? Feel free to offer solutions.

Probably should ask someone.

Blink.

Narf.

Doh.

Um.

!

Hoping

Yes that's right, I am still hoping I will find someone who will really get me, accept me, and love me (and not just from afar). Impulse opened an email and visited the Plenty of Fish site again. I clicked no a hundred times, sent two messages. Everyone there looks like my mother. Or grandmother. I find no Oedipus tendencies in me at all lol. Most Americans are fat and fat repulses me, so that doesn't help. Picky picky, but I won't settle for anything less than honesty without harm and self-abuse is not honesty without harm. I know, I've been there (I am imperfect, but honest about it). On that note, I ate a pound of spaghetti today. I feel fat. Pretty, but fat. (laughing at myself a lot today). First time I made spaghetti here in many months, maybe the first time this year. I so rarely cook. I scrubbed the stove first. Life is still lonely on weekends, more now that softball is over. I was invited to two Thanksgiving dinners today. That makes four. I'll probably go to three, so I should stop eating now lol.

Last night Jackson and her family said hi, then we said bye. It was late when they got back.

The animals gave me love.

Narf :)

Vacation Eating

Tonight, much less emo, much more enjoying a night away from the cesspool and filling the belly with a variety of favorites tat I'll list in the food blog. Yum. The belly is as bloated as it's been in many weeks, many longer, but I am maintaining the weight loss so I am ok with a pig out like this now and then. I am pet sitting for Jackson and Brandi and the four legged kids are the same, except older. The aging is noticeable, alas, as one pisses red urine and the other two have trouble walking, one can't jump on on anything anymore. Getting old is not easy for anyone. All is wonderful except for a rather aggressive mosquito that got in when he door was open. I had to open the porch screen door to let the two outdoor cats come get food on the porch because only one will come inside when I am here. We compromise, mosquito gains ground, but I've not been bitten yet. Watching college football as the local team, UCF, is still undefeated and plays their toughest opponent of the season tonight. That's where Jackson, Brandy, and Jackson's family are today and tonight. We're all having fun in our own ways.

Did I mention three decadent desserts?

Narf lol :)

Emo Eating

I pulled away from the old game group core tonight. Finally said no to an invitation and told Tinman why. I do not want to drive an hour (half hour there and half hour back) to be manipulated by a control freak living a delusional life who really doesn't care how much he upsets, insults, and hurts people, even if he thinks he genuinely means no harm. I am referring to Harpo. Very few people will play with him now. Occasionally a group of the core old time game players will, but some of them do not like to because he seems to be clueless about how he insults them. His need to control overrides any consideration or awareness of how he disregards others feelings. It's his way or his attempts to control, which is often an annoyance or a flat out back-handed insult. I've tried talking to him about it, so has Tinman, but he is in complete denial, aggressively defensive denial, in fact. There's an entry that records the night he crossed the line with me and I have not wanted to talk with him or play with him since. I did last week because Tinman's daughter asked me to come to her birthday dinner, but I really did not want to. So I said no tonight. We shall see where we go from there.

Me, I played the phone games and watched TV and almost about midnight, caved in to eat barbecue and mac and cheese, my way.


Sleepy now.

Narf :)

Two Birthdays, Long Ago

His name was Ray and her name was Barb, and still is, as a matter a fact. They were my closest friends through much of high school, my best friend and my girlfriend, and today is their birthday. Yes, both of them, same day, same year, maybe even the same moment. Life has been like that for me in many ways, the coincidences of time and connections. They were around when the first words from pen were were finding paper (as I graduated from crayon and pencil and the fun of scribbles and release of babble merged with the intensity of seriousness. Teenage years, where everything and every moment seems matter so much more. Anyway, today was another good day, successful new project, relaxing afternoon, ice cream cake for the birthday of a close co-worker who could be very close if she wasn't married and I was not letting anyone close. The coincidences continue to amaze as I pretend to accept them as if I expect them... lol.

Happy Birthday Barb... Happy Birthday Ray... Happy Birthday Micky.

Three Birthdays, Now.

Narf :)

Time Tripping

Yesterday was tomorrow and today is yesterday, in case time matters to you. I was sleeping when this was written and slept through twelve hours after a long walk of a day. Walking through parks, the full 7.1 miles of Black Bear Wilderness Area, hiking in desk clothes, sore feet and achy muscles tonight but tomorrow, all better, even on a 300 calorie day. Made up for a weekend of pigging out, almost. The 34 waist pants are slipping off again. Will you still love me tomorrow? Time after time. Sweet dreams are made of this too. Eb is hooked on Game of Thrones now, so his video game addiction pauses. This culture trip through the middle ages allows the culture to an opportunity to collectively masturbate to chauvinism and misogyny an opportunity like rallying around the flag or hoola-hoops, whatever is popular must be ok, even right, right? Better than the shoot-em-up video games? It's all the same to me and out of my mind, thank you. I'll stay with The Princess Bride, Hook, Mary Poppins, The Wizard of Oz, and for the occasional violence, The Animaniacs for my entertainment, thank you very much.

Time keeps on tripping, ya know?

Narf :)

Really?

Maybe. Two days from now, today was a good day at work impressing some and sadly, seeing others with power and responsibility shirking. Too busy to keep a commitment they made to their people, showing the weakness of their leadership, alas, and the cancer in the county. On the other hand, a higher manager, the assistant county manager did attend the active shooter training I put on and returned praise and appreciation, which can only bode well as her message flows through the hierarchy. A delicate topic for training that some in leadership try to avoid, but unfortunately, necessary. After the training I spent most of the day researching more statistics for the training at the desk and then, here for some games and food and remembering I signed up for Tinder some time back so I checked and not a single message, some comments and more words. Still, Hope remains my closest companion, really.

A good day, still alone, still good.

Narf :)

Naturally

I could point to links all through every entry morning, noon and night (and so much more), I don't know why some links pop up or why some long sleeping blogs suddenly pop up with a lone entry or even much activity or whatever. Maybe. Anyway, today was softball, chinese buffet, and then here. That's it, except for pooping in a bin because Eb was in the bathroom when I got back here and I needed to go and then, wash the bin and shower and relax here at the computer with the TV on football. Checking fantasy football, it's almost as bad for my team this year as it is for the Sunday softball team. I've won more fantasy football weeks than games in the 14 game Sunday softball season. So that's today, more details than you may have wanted, but it's life, shit happens, ya know? Always has. And alone again, naturally.

Narf :)

A Day Indoors

Most of the day I was cleaning out boxes, filling two garbage bags, and doing laundry. That's it, other than heating up pizza and making some soup. Watching TV in the background, Runaways. Nine or ten episodes and the kids finally runaway. Then I watched The Big Lebowski. I don't want no dead flowers though. Some days are like this. Indoors. The boxes held some bittersweet memories too. Actually, sweet and sad cuz nobody shares them.

Wish you were here.

Narf :)

Lonely Again

The online world is not helping at all and it's been that way for a while. Email is the same. Texts continue to flow in, but people seem to announce things or talk at each other and not to or with each other. It's like Facebook everywhere these days. Might as well communicate by hanging stuff on a clothes line. As the last entry might have suggested, I fell into the news blitz more than I usually do and that leaves an unpleasant taste in my psyche. So I want to eat more and be lazy and feel sorry for myself and just might do that for a day or few. If I had chocolate available, I'd eat some right now. Luckily the laziness is keeping me from driving out anywhere. Still, I am still here and life goes on, in case it matters.

Busy work day with a lot accomplished. Tomorrow I want to have fun.

The new prospective roommate continues to disappoint.

As does life.

Narf :)

Shit Yeah

You just had to be there. Or maybe it was here. Could have been here. Sarah Silverman. The Way of the Shadow Wolves. Reading for the paranoid or something Hitler would have loved. More like hijacking of The People, but who gets that these days. Hello? Are you even there?

Anywhere?

Today was another busy day taking care of business, reminding senior leadership about rules they need to follow that I monitor, then preparing for the big monthly meeting, then driving to exchange pants. I found some 34 waist pants and took two 32 waist pant in the style I like and guess what. I fit into the 32 waist. The 34 waist gives me more room, but they might be too big soon too. So I celebrated with the Chinese buffet, pure impulse. Then, bought a free razor with the coupon Gillette sent me. Here we are, later, watched CBS shows and and now, Sarah.

She's knows, shit yeah.

Maybe most people are simply not intelligent enough to understand this. What?

Narf :)

Disappointing Nation

The fact that more than half the country supports the misogyny and lies and actually wants to be lead down the garden path to their doom. The end of the American Empire is coming faster than I expected as the oligarchy continues to strengthen it's stranglehold on power that milks the planet dry and leaves the majority of people struggling over scraps. Part of me is hoping I am not here to see Florida under water, part of me is hoping I can see the human race turn the self-destruction around. That didn't happen today and I can only hope it's not too late tomorrow.

Meanwhile, the day was a typical day, the evening a typical evening except for the TV being on, which is rare. Food and body blogs have more. Anybody care?

I'll still raise my hand.

Narf :)

Darn Right

The never ending short story is what we do, blog after blog, entry after entr, line after line, word after word. The body knows what is best for it and the story never ends. So many roads, so many choices, so many ways to find bits and pieces of me. In case it matters, it matters to me.

Busy social weekend, challenges and fun. Harpo's obsessive need to control everything reached a point where just walked out and I don't know when I'll be back. I don't even want to talk to him for now. Pity, as he has so few people who can accept him as he is, but he just blew me off and said "bye" when I left rather than stopping his control freak repetitive ways. He didn't care how we felt and and showed it clearly. Tinman was about to snap, I did first. That was Friday. Tinman and I went to The Commodore's place Saturday night and we taught Tinman bridge. If they weren't so far, we'd definitely go again. Sunday was softball and then, I fell asleep.

Narf? lol :)

Filth

I'll Just Drop This Here

Found this on the floor of my room. With my foot. I got lucky, the handle is thicker than the blade and my foot found the handle first, flat, so it didn't roll or otherwise move the blade closer to my foot. I was elsewhere tonight, havng some sort of fun, or passing the time, so I returned and figured I would drop this here. To remind me, or something like that.

Nobody Home

When there is no home outside of the head, there might as well be nobody home. No one really knows what goes on in there anyway and no one really cares enough to ask. I don't even get the bullshit how are you from the people closest to me most of the time, never from some. Why I stay in this rut of selfish needy insensitive people only interested in getting what they want and need is a sign of my procrastination and apathy. Most of me has given up on humanity as a species and just as much of me has given up on finding someone who really cares beyond their insecure limited scope of power and control. Even the weakest of those close to me who avoid and don't try to control are not interested in who I am, how I feel, or anything in my life. Maybe it's time to accept that people just don't really care about each other.

Occasionally I'll hear "how's work?", but rarely more than that and only occasionally.

So if I die, I die. (Prunes)

Narf :)

I Didn't Really Die

Thought the after-death ost did get uploaded as scheduled over there, you might get a hint if you scan back an entry or few. TheReal(TM) has been long and winding, after all. The years with jackson spane that blog, though almost seven thousand entries reach well beyond one person, even if she was in the living space and the closest all those years. I don't think any blog ever ended, not really, they just go silent for a while as new daily blogs take the spotlight, like this one. Not that there's been much of a spotlight lately, aye?

Cut the protesting, forget the excuses, we want information, get up off the floor... Today was like many other days in this life of late, work at the desk, researching and preparing a proposal for the County Manager. Tomorrow I meet with the two I've chosen to help with it and we shall get as close to finalized as we can so the team can review and approve next week. I relaxed at the computer when I got back here, nodding off, but continuing to do some such... email stuff, I believe, actually apartment and house hunting online. All evening. I finally laid down to play the games until sleep came and guess what... here we are. About 1AM I wandered into the kitchen and made myself a pork burrito. That brings us here. Are we having fun yet?

Narf :)

Don't Know Much About History

Only what I read in books and who knows what the authors had in mind when they wrote what they were taught by who knows who. You really think everything that happened really happened? Does it really repeat itself over and over like mice on a wheel? Will we survive the next cycle of war and famine? Is the next mass extinction just around the corner?

Life goes on, with us or without us... today was another good day.

Hope yours was too. Maybe you'll let me know sometime.

Madness Happens

In the middle of the night... I go walking in my sleep... and when I stumble upon a mind like this, I know I am home. There is home for me yet. Not much for this world, but for yet. Naturally I will be drinking caffeine so my head does not hit the desk in the morning, but for now, let's dance. I will not go quietly into the night and if you call, I will answer, if you care, I will thank ya, if you sing, I will listen, if you listen, I will babble on for a few hours at least.

The calendar is a waste of time.

Roller Coaster

We are all bipolar, that is, we all have highs and lows, ups and downs, moods swings. Most of us maintain some sense of balance, mostly through ignorance and avoidance and denial and delusion and whatever it takes to not notice the sensory inut driving the rollwe coaster. I could have just fallen asleep as I was sleeping in the chair but nooo, fifteen fish sticks, a mini-pizza, and a cheese-fat loaded mac and cheese bowl later and here we are. Stupid. Stupid CSB offers a newFBI show and I'm stupid enough to start watching. Stupid humans. Stupid politics. Stupid religion. Stupid terrorists. Stupid fear-mongering mind games all of them play. Where is the mind that I am looking for?

lol, what a mind :)

Narf :)

Mega-Madness

Yes, still begging. So read this and let me know what you make of it (I'm dreaming you might) and the previous entries too (like this and while we're at it, everything here (you may say I'm a dreamer), but at least this one (did I say that I'm a dreamer?). Then, I went back into the kitchen and prepared two pizzas. I smelled chocolate, but who know there were brownies in the oven. I mean, who makes brownies at 10:30 PM on a week night? Fat people, that's who. Excuse me while I wait in line to cook my pizza.

Yes, laughter is fun. So I am still awake again. I was fast asleep in the chair at 9:00 PM. Again. Habit. I don't seem to want to sleep. Don't want to miss a thing. Maybe it was the Lottery (haven't we been here before?) and today was a desk day at word. Sitting too much. Combined with the diet, uncomfortable, but not the seriously painful poops that were so common much of this year. You had to know that.

When do they call the numbers for Powerball? $620 Million. I still will happily accept just a portion of the $4 Million Lotto lol. Ths is why I don't waste my money on tickets. I hope those are famous last words. Not of life, but of buying tickets. Especially if I win. lol. Six more minutes for the oven.

Narf :)

Indulging The Beast

Calories, taste buds, emotional eating, the works. Still on a minuscule scale compared with what I have done before (where's the whole large pizza and pound of M & Ms, 5,000 calorie meals, remember?), but still, way beyond what I've done here in many months. The mistake was going shopping hungry and lonely and on the edge of who cares. So I bought pizza. Mini-pizzas, and I've been good until today only eating one at a time every other day. Today I've had three and there's a fourth in the oven. I also bought mac n cheese. The instant in a cup kind, so again, portion control and lower calories, but... not when I add butter (vegetable spread) and ketchup and extra cheese (fat free slices) and... I had two today. I tossed a flounder filet into each for added protein. The body is craving. I am caving. I said it again. Caving.

What's worse is, as I've said somewhere else at least twice, I was asleep sitting in this chair at 8:00 PM and I rolled into bed and poof, sleep was gone. The phone rang just as I was nodding off. Work. The fire department hit a tree. They kept on rolling to the hospital and delivered the patient without a hitch, but they reported it to me as they are supposed to. Maybe that was it, but sleep was gone. I played Fishdom for a little while and the bladder needed emptying and I found Eb watching the first game of the World Series. That adrenaline surge made me hungrier. I resisted until Eb cooked bacon. I tried to go back to bed a few times, but finally popped more pizzas in the oven. Craving frozen pizzas, how low I've sunk. The one for lunch with the dozen shrimp was supposed to be my large meal for the day. But sleep did not come. Food did.

The hunger beast roared today and guess what I did? Caved.

Craving chocolate now.

Narf :)


PS... Read this too, I mean, if you remember I also said read this, hence the too on read this too. Wonderful, do it again. Please?

Yes Gym, More Food

Read this too, I mean, if you remember I also said read this, hence the too on read this too. Wonderful, do it again. Go ahead, I'll wait...

So I ate more than a thousand calories today. You can find the details in the food blog. Lunch and dinner and the protein shakes. Probably gained a couple of pounds. You can find details in the body blog. I forgot to set my alarm and woke up five minutes before the workday technically starts, almost a half hour after I usually leave here and pick up the car (I am usually early). I splashed, dressed, hopped in the car and picked up my work car before 8:00 AM. I didn't get to my desk until 4:30 PM as I spent the day wandering parks. I was unshaven, unwashed, and un-desk worthy. Driving around and inspecting parks and parking lots made much more sense. I stopped by the office to get some paperwork done that needed to be done today and then I went to the gym (body blog).

I'm sitting more than I have in the past few weeks. Hope. What are you doing?

Narf :)

No Gym, Less Sleep

Actually almost 2AM. I really wanted to go to the gym tonight but I was getting back from the softball fields about 10 PM and was hungry and did not want to eat around midnight and the frustration has me almost ready to do that anyway. Softball is not providing enough exercise. Must find time to get to the gym more often. now, sleepy nodding after 1:00 AM, I till need a shower and poop and even though I had a mini-pizza and protein shake when I got back here, I am still hungry. Craving carbs, proteins, fats, foods. Pooping will likely make me hungrier. Showering, who knows, probably wake me more. These are the challenges I ponder after midnight alone, in the dark, with much ado about nothing in my heart and madness consuming my mind. This one, read this one. For what it's worth. For no apparent reason. In case it matters.

So what's new in your world?

Narf :)

Pushing The Body

Read this That's right, read this and I'll say it again, read this and I'll say it again tomorrow and probably again after that. Now that you read that, this entry is here to record the fatigue felt after two softball games and minimal calories for the past few days. Weight is dropping, but I am approaching a weight that requires some closer monitoring to make sure muscle tissue s not damaged (since the heart is a muscle). You can read more in the body blog. I feel wonderful and I ate a semi-balanced balanced dinner (a mini-pizza and a bowl of shrimp, cauliflower rice, onions, and assorted spices... you can read about it in the food blog... so many blogs, so little time). I was almost woozy tired after softball, but still shopped and drove back just fine. Still feeling the loneliness of not sharing daily life with someone intimately on any level, but I chatted with Harpo and Eb briefly and I live with Eb, so I am not as alone as I will be if I move into a one bedroom by myself I am still considering sharing a two bedroom with a new roommate, but his income is scary low so I don't know if we will find a place he can afford and then I must consider what I would have to do if he can't pay. The decision will be made in the next few weeks, maybe sooner, since I would rather not pay for two places and I must give Eb a month's notice when I move out. The position of life partner remains open and very welcoming of someone who can share caring completely openly and honestly without delusions or fears. Not sure any humans can, but I strive to remain hopeful.

So how are you?

Narf :)

Primary Blog, This Is

No, not channeling Yoda. After all, he would have said primary blog, this is the. Maybe. Ok, nevermind that, I am skipping whole day as I've skipped whole weeks and even months (years?) in some other blogs. Now and then I fill in some gaps and if I ever retired I will likely fill in many more, however being a working stiff and having fun elsewhere (afk) when I am not working, there are gaps in the written chronology of recorded life in words here, there, and everywhere. Be that as it may be or not to be, this girl kept me company through the internet during my choose and babblings for the past couple of days. Yes, Janet Devlin has cast her Leprican-like spell on me and I've been seduced int submission. Higher mission too. I hope she passes trough her awkward stage soon and overcomes the dogma and repressive world she comes from soon because I sense an amazingly open and sensitive mind in that big head. Ok, it's mostly the hair, but she's getting the modicum of teasing because I love her product, personality, and sense her sense of humor might appreciate the serious mockery. Maybe even understand.

What I was saying before she so sardonically interrupted was that this is the current primary blog, in case you are just stumbling into it. There are hundreds of others (no kidding) in this little web world I call my written gardens (that's the back door, by the way, and then there are dozens of Facebook pages as well) and this can serve as some sort of umpteenth introduction if it continues and expands. See the detailed blog to find out if it did. Later. For the moment, I am off to play softball. 174.4 pounds this morning on the digital scale here, which is probably about 177.6 on the beam balance scale at the gym. See the food and body blogs for more. Scattered thoughts fill my head and it would be a great day for babbling, but noooooo, softball. I love softball, in case you wondered. Back later.

Make today spectacular! :)

Narf :)