Indulging Taco Bell

I stayed at the fields and watched Jackson play (her team had two games, she played in the first). I still feel awkward around some of her teammates and the friendliness I used to feel is gone from some. I wish I knew why. Brandi just changed Jackson and I've got to accept that. I also have to stop hanging out at her games if it's going to increase the loneliness and sense of isolation. I decided to pig out on Taco Bell and head back here instead of going to the end of season party this year. Definitely not a social move, but I didn't feel like going without showering and I didn't feel like driving back here then driving all the way downtown for the party. I am not in a party mood.

I hope I return to the motivation I had for a few days tomorrow.

Sometimes I really buy into the feeling that nobody cares.

In case it matters.

Narf.