Body Stresses

Keeping calories under 1000 or less with no carbs or fat for three days was not easy, but it had to be done. The bad timing is the strep, bronchitis, and flu bugs buzzing around this space for almost two weeks as the kids were really sick and TA was sick too. They all stayed home from work and school last Friday and have been to doctors and have prescriptions. The little one needed to go back for stronger meds today so hopefully she'll stay in with her mom this weekend and not be traveling here and back (for her sake, and for mine). I'm going to get a god night's sleep tonight and go in to work late tomorrow and leave early and hopefully this body will continue fighting and winning. It's 90% in my nose (10% body fatigue) and as long as it stays there, no doctors. Mornings are more challenging as it drains into my throat overnight, but that's how strep works and bronchitis drains a little farther into the lungs. Food should help, maybe tomorrow.

It's tough to stay healthy among humans.

Narf :)

Starve a What?

Feed a cold, starve a fever or feed a fever, starve a cold, whatever. I'm not starving and I am not cutting calories to a minimum because the body is fighting the bugs, I am trying to drop all the holiday weight I gained. Must not climb back on the high calorie roller caster anymore. Very little today, just a few hundred calories, and lots of work. Going to bed now, sleep long, sleep deep.

Nite nite.

Senseless Slaughter

So it goes with the human race, a species conscious enough to be in love with killing, addicted to the adrenaline rush of fear which compels irrational delusions and impulsive violence, at least. That phenomenon permeates human life and it happens on the softball field as well. Tonight we played a team that could destroy us in one inning. I knew most of them from other teams and they let us play six innings. I got to pitch three and hit once. They didn't tell me I was up until I was expected in the batter's box and they waited until the umpire was calling for a batter and he gave us a lot of time before he called for a batter, so it didn't turn out well for me. This is the most disorganized random team I've ever been on and I've been on some bad teams. The coach puts people anywhere (he asked me to play shortstop, I said I pitch and it would be foolish to put me at shortstop against a team this good, so he played shortstop and made seven errors on seven balls, the guy he put at third did the same, he seems to have no softball knowledge at all, but he wanted to coach) and we lose on errors every time. I miss the fun I used to have in softball playing with people who know the game.

Hopefully they are having fun.

The day was a lot of desk work and I kept calories under a thousand, so far. I forget about this song. And another strange comment.

Narf :)

Overeating

Another day consuming more calories than I burned, another step back into the fat zone. Today was mostly desk, though I went out to investigate an incident, poor woman fell and broke her femur and smashed her head. Looks like she tripped over her own feet, alas, but some blame the flooring. After that I headed back home to put the wash in the dryer and eat lunch, then, Walmart to exchange some bad turkey but they wouldn't let me return it without taking another and I wasn't going to leave food in the car so I took the bad turkey and it's going to wait in the car until I get back to the store. Back to work, more desk work all the way to almost 7 PM and then, home to more fried foods and too much of it, at least 600 more calories in drinks, and now, sitting and watching TV. Fat habits make fat cells make fat people. Turn it around soon, please.

Narf.

Musicals

I wake from a brief nap and find RENT on TV. The house is fast asleep, as usual. I texted Jackson because she loves the show, but she has a headache and is already in bed. I turned the TV volume down a bit, but a musical on a big screen TV needs the surround sound, especially a musical this big. Spent most of the day watching YA's choice, This Is Us. Interesting. Well done in many places, but the self-destruction is annoying. Why do we want to watch people self-destruct? I want entertainment to take me out of this world, beyond this reality, not deeper into the stupid human mistakes we all make. Five TVs in the house and he wants to watch his show on the one in my living room, strange way of letting me move in. I got into the show enough to watch and be curious about more, so I'll continue to the end. I miss my CBS shows though. Jackson texted that she caught up on NCIS and I was sad I was not sharing. Still, an overall positive balance was maintained today.

I did not do well on calories though. Or on movement. I'll need to convert every step I can this week to get on track for the weekly goal. Were is that elliptical? Just another thing to put in storage if I don't stay here or don't find another comparable space, but I will not be happy in a bedroom or living room or kitchen that smells of cigarettes. So far though, today, I have not smelled more. Am I nose-blind? I will find out tomorrow when I go out and come back in. Patience. Hopefully any residual smell will be gone by then. Tomorrow and Tuesday are full days, work and softball. Wednesday, maybe put together all the empty boxes and assess again.

I like the production, mostly, but sadly, Mimi and ... are not wining me over.

Wish you were here.

Narf :)

Stay Positive, Etc.

I have three small signs printed on wood hanging around my room (along with some other things I like that I might get into in the details blog). Be-You-tiful, Be Yourself, and Be Positive. If I had a permanent AI implant and holographic viewer or something projected on my retina, I would have "Stay Positive" flash right before my eyes regularly. If the AI could be tapped into my bio-readings, I'd have those two words flash every time my BP elevated more than five points and every time my pulse went over 80. Staying positive is one of the most important aspects of finding peace and clarity.

I am hoping TA got the message about my distaste of cigarette smoke. Reality is my repeated reminders about several things required for me to actually move in here that he said he would do more than a month ago are very slow in getting done, but hope. Staying positive feeds hope and hope maintains positivity, so it's a self-renewing process. After mentioning it again yesterday and today, he gave me his garage door opener and said he'd get the one from his ex-wife (who hasn't lived here for months but, well, see previous entries). Still slowing my unpacking, but I unpacked a small drink blander and bought protein power which is half the price of the 11 ounce pre-made protein drinks I've been buying.A different brand, so hopefully the taste will appear. I also unpacked a lamp for the living room to go next to my chair. Baby steps pushing against my "no more unpacking this week" edict from this morning when the cigarette smoke still filled the air.

Keep reminding TA to follow through on what he said he would, stay positive, continue..
Narf :)

Working Through th Changes

There are always adjustments to changes in life. Moving is a big change. Making new friends is a big change. Sharing a house with a stranger is a big change. Sharing a house with a stranger and TV kids is a big change. Moving in with someone who says he's going to do things to make space for you to move in and be comfortable and then doesn't do them is a challenging change. You can see the details blog for more as I finally game myself some me time to look closely at the space and people around me in this new living space and I've been working through the changes and what compromises I can accept and what I must speak up about and most importantly, what I will not accept because accepting it would make me not want to live here and living somewhere you do not want to leads to conflict and I do not want to live in conflict.

Today I woke to cigarette smoke. TA smoked on the front porch because it was raining. The front porch is two feet from my bedroom and it is in an alcove that collects smoke, so opening the front door brings all of the smoke into the house and my bedroom. Stop.

It's not ok.

I spoke up because I will not breathe second hand smoke at home and I will move out it if happens again here. I passed on hundred of roommates because they listed smoking in their profile. I didn't see smoker on his roommate profile and I was not happy to find out he smoked after I paid rent and moved in and I will not live with a smoker. I started looking on the roommate website, which is very sad. I decided I am not going to unpack anything this week and wait to see if it happens again, which is even sadder. I am tired of living out of boxes. Dirty, smelly, bug-spray and mouse-pee boxes, at that. I don't like putting my life on hold again either.

He went out to get his daughter cough medicine and came back with e-cigarette stuff, then went out back to smoke that. It wasn't raining though. I thought I was gong to move in and feel like home, finally, but maybe not. We shall see how this week goes.

Narf.

Good and Bad

So I ate a big salad and baked chicken and then... all hell broke loose. My carb craving took over and I can blame the environment (because it did have a lot to do with the frustration and anxiety that tore down my will power),but it was my decision all the way. Idiot. Stupid. Self-destructive. Hopefully I don't catch the kid's bad cold since they are both coughing everywhere, including in the kitchen. Blood pressure was up at the doctor's today. The doctor wanted to do iron therapy, but really didn't ask much about life. Holistic medicine is rare. Sensitivity, empathy, and caring is even more rare. I'm way oversensitive tonight. Bloated and pissed at myself for getting so bloated. It's better here in many ways, but it's still not home. It's their home and I'm intruding. Twelve kitchen cabinets and I cleared half a shelf in one for my spices and that's it. He only uses a few, but has stuff he doesn't use stored in them. It there wasn't a freezer in the garage, I wouldn't have freezer space and he hasn't touched most of the stuff in the freezer this month. I have very little fridge space. I had more there than here.

Stop complaining, just move his stuff and move in.

Not my style, but..

Narf.

Surprise, It's The Kids

So I get home and there are the kids. Sick kids, no less. Coughing hard and sniffling. TA texted they might be here before he gets here, but it's been an hour and a half and the little one is whining hungry and refusing anything in the fridge and pouting because she can't have potato chips and snacks for dinner. Big brother offered marshmallows and she said no to that. It's all about daddy for her. So I quietly wait and don't start dinner and don't do any unpacking and moving in takes longer. Still not really sharing the kitchen, no cabinet space, one shelf in the pantry, so kitchen boxes sit and wait. It is awkward walking to the bathroom, laundry, or garage and bumping into them, Especially with daddy not here.

Sigh, it is not the shared space I was looking for, but it is better than before.

Adjust, unpack, de-clutter, have less to move if I move again.

There's no place like home.

I vaguely remember.

Narf :)

Distracted By Tinman

Why did I let my purist impulse keep me from watching Tinman until now? Perhaps I was simply waiting until I could be comfortable, in any case, I was distracted by Tinman the past two nights (I'll have to ponder excuses for all the other nights, but mostly it would be socializing with roommate, TV, or unpacking with a touch of softball... notice no sleep. Ok, maybe one night of sleep. Yeah, so what's this parentheses doing to improve this entry? Don't be begging, m'ok?) so the words are stagnating, though the mind is rambling in a sleepless stupor.

Desk work all day, except for orientation. Then protein drinks and softball. Tough game. Moving people around cost us a 10-3 lead and eve though I pitched really well, striking out more than one per inning, we lost 11-10 in the last inning. I continue hitting like crap, but I did get two hits. One with bases loaded knocked in two runs. I also grounded out twice, once with bases loaded. I also lead off twice from the number eleven spot. I found little enthusiasm at first, but more as the game went on. Sadly, the errors got to us as half the team can't field and I couldn't strike everyone out. So still, the only game we won was the one I managed because I put the best defense on the field in the last inning. I was asked to manage tonight, but was handed a lineup already made (poorly) and I wasn't falling for the set up to fail so I said no. The guy who took over between the first week and second week wasn't there tonight and made another poor line up and sure enough, another loss. Power trips.

Dinner was a pig out, of course I should be sleeping (it's an hour from now), blah blah blah.

Narf :)

Many Boxes & Words, But Not Much Writing

Yes, a long weekend of walking around this place opening boxes and sorting through stuff and throwing a bit away. Well over a dozen boxes were emptied and any tasks were completed. Sort of.

Hungry, but must sleep.

Narf :)

Believe Me Now and Do Laundry Later

Once again he has laundry in the washer and is not home. I must have said I need to do wash this weekend fifty times this week. I made the mistake of going out last night and staying out late and needing a nap this morning and while I was napping, he put another load of wash in th washer that takes ovr an hour to wash and he didn't time it to be finished before he left. I will not set a precedent of helping him wash his clothes because I do not want him washing mine. He mostly wears jeans, polos, and t-shirts and does not need to be careful with permanent press, softball jerseys, and more delicate work clothes and I don't want him move my clothes to the dryer because it is a cheap dryer that doesn't dry well and will shrink clothes (already has because the clothes have to be in the heat for so long and it is a no-agitator top-loading commercial washer that does not get clothes clean and damages clothes if not used just right and he loads way too much in the washer). Seriously, I am unsettled because I have not moved in yet and I started moving my stuff in here in December and moved in December 30 (or as it the 29th) and the bedroom is too small to set it up the way I want with my queen sized bed and today I must make some decisios about the space so i can move in and start feeling more comfortable... did I mention the cheap recliner sucks?

All this because I can't do laundry again? Move in, unpack, oh, and write, dammit, you know how you get when you let a few days go by without writing (ah, did I do that?).

Where is the friend that I'm looking for? (song queue and laughter.. don't forget the sigh lol).

It's really so much better, chill... and get some sleep.

Narf :)

He Wakes So Early

So I just got in from playing games at Harpo's and I stopped for food and nuked some hot pockets and added shrimp and desserts and before I finished eating, TA is awake ((no wonder he goes to bed around 7PM, he appears to wake around 4AM every morning) and chatting in the living room. Trying to watch the show, I steered the conversation in the direction of the TV by asking a question about the plot line and he's already seen it so he told me the end of the episode. I'll watch the show again another time and make loud note in my head not to discuss shows we are watching while we are watching them lol. I should get up and start a laundry by I should even more get some sleep as I do not want to leave my clothes in the washer (as I've mentioned, he does, but that doesn't work for me on many levels). Unfortunately, I have cookies so I shall eat a few more out of frustration and feel all the wonderful brain chemicals which will send me into slumber right here in the recliner (which is not as comfortable the second weekend... cheap foam is cheap foam, alas. It also needs scotch guard, desperately). Apparently I need to set up my desk area and TV in the bedroom to have an alternate writing space if I want some privacy. As much as the socializing is mostly welcome, I definitely want some me time too (when I want it and not just the rare times he goes out). Anyway, I am catching up and hope to catch up on the past few days sometime later after a nap.

He's a good person and I'm still very happy to be here most of the time.

Narf :)

Softball Drama, Emo-Eating, and The Disappointing Doctor

In a moment. Imagine time all happened at once. You can't kill memories. The first post-Clara speech rocked (see below), but I still miss Clara. Reality is worse, but at least no one I know really died today. I indulged my emo-food monster tonight (you know where to look). Did not play softball, just watched. Two games, no playing time. I managed/coached the first game and we won. One person was disgruntled, talked her husband into coming to my office to ask me for a really big favor, to let him take over the team. Not wanting drama, I said ok, but I didn't think that would shut me out completely. He played his wife at first base and she didn't catch a ball, then moved her to right field and a single became a home run, she played the entire game while others sat on the bench (beside me). He pitched and gave up five runs in one inning after the first pitcher only gave up four all game. Control freak wifeweak husband with a big ego, neither with a clue about managing a softball team. Did I mention we lost? I expected this team to lose a lot, but at least put people in the positions they will do best. The fastest runner and very good hitter who I said was my lead-off last week and everyone cheered was batted ninth. He hit a double and a triple and didn't score. I grew more and more silent as the innings moved along because I do not want to complain or cause drama or conflict, but this is a waste of my time. Not connecting with this team at all. And I still miss Clara.

Walmart At Midnight

Having a Walmart within a minute of home that is open until midnight is almost as bad as living in a twenty four hour supermarket, but not really. I didn't keep the menu plan. I craved carbs and fats and salts and so... I cooked up some instant mac and cheese and then some grilled tomato and mozzarella sandwiches and then... went to Walmart. Three frozen macaroni pasta things are in the oven as I type this. Oh, I'm a baaaad puppy. If you were here you would spank me. I'd roll over and you'd almost hurt me real bad, apologize, and then we'd both laugh Or make love. Or eat the pasta. Or all of the above and then some. Depends on who you are and what you want, after all. Me too. So while the food is cooking, here we are. Don'tcha just love these impulsive midnight dinner snacks we share?

Love you too...

Narf :)

Not Hitting

I've not been hitting lately. Showing up to the games tired because I'm not getting much sleep and not exercising and wah wah wah. Need to drop the weight this week. Need to get back to exercising somehow. Need to stop needing, focus on wanting, doing what I want, and stop the blah blah blah before I slide into wallowing. Nothing's that bad, just not hitting. Pitching great, striking people out and getting lots of praise, but not hitting. So we lost. As much as we win, two seasons of championships in a row, losing still sucks when I am not hitting. Dn't let it get you down, it's only me not hitting.

Hungry naturally, emo hnger and food hunger, 560 calories in protein shakes today, 110 grams of protein, and ten slices of fat free turkey, maybe another 250-300 calories. That is all. Tough chnge from the pig out carbs fat weekend. Slow down, you're going too fat. Too slow. Too blah blah blah.

Yeah, Maybe tomorrow.

Narf lol :)

Waking Early on a Monday

That is a novelty, though it is not as if I got a lot of sleep. I just felt like waking early. Showering, even. Starting the week off on a warm and energetic foot. Left foot, even. Much to do today. Much to do this week. At work, trainings, meetings, projects, data, testing, and more. In the body, weight losing, hard core. Exercise, even. Softball, two times. Maybe more. In the mind, exploding with love and laughter and dreams of sharing everything completely openly and honestly with the one and the whole universe and beyond, even. Odd, even.

Time to make the donuts. In the shower. Then work. Make your day fun too.

Narf :)

Busy Month

Yes, my hunger to share, compulsion to record life, and most of all, good sense (cuz thinking through changes, assessing choices, exploring the changes and possibilities, and making decisions based on full disclosure of all thoughts and feelings as they flow in every situation, but especially when adjusting to changes, is wise) has brought me to be writing more this month than I have in many months. If only it satisfied the hunger to share, everything else would be so much better.

Anyway, writing serves it's purpose in making life better for me and hopefuy, I don't make life any less than it can be for anyone else. For instance, I looked up the pizza place I wanted to try today cuz I mentioned it before I completely moved in. Also, I will remind myself to remember to get the manual.

So much more... more to come.

Narf :)

One load, Two Hours

Actually, more than two hours. 129 minutes for the washer once it starts and because I want more water, it doesn't start until the water fills so add time there. Then, I tried the dryer on medium heat and a small load of whites setting the dial on "more dry" and the small load of whites did not dry when the dryer turned itself off. Unfortunately, my work clothes were needing the dryer, s I put my damp whites into a bin and started the work clothes. Same issue, so they dried almost an hour. The clothes can out hot and wrinkled and I few some shrunk. Permanent press clothes. On medium heat. There's no gentle cycle, there's no permanent press cycle, there's no cycle other then high, medium, or low heat. I hung my permanent press shirts up and pushed them together in the closet in the hope they will lose their wrinkles. I folded my permanent press work pants carefully and piled them up hoping gravity will press them. The last time I had to deal with wrinkled clothing and consider ironing was decades ago. Meanwhile, almost eight hours and hardly made a dent in the three weeks of laundry piled up.

Alas, there is compromise with every change.

Narf.

To Pizza or Not to Pizza

I've been watching the New England - San Diego game, happily seeing the football genius of the two Bs working on all cylinders, and deciding on whether to order pizza while the laundry takes it's sweet time. Unfortunately, I started this project (searching for and choosing a pizza place) later in the day than intended and I let the distractions of the game and discussions with TS and interruptions by his daughter get in the way of making a decision and now I am leaning toward not ordering as it's getting late and I already piled on the calories this weekend and I just discovered the second game is not on a channel I can watch, dangit. More concerning (for the foodie) is the two closest pizza places do not deliver. To get decent food delivered here, I'll need to use one of the delivery services. My issue there is I need to go to the places and get menus, so I'll make that a project one of these days, just not today. I tip really well, but I do not like being forced to tip, so delivery charges turn me off and usually lower my tip. I'll get over it when I want pizza bad enough and then, I'll need to shop for the best deliver service in this area. Bring me cold food, the wrong order, or messy food (cuz it slopped around in your car) and you will not be called again. Ever. So not cross the foodie lol.

I'm heading to the kitchen to forage.

Narf :)

Finally, Laundry (Almost)

I finally put a load in the washer. He still has clothes in the dryer and there's stuff piled up in the laundry room, so it's not the clean laundry room I'd like, but we'll work toward that. The good news is will have some clean underwear for the week, I hope. Reading about the washer is concerning. Apparently, if you do not load clothes just right,your clothes will not be cleaned. Extremely concerning, that. So there is a learning curve and time and thought and effort must be put into preparing wash loads and loading the clothes into the machine. Gone are days of expedient clothes washing. Consumer reports puts the model here in 19th place with a 70 overall rating. My washer is in first place with an 86 overall rating. Mine is in the garage unconnected, we use TA's cuz it is connected. Then, there's the dryer. Low end, half the size of the washer (so the large washer is a waste as I won't wash more than can fit into the dryer in one load), and does not sense moisture well (according to TA... he just says put it on hot and use the timer... in other words, destroy clothes fast... I will figure out another way, if I ever get to use the machines).

So I am trying finally washing clothes. I hope.

Narf :)

Suddenly, Football

I don't watch as much as I used to, in fact hardly ever these days. So I turned on the network TV that we get because I hooked up the antenna and found we get CBS and the game is on CBS so I don't have to connect the computer for All-Access. On his older TV, the picture is a bit wonky, but I adjusted settings and it's good enough to enjoy the game. Just as the games starts, TA and the kids get home and conversation and play begin. They don't seem interested, she especially, and she just wants attention. I think TA realized I want to watch the game after I sat here looking at the screen mostly and glanced down at the computer during the commercials. They are talking, but I can still hear the TV. Guess he wants to socialize and watch the game with me (though he said he wasn't into football), which is cool. I just want to watch the game, but we'll talk plenty.

Unprepared for the game to be on here, I didn't think abut food or snacks, but definitely ate way too many calories yesterday, so somehow I need to shift back today in spite of football. Might talk myself into pizza if some places delivers here.

Still need to do laundry, I'll remind him again when I get back.

Narf. :)

Washing Clothes in My Dreams

Oh ... dear.

This is the washing machine I like clean clothes that are not wrinkled or damaged. Guess I'll start by troubleshooting before the trouble. I don't want wrinkles or residue or anything but clean, wrinkle free clothes (almost everything I own is permanent press or cotton). With two kids and two animals using the same washer, I'll make sure I learn to I will make sure clean it right, use it right, etc. It's 19th in it's category, 19th (you may need a membership to see the ratings). Study and learn... a lot.

My softball clothes may need to go to the laundromat.

Grumble.

Wow, Sunday Morning Sunshine

Arriving back at whatever late hour last night, I got to sleep quite late again, especially since I didn't sleep much the night before and only had one full night of sleep last week and two since moving in here two weeks ago (almost all due to my choice to either be out late, write, celebrate, or work on boxes). TA and family were awake before sunrise again, so eight year old energy (plus dog) is running through the house, and I mean literally running lol). They already were out for breakfast, Dunkin Donuts today. TA appears to drink even more coffee than Jackson (and no surprise, anxiety, sigh, wish they would take the connection seriously), and he hasn't made a cup in the house since I moved in. Expensive habit, like smoking. At least Jackson didn't smoke. I put a Keurig in the kitchen and welcomed him to use it, but he didn't want to buy K-cups when we were at Costco and hasn't used it yet. Wish I had money to burn like that. Guess I need to buy a house and get a renter or two, aye? lol :)

So I wake up to the patter of little feet running by me on the tile floors (and shouting the required shouting, I mean, remember being eight year old and wanting attention and reassurance? :)

The washer is still full of clothes.

Narf.

Hours Past Hours Passed

Somewhere in the night I heard something about hour past hours passed and halfway through to morning, but who am I to tell anyone the time when I often don't even know what day it is, or something like that. Someone used to love the rambling writing of my mind. I miss that most in the wee hours and still we forge on through hours past hours passed and straight on through to morning. If only I didn't have so much laundry to do tomorrow lol.

Getting home from Tinman's after-holiday party, I find the TV screen reading "Playback Failure" again. Coincidence that this only happened the two nights the kids were here? I really must decide on a set up for my bedroom. I must somehow accept the small space as it is and fit my stuff and myself into it. Definitely must get laundry done.

Maybe a little sleep too lol :)

Narf :)

KIT Helps

If only someone who knew me and who cared about me would provide a bit of feedback, it would help even more (even though I make my own decisions for lots of reasons few know and based on perspectives very different than most of humanity), advice from a trusted confident is of great value to me on many levels, but just writing my thoughts and feelings this way helps immeasurably even alone in the vacuum of my mind. I detach, read the words, ad try to see them from other perspectives. Even though I continue making some of the same thinking errors and mistakes (lam, sigh), it's better to know than to not know.

TA and his daughter went out to see Mary Poppins. I might have gone, but I have a party to go to around 4 and some shopping to do before and am reaching a point of needing to get laundry done or finding more clean clothes in boxes or buying at least buying more new underwear. There's been clothes in the washer and'/or the dryer every day I checked. I've mentioned it a few times and I left my pile of laundry in a box bin the living room outside the laundry room when I got here and it grew to three bins and I mentioned it this morning again and someone started a load. If it was TA, he's gone for the afternoon.

So what's new in the past few hours is the washer/dryer is running again, but now that the washer stopped, I'll head into the bathroom for a shower so I can head out to the after holiday party at Tinman's place. I'll almost certainly need caffeine as I slept very little. I will also have to watch what I eat since last night's dinner kicked off a new round of skin tearing and bleeding. You know where to find details.

It's good to take the time to think through the details of plans for success. That's one of the biggest reasons I write. It might seem like a lot of complaining to many readers, but that's probably because I am sometimes feeling helpless or cloudy thinking doesn't get me to solutions. I'm not a fan of confrontation myself and I procrastinate as well lol, this is where that happens too. :)

Make it a wonderful day in your world, I intend to enjoy mine.

Wish you were here.


..

Alone Again, Almost

The dog joins me as soon as they leave. Dogs like being around people. I am definitely part dog in that way. The cat takes her time come over to her spot, which is my desk chair (now covered with a car seat cover, a towel, and one of my T-shirts so the chair is protected from hair, body fluids, and tears). The cat hides when the kids are here and often doesn't come out until the house is so quiet it seems empty. The eight year old is pretty rough on her, but she takes it and holds her claw in even when held precariously or dropped suddenly. The cat definitely does not like people, though she rubs my legs whenever I am in the kitchen. I don't think TA always remembers to feed her and neither animal has any sort of stable routine from what I can see. The dog and kids have two homes, which makes a stable routine challenging. Cats are generally independent, but clingy once they let you in. I am more cat than dog, but definitely relate too well to both and not enough to humans.

Anyway, I am groggy, getting little sleep, but I really should get laundry done. Maybe a nap until they get back. He said they be a few hours. Yes, a nap would be good here. Right here in my new recliner.

Nite nite :)

Narf :)

Early Morning Routines

At least he let her go back to sleep. He says he has major anxiety issues and it does show. I have a party tonight so I should get some sleep today. She has some sort Of track meet this morning and has to run a mile and he has a business meeting at the same time, so he'll do the meeting by phone while at the track meet. He's taking is son to help video and key an eye on her.She's 8, friendly and very attention seeking with lots of questions. He's seventeen and introverted and bothered, does say hello much, at least initially, like lots of kids his age. I was very much like that, at least around most adults and especially 7AM on a Saturday. I could head out for softball, but I didn't feel welcomed the last time I went out (old people, especially old men, can be so unfriendly and the senior softball circuit is very cliquish and controlling around here, but then, everybody seems controlling and unfriendly to me and I wouldn't be surprised if I appeared the same to others... we all have our walls, even if they are projections, and we all might claim we're just mirroring those around us) and on next to no sleep, probably unwise. If someone wanted to go with me, I would probably go, but being the loner I am, c'est la vie. They went out to McDonalds for breakfast. They have the standard American dietary habits (leading to high anxiety, hyperactivity, instant gratification, additions, ADHD, mood swings, high sugar, cholesterol, triglycerides, and all sorts of other symptoms {emphasis on symptoms, not diagnoses... not getting clinical here ya know, just observing most Americans}, something I definitely don't like {which helps me avoid it, which is what this body needs... I do intend to continue eating my way and living longer and healthier... I just need to increase exercise to endure [and burn] the extra fat ad each calories that sharing meals will bring into my diet} I want and the body needs me to avoid at risk of sudden and early death (yes, that serious). And get used to is super early high anxiety morning routine, which apparently includes the noisy dryer. The noise level just increased dramatically as music went on and she started skating around the tiles chasing the cat and dog. Eight year old energy, gotta love it. Mostly lol. Adjusting to sharing space and meals and cigarettes (mostly outside, but sometimes right at the door and a smoker doesn't notice the lingering stench cigarettes make... I didn't see e was a smoker when I responded and I instantly deleted every smoker before, but then, I might still be at Eb's if I looked closer if that was even in his profile) activities is always an adjustment, a compromise for those who understand compromise (and even for those who don't), and I suppose we are all working on the balance.

Anyway, good morning lol :)

Enjoy your day too!

Narf :)

Surprise Awakeness

I wake and the body was confused a bit. Too much sugar, perhaps. Bed or... drink and more sugar. Then, bathroom. Then, no shower. Blood again, the change of diet I let TA influence, should have known, dangit. Still, sleep? No, sit up and write. Then, suddenly, as I am getting into focusing on my written gardens, reaching clarity in depths, no less, perhaps, wide awake at 4AM, up pops TA ready to cook breakfast for his daughter (who wants to sleep more) and when she goes back to sleep, hw goes outside for a smoke, then his conversation comes to me, on goes the TV. and off goes the depths. At least I got one rhyme out, even if it's never heard lol). Then, when I continue typing and glance up at the TV, he heads back out for another cigarette and he's off to another part of the house. Dr. Who remains. The distractions of living with others without the empathy of my imagination. Why is the TV on now? Why is the remote to control it not within reach?

Anyway, one one level, not alone at 4AM. That is a good thing, superficially. That is the distraction that fends off the deeper loneliness. On another level, not feeling the longing for the one and not reaching for the emptiness in the depths I would love to fill leaves that hole longing deep inside. Some people smoke or do other things (right E?), I eat and write.

It's gonna be a good day, I'll make it so. :)

Narf :)

Respecting Others

Sometimes I wonder if I respect others space too much. Empathy puts me in their space, in their experience, in their precense, or is that just my imagination. Anyway, I do my best to make no sounds when sharing space with someone who is sleeping and people do not sleep when I sleep, so I do a whole lot of tip=toeing around and that is not relaxing or comfortable all the time. Or healthy. I put off going to the bathroom because it is so close to the kid''s bedroom. I put off taking a shower for the same reason, the water running through the pipes might wake someone. The new roommate, TA, seems to have an earlier to bed and earlier to wake schedule than any roommate I've had. Eb slept a lot, but it was different there because I didn't spend time out of my room much and we shared a bathroom. Here I am supposed to have my own living room and bathroom, but TA seems to go to sleep pretty much right after dinner. I guess it's something I need to get used to and still envoy relaxing in the evenings without tip-toeing too much.

Did I mention I pigged out? The food blog should mention that.

Narf :)

Early To Bed

It would appear that I've moved from a place where my roommate is asleep when I get home from work so I tip toed around until he woke and here, the roommate is asleep by nine or earlier and tonight, Friday, the house goes silent even earlier. So do I feel comfortable watching TV in the living room in my recliner between my bedroom and my bathroom with his song sleeping just next to my bathroom? Wondering if the TV is keeping him awake is distracting. So am watching Dr. Who, the 10th season, because Clara is my favorite visual candy of all the Dr. Who shows.

Cppking? Cleaning? Unpacking? Showering? Kitchen stuff makes so much noise.

Flushing the toilet six feet from the kid's bed?

So I sit and veg in front of the TV.

Moving in is going very slowly.

Narf :)

Dinner, Not Dinner

Alas, me and food have this relationship and when someone else cooks my food, it seldom turns out well. Much of that is my peculiar tastes. then, who's tastes should I be satisfying? lol. TA is really trying to please and has been wanting to cook dinner all week, so I went with it. After some discussion, we went with his daughter's choice of burgers. I chose veggies to go with the burgers. It took about two hours and I that I should not come home hungry if he's cooking, but he's very well intended, very accommodating, and trying to please (I said that). He is just not listening to what I want in the big picture, which is my hyper-strict calorie counting for this month. I'll adjust and communicate better. I will also do some cooking to my tastes. This weekend, his kids are here. I went with his ideas, I'll deal with the calories. She ate a quarter of her burger, the tips off a few asparagus, a fruit candy package, and a macaroon cookie. Dinner.

Got home around 5:30, ate around 7:30, stuffed, grease, bloated, not satisfied. Yeah, lol, sigh.

He's a good guy, I like him and feel like we can be friends in time.

People just need to get used to me, and me to them.

I want chocolate.

Narf :)

Sleep Was The Choice

That lead to waking before 6:00 AM and hanging out in bed snoozing until just after 6:00 AM when I came out into the living room. TA and his kids were up and dressed. TA was ironing just outside my room (s much for two living rooms, I mean, I don't mind sharing, but before 6:00 AM maybe using his side of the house would be sensible as I was sleeping. He apologized for waking me, though he didn't wake me, it was just odd to find him and the ironing board on my way to my bathroom. The kids rooms are right outside of my bathroom and the laundry room is right across from my bathroom and the way to the garage is through the laundry room and the hallway is maybe 30 inches across if that much, so maybe that's why he was there. It's a typical four bedroom with a big master bedroom and bath, big living room, big Florida room with open kitchen, ad three tiny bedrooms for kids. I'm in the one closest to the front door, which is probable called a study or office in the floor plan, but luckily it's a cul de sac so there's not much traffic outside of the house. Inside, well, when the kids are here living in the kids bedrooms with me, I figured it would be crowded and it was. I'm not paying half the rent for my one bedroom, kid's bathroom, partial living room, and shared spaces, Anyway, I interacted instead of writing, so no me time. I'll need to adjust to not interacting as much when I want me time, but for now, I want to interact and develop friendliness and comfort and trust and familiarity and so on.

Adjusting to minimal privacy with different sharing, but at least there is positive interaction and I am much more comfortable in the living spaces... it will be better when the kitchen sink works and I can move in there. If he still hasn't cleared cabinet space, I will. I want to wash the fridge, which needs it bad, and I don't want to put my stuff in cabinets until I wash the stuff (and spray the cabinets cuz he says we get ants), but the kitchen sink is a trickle, so that moving in still waits. He called, but whomever he called is not coming out. It's a slow journey to moving in in spite of paying two months rent (one month deposit), but I am a patient patient lol. The world is an madhouse, you know? :)

So I stopped in to fill in the morning colors and then went to work.

Hope your day is wonderful too.

Narf :)

From The Notepad

Impulse started this notepad, another new notepad file, while waiting for new roommate, TA, to arrive back home from going to get a Publix subs. His diet and mine don't coincide at the moment, but that's mostly because I am restricting calories so much and he is eating prepared Publix foods so much (mostly subs this week, but also a rotisserie chicken). Wouldn't you know, before I got the first line typed, he's back. I waited too long to start as I stalled eating so I could finish my dinner with his dinner. I didn't change the TV as he appeared to be in the middle of a show, Victoria, starring Jenna Coleman. I wonder if he chose it because I told him she's a favorite person to watch when we talked about Dr. Who. Anyway, he headed for his bedroom and I am wondering if he is coming back out.

He did, we ate, then he left again. Change the channel? Scan the computer.

Eat, nod, nite.

Narf :)

Late For Work

Not that it matters, but, the routine...

Sleep or Veg?

Apparently, veg. For the umpteenth (or at least seventh or eight or so) straight night I nodded off here in front of the TV and then, like clockwork, I didn't. I shall nod a bit, as I often do, and we shall see what shall be as what shall be will be as it is when it is. The brain is torn. Physically, it craves sleep. Intellectually, it craves the intellectual interaction and emotional stimulation. The energy of imagination invigorates my impulses and I consume calories that turn into awakeness (though not always awareness) and so many thoughts and feelings craving sharing and so it goes, who knows.

But first, perhaps, a nap.

Narf :)

Sudden Softball Changes

Ok, so last night went as well as a first game without any word on who would be there or where people play well or who hits well or anything (all vital information for a line-up and defense if we are to have any chance at winning). I didn't play so I could make sure everyone else got subbed in and out for equal playing time. I didn't even coach bases so I could concentrate on the players talents and move them around to give us the best chance of winning and we had four running outs that should not have been outs and very likely would have been runs scored. Still I heard great job of managing from most. Today, a guy walks into my office and asks to replace me. Ok, on one level I am pleased. I don't like the managing, I like the playing, but I was committed to not playing and learning the best way to manage this team of strangers with limited softball skills. On another level, I'm wtf?

I sense the drama beginning and we won, hope we keep wining. Hope I get to play. Hope if I do pitch, the new manager puts a defense behind me that will have everyone in the positions that won the game yesterday. If he really knows what he is doing and this isn't just a power trip to please his wife (she was the only grumbler and I wasn't the first to notice).

So last night I was a hero. Today, I am replaced. Obla di, obla da and life too.

Narf :)

Wake and Go

Yes, so, I did not wake as I planned at the time this entry says. I actually woke later and was late for work. Or was that tomorrow. Strange, this thing we call time. Is it even a thing? Showers are good. I took one this morning. TA's kids will be here tomorrow and for the weekend, so the crowded hallway of two bedrooms, my bathroom, and the laundry room/garage all within four feet of each other on three walls will play out for the first time. I prepare by taking a shower this morning, a long hot shower, and being open to whatever happens the rest of the weekend.

Time to head out to work, and may you enjoy your day too.

Narf :)

Driving and Softball

Long day in the car, not as much done as I intended, but I started the day with an hour back home to shower and took a mid-afternoon nap for an hour. I thought I'd be playing softball tonight and thought I'd need the nap, but I just managed the team and didn't play. Driving around to inspect Fire Department sidewalks took most of the day I spent out there. Just protein drinks until dinner when I added fat free turkey and a yogurt. My co-workers were shocked that I would eat a yogurt with a November expiration date that has been sitting out at room temperature for days. Room temperature is between 65 and 70 degrees in my office and yogurt is actively becoming yogurt all the time, but they said yuck to the thought of eating it. They don't understand fermentation I suppose. Softball was a trip. Putting a lineup together when I didn't know names or numbers or positions was a challenge. I had o re-write it and guess a lot and ask questions, but I got it done just barely on time. Next week should go faster. We had way too many males, too many players, actually. I somehow got everyone playing time except two of us. Me and another guy sat out the game. Next week I will bring a scorebook so I can keep better track of who does what well - this week was all memory from a brief practice and some of the people were not at practice, hence the challenge. Somehow, we won. Hopefully we can do it again. Hopefully everyone had fun. They said they did, or the ones who didn't stayed silent when I asked. Their call.

TA is asleep again. He says the TV doesn't bother him. Good to have some space again.

Food, writing, TV, maybe sleep.

Narf :)

Afternoon Nap

Some people take a lunch break. I stopped home for an afternoon nap. It was on the way and I needed to pick up te phone charger. Set the alarm for one hour, feel almost refreshed. Just drinking protein drinks today, just had the second one. Or maybe the third? 100 calorie drinks. Balancing the new life, some me time added, so needed, so healthy, still getting work done and still putting in more than 40 hours a week. Just missing exercise. The gym is 15 minutes away so I must schedule in the 30 minutes travel time. Soon.

Back to work now.

Narf :)

Home to Shower

Not getting enough sleep, I woke late, rushed out, checked in, then left to return here. I forgot the work laptop here, so I could do much there anyway. Today will be a day outside. So I stopped here to get the laptop and since I didn't shower because I woke late, so I showered. The longest hottest shower I've had in almost three years. I almost forgot what it could be like and I could still go hotter and longer, especially if I get back to exercise. I must do that. Price elliptical machines, place.

Anyway, time to head out to work again.

Make today fun.

Narf :)

After Midnight

My time. Even as I am averaging three hours sleep a night since the second night here (I slept long the first night, enough comfort for that), I I've been stealing time from sleep to unpack, move in, and write and that has lead to waking up. More cravings. Hunger for sharing. More eating. Caught up on the Food blog. Watched Orphan Black to it's series finale. I should be sleeping. I want to be sharing.

Nite nite.

Need More Exercise, Dangit

Also need more sleep. I am trying to keep in touch and according to the stats, three visits happen to each entry within 24 hours of posting. I can think of three people who might be reading so regularly. I'd be shocked if the three were local. You, actually, I am writing as if talking to someone other than you readers. Talking to myself, naturally. To the one, as she is always with me somewhere inside. All of the followers, those long gone, those yet to come, those here so occasionally they don't show up in the stats, the words are for you too. I am vegging now, nodding in and out of sleep, watching Orphan Black, and ill, the cravings scream for something more. More attention. More affection. More caring. More sharing. More foods. More goods.

If only someone was here, I might sleep.

Still there are these promises to keep.

Narf :)

Major Changes in Space

Yes, I went through about two dozen boxes, emptied a dozen or so, prepared about bunch for emptying as soon as there is kitchen cabinet space (TA cleared the pantry so food got put away), and I shopped for a bunch of those things on the list so most of the bathroom stuff was put away. A suction cup corner shower shelf won't stick so I may used two-sided tape next time I find move-in time. I pushed hard and got a lot done and am exhausted. Ate about 1300 calories today and the body is feeling the shift away from carbs and fats. Still, the excitement continues as I have garage shelves, the freezer is clean and working, the living room is becoming a living room (boxes are disappearing cuz they are being emptied)and stuff is being organized. I sat down to catch up on the weekend in entries and here we are.

Reminders from a brief visit to FB, listen later, buy cookies now! :)

Narf :)

F Is For Food

Yes, and there seems to be a bottomless pit in my gut tonight. Lonelies, maybe. But genuine craving too. The muscles are hungry. I could barely swing the bat tonight for softball after moving all weekend so I just kept eating. Must have had at least a half dozen (maybe ore) protein drinks today. I nodded off a few times and woke hungrier. I should have gone to bed, but I just kept eating. But lonelines too. I wanted to keep writing and kept nodding off, so I ate. Made a cheese omelette with a bit of vegetable oil spread, bacon powder, salt, dehydrated onions, garlic in oil, fat free cream cheese, and fat free American slices. Then had at least three, maybe four yogurts. Then had a grill cheese sandwich with extra vegetable oil spread, the onions and garlic and bacon powder. Yes, I just kept going and still want more, but I am rambling on catching up in the food blog and more. I should stop by the body blog and reprimand myself, but I do have to wake early and it's a few hours after this entry started (after midnight, going on 4Am, still hungry for so much more life.

Box After Box

I can hardly believe how much stuff I have. I wonder need to buy body wash, shampoo, baby powder, or lot of other personal care things for a long time. The thing is, I don't have some of the things I need (see details below) that will allow me to put things away and move in comfortably. Just not enough shelves or cabinet space (TA is making room slowly, but I still wait for kitchen space and the bathroom is so tiny I'll need to but shelving and a towel racks... go figure, 2000 square feet, but small bedrooms (4) and closets and tiny bathrooms and not much kitchen cabinet space). TA moved the couch into the other living room so not there's just the two chairs in this one. I started disinfecting the freezer and we shall see how that goes. We spoke about tossing it, that's how bad it got (mold). I'm making progress. Anyway, this was/is my shopping list.

Recliner
Bathroom rug 32” x 32” max
4 towel bars 2x 30-32” 2x 25-25”
Over toilet shelving unit 34” max wide 7-8” deep max
Wall (something deleted by accident and forgotten lol)
Shelves for garage
Behind the bed shelf 6” deep 60 inches wide. Adjustable height. 18” to 33”
28 1/2” x 11 5/8” wood shelves and shelf holders for bookcase.
Shelves for paperback books
Shelves for CDs
Bathroom shelf 4-6” deep 24” high 24” wide with second shelf at 12” high and up to 27” wide if 45 degree cut on L end.
Wall key hooks w/shelf.
Wall picture hooks
Shelves for linen closet? 21”W x 24”D
Soft indoor slippers
Freezer thermometer

Narf! :)

All Through The Night

Box after box is opening to reveal surprises as I forgot how much stuff I just kept buying because unpacking was so inconvenient in the last few years. This first phase of the unpacking (phase one of phase two of the move) is sorting the boxes. This means I am just taking the tops off and putting the boxes into piles. Kitchen, Bathroom, mostly, but also clothing electronics, softball, and more. I am exhausted since I have been walking around moving and stacking boxes and after midnight I rearranged the garage which mean moving almost everything. TA's stuff is now on his side of the garage and I made room for the freezer on my side. Tomorrow, phase two should begin as I start actually opening boxes and deciding what can come out to cabinets and closets and shelves and what can be repacked neatly for the house I buy for myself or or share with the one.

The recliner is so sweet. Not luxury comfort, but a recliner!

Narf :)

Comfort and More Moving In

It's been a long time since I could sit back in a recliner and today, the start of the recliner lifestyle begins again. The chair went together in a snap and it works great. I am back to opening boxes and sorting through the stuff that has been in storage for any number of years as some of the boxes were not unpacked in the last two or three moves most have not been opened for about three years and some, a lot longer than that. It may take all night for more than a few nights, but I determined to unpack every box and see what's in them, even though some stuff will be repacked for the next move. Some stuff is waiting for the house I may never buy again. Still, it's like whatever holiday you get the most presents at as over and over, box after box, presents.

It's more fun shared, so wish you were her.

Narf :)

I Sleep Like Yogi

If you don't know the song, or the reference, never mind. Just waking and and groggy from the all-nighter, TA reminds me I want to go get a recliner today so I am suddenly motivated to head out with him and his truck. I am also determined to switch from the normal American diet again because the high-carb, high-fat normal diet leads to poor lab work indicating poorer health status than when I eat the leaner diet without all the processed carbs and I'm going to get labs done this month. So I drank a protein drink, washed a bit, dressed, and we'r heading out to Costco now.

Are you as excited as I am?

Narf :)

TV and Fishdom

Watching Orphan Black and playing the game, Fishdom, relatively non-stop. I kept winning, so I kept playing. It happens tat was sometimes when there's no work the next day. It sometimes even happens when there is work the next day. Still, I seldom down the caffeine anymore. So much discipline, so little time. Eventually, TA woke up and we sat and talked a while and watched some more TV. I forget what, being almost asleep and all. Maybe Dead Like Me, though there are some shows he watches that don't interest me, but he gets to choose the background TV sometimes cuz after all, socializing is more important than TV. Wait, what day was this (attempting to catch up may not be working, but we love the effort, right?).

I really wish you'd let me know you're still alive. Hug. Sigh.

Narf :)

Long Day, Work and Me

There is so much more desk work than there should be because I am trying to keep track of all the things I am supposed to keep track of with inadequate databases that lead to incomplete data tat prevents good tracking or reporting and since tracking and reporting is an essential aspect of Safety and Risk Management, we are missing this key piece of our role. I've been working on putting the information into a spreadsheet, but it's very time consuming. I did head out to pick up the Safety car that was in the shop and then I headed to Costco to pick up water. After dropping the water off at home, I dropped the car off at work and headed home early. TA called and we are going to head out to dinner tonight for the first time. We should have our first dinner out, bonding, getting to know each other, being good roommates. I am ready to do the buffet, one last buffet, or wherever he chooses, then, a month of strict calorie limits. Mostly.

Wonder where we'll eat tonight.

Narf :)

Not Necessarily Here

The thought that it's the date crossed my mind. You can be amused or concerned by clicking on the link. If you are concerned that I am mostly amused, as usual, well... try to understand me. This is one of those entries that are dropped in later cuz I am not necessarily here now, but I was earlier and I will be later and I am passing through these thoughts (and those linked in the link above and the links linked in the entry linked above and maybe... who knows... could be... why?) and wanted to may sure you knew too cuz even though I always say in case it matters somehow I feel like it really does matter to you even if you rarely (and some maybe never) ever let me know. The awkward (or down) days pass, so no worries, unless you want to.

See you later?

Narf :)

Trying To KIT

Two more 100 calorie protein drinks, obviously some emo-eating, but also hunger. So I caught up on some entries and for deeper reasons than I wish to explore at the moment, the euphoria of the new space is sinking into a quagmire of stagnating unpacking and the strange sort of loneliness that comes from sharing space with a compatible person who is not the one or even someone to sleep with or hug. Something like that, if anyone understands, ever. Oh come on, stop the depressive thoughts, you can choose better than those old thinking errors. Yes, trying to keep in touch,but with whom? Me? Of course, who else cares to delve into the depths. One of these days I might again. This one complains so much. So why am I laughing?

Maybe it's time for a new blog?

Narf :}

New Team

I doubt we will win a game and I may not play much, if at aall, but I said I'd help organize a work team and so I will. Twelve people showed up. Eight males, four females. We need a minimum of five females on the field to play and we may not have five females each week. Just a few of the players can actually play, so this will be a challenge. Make it fun, that's the ticket. Gonna do my best to do just that. I'm terrible remembering names though so putting a lineup together will be challenging without some help. Especially since I only saw them semi-practice for an hour. I may have several positions best guessed. I need to take notes during the first few games, keep a books, maybe then I'll be able to maximize the skill sets they have.

Only had protein drinks and yogurt today, but home to chips. There's no more, so that's good. A cream cheese and jelly sandwich finished off the day. Another day with more calories than I should have, but at least less than previous days. Must get back to a few 500 calorie days, then under a thousand for a week or two, at least. Do it.

Alone, but not alone. Must find the balance to focus on will power and me while still sharing.

Narf.

No Labs, Reschedule?

Two days pass and I did not get to the labs. They will never be ready by Tuesday, again, so I should call tomorrow and reschedule the appointment. I got a lot of important stuff done at the desk today. The new orientation paperwork. Data work. all sorts of other things too. Even with brain farts on and off. I picked up the car, which was in the shop again, in the afternoon. I hope to get out of the office more tomorrow and TA wants to cook dinner, adjusting the diet to share with him while still dropping weight and maintaining proper digestive function may be tricky. Try not to stress. Continue unpacking, moving in, buy the stuff needed, recliner, bathroom, unpack the food processor and make lunches so there's less hunger for dinner. Figure out how to best use the small bedroom space to unpack. Unpacking seems to be the sticking repetitive point. Organize the space.

Time to go to softball practice. Wish you were here.

Narf.

Morning After Sleep

Yes, more than 8 hours sleep, wonderful. TA and I had another good conversation this morning (he was up early too). Still, must be getting back to the desk (work) soon and today is likely to be a full day even if I want to get out of the office. Softball practice tonight, so I have to say no to TA's dinner plans (he wanted to cook chicken or fish... The salmon he broiled cooked for himself this week looked dry and chewy, alas. Dry meat or fish is definitely not what the bowels need, but I want to be polite so I explained my aversion to dry meats and fish and my love of sauces, but I didn't explain the bowel issues yet. So I will take laxatives if the meat or fish is dry, keep my fingers crossed there isn't any tissue tearing, and explain my bowel issues to him. We both want to lose weight, so his cooking may be a good influence. If it's not dry and chewy. I so don't want the rhoids and fissures to burst again. I appear to be stressing. That leads to poor eating habits. Focus. Be honest. Be real.

Time to go to work.

Narf :)

Full Day at Work

I didn't get away from the desk, catching up on a variety of work and darned if I remember any of the details of what got done, but more than nine hours at the desk must have been productive in some way. I am detaching from the adjustments of the new living space with the new roommate, TA. Dissatisfaction with self for indulging the lesser eating habits too much the last few weeks, gaining weight. Buy a scale, get to the gym, buy an elliptical machine, eat less calories, get the head right again. Maybe I am celebrating and need to celebrate more, but first, get the scale, drop back under 180, stop the regression.

Ok, tired, sleep early tonight.

Narf :)

Busy 1st

And what dd you expect? As you can see by the previous entries, it was a busy day. Except for Harpo's usual discomfort, Jackson's distance, and UCF losing, it was a wonderful day. I am back at this late hour on a work night because after the nap I did not go to bed, I somehow woke, gradually energizing as midnight approached (as is so often the case), and dove into unpacking some more. Five boxes completely emptied and more consolidated. The garage rearranged much better. The freezer cleaning started (serious mold which has me on the fence between buying a new one and trying to sanitize). The bathroom cleaned, bug sprayed, and starting to be more organized. Th hallway closet cleaned and starting to be organized. Hallway, living room, and bedroom more organized as well. Most high level essential are where they belong and easily accessible. Still a dozen or so boxed in the hallway and living room waiting for the kitchen and bathroom as I need to buy shelving for the bathroom and the kitchen cabinets and pantry need to be reorganized to clean, bug spray, and ultimately give me some space for my kitchen stuff. Still a half dozen in the bedroom waiting for me to decide on the bedroom arrangement. Still, after almost lamenting (not quite though lol) over doing no moving in today, it was well worth the loss of sleep time tonight to feel more at home and make progress on the move in phase. Time to get serious about health and wellness and fitness and living space and life-stuff again.

Wish you were here to share in the fun (and food) and excitement.

Narf :)

Good Morning, Not

Not not good, just not morning, but I am waking from a sit-up nap once again. This time, I made myself comfortable on the couch and we (TA and I) watched some TV, chatted, and I had dessert (a little bit of pistachio ices and a pint of cashew milk chocolate truffle ice cream... the party is almost over and I'm enjoying every minute of it). TA looked at Dead Like Me for the first time and I think he was bored, or tired, and he headed to the bedroom just before it was over. I didn't start the next episode or turn on anything else because I was not sure if he was coming back out and I nodded off for a while. Waking a couple of hours later, I started heading to bed and found clothes for the morning and realized that I am a little disappointed that I dd so little unpacking and moving in since Sunday night. Still, tomorrow is a full work day, back to normal expectations, and I have a lot to do that I should be alert and awake for.

The universe has still not responded to my petition for longer days. Somewhere out there...

Narf :)

Two Lunches, Football, and Darts

Ummm, more food, yes. So a few friend shrimp and shrimp rolls around midnight, bunch more of the same around 8:00 AM, and what do you think Helen wanted for lunch? I ordered a small (5 shrimp) portion (comes with two sides) at Stonington's (one of the best shrimp places in the area) and we chatted and caught up on our lives. I don't keep track, but she changes jobs more often than anyone I know and although she likes the one she has now when there is work, there is not enough work and being hourly, not enough pay, so she interviewed for another job. We are hopeful. I told her about TA (new roommate) and the moving in status (which has slowed considerably since the weekend thanks to working Monday and partying since I left work Monday... what day is it?) and it was good food and conversation. Leaving Stonington's, I stopped at Publix for dessert and then texted Tinman to let him know I was in the area and was going to watch the UCF game at a local sorts bar. He and his girlfriend joined me and after their food was served, I felt hungry so I ordered loaded friends (just what the body did not need lol) and ate most of it. It was really good. Sadly, the UCF game was tough on the emotions as they lost due to poor offensive execution that lead to a tired defense, but they kept it close in spite of a second string QB playing. There is no doubt in my mind they would have won handily if their starting QB was playing). After the game, we played darts (Tinman won every time because he's really good at it, but it was very close and much closer than I expected). Finally got back here just a little bit ago and gonna have dessert, again, now.

Yeah, it's a crazy long foodie and games party this New Year.

Wish you were here.

Narf :)

Yum, Nap, More Yum to Come

So I got home (oh, but it feels so good to feel comfortable saying home instead of here or where I sleep, sigh, how long I endured the refugee life this time is almost amazing, again, but that's a very long series of other stories we won't ride {or write} tonight) hungry and wired and ready for my party (sadly, it doesn't happen at Harpo's anymore primarily because he doesn't allow me to eat what I want prepared the way I want it) and party I did. Fried shrimp with a mayo-based dipping sauce, shrimp spring rolls with duck sauce, assorted chocolate desserts. New roommate (who really ought to be named by now, so let's go with TA for the moment) was awake and we watched some TV (my living room, which is fine by me... I'll just rearrange the stuff he leaves in here when I get my recliner and whatever else (maybe bookcases, a table of some sort, we shall see). I nodded off after a couple of hours and woke just after noon ready for bed lol. I laid down and checked my phone and ooops, forgot I had lunch plans with Helen today. Rushing out now to meet her.

The party continues... are we having fun yet? lol

Narf :)

Party Past Sunrise (Again)

I used to do it often, by myself and with friends, but seldom do I do it with friends anymore. As the average age of friends goes up, their desire to pull all-nighters seems to go down dramatically. Still, Seven of us enjoyed food and playing games until well past sunrise and here I am, just stumbling in (and hungry again, alas, because eating at Harpo's is something I should simply stop doing, but we'll get to that later, maybe). I don't recall if I mentioned it, but I stopped in the evening for something, a tomato for the white fish salad sandwich (I must have mentioned it in a previous entry... sleeping only 3 hours with brief napping for maybe another hour in the past 48 plus hours has he fog rolling in upstairs lol) and ended up with a freezer bag full of food to take to the party. Unfortunately, Harpo was less than pleased because he could control what I ate and I definitely did not enjoy my food-party (which for me, being a foodie, sucked enough to beg myself never to try to do a food party there again). After that, we played a DC Comic game for many hours. It was fun, except that it was a team game and four of the six of us were playing cutthroat, so we lost (I was the only one who achieved my part of the team goal). Because I didn't eat enough and that was eight hours ago, I am hungry and will cook some of the food I bought for my New Year's Feast now.

The foodie (and child) will not be denied lol :)

Wish you were here to enjoy it too.

Narf :)