Surprise Awakeness

I wake and the body was confused a bit. Too much sugar, perhaps. Bed or... drink and more sugar. Then, bathroom. Then, no shower. Blood again, the change of diet I let TA influence, should have known, dangit. Still, sleep? No, sit up and write. Then, suddenly, as I am getting into focusing on my written gardens, reaching clarity in depths, no less, perhaps, wide awake at 4AM, up pops TA ready to cook breakfast for his daughter (who wants to sleep more) and when she goes back to sleep, hw goes outside for a smoke, then his conversation comes to me, on goes the TV. and off goes the depths. At least I got one rhyme out, even if it's never heard lol). Then, when I continue typing and glance up at the TV, he heads back out for another cigarette and he's off to another part of the house. Dr. Who remains. The distractions of living with others without the empathy of my imagination. Why is the TV on now? Why is the remote to control it not within reach?

Anyway, one one level, not alone at 4AM. That is a good thing, superficially. That is the distraction that fends off the deeper loneliness. On another level, not feeling the longing for the one and not reaching for the emptiness in the depths I would love to fill leaves that hole longing deep inside. Some people smoke or do other things (right E?), I eat and write.

It's gonna be a good day, I'll make it so. :)

Narf :)